Adoption is a great alternative for parents who aren’t bestowed with or do not want to go through the process of having biological kids. But in some cases, nurturing adopted children may not be easy as they could come with psychological baggage.
Some experts have come up with a term called adopted child syndrome (ACS) to represent the psychological issues an adopted child might have. In this post, MomJunction tells you the reasons for this syndrome, its effects, and the ways to avoid ACS in your child.
What Is Adopted Child Syndrome?
Adopted child syndrome usually used to describe a condition that is a result of various psychological and emotional hardships an adopted child undergoes. It is associated with characteristics such as attachment disorders, lying, stealing, inability to accept authority, and violent behavior.
Though ACS is not accepted in the community of psychologists, there are research works that talk about it.
Social worker Jean Paton, who was herself an adoptee, was the first to study ACS in 1953.
The term, coined by David Kirschner in 1978 in his paper Son of Sam and the Adopted Child Syndrome, is not accepted in the professional community (1).
Symptoms Of Adopted Child Syndrome
Children cannot be expressive enough to share their trauma with their foster parents. It is important for the parents to look out for any behavioral issues.
According to a study, adopted children are more likely to contract mental health problems than other children (2).
Some of the common symptoms of adopted child syndrome are:
- Low self-esteem
- Identity crisis
- Feelings of grief and rejection
- Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
- Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
- Conduct disorder
- Major depressive disorder
- Separation anxiety disorder
Another study has found that 14 to 15 out of 100 adoptees have the chances of having ODD or ADHD. This is twice as much as the non-adoptees getting these conditions (3).
Causes Of Adopted Child Syndrome
Apple Inc’s founder the late Steve Jobs was an adopted child. Though highly successful in life, he has often referred to “unresolved pain” of rejection and abandonment due to adoption (4).
Here is a deep insight into the various emotional reactions an adopted child with ACS could go through.
1. Abandonment and loss:
Lonely children develop a feeling of being abandoned by their mother.
In the book Being adopted: The lifelong search for self, researchers David M Brodzinsky, Marshall D Schechter, and Robin Marantz Henig say that children, if adopted within six months of their birth, would grow similar to a natural child.
However, psychotherapist Nancy Verrier in her book The Primal Wound says that a child develops a bond with its mother from the womb itself.
“Bonding doesn’t begin at birth but is a continuum of physiological, psychological, and spiritual events which begin in utero and continue throughout the postnatal bonding period.
“When this natural evolution is interrupted by a postnatal separation from the biological mother, the resultant experience of abandonment and loss is indelibly imprinted upon the unconscious minds of these children, causing that which I call the ‘primal wound’.”
The orphaned and abandoned children carry the trauma of separation from their biological parents. They may not remember the trauma but can feel it subconsciously. There could be an innate fear that their adopted family would leave them one day.
2. Secrecy of parents:
The adopted family might not tell the adoptees the details about their natural parents. The very fact that they have been adopted could be hidden if the adoption takes place early in a child’s life. However, once they come to know about it, the children might want to know more about their original family.
Sometimes, even the adoption agencies would not have details about the biological parents of adoptees, and this mystery could make the child restless.
3. Differences in ethnicity:
If the adopted family is from a different origin than the adoptee, the child could find it difficult to adjust. Their color, descent, practices may all be different. For instance, if an American family adopts an Asian origin child, the cultural differences would be so profound that the adoptee may grow up into a confused teenager.
4. Genetic differences:
As they grow up, the adopted children observe that their physical features, preferences, and intellectual abilities are different from those of the others in the family. This could cause alienation as there is no one who resembles them physically or psychologically, leading to the syndrome.
5. A feeling of guilt:
As the adoptee turns into a teenager, they may feel guilty of not giving enough to their adopted family. They are overburdened by a sense of gratitude. Added to this, their eagerness to know about their original family may make them think that they are doing injustice to the family that has adopted them.
6. The burden of being the ‘chosen one’:
The adoption agency and the people around might tell the adoptee that they are the ‘chosen one’ by the family, with an intention to make them forget about their past and merge into the new setup. It could also make the adoptee come out of the feeling of being abandoned.
However, overdoing it could make them feel that the family is being charitable by adopting them, thus developing negative thoughts.
Effects Of Adopted Child Syndrome
If adopted early in their life, children grow up similar to other kids. In the US, nearly 120,000 children are adopted every year. There are currently more than 2.6 million (6) adopted individuals in the country. Most of them lead a normal life.
However, a few children might have to face the effects of ACS. Here are some of the effects of the syndrome.
1. Developmental delays:
Adopted children could reach physical and emotional development milestones late. They may not be able to do things that kids of their age usually do, or they may think and behave younger than their age. Developmental delays could manifest in the form of:
- Eagerness to grab attention or rewards
- Inability to socialize
- Difficulty in learning motor skills
2. Eating disorders:
Their pre-adoption life makes children anxious eaters. They may have grown up under circumstances where there was a scarcity of food (7). This could lead to:
- Under-consumption due to problems in eating certain foods such as solids
- Hoarding of food
- Stealing food
3. Attachment issues and reactive attachment disorder:
The neglect and negative environment early in their life could lead to attachment disorder or reactive attachment disorder (RAD) in adopted children. This could be the result of them being abandoned, uncared for, and unloved. This will make children withdraw from others, avoid eye contact, be uninterested in playing, and be indifferent to affection, among others (8).
4. Alcohol and drug abuse:
As teenagers, adopted children could get drawn to alcohol and drug abuse, in the absence of proper care from their adoptive parents. If the biological parents have a history of substance use, and the environment in the adopted family is not cordial, the risk of adoptees getting addicted doubles.
Virginia Institute for Psychiatric and Behavioral Genetics director Kenneth Kendler says: “For an adoptee, having a biological parent with drug abuse who did not raise you doubles your risk for drug abuse.”
“But we also found an important role for environmental factors. If you have an adoptive sibling – with whom you have no genetic relationship – develop drug abuse that also doubles your risk for drug abuse. A bad environment can augment the effect of genetic risk for drug abuse.”
5. Inclination towards crime:
Children do not become criminals by themselves. Be it adopted or biological, a child who undergoes abuse and ill-treatment, negligence or even over-pampering might choose a path of violence and crime. As adopted children have high chances of growing in an unsympathetic environment, they tend to show an inclination towards crime (9).
How To Avoid Adopted Child Syndrome?
Adoption can make a huge difference to abandoned children who have experienced a tough life and rejection in their young lives. As foster parents, you have to put in extra effort to make the kids settle down in a new environment of care and love. Here is a guide to avoid ACS in the child (10):
1. PLACE attitude:
Attachment psychologist Dan Hughes has come up with the acronym PLACE, which stands for being playful, loving, accepting, curious, and empathic to your adopted kid.
Playful: Be playful with the child as this would help them realize their self-worth and relax. Fill in your free-time with some games or fun activities with the kid.
Playfulness also includes a simple ruffling of their hair, winking at them, cracking a joke, or smiling at them. This can reassure the child about your love.
Loving: You should be the first person to bring love into the relationship and your adopted child will eventually follow you. Understand that they are too young and frightened to adjust to the environment instantly.
Hold their hand, hug them, have a sweet talk, and show them that you care for them. Give them time to understand you and build faith in you.
Accepting: Accept the child the way they are. That is the first step to mold them in the way you want.
Share your expectations gradually, after they settle down in your family.
Curious: When your child does something unacceptable, do not admonish them immediately. Instead, be curious to know why they did that. Let them know your curiosity by asking questions aloud. It will make them understand that they were wrong, and give them the confidence to talk to you about it.
Empathic: Empathize with your child. If they are finding it difficult to read or write, tell them that you understand their difficulty. Help them learn the lessons, instead of getting furious or disappointed with them. But empathy needs to be genuine and not flippant.
Your child may not like to leave you or may get cranky if you are away even for a short time, as they might be afraid of losing you.
It is for you to build that sense of permanency in them. Make them understand that you are with them permanently even if you are away for a few hours or days.
Constancy is related to permanency as it gives children stability and resilience. It makes them realize that your angry reaction to a particular incident is because of their misbehavior but not because you hate them.
- Develop constancy by being pleasant even while reprimanding them. They will understand that you are not happy with them.
- If they disappoint you, talk to them openly without hurting their feelings. Tell them what your expectation was and why it was not met.
4. Reduce stress and anxiety:
- Be calm and make yourself available to them to reduce their levels of anxiety, if any. Make things predictable for them so that they need not have to guess. If they do something wrong, let them know the consequences immediately, without making them wait anxiously for the ‘punishment’.
- Identify their stress areas and mitigate them.
5. Build self-esteem:
Self-esteem can be low in adopted children. Develop self-esteem by making them feel important. Appreciate their new milestones, and applaud them for their achievements.
6. Discipline positively:
- Avoid giving commands to the child, such as, “I want you to do this,” “You have to stop being like that,” and so on. Instead, give him choices of ‘this or that’ and let him choose. This works well for both your child and you.
- Replace punishments with logical consequences, so that he understands that doing ‘this’ will lead to ‘that’. For example, he will know that if he spills milk, he will end up cleaning it.
- Keep your bouts of anger short, for around 60 seconds, and have calmer conversations for a longer time.
7. Encourage socializing but supervise:
Help your child to socialize with their classmates and neighbors. Take them to a park and let them play with other children. However, ensure that they are not being bullied by other children or vice versa. Explain to them the ways to be amicable yet assertive.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Why do some parents hide the adoption truth from their children?
Some parents might want to keep the adoption as a secret to:
- Protect the child from the pain of separation.
- Wait until the kid is mature enough to understand the situation.
- The adoptive parents may fear that the children might leave them once they know about their biological parents.
- The biological parents did not want to reveal their identity.
However, the trend is changing as more parents are looking for an open adoption.
2. Are adopted children violent towards their parents?
A child can turn violent irrespective of the parents being adopted or biological. More than the type of parents (adopted or otherwise), it is the environment at home and the background of the parents that might have an influence on the behavior of the child.
3. How soon can an adopted child accept their new parents and family?
This differs with each family. It is the adopted parent’s responsibility to make the kids feel at home. Create a reassuring atmosphere for them to accept the changes in the shortest possible time.
4. How do I support a child with reactive attachment disorder (RAD)?
As the child with RAD is under stress, you need to take care not to show your frustration on them. Here are a few tips to parent a child with RAD:
- Do not lose your patience, no matter how annoying the situation could be.
- Create a fun environment at home, and develop a sense of humor in the child.
- Have realistic expectations from the child, and celebrate their successes.
- Stay positive even if the child ignores your overtures. Keep trying and they would recognize your efforts.
- Seek help from your family and friends.
It is difficult to detect ACS in your child, as you may mistake his misdemeanor or reclusive behavior as an act of defiance or displeasure. Be alert to recognize the symptoms of ACS as timely medical intervention can bring your child out of it.