A breakup over text often seems the best way to avoid a messy confrontation. But is it justifiable to just say “it’s over” over a text and call it quits?
Breakups are always painful, and the separation becomes more challenging if it’s not mutual. You are hurting, and so is your ex. Amidst the surge of complex emotions that heartbreak can cause, the person may not always react kindly. In such instances, breaking up over text may be easy because you don’t have to explain yourself to another person or face any drama. Besides, if breaking up in person feels unsafe, doing so over text is your safest bet. But what if that’s not the case?
Read on as we tell you if breaking over text is right, why people opt for it, and how you should do it if it is your only option.
Is It Okay To Breakup With Someone Over Text?
No, it is not okay to break up with someone over a text message. Breaking up over text may be convenient for the one doing it, but imagine how painful it would be for the one at the receiving end. Not only is it impolite and hurtful, but also extremely humiliating for the receiver. And if you have been in a long-term relationship, the pain can only increase manifold. For instance, Chanelle Hayley, a blogger, shares how her unceremonious breakup broke her heart. She says, “I was broken up with via a text message one Monday evening in April 2018. It was my first heartbreak experience as he was my first boyfriend. The breakup was a shock (i).”
The receiver is denied a sense of closure because they do not get a chance to hear your reasons or put forward their opinion. They are probably not a part of the decision to split or separate, which is unfair to them. It can shatter someone’s confidence when they feel that they weren’t important enough for you to be given a dignified breakup. The rupture caused by breaking up with someone over text can leave deep emotional scars and hinder future relationships. Therefore, it’s important to consider the consequences before deciding to break off a relationship through a text message.
However, there are certain scenarios where breaking up over a text may prove a viable option. For instance, if you both have been dating for only a short while or neither of you seems overly attached, it might not seem like such a bad idea. Also, if you feel that the person you are breaking up with might not accept your decision and try to influence you or change your decision or even harm you, breaking up over a text message makes perfect sense.
Why Do Some People Break Up Over Text?
Here are some possible reasons why a person chooses to break up over text.
- Afraid of a reaction
If you know this person well, you probably know that they might not take the news of the breakup well. You fear that there will be a conflict or drama, not to forget the crying and angry outburst. To avoid such a reaction, you might choose to terminate the relationship over text, wherein you do not have to face them.
- Unable to confront
When you break up in person, you are required to explain your decision. The person you are breaking up with might disagree with your decision and try to change your mind or even make you feel extremely guilty about it. They might bring up old topics and try to influence you, something you might be dreading. And worst of all, if you have been in an abusive relationship, they might try to harm you physically and even threaten you with further harm, thus making abandonment a better option.
- Never serious about the relationship
Some people get into a relationship half-heartedly just to see where things go. They are never serious about the relationship and are always on the lookout for someone better. When they find someone they would like to get serious with, they prefer breaking up with you over a text because they never considered it a real relationship. For them, it was just a casual fling, and they feel they do not need to explain things to you.
- Long-distance relationship
If two people have maintained a relationship online, breaking up over a text is a justified option. It may not always be feasible to call off the relationship in person in a long-distance relationship. So, doing it over a message makes practical sense.
How To React Or Reply If Someone Breaks Up With You Over Text?
What if you are the one receiving a breakup text from your partner? How should you react? Here are some pointers you can keep in mind when reacting to a breakup text.
1. Keep calm
Maybe you saw it coming, or maybe you didn’t; whatever the case, try to keep calm. You might feel like replying right away, but do not do it yet because your emotions might take over the situation. In order to respond to a breakup and goodbye message effectively, it is important to have a clear mind. Take your time to understand the situation and process it clearly.
2. Do not react
The chances are that when they sent you the text, they expected you to react in a certain way. Surprise them and do not react at all. You might feel agitated and restless, but pull yourself together. Do not give them what they want. Give them what you want, that is, a well-thought reaction.
3. Reply when you are ready
When you feel you can think more clearly, decide on how you want to react to it. If you saw it coming, you might probably not want to seek any explanation for it. If not, you might want to know what went wrong. Start typing your message when you are ready.
4. Be polite
Whatever it is that you have decided to send, ensure that you are polite. You may want to be nasty to show them that you do not need them anyway, but try to avoid doing such a thing and be as civil as possible. At the spur of the moment, you might say something that you did not intend to and regret it later. Be nice and keep it clean.
5. Do not call them
If they have sent you a text to break up with you, it means they want to depart from you and do not wish to talk to you. It may be best to cease communication and disassociate with someone who does not have the guts to talk to you. Use their mode of communication to let them know your thoughts. Also, if you call them, chances are you might break down or get angry and react in a way you would not want to.
6. Do not plead with them
If someone sends you a breakup text, it means the decision to leave you isn’t sudden and that they have thought it through before pressing the send button. Requesting and pleading with them to change their mind will not help. Instead, it would make you look helpless and desperate, which might make them even more sure of their decision. Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away and give yourself time to heal and move on.
7. Talk to a friend
When all is said and done, if you feel like you cannot cope with it alone, reach out to a friend and talk to them about it. Vent it out to them. Be in the company of people you love and trust at this moment. Yes, it might be painful for you, but there is no need to show it to your now ex-partner. It’s the time to cut off ties, disengage, and heal on your own or with the help of people who wish to be there for you.
How To Breakup With Someone Over Text?
Sometimes, despite knowing how horrible it is to break up over text, you might have no option left. The following are some exceptional situations in which breaking up over a text can seem justifiable.
- The person you are trying to break up with is aggressive to the extent that they might physically harm you.
- The relationship was never serious to begin with, and you and your partner were never fully committed.
- Your relationship is more of a long-distance, online setting, and you guys hardly ever meet in person.
If your relationship falls into any of the categories mentioned above, breaking up over text could be the best option for you. And when it becomes inevitable for you, try to do it in the best possible manner. Here are some tips you can consider when trying to break up with someone over text.
1. Start with a casual conversation
Do not just drop the breakup bomb on your partner out of the blue. Start with a casual conversation and gauge their mood. If they seem extremely happy, sad, or angry, abort the mission right away. Try another time. You should bring up the topic only when you feel they are in a neutral mood, that is, neither too happy nor sad. Also, ensure you drop some subtle hints about closing this chapter of your relationship before finally revealing what is on your mind.
2. Be firm on your decision
You may find it awkward and difficult to type a breakup text, but do not try to beat around the bush or sugar-coat your words. You have decided to break up and discontinue the broken relationship, so stand by it and make it known to your partner in clear terms. Do not show that you are unsure of your decision. It might give them the hope that they can make things work again. Be very clear about the message you are trying to convey to them.
3. Be considerate
Try to be considerate and tell them how sorry you feel that things had to end like this. Let them know that you couldn’t help doing it through a text.
4. Be honest
They will surely want to know the reason why you are breaking up with them. Try to be as honest as you can. The truth might be bitter, but at least they know what went wrong and may keep it in mind the next time they get into a relationship.
5. Do not overcompensate
You may feel bad for this person and might try to take all the blame. You might tell them how your shortcomings hampered the relationship. Do not do it. It won’t ease their pain or make them feel better. Instead, they might be able to see through it, which can make them feel even more awful. Try to keep the message clear, clean, and polite.
6. Avoid giving them any false hopes
If your partner is overly attached to you, saying “be in touch” or “let’s be friends” disavows the reality that you are no longer interested in a relationship and may give them false hopes that they might be able to change your mind. When you know they can’t be friends with you, do not ask them for their friendship. And do not ask them to keep in touch after the breakup unless you are sure that both of you can be friendly without any bitterness.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How can I reduce the emotional impact of breaking up over text?
Being kind towards the recipient, being direct, acknowledging their feelings, and offering closure can help reduce the emotional impact of breaking up over a text.
2. What are some things to consider before breaking up over text?
It is important to consider your partner’s emotional state, the breakdown of communication further down the road, and the length and seriousness of the relationship before breaking up with them over text.
3. What are the potential risks of breaking up with someone over text message?
Potential risks of breaking up over text include the lack of closure, misinterpretation of the message, and lack of respect.
Even if it appears convenient, know that breaking up over text is not acceptable. Consider the grief that the recipient of the text will experience. Saying goodbye through a text message can feel impersonal and may not provide closure for both parties involved. Some possible reasons for a breakup by text include fear of the reaction, the way of avoiding difficult confrontations, or the fact that the person was never serious about the relationship. When you get a breakup text, on the other side, try to be polite and calm and never respond without first thinking about it. Also, don’t beg them or call them; instead, respond when you’re ready and talk to your friend to get over the heartache.
Infographic: Why Some People End Relationships Over Text And How To React?
In this era of online dating, many people also choose to break up over text. But this can be hurtful for the recipient. So, let’s check out the infographic below to learn about why a person might want to end the relationship over text and what you should do in such a situation.
- Breaking up is not easy, and some may prefer avoiding confrontation and breaking up over a text message.
- For the one on the receiving end of the text message, it can be extremely humiliating and painful.
- If you got ditched over a text, try to keep your calm and do not respond immediately. Take time before calling or texting them, avoid pleading with them, and seek a friend’s help if necessary.
Join the conversation as we dive into the highs and lows of breaking up via text, why one might possibly do it, or what to do when you are not sure. It is a wild ride.