- What is a rebound relationship?
- Rebound relationship signs
- Why are rebounds bad for you?
- How long do rebound relationships last?
- Stages of rebound relationship
- How can you make a new relationship last long?
The aftermath of a breakup is traumatic, especially if it is a long-term relationship. It leaves you with intense pain and negative feelings. When someone walks into your life at this juncture, seems to nurse your emotional wounds and support you, you welcome them with open arms.
But are you doing the right thing by welcoming this new person into your life? Or would it lead to a rebound relationship?
If you are in a similar situation, then it helps you to know about a rebound relationship, its signs, stages and why it fails. MomJunction tells you everything you need to know about such relationships.
What Is A Rebound Relationship?
A rebound relationship is the one that starts immediately after the breakup of a long-term relationship or marriage. It is a distraction to get over the previous relationship, and a disguised attempt to move on in life.
But, in reality, it could just be an excuse to escape from pain and loneliness. As the new relationship numbs the pain, it is easy to invest time in it rather than deal with the pain itself. In other words, a rebound relationship is a quick fix to get over a break-up.
Rebounding can feel like love for the simple reason that the people involved in it want to be in love. They are used to the secure feeling of love, and they just want that feeling to continue, albeit with a different person. They convince themselves that they are in love when the truth is that they are missing the safety and comfort of the previous relationship. So, how do you know you are in a rebound relationship?
Signs Of A Rebound Relationship
People involved in a rebound relationship do not give themselves enough time to heal from the last relationship and move on too fast. While it’s natural to feel loved and secured in a relationship, people miss the glaring warning signs in a rebound relationship.
These signs will help you know if you are in that situation:
- Get into a new relationship quickly. It’s been only a few weeks since you broke up, and you are already in a new relationship. Finding someone and connecting to that person cannot happen that fast; the longer the wait, the fewer are the chances of having a rebound relationship.
- Ready to date anyone. You enter into a new relationship knowing that the opposite person is not the ‘real’ person you are looking for. But you get attracted to them as you get the attention and care. You like the attention and not the person.
- Love comes easily. You feel connected to your new partner, you are crazily in love only after a couple of dates, and commit yourself even before you know your partner. That’s very typical of rebounders.
- Relationship moves fast and slow at the same time. Rebound partners move exceptionally fast and slow at the same time. They fall in love in no time and keep declaring their love for each other, but there is a lack of connection.
- Rub the relationship on the ex’s face. You might want to show off your new partner in front of your ex. You go out of your way to ensure that the ex knows how happy you are in the new relationship.
- Need partner when lonely and neglect them when happy. The new relationship is a means to escape the heartache from their previous relationship. So, you need the new partner to make up for your loneliness and conveniently ignore them when you are happy.
- Sex is high. Rebounders enjoy sex but don’t know where their relationship is heading. They frequently have sex to distract themselves, or as a means to get over the breakup.
- Hardly remember how you got over the previous relationship. Moving on takes time, it cannot be rushed. It can take from months to years. If you are happy in the new relationship but have no idea how you got over it, then it could be that you have rushed into a new relationship without closing the previous one.
- Show off as a long-term couple. Despite dating for just a few weeks, you and your partner behave as if you have known each other for a long time.
- Ex-monster syndrome. You haven’t gotten over your ex; in fact, you haven’t allowed yourself to get over. If you display the following signs, then you likely have the syndrome:
- Vent out bitterness about your ex and use your new partner as a sounding board to relieve pain.
- Talk a lot about your ex, and carry feelings for them secretly.
- Spend time hoping that your ex will come back to you.
- Chatting with your ex on social media.
- Hang out with your ex’s friends.
There is nothing wrong with having a new person in our life, and starting life afresh. But before you move into a new relationship, make sure you have completely severed your ties with your ex. Else it is going to be a rebound relationship, which could be bad for you.
Why Are Rebounds Bad?
Breakups are hard but getting into a rebound relationship just to get back at your ex or escape your loneliness is not a solution. Here’s why rebounds are bad for you:
- You are emotionally vulnerable: No matter how strong you are, a break-up could make you emotionally vulnerable. And this is the right time for others to enter your life and take advantage of your vulnerability.
- You are confused: Breakups are emotionally overwhelming. And when you get into a rebound relationship, you are not yet ready for it. You may like your new partner, but you still haven’t gotten over your ex. It will only leave you confused and clueless about your real feelings for your new partner.
- You miss out on introspection: Every experience in life teaches you a lesson. When a relationship fails, you will have to take time to reflect on what went wrong and why. If you dive into a new relationship straight after the breakup, you will miss out on the window to introspect.
- Unfair to the new partner: A majority of people, who get into a rebound relationship, want to make their ex jealous or get out of loneliness. Imagine if you were being used by a rebounder like that. You’d feel terrible, right? So, why would you want to do that to someone else? It’s unfair to the new partner, who is serious or committed in the relationship.
- Reconciliation may not be possible: Sometimes you might part with your partner over petty things. Later, you might regret it and want to go back to them. However, if you get into a rebound, you lose that chance of reconciliation with your ex.
- The attraction for the new partner is short-lived: You feel attracted to the new partner, but in reality, it could just be your need for support and sympathy. Such attraction doesn’t last long.
- You become dependent: Getting into a rebound makes you constantly dependent on somebody else for your happiness. Being single for a while helps you gain self-confidence and enables you to rediscover your strength.
With such complications associated with the new relationship, it could be difficult to last long.
How Long Do Rebound Relationships Last?
It is not possible to predict the life of your rebound relationship. You might realize your mistake within a week into the relationship or take a few months to understand you do not want it anymore.
However, what’s predictable is the various stages that your relationship could go through.
Stages of a Rebound Relationship
A rebound relationship, just like a regular one, goes through several stages. Let’s see what they are:
Stage 1 – Finding the one
The reasons for your last breakup set the premise for the new relationship. You are likely to choose a partner who is unlike your ex and thus feel vindicated.
The fact that your new partner is different from your ex might make you think that you have found the right partner. This presumption might be too weak to sustain your relationship in the long run.
Stage 2 – The honeymoon phase
You have found the ‘right one,’ and everything is going well. You feel things are great and just perfect as your new partner pays you attention and you cozy up to them.
This stage feels natural, but you do not know where this is taking you to. You keep comparing your ex with the new partner and you feel this is right for you. There will be moments when you tend to doubt your partner, but you sweep such doubts under the carpet. These tiny differences might soon blow up into a big issue.
Stage 3 – The breakdown stage
The little differences and misunderstandings you had in the honeymoon phase start flaring up, and you find your relationship breaking down. You fight but you don’t want to let go of the relationship because you don’t want to be left alone again. Instead of opening up about your feelings, you suppress them, and that explodes sooner than later.
Stage 4 – The explosion stage
All your suppressed feelings pile up and explode all of a sudden, leaving your partner unawares. The reasons for your last breakup seem to suit your new relationship as well.
The bad part is your new partner doesn’t know the reason for your behavior because they have come to believe that all is well with you both.
Stage 5 – The end stage
You realize that the solution to a breakup is not a new relationship. You understand that to have a new relationship you need to be open in your communication and expect the same from your partner.
You may give another chance to the relationship if your new partner is willing to accommodate. And if you have ended the relationship, you will have the time to introspect this time around. This will also help you know that rebound relationships fail.
Why Rebound Relationships Fail?
The most prominent reason is the haste with which you get into a new relationship. Here are a few other reasons why rebound relationships fail:
- Healing from a breakup takes time, it cannot happen overnight. Rebounders carry the emotional baggage to their new relationship, which leads to conflicts.
- They are in the relationship for wrong reasons — to make their ex jealous, to have sex, or to avoid being lonely. Any relationship that lacks love and trust is bound to fail.
- Moving from one relationship to the other without learning from the previous one will not help them to be successful.
- A rebound relationship is not based on true love. And any relationship that is based on false beliefs cannot sustain in the long run.
- The expectations are too high in a rebound relationship; the rebounders expect the new person to solve all their problems, make them feel complete, and forget the pain of the breakup. This puts a lot of pressure on the partner.
- A rebound relationship is a means of distraction. Once that purpose is served, the relationship wears off.
Note that not all the new relationships (after a breakup) are rebound. You might, in all likeliness, find the right partner. There is every chance that you have taken the right decision by choosing your new partner.
How Can You Make A New Relationship Last Long?
Here are a few things you need to know:
- Decide with a balanced mind. Don’t get swept away by your emotions; do not become desperate to have a new person in your life. Take your time to assess your prospective partner, write down what you like and dislike about them, weigh your options and take a practical decision.
- Heal yourself after the breakup. When you are in pain you can’t make a wise decision. Your pain will force you to be hasty and will eventually bring more pain than happiness. Give yourself time to recoup from the breakup, spend time with friends and family, take a break from work and go on a holiday. This will give you breathing space to recover and introspect.
- Realize that you are in a rebound relationship. If you have already entered into a new relationship, and the chink began showing, then don’t be in a hurry to come out of it. Give it some time, see what you like in it and what you do not appreciate. Try to change the things that you do not like. Who knows, your efforts might fructify and the rebound relationship might actually become a long one to stay.
Remember, your new relationship need not be a rebound relationship, especially when you have moved on even before the official breakup.
It feels nice to have someone to comfort you and love you after a breakup. But you have to give yourself some time to heal. Take time to accept the heartbreak, reflect on what went wrong and let time heal you.
“Your mind and heart cannot dwell in two places at once. Leave the pain of the past behind and enter this new day with optimism and openness in both mind and heart.” Doe Zantamata
Do you have anything to say about rebound relationships? Leave your comments below.