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Dear Mother-In-Law,
I still distinctly remember the first time we met. Your beloved son had broken the news about me just a few days before we came. First taken aback, you might have felt a little scared after the news sank in. But, I didn’t see any hint of skepticism when I met you. You welcomed me with wide open arms.
I was the typical girlfriend, eager to impress you – my future mother-in-law. And, there you were, ready with your stamp of approval. I was immediately filled with immense adulation for you.
I do not deny the natural atmosphere of tension between us, but you made a genuine effort to ease it. You took me aside and we chatted about everything, be it family, my future goals, and even our hobbies and interests. We bickered about our favorite cricket captain and had an intense political debate too. But, all in the light fun! To my surprise, we became friends.
As Time Passed
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On the day of our marriage, I remember you holding on to your son and tugging him close. Yes, your face was glowing with happiness, but there was something else too. Could be a glimmer of nostalgia? A little bit of insecurity?
I should have paid more attention. Right after the birth of our first daughter, you came in and took charge of almost everything. Be it cleaning, cooking, or any help with my daughter, you were always there. I was just amazed at your generosity. But, I soon realized that you were here to stay, for quite a long time. Don’t take it the wrong way; I did appreciate all your help. But somehow, this left me unsettled. I didn’t know why though.
You finally left for your home today and I sort of have an answer now. From the second you arrived, things went from bad to worse. Being a parent yourself and having been through it all, you had an opinion on every parenting decision I took. You scolded me for waking up my husband in the morning to help me with our daughter. You told me that I was not good at disciplining our toddler. You even commented on the clothes I dressed up my baby in and asked me whether I ever planned to potty-train her.
What Went Wrong?
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When you left, I was obviously furious and frustrated. The irony is that I kissed you goodbye and asked you to come soon. I pretended like nothing had happened like any good daughter-in-law would.
But, as I sat down with a hot cup of coffee, I thought of the moment where it all went wrong, despite being so close. I didn’t like the feeling and wanted to figure out the root cause. I still wish to welcome you as warmly and graciously as you welcomed me years back.
So, I realized it’s time to have that talk. First and foremost, I want you to know that I really do love you and respect you. I also understand that I am at fault too. And, I know that you have raised two pretty amazing kids. One of whom is, obviously, my husband. But, please understand, that it is now my turn to raise mine.
I respect your opinions. I do! But, there are some lines no one can cross without damaging the relationship in the process. I am sure you will understand this one. When it comes to my daughter, I am a little sensitive. Please don’t tell me what I can feed my little angel and what I cannot. Please don’t say that she looks odd in a dress, which I might have picked with so much love. Also, don’t compare her with your son. Yes, your son went unsupervised to play out at the age of three. But, I do have the time at hand which I want to focus on supervising her.
I understand your concerns because I have them too. But, you need to know that every parenting decision that my husband and I take has been well thought of. You might differ in your opinion but the times have changed. What you might have done for your son back then might not make sense for my daughter in today’s time.
I only want you to respect my choices. You have raised an amazing kid and I love him deeply. But, now let me raise mine. Even if I make mistakes, let me. I will learn.
Your loving,
Daughter-in-law
