25+ Dos And Don'ts When Starting A New Relationship

Falling in love is a beautiful feeling, and entering into a new union makes your life all exciting once again. You spend your days and nights thinking about your partner, and everything around you looks more beautiful to you. You lose track of time and find yourself daydreaming throughout the day. You also wait eagerly for their texts and calls and are excited to figure out your compatibility with this new person.

However, one can also get a little more insecure and start doubting themselves in the initial days of a new relationship and question the rapport that you share. The initial excitement can also prevent you from thinking straight and land you in trouble. So, read through this post to know the dos and don’ts of starting a new relationship.

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25+ Dos And Don’ts Of Starting A New Relationship

Relationship anxiety is real, but these tips will help you become your best self in the partnership. Read on.

1. Don’t bring up your fears

One of the things that many people tend to do when they start dating someone new is start to spill their relationship fears and anxieties right from the start of their interaction. Sharing your past relationship experiences with your current partner will make them feel overwhelmed, ruining the attachment they have towards you. Keep the conversations short and sweet, and definitely do not overshare.

2. Don’t compare them

At the start of the relationship, you might feel tempted to point out the shortcomings they might have, but don’t do that because it may hurt them. Build a friendship first and show utmost sympathy and empathy in the initial days. You also should not bring up your past relationships and start comparing them with your current relationship because your significant other may feel insecure and jealous leading to a break in the link you share. They also may think you have not moved on from your past relationship.

Highlighting the negativity of comparison in a relationship, an anonymous female blogger narrates her experience. She says, “A friend of mine also started dating someone new. After a very short while, she was telling me how he’d met the family, they’d done this and the other, been out with her friends, and they were planning a holiday. Suddenly, nights with just the two of us seemed a bit odd. Mine hadn’t met my son, my parents, or my friends. We rarely went out. I wanted what she had. It wasn’t healthy. I was jealous.

“My jealousy and envy wasn’t fair on my partner, and it wasn’t justified. I was deliriously happy for the first time in a long while. Why was I ruining that for myself by comparing my relationship to others? Every relationship is different, and they move along at different speeds (i).”

3. Don’t be clingy

The start of a new relationship is exciting. You always want to be with your boo, and when you are not with them, you feel like calling or texting to ask every minuscule detail about their life. First of all, you have to calm down and give them space to breathe. You do not want to overwhelm them since you have plenty of time in the future to discuss everything you want and gradually build your chemistry.

4. Don’t ignore the “birds and bees” talk

New relationship, Have an open conversation about intimacy

Image: IStock

If you and your partner are in a sexual relationship, practicing safe sex is important. It would be ideal to have an open conversation about your anxieties and likings in bed with your partner. This way, you both can be more intimate with one another.

5. Don’t be afraid to try out new things

If your partner wants to try out new things and you don’t want to, try giving it a chance and show cooperation, you might end up liking it. Being open to new things is always a great way to experience new things. Plus, you both might just end up discovering something that you enjoy partaking in together, thus strengthening the tie between you.

protip_icon Quick tip
Trying new things in a relationship will not only let you unwind but also help create a genuine connection with your partner.

6. Don’t feel pressured to get intimate with your partner too soon

Pop culture and TV shows might make you feel that intimacy is the key to a long-lasting relationship. But do not feel pressured to get between the sheets at the beginning of your relationship, and your partner should not pressure you either. Only do that when you feel comfortable with your significant other.

7. Don’t keep your boundaries up

You might be afraid of showing too many emotions to your partner, but that will just show what an honest person you are. Vulnerability is difficult right at the beginning of a new relationship, but you have to trust the process. You might have gotten hurt before. However, you have taken the leap of faith and come into this relationship. So trust the person and take one little step at a time.

8. Don’t pester them about their ex

The “ex-talk” is something that many people tend to avoid and for a good reason too. If your partner had a bad breakup, do not keep prying into their past by asking them how their relationship with their ex was. Give them time, and slowly but surely, they will open up. Bombarding them with such questions will make them feel emotionally exhausted.

9. Don’t forget your friends

Give time to your family and friends as well

Image: IStock

It’s all well and good when you make plans with your partner to spend time with them, but you also need some time to take care of yourself. Don’t make your partner the center of your life right from the start; you also want to give time and show solidarity to your family and friends.

protip_icon Point to consider
Although fitting friends, work, and your partner into your routine can be overwhelming, try making them a part of your weekend lunch dates or outings with your partner.

10. Don’t make future plans right away

Instead of planning your future with them, ask them what their goals and future plans are. They might want to move at a slower pace and take one step at a time. You will have plenty of time to discuss marriage and the future later on. For now, enjoy your newfound love with your bae.

11. Don’t have high expectations

When you are in a new relationship, it might feel like your partner is someone right out of a fairytale with their perfectly charming self and sweet personality. Having your head above the clouds is not good, at least not at the beginning of a relationship. It will take time for you to understand if they are ‘the one’. Instead, be patient and see where the relationship takes you to.

12. Don’t be jealous

Being protective towards your significant other is nice, but when that gives way to borderline possessiveness and jealousy, it is a red flag and may cause trouble in your relationship. The relationship should be based on mutual trust, understanding, and commitment. No good ever comes out of jealousy and mistrust.

13. Don’t glorify them

There are a lot of layers to a person that only unveils with time. The more you spend time with them, you get to see each of their shades. It is easy to be enraptured and bedazzled by your newfound love and their irresistible personality. But it is important not to glorify and worship them as you will only be let down since they are human. No one is inherently better than or less than any other.

14. Don’t lose your space

When you spend every waking moment with your newfound bae, it is often easy to lose your sense of self. Having a 9 to 5 job, working out, taking out some time to see your family and friends, going out on dates with your partner can all become too much. Therefore it is important to spend some time by yourself and indulge in activities you enjoy doing alone.

15. Do plan your dates differently

New relationship, Plan a picnic date

Image: IStock

Instead of going out to a movie or a dinner date, try and plan something different every time. That way, you both get to try out new things and make your bond stronger. Plan a picnic date if it’s summer, take a walk on the beach during sunset, go hiking together. There are many varieties you can incorporate when planning your dates.

16. Do appreciate them

Appreciate the qualities that you like in them. No matter how small of a complement it might seem, appreciating them will show them how much you like and value them. This creates a solid foundation for your relationship.

17. Do sort out your priorities

When you are in a relationship, it is important to sort out your priorities right from the start. For instance, if your partner wants to spend time with you after a busy work week and you end up taking a rain check most of the time, they will get annoyed. If you are serious about the relationship, plan dates that will help both of you spend time together. Make sure such arrangements create a “win-win” for the both of you.

18. Do keep an eye out for the red flags

Sometimes, new relationships overwhelm you to the point of losing your senses that most people overlook the red flags in their relationships. For instance, if your partner gets too possessive about you and starts controlling you, you might think they are doing that out of love. But it can only make things complicated and toxic. Make sure you speak to your friends and family about this because they are not overwhelmed by the newness of the relationship and are able to think more logically.

19. Do respect yourself

Oprah Winfrey once said, “Only make decisions that support your self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth.” Respecting yourself is important. If you do not respect yourself, how do you expect other people to respect you? Moreover, you must observe how your partner treats other people. If they are disrespectful towards them, the chances are, they will eventually be disrespectful towards you.

protip_icon Do remember
For nurturing a stable relationship, it is crucial to respect yourself and be respected by your partner. Therefore, learn what works for you, know your worth, and remember that you deserve happiness.

20. Do be honest about what you want

Sometimes you might feel that conveying your emotional needs might annoy them. But, when you do share your wants and needs, they know what they signed up for when they decided to be in a relationship with you. So don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you need from them.

21. Do enjoy the present

Stay in the present and relish every moment

Image: IStock

The start of a new relationship can be quite exciting. So, enjoy the good feeling till it lasts and feeds your curiosity. That way, you and your significant other can enjoy each moment in the best manner possible.

22. Do be humble

Being with your partner, you might feel the need to constantly brag about yourself so that they hold you in high regard, but in all honesty, you do not have to do that. Your partner chose to be with you because they like you. Humility is a virtue, and when you are humble, your partner will appreciate that about you. When you are truly confident, your partner will know and you won’t feel the need to brag.

23. Do reciprocate the gestures of your partner

If your partner is the one who is constantly calling you or texting you, or planning dates, then you too have to put in some effort. If they are the ones who take the initiative all the time, after some time, they will feel like they are being taken for granted. If you mirror their sweet gestures and actions, they will appreciate it and know the feeling is mutual.

24. Do consider your past relationships as a life lesson

If you have had past relationships that did not work out for whatever reasons, take those as a lesson and move on. Learn from mistakes and be a better version of yourself so that your new relationship starts with a strong base.

25. Do remember to communicate

Make sure you have open conversations

Image: IStock

Miscommunication is the culprit that ruins most relationships. One of the tips while starting a new relationship is to make sure you communicate properly with your partner. If you are annoyed or upset about something, be open about it without criticizing your partner. Your partner will understand you and where you are coming from when you convey your feelings to them.

26. Practice gratitude

Practicing gratitude helps you maintain a positive mindset when starting a relationship. It enables you stay focused and mindful about the situation. When you feel thankful to have found a partner, you will not take things for granted. Showing appreciation for your partner and their efforts will foster your connection. Noticing and appreciating the good things they do makes your partner feel important and valued. This will encourage them to do their best for the relationship. When you open up about your feelings, your partner may follow suit and be transparent about their feelings. This will create a positive environment to have open communication and help build trust.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What are the stages of a new relationship?

According to experts, relationship stages fall under two processes – coming together and coming apart. In the coming together stage, a relationship passes five stages – initiation, experimentation, intensifying, integration, and bonding. Then, in the coming part process, a relationship transitions through another five stages – differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and terminating (1).

2. How often should you text in a new relationship?

There’s no set frequency of texting in a new relationship. You can text your partner as many times as you want. However, as the relationship is new, ensure not to go overboard with texting. Sending too many messages can make you look desperate. On the other hand, it may make the other person feel uncomfortable. So take it easy and make your conversation a medium to stay connected, which doesn’t feel like hoovering.

3. When does a new relationship get serious?

No set time or incident marks the beginning of a serious relationship. However, some signs might suggest it is developing into an enduring relationship. They include creating close emotional connections, a sense of trust, and intimacy. Also, couples in serious relationships tend to meet their friends and family members, spend a lot of time together, and communicate frequently.

4. What do I expect in a real relationship?

A real relationship can take many forms as it is uniquely shaped by the individuals involved. However, many share common traits like mutual respect, open and honest communication, trust and honesty, intense intimacy, and the willingness to address disagreements. Also, partners are supportive of their growth and make an effort to spend quality time together.

5. What is the feeling of a new relationship?

Some familiar feelings associated with a new relationship can be a mix of excitement, anticipation, and a range of positive emotions. They also include a sense of nervousness, thrill, and intense infatuation. You may experience a general sense of contentment and self-reflection as you embrace this new relationship.

6. What is the hardest part of a new relationship?

Some common challenges of being in a new relationship include the fear of uncertainty and rejection, miscommunication, finding the optimum balance between time and other priorities, managing expectations, and overcoming fear and past traumas.

While it is natural and beautiful to love your partner beyond limits and rules, there are a few unsaid rules you should follow when you enter a new relationship. Rules such as avoiding discussions about their ex and maintaining reasonable expectations will help you smoothly embark on a new relationship and get closer to your partner. They will also help you understand your partner’s perspectives and expectations of the relationship. A little effort from both parties can help the couple attain a healthy relationship.

Infographic: Predominant Dos And Don’ts When Starting A New Relationship

When starting a new relationship, you should be mindful of what you say and do, as it could directly impact your prospects with your partner. Knowing what to do and avoid can help create a solid and long-lasting relationship with your loved one. Here is an infographic to guide you with the dos and don’ts when starting a new relationship.

things to do and not to do when beginning a relationship (infographic)

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • If you have found your special one, be aware of the dos and don’ts of a new relationship before committing.
  • Do not be too clingy, insecure, or have too many expectations for them.
  • Spend quality time with them, and do not forget to be expressive and curious.
new relationship_illustration

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

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Jason Polk

Jason PolkLCSW, LAC

Jason Polk is a licensed couple’s therapist. He’s a Level II PACT (Psychological Approach to Couples Therapy) therapist and has been trained in the RLT (Relational Life Therapy) model. He’s a certified HOCII (Healing Our Core Issues Institute) therapist. Having experienced his own difficulties in relationships, he pursued a career in couples counseling to learn how to have a healthy...read full bio