“A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes, and a promise to never give up on each other.”
When you begin your life with the person you love, or vow to love for the rest of your life, you accept his flaws as well as his positives. There are times when the marriage heads towards a split. Keeping a marriage going and alive takes a lot of effort, and if you are willing to give your marriage your best, maybe you would want to read what MomJunction has to offer.
8 Practical Tips That Will Help Make Your Marriage Divorce Proof:
Be yourself and remember that you can work on your marriage. Here are some ways in which you can achieve that.
1. Be open about your feelings:
It may sound like a cliched rule, but when you are open and honest with your partner about your feelings, it benefits your relationship in more than one way. Your actions may send across a wrong message and your partner might just not be able to pick on those cues. For instance you may be upset over something and would not talk to your partner and go to bed. He may not think much of it except that you are tired and both of you would never discuss the issue at all.
The best way would be to communicate. Honest and open communications would encourage your partner to do the same and will strengthen the bond between the two of you.
2. Initiate sex:
If you think that sex is an important part of a marriage only in the initial years, you are absolutely wrong. In fact, as you grow more mature in your marriage over the years, sex takes on a more than ever important role. It helps you and your partner stay more connected and be more receptive towards each other. Instead of waiting for your partner to talk about sex, take some control in bed and initiate sex. Surprise your husband by asking for sex when he would have least expected it.
It will not only spark an interest and need for each other, but it will also indicate that you are still attracted to him and want to be with him.
Of course, there will be times when both you and your partner feel bogged down by the busy and fast lifestyle. But do acknowledge the fact that having regular sex with your partner should be a part of your life. When you and your partner connect on a physical level, it will keep you both connected emotionally as well as mentally and it will do wonders for your relationship.
3. Give importance to physical intimacy:
Physical intimacy does not translate to sex. You can be physically connected by simple gestures such as giving a hug, holding hands, giving a small peck on the cheek or forehead, sitting close to each other in such a way that your shoulders touch and so on.
Make room for simple acts of physical intimacy in your everyday routine. For instance, if you are going out somewhere, even if to a grocery store, hold hands while looking for items. Or, if you are watching a movie at home, sit together on the couch and place an arm around your partner, or just place your hand on your partner’s lap. Such simple gestures will need no additional time or effort from your end and they would make your partner happy as well.
4. Do things together:
Sure, you spend most of your time with each other, which means you also need time off from each other. But how you spend time together is very important.
For instance, once you have your meal, both of you could take up kitchen duties, as one of you washes the dishes and the other dries and puts them in place. Or maybe you could cook a meal together. These are simple everyday things that you tend to ignore and not give any importance to, but when you do it as a couple, it makes your relationship stronger. If you have time and the inclination, join a class or activity that you both can participate in together.
5. Take it away from the public eye:
No matter how many differences you have or how annoyed and angry you are at your partner, never express that in public. Treat your marriage with respect. When you start blaming your partner in front of others, it will make him feel unloved and disrespected. While you don’t have to shout at your partner, even unkind words and hurtful comments and taunts can be equally humiliating and damaging.
It is possible that your partner behaves in a way that you find offensive or do not agree with. Even if that happens in a public place, refrain from reacting just then. You can tell your partner that you would appreciate if you could discuss about it later, in private.
If your partner is as understanding as you, or mature enough, he will oblige. Discuss the issue with a calm mind. Make sure you tell your partner what made you feel bad and how you think you both should have handled the situation. Of course, do be prepared to listen to your partner’s side of the story.
6. Learn to relax:
Sometimes, despite doing everything right, a marriage heads towards divorce. Why would this happen? As the years progress you could send to take your marriage for granted and this could be one of the biggest reasons for a marriage to fail. You should make marriage your priority.
For instance, there were guests at home and after they left, the kitchen is a mess, with the sink overflowing, and too many dishes to be done. Your partner asks you if you want to watch a movie to which your response is that the kitchen should be taken care of. This is a list opportunity as you could have watched the movie first and then the two of you could have cleaned the kitchen together. You should learn to relax and prioritize.
7. Give importance to alone time:
It may sound the opposite of what we’ve been saying till now, such as spending more and more time together. However, the truth is that spending time alone and letting your partner do the same is a must for a happy and successful marriage. Both you and your partner may love to do things together, but there will be instances when your partner may want to be on his own. He may want to be with his friends, or may just want to sit alone with a book, or head out for a walk. Instead of worrying that something is wrong and your partner may be upset with you, let him have his free time.
Taking time out for yourself will allow you to relax and recuperate. If you or your partner wants time off from each other, it does not always have to mean that something is wrong, or that you are upset about something. It is a very simple way to let your mind switch off from everything and just do nothing. Just as you would like to spend some time on your own without thinking about anything, so would your partner as well.
8. Get help when needed:
Just as you would visit a medical professional if you are unwell, it is important to take the health of your marriage seriously as well. Both you and your partner may have tried to work hard on the marriage, but it may seem that something is not right. Instead of trying to figure out what went wrong by yourself, try and get some professional help.
A marriage counselor will help you and your partner look at the relationship in a way that you may not have seen earlier. The person will help both of you analyze the relationship and look at what seems wrong and what can be done to rectify the situation. Visiting a marriage counselor is not something you should be ashamed of or try to hide. In fact, if you do visit a marriage counselor, it means that you are very serious about your relationship and want to try everything that will make it work.
7 Practical Tips That Will Help Fix Your Marriage When It Is Broken:
If your marriage is broken and you do not live together as a couple anymore, either in the same house, or even if your partner has moved out, there are a few ways in which you can try and make your marriage work. Here are some practical tips that can help you salvage a broken marriage:
1. Do not panic:
No one wants to be in a broken marriage, but such things do happen. The first thing you have to keep in mind is to not panic. You may or may not have anticipated this phase in your marriage, but now that it is here, you will have to act to make it work, instead of panicking and losing out on crucial time. Panicking will prevent you from thinking clearly and you might act out and end up adversely affecting your relationship.
Keeping your mind calm and thinking clearly will help you understand the situation at hand better.
2. Do not think of punishing your partner:
The thought of a broken marriage upsets everyone. If your partner has initiated a breakup, and you want to punish him for the same, do not. Now is the time when you should avoid all negative thoughts.
Your intentions should be completely focused on finding a solution and reaching an amicable situation where both you and your partner can try and live together again happily. If you want to hurt or punish your partner, it will only mean that both of you will move away from one another, and might never patch up again.
3. Listen to the complaints:
You may feel that you have been the best partner your spouse could have asked for, and you may have genuinely tried to be as well. But if your partner has left you or is planning to leave you, chances are, you must have done something that led your partner to take such a step.
Speak to your partner and try to understand what the other side of the story is. When you really make an effort to ask your partner about the reasons that led to ending the marriage, your partner may tell you things that you never realized you did. Pay attention and listen to your partner.
4. Understand what your partner needs:
Once you make an attempt to reach out to your partner, there will be some things that your partner will specifically tell you. He may not tell you all of it and leave some things unspoken.
Understand what your partner’s most important and basic needs are. For instance, if you were always busy with work or chores, your partner may have felt unloved and may need more love and attention. Or perhaps you never gave your partner much importance and your partner needs respect from you. Whatever your partner’s needs, find out a way in which you can fulfill those and show your partner how you plan to work it out if you give yourselves another chance.
5. Prove your worth:
This is that one time in your relationship when your actions and the way you behave would speak much more than you can actually tell your partner. Understand that at this stage, your partner is very upset, hurt, and vulnerable. Whatever you say at this stage can have a make or break effect on your marriage.
So whatever you do now will have to be nothing but the best you can do. Be the person with whom he had fallen in love. For instance, your partner complains that you never gave enough time at home. Now that you want to make your marriage work, you tell your partner that you will make sure you are home every day at a definite time. But instead of just saying so, start doing it. Make that effort and start coming home around the time you promised, even if your partner has moved out of the house and is not living with you for the moment.
6.Speak out your heart:
Now is the time to say all that you truly feel for your partner, and be as honest and yourself as you can ever be. You may or may not have been good at communicating with each other in the past while you were together, but if you do not make a big effort now, chances are you will never get another opportunity to do so.
Tell your partner why you need him or her in your life and what your partner means to you. Express your love and your need for your partner in as many ways as you can. Tell your partner why you think he or she is special and tell them you love them. If you genuinely want to save your marriage from breaking, your partner will see the love and dedication in your words and things will eventually fall in place.
7.Start as strangers:
A good way to restart your marriage and give it a second shot is to try and start afresh. Instead of repeating the same things over and over again, you could try and meet each other as strangers and let things take their own course. To make it interesting and neutral at the same time, offer to meet your partner at some relaxed and comfortable setting.
Approach your partner and introduce yourself. Make sure you pay enough attention to your partner, just as you would pay attention to someone you are meeting for the first time and are interested in. Remember, this is not just a game but a very important way to bring your marriage back together, so you have to give it your best.
A marriage is a commitment that two people make to each other, but these days, many marriages are falling apart. Instead of wondering what went wrong, try to bring some positive changes in your marriage before it is too late. And if you do reach a stage where it looks as if your marriage is about to break, work on it and let your partner know what the marriage means to you.
Moms, if you have any practical tips to share, do tell us in the comments below.
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