Relationships call for mutual understanding and they are supposed to be nurtured and valued by both sides. You can’t really expect to sleepwalk through it and expect that your relationship will stay the same forever. It is common to see people take their marriages and relationships for granted and only realize it when issues start surfacing. By then, it’s often too late and you wonder where exactly things went wrong.
Some couples come to the conclusion that their problems would be solved if they have a child together. Most of the time, this advice comes from friends and family. Yes it’s true that welcoming a little one into this world would help the partners bond in a way that they hadn’t done before. However, if the problems in their relationship is deep-seated, chances are that it won’t really solve the problem but only delay it temporarily. What’s worse is that your child would also have to bear the consequences of the issues between the partners. Here are seven reasons why bringing a child into this world will not fix your marriage problems but instead might make them worse:
1. Your Priorities Change
A baby changes your life drastically. Your priorities change, and your stress levels increase. If you didn’t have the time and patience to work on your relationship before you had a baby, you would not have the space to work on your marriage once you bring a baby into your life. Add your personal and professional aspirations to this. Handling a baby is a full time job in itself and if you’re balancing your work life along with it, chances are that you will have to make certain compromises every now and then. Such added stress and decision making will probably aggravate the underlying problems you already were facing with your partner.
2. You Won’t Have The Time
If the main reason that you and your partner were not able to reconcile your differences was the lack of time, then what makes you think that post-baby you wouldn’t have the same problem? Communication is critical in any relationship, and you won’t have the time to communicate once you have a baby. You spend your waking hours taking care of the child and hardly get any alone time anymore. It makes it difficult to resolve conflicts, which would only intensify the problems that already exist.
3. You Will Start Keeping Count
It’s common that when partners who have issues and quarrel welcome a child, they try their best to make sure that their partners are also putting equal efforts in the child’s upbringing. And often it is done in more of a spiteful way than from concern. Each partner tries to best the other by keeping count of what the other has done and not done. The resulting resentment stemming from this would keep both souls dissatisfied and disturbed.
If you want to welcome a child together, you have to understand that it’s not a competition. Both sides would have to make compromises and care for each other as much as they care for the baby.
4. You Might Have A Difference Of Opinion
So you and your partner were already facing many differences of opinions? Do you think after welcoming the baby, both of you would start deciding matters as one team? It’s totally possible that instead you would have more trouble coming to an agreement. Raising a baby will have a multitude of choices that you would have to decide on a daily basis. It’s natural to have a difference of opinion when it comes to raising a baby. Both parents might come from culturally different backgrounds, which may influence their values and nurturing styles. Even in healthy relationships, couples will disagree over hundreds of things. The disagreements and differences in parenting styles are bound to add extra tension to the relationship.
5. You Will Not Have Time To Recharge
Resolving differences and problems usually requires you to be able to properly put forward your case. Only when partners start communicating properly that they stand a chance of clearing the air and be able to resolve the issues.
However, a newborn baby puts immense stress on your daily schedule. You won’t have the time to rest or relax, which will exhaust you and your partner. If there are underlying problems in the relationship, the lack of time to recharge will only amplify your irritability towards each other.
6. Your Family Members May Add Pressure To The Relationship
When your little one is born, your family is largely involved. From aunts, uncles, siblings, and parents, everyone bombards you with advice, comments, and opinions about how to raise your baby. It might even reach a point where they might belittle you or your partner for your parenting styles which can add pressure to your relationship, especially when there is a lack of mutual understanding.
7. You Feel Bound To Your Partner
If you were considering breaking up with your partner, adding a baby to that mix only makes it more complicated. Because now, you not only will be breaking up with your partner, but you’ll also be breaking up a family. It’s a mess because you have to deal with the courts for a custody battle of the child and several other issues that follow.
You might think that having a baby will save a struggling relationship, but it’s the worst decision you can make. Not only is it unfair to the child, but it leads to a breakup almost always. You should have a child with your partner because you want to manifest your love, take your relationship to the next level, and have a family, not to fix your problems. So, we would suggest that before you decide to take the next big step, solve the current problems first. If you find it difficult to communicate with your partner, seek the help from a counselor who is better equipped to gauge your situation and provide a viable solution to your woes. What are your thoughts on the matter? Comment below and let us know.