Marriage is never a smooth sailing ride. It needs constant effort, patience, and perseverance. You can break it in a second, but to sustain it, you need to hang on until you anchor your relationship.
But just hanging on is not enough when things are falling apart. You have to rebuild the bond with renewed vigor and sincerity.
It is easier said than done, and hence MomJunction will help you know if your relationship is in trouble, tell you how to fix a relationship, and let you introspect if you have contributed to the rift in the bond with your spouse.
How To Know If Your Relationship Is In Trouble
Relationships require mutual love, respect, and constant nurturing and that demands a lot of physical and emotional energy. Sometimes, it can get challenging to sustain the flow and trouble could manifest in many ways, such as:
[ Read: How To Communicate With Partner ]
- Criticizing your partner: If you are constantly criticizing each other for little things or for not living up to your expectations, it shows your disrespect for your partner. It gives them a message that you are dissatisfied with them, and are unhappy in the relationship. Constant criticism can ruin your marriage even before you realize.
- Assuming wrong things: Sometimes when your partner forgets to call you during the day, you assume that he/she doesn’t care about you. You are only interpreting things the way you want. You might confront them the moment they come home, but later realize that your spouse was just busy with meetings. That would be too late because the damage has already been done. Before you assume things, see them from your partner’s perspective. That will avoid trouble to a large extent.
- Arguing all the time: It is common for couples to argue, but when arguments happen often and end up in yelling and calling names, then there is a disconnect between you. You do not have to agree on everything, but in a healthy relationship, couples agree to disagree respectfully. There could be instances where, in the heat of the moment, you feel like blurting out. In such a case, take a pause, get away from each other and discuss after you calm down.
- Building walls: Sometimes couples stop talking to each other, withdraw, and build impenetrable walls between them. You need to break those walls if you want to rebuild relationship.
- Not respecting each other: If you feel you are not being treated well or respected by your spouse and you are more disturbed than happy in your marriage, then your relationship needs a serious repair. Also, if your needs are not taken care of and your personal boundaries are not recognized, it’s time to take charge of things because your spouse may also be holding similar complaints against you.
- Showing disregard: No matter how much you disagree, you can’t disregard, insult or be sarcastic toward your partner. Such behavior only leads to the downfall of your relationship. Healthy couples improvise and complement each other instead of putting each other down.
- Starting conversations on a negative note: Whenever you have a conversation, it starts with a negative tone. Instead of asking you if you have paid the bills, your spouse might begin saying, “You must have forgotten to pay the bills as always. Haven’t you?” Such conversations will put you off.
- Insecurity and lack of trust: If you don’t trust your partner, then you need to take a close look at why that’s happening. Every time they talk on the phone or check their messages, you might want to know who is on the other side. Constant suspicion will ruin your happiness.
- Lack of communication: You hardly communicate or worse you don’t know what to talk about. Imagine, you and your spouse sitting alone on a romantic seashore, not knowing what to say to each other. This could be a big red flag in your relationship.
- Reduced comfort zone: You are no longer comfortable opening up to your partner or being yourself because you are scared you would be hurt. Relationships cannot survive when you are not comfortable being yourself or not saying what you want to say.
- Not doing what you love together: Remember those days you used to binge watch TV on the weekends or nurture the plants in the garden? You no longer do such things together because you are either busy with other things or you no more have that affection for each other.
These traits could be from your end, your spouse’s end or from both the sides but the crux is that they signal problems. They are a wake-up call for you to work on your relationship. And, if you have the determination and commitment to work it out, things can turn around bright and positive. So, how to mend a broken relationship:
[ Read: Tips To Make Marriage Happy ]
Ways To Fix A Relationship
Can you ever repair a broken relationship? Keep aside your doubts and have faith in your relationship. Be determined to save your marriage and believe that you can work it out. Here are ways to make a relationship work:
- Make an effort from both sides: It takes two to tango. Both, you and your partner, should make a conscious effort to work on the relationship. If one of you is not willing to work on it, then the other’s efforts might be futile. There is no point in working with a person who is disinterested. You would remain in the same place despite your hard work.
- Analyze the reasons for the trouble: Examine the causes for trouble in your marriage. Take help from a therapist or counselor if you aren’t able to find the reason. Before problems accumulate, handle them carefully. Some issues, such as the following, can get complicated when they are not nipped in the bud.
i. Not getting due respect in the relationship
ii. Individual needs not being taken care of
iii. Lack of communication
- Keep the lines of communication open: If you don’t like something about your spouse, do communicate. Unless you tell them, there’s no way your partner will know about it. Be honest and open about your concerns so that they can be addressed by your partner. But remember to be polite and not hurtful.
- Listen to your partner: Don’t be eager to say something soon after your partner stops speaking. Instead, pay attention to your spouse, so they will know that you are respecting their view point. He/she is likely to respond positively to you.
- Understand your spouse’s perspective: Most often you get caught up in your own whirlwind of emotions and ignore your partner’s. Take a moment to look at the issue through your partner’s eyes. You might get to know what’s bothering them and get things on track.
- Change yourself before you try changing your spouse: Most often we tend to think that, “I am right, he/she needs to change”, “why can’t you see the obvious” and things like that. Instead, try changing yourself, and your spouse will change when they see the change in you. Be accommodative and understand each other instead of blaming each other.
- Address the issues: Once you know what the issues are, address them. Just talking about it will not get you anywhere. Come up with solutions and commit yourself to working on them. For example, if you both decide to put aside your mobile phones for an hour every day and talk to each other, stick to it. If your partner does all the household chores, make a list of three to four things you would do every day. If there is less romance in your relationship, plan a date now and then.
- Learn to forgive: To err is human, and to forgive is divine. Well, you need not be divine to forgive. But forgiving is essential to rebuilding a bond. Most importantly, if you are the one who is forgiving, it sets you free of all the negative emotions and makes you feel light.
- Take responsibility: Responsibility has to come from both the sides, there’s no denying that. But, acknowledge and own up your responsibility. That will make things easy and help you fix your relationship.
- Give your partner space and time: For any relationship to be healthy there has to be personal space for both. Love that’s bound in space and time gets suffocating. Spending time with your partner 24/7 would be boring and might drive you nuts. You should have the freedom to be alone sometimes. The moment your freedom is restricted, trouble begins.
- Make interesting changes in your routine: Having the same routine can make your marriage dull and boring. Introduce some changes and exciting things in your relationship, may be things that both of you like doing together, or relive your early courtship days through old albums, and share notes about how you fell in love.
[ Read: Things Shouldn’t Say To Husband ]
Fixing Relationship After Cheating:
Getting betrayed in a relationship is the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone. It takes time and effort to come out of that trauma. If you have betrayed your spouse, and want to mend the relationship, you need to go out of your way.
Before that, you should know if your spouse is willing to give you a chance. If your partner’s pain is beyond repair, then they might not want to do anything with you. But if you both agree to make an effort, then you may try some of these ways:
- Rebuild your trust: Trust is the foundation of any marriage and when that is broken, it can take a really long time to rebuild. The first step is to commit yourself and decide on rebuilding the trust in your marriage. Put your heart and soul into working out the relationship. As in the words of Paulo Coelho, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” The key is to remain positive and work on it relentlessly until you achieve it.
- Own up your mistake: No matter how hard this may seem to be, you need to own up your mistake of having an affair and not brush it aside. Taking responsibility can make your partner forgive you readily. Also, you need to ensure that you don’t repeat your mistake. Doing a wrong thing once can be a mistake, but doing it over and over again is not.
- Seek for their forgiveness: Once you admit your mistake, apologize and ask your partner to forgive you. You can make any effort to patch up only if your spouse has forgiven you. Have gratitude and don’t misuse it in the future assuming that your partner can readily forgive you for anything you do.
- Be transparent and honest: With honesty comes trust and trust is the foundation of marriage. You would want your partner to trust you and you should also trust her. Honesty is not just about being truthful, it also means that you should not hide or hold back anything, be it your deepest fears or secrets. All of this can help you rebuild trust and intimacy.
- Stand by your promises: If you have made a promise, stand by it. Don’t break it at any cost, and if you have to, let your partner know. This will help them understand your limitations and they might even appreciate you for being honest with them.
- Have patience: After cheating on your partner, the relationship will not become normal overnight. Give enough time to your partner to rebuild trust in you. Have patience and work hard to bring back the bonding to normalcy.
- Make room for each other: You can’t have your way all the time. Find a middle ground and compromise a bit. For when you look back you will be glad for having compromised on certain matters.
- Think positive: Even if things look bleak, try to be optimistic and positive and things will definitely turn out to be bright. You just need to sustain your zeal to work on the relationship.
- Be empathetic: If you think your partner is not reciprocating to your efforts, then understand that they have gone through trauma and are still coming to terms with your infidelity. Give them time and shower them with unconditional love.
- Honor your marriage: Think about your wedding vows and the promises you had made to your partner at the time of your wedding. You will most likely want to honor your marriage when you think about the sentimental values and emotions attached to it.
Even as you are working on your relationship with your spouse, you need to introspect to see if you need to make any changes to yourself, both physically and behaviorally.
[ Read: Love Making Tips For Couples ]
What Do You Need to Improve About Yourself?
Make some changes to your looks, your dressing style, and behavior. It might bring in some freshness to the relationship.
- Make yourself attractive: Some of us are naturally attractive, while some others have to put in conscious efforts. You need to know what turns on your partner, what he/she likes or dislikes and try the things that they like. It is just not about your looks but also your behavior. Stop being jealous, insecure and controlling, to make yourself attractive to your partner. Be emotionally strong.
- Have confidence and self-esteem: During your courtship days, you exhibit your confidence and self-esteem. But later on, they slowly diminish. Bring back these qualities to have a healthy relationship. Being confident and having self-esteem not only make you feel good about yourself but also make your partner feel good.
- Have goals in life: Be serious about your career, set goals to reach and keep yourself occupied. This will give you a break from your relationship issues, and help you see the bond from a new perspective. The fact that you are serious about your career and goals will make you attractive to your partner.
Relationships can take a beating even if one of you is not serious about it. The emotional bonding needs to be there from either side. Only the strength of your bond can pull you through the difficult times and make your relationship withstand the test of time. Remember, marriage is always a work in progress, have patience, work it out. Don’t let little things ruin your relationship.
[ Read: Beautiful Marriage Quotes ]
Do you have anything to share about how to fix a broken relationship? Let us know by commenting below.
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