Is It Okay To Date A Married Man?

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Dating a married man can be complex. The connection might feel simple initially, but it eventually puts several lives at stake. The story begins like a usual attraction where you see each other and feel attracted. Then, you two bond over dinner, lunch, or coffee and start a casual friendship that gradually buds into a relationship. Finally, you two feel inseparable but not happy because you know the relationship has no future as he is married.

Having a crush on married men is quite common. However, rushing into a relationship is often a roller coaster of emotions where you risk hurting yourself and complicating the lives of the people around you. The tension in the relationships can sometimes turn so severe that it may have adverse consequences for you.

If you feel attracted to a married man, we have this post to help you introspect your emotions carefully and make a conscious decision best for yourself and those around you.

Is It Okay To Date A Married Man?

The other woman when dating a married man

Image: Shutterstock

No, dating a married man is never okay. Marriage is the penultimate form of a committed and loyal relationship, while a relationship with a married man is considered a social taboo. You will have to face emotional, legal, and financial issues and become “the other woman” in a married man’s life.

Dating A Married Man: 15 Things You Need To Know

If you are deeply involved with a married man, and if things have landed in tricky territory for everyone involved, here are some points you need to know.

1. You’re not the only one

Common sense suggests that if someone you are dating is willing to violate the sacred marriage vow, he will most likely do it again with other women without hesitation. Once he crosses the marriage line, the number of people he will cheat on becomes irrelevant.

2. There will be a lot of waiting

The natural tendency of any relationship is to move forward. If not, it will stagnate and fall apart. Under normal circumstances, you may set specific goals, such as moving in or traveling together or getting to know each other’s family. For obvious reasons, this is not feasible for married men. He will spend time with you according to his availability and not when you want to. You may have to wait long for him to devote his time to you. You may even have to wait for him to call or text you because his wife may be around or may get a sense of what’s happening between you two. If you are waiting for his marriage to break up or waiting for him to leave his wife, you’d better give up now because he is unlikely to do so.

3. You’ll always be anxious

You'll be anxious when dating a married man

Image: iStock

Having a relationship with a married person is like sitting on a bomb waiting to explode. Diffuse it now, or it will blow up in your face. Simple gestures such as hugs or romantic texts can have severe consequences. The danger of your relationship getting exposed constantly lurks. This fear will keep both of you on your toes, and you will be unable to enjoy each other’s company in a tense-free environment.

4. Your relationship will never feel “right”

Establishing a relationship with a married man may give your momentary pleasure, but it will be short-lived. After the initial phase, the relationship will constantly be a source of regret or worry for you. Even in the best moments together, you will always be reminded that he is a married man. When he spends time with you, he may ignore calls or lie to his wife that he is attending a  meeting or spending time with his friends. In any case, you will always feel like you’re doing something wrong. And in fact, you are doing something wrong.

5. You can never fully trust him

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. However, if you are dating or are in a relationship with a married man, you can be sure that the man you are dating is a liar. Even the most significant gesture or phrase may seem empty to you because you know he has said it to at least another lady before. He has cheated on his wife, and thus, you can be sure that he will cheat on you too – if not now, eventually.

6. You will not be his priority

When he has a family and a legally married wife, you will never be his top priority. If he has to choose between you and his wife or children, he will always choose his family. If you need help, he will not give up everything to help you because he is trying to keep you a secret from his spouse. You will always be his option, which can hurt your self-esteem.

Do remember
Dating a married man can jeopardize your chances of finding true love. If you wish to date a married man, you might miss out on an opportunity to meet someone who is genuinely available and wants to pursue a committed relationship with you.

7. You risk collateral damage to his family and children

You will end up causing pain to his family when dating a married man

Image: Shutterstock

Remember, when you are in a relationship with a married man, more than one person is bound to get hurt when the relationship tumbles out of the closet. If the married man is a father, you will end up causing pain to his wife and children. Staying in touch or continuing to flirt with him will make it difficult for him to establish a proper relationship with his children.

8. A part of you is doing it for the thrill

No matter how much you care about this married man, you can’t deny that your relationship is a “forbidden love.” Part of the reason you are attracted to him, ironically, is because he is married. It means, at some level, you are attracted to him because he’s married, not despite it. The pleasure you get from every whispered call or every dark date and all the stolen moments are part of the game that makes you want to be with him. You might even derive some thrill when his wife gets some idea of what’s going on. While it may give you a sense of pleasure, remember that you are causing pain to someone else. And keep in mind that you will likely feel that pain firsthand when the tables turn and he does the same thing to you.

9. You’re replaceable, and your relationship is temporary

No matter what promises he makes or what dreams you have about your relationship, your relationship is temporary. You are replaceable. If your affair faces the risk of being exposed, he will be quick to end it. If he finds someone more interesting, he will replace you. If he spends some good time with his wife for a few weeks, he will ignore you and stop talking to you.

10. His marriage isn’t what he makes it sound like

He may use you to address some of his marriage problems. He may tell you his wife doesn’t love him, or is toxic, or has personality problems. Remember that you know only one side of the story. He may not be a good husband and may blame his wife for your sympathy. He may have many problems that you don’t see yet. Over time, you will inevitably see his part in his marital discord.

11. There will be another “other girl” someday

There will be another “other girl” someday when dating a married man

Image: iStock

Even if you get together with him after he breaks up with his wife, there is every chance he may enter into another relationship. In another scenario, if you have a serious dispute with him, he may leave you and go back to his wife. And as you don’t have options immediately available, you will keep relying on him.

12. You will be an outcast

You may be able to keep the relationship under wraps from his wife. However, you may confide in someone, or someone might find out that you have a secret relationship. Friends, roommates, or even the landlord may get a whiff of the relationship and talk about it either openly or in hushed tones. You will always be held responsible for getting in the way of marriage and labeled a “homewrecker.” You will face scorn and ridicule from friends, family, and colleagues for entering into a relationship with a married man.

13. He’s not looking for anything serious

The secret relationship clearly shows that his relationship with his wife is more important than the casual affair with you. He wants short-term emotional or physical gratification rather than true love from you.

14. It is illegal

From a legal perspective, having a relationship with a married man or woman is illegal. While there may be no legal case against you, he will stand to lose his marriage, his property, and may even have to pay financial assistance depending on how his wife chooses to proceed with the case.

15. Even when you win, you lose

Even when you win, you lose when dating a married man

Image: iStock

Assume your “best-case scenario” where he leaves his wife and starts dating you. Things will still be far from perfect. Whenever things go wrong between you or you have a serious fight, he will think of (or even openly mention) how his wife handled it better. If things between you two take a serious downturn, he will always regret cheating on his wife and ending a relationship with her over someone he is not very fond of now. This is because your relationship’s foundation is based on deceit and trickery.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What do we call a woman who dates a married man?

A woman who dates a married man is often called a mistress. The term, however, was originally used as the female form for the words ‘mister’ or ‘master’.

2. Why do I always fall for a married man?

Married men are thought to be more mature, responsible, and caring, which often forms the basis of getting attracted to them. Women who are needy yet apprehensive about commitment may seek the company of married men as they want a relationship with no strings attached. Compliments from married men may seem more flattering to some women, who then get attracted to them. Also, women may often become empathetic towards married men who discuss their dissatisfactory married life.

3. Can a happily married man love another woman?

Yes, it is possible for a man who’s happily married man to fall for someone else. It could be for various reasons ranging from tension and discord between the partners to boredom in the marriage. However, sometimes a man might seek the love of another woman despite being madly in love with his wife because one person may not fulfill his needs.

Dating a married man may be associated with several issues and problems for all parties involved. Firstly, it is not good to date a married man since you may take the brunt of his family, wife, friends, and other loved ones. Living with the blame for causing a disturbance in a family may leave you feeling guilty for a long time. Moreover, the propensity for a man who has cheated once to cheat on you is high. Therefore, you should seriously consider severing ties with a married man if you are already in a relationship with him.

Infographic: Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Date A Married Man

Love is a feeling beyond our control, but if it is with someone married, the experience may not be as magical as it is otherwise. So if you or someone you know is in a similar dilemma, this infographic can be an eye opener. Give it a good read when you are calm and relaxed to let the words sink in better.

things to consider before dating a married man [infographic]
Illustration: MomJunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • Falling in love with a married man could make your life complicated.
  • Dating a married man means you are involved in an extramarital affair. Eventually, it makes you anxious and ignored.
  • Continuing the dating could cause collateral damage to his family, causing irreversible damage to the involved parties.
  • Although difficult, termination of unhealthy relationships is beneficial.

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