Grounding kids involves curtailing a child’s privileges for a set period, encouraging them to think over their actions, and finding remedies to correct them. This discipline technique helps teach children the consequence of breaking the rules and the importance of appropriate limits and boundaries. In a way, grounding helps parents enforce rules. However, how a parent uses this technique determines its effectiveness.
Some parents keep their child home from all the activities after school hours, while others confiscate their phone, disconnect Wi-Fi, or refuse the child to have any peer interaction for a day or two. Whatever rules you set for grounding, remember that you may unintentionally do more harm than good if you ground children for vague reasons or ground them excessively.
Read on as we take you through some common reasons why parents ground their children, the side effects this discipline technique can have, and a few tips for grounding children effectively.
Reasons Parents Use Grounding As A Punishment
Parents use grounding as a punishment or consequence for various reasons. The following are the most common ones.
If you have told your child to behave in a particular way, and they have deliberately overlooked your instruction.
Some children are aggressive and too violent with you or other children, including siblings. They might bully someone or fight with them.
Sometimes, children answer back with a rude comment or even a contemptuous facial expression to someone in authority at home, in the community or at school, usually with adults.
Children may lie to get out of tricky situations, avoid getting in trouble or even shift blame to others.
Another issue parents may face is their children stealing from them or others and they need help learning how tocurb this behavior so that it down not become a habit.
6. Bad habits
Side Effects Of Grounding Kids
While grounding kids might bring about the result you want on the surface, grounding has potential for a few negative side effects when not done right.
1. They might hold a grudge against you
If you have caused them humiliation among their friends by grounding them, your children might hold that as a grudge against you. They might even start comparing you with the parents of their friends. While this behavior is more common in tweens and teenagers, younger children might also harbor similar feelings.
2. They might develop an irrational fear or anxiety
If you ground your child without giving them a proper reason or to severe for the infraction, they might doubt or wonder about their choices and actions because they wouldn’t know what could earn them a grounding and theworry could lead them to develop an irrational fear of punishment and could cause more problems, including increased emotional problems such as anxiety.
3. They might become defiant
While younger children might be afraid of being grounded, older children, especially teens, might become rebellious as a result of it. They might do things on purpose to annoy you. In general, if you have to ground your child for the same mistake more than two times, it suggests they are not learning from it, and you need to consider other options.
4. They might learn to wear you down
Some children have an uncanny knack for repeatedly requesting something that they want until you give in to their request. Once your children know how long you take to break down or how to pit parents against each other, they will ask you repeatedly until it is almost a power game that they hope to win. If the grounding lasts only until you hold out and not until the specified period you had decided in the beginning, it could backfire and teach them their methods work. It is usually better to start with the least severity of grounding than to go against your own word and give in.
5.They might get confused
You must try to connect the consequence to the behavior. For instance, if they drop the television remote repeatedly after you have told them to be careful, you can switch off the television. However, if you switch off the television for every sign of misbehavior, they might get confused about why they are getting grounded. They might eventually lose interest in watching television altogether or look for some loophole for watching it, such as watching TV at their friend’s place.
What You Should Do When Grounding Your Child
1. Define conditions and consequences in advance
Instead of issuing vague instructions, such as “Behave well or else,” give your child explicit instructions with the consequences. For example, you can say, “If you drop the television remote, you will not be allowed to watch television for two days.”
Depending on your child’s age, you can increase or decrease the intensity and nature of the punishment. You should also ensure your child is clear about the reason for which they are getting grounded.
Rules are best when written down, reviewed with children and tied to specific consequences.
2. Focus on short-term expectations
Children may find it challenging to concentrate on long-term goals. Thus, you should give them instructions that they can focus on. Instead of saying, “You should study well so that you do well at the end of the year,” you can say, “Complete this homework today, and you can study for the test tomorrow.”
And when your children complete the required task, acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement is an excellent way to shape good behavior.
3. Start a conversation
If your child has done something wrong, the first thing you should do is to start a conversation with them. Create an environment where they feel safe to discuss with you, so they feel they are allowed to learn from mistakes without the fear of being judged. This is the best way you can offer them advice on the correct course of action.
If your child is worried about you losing your temper, they will freeze and not be open to accepting guidance from you. If your temper flares up, it is never too late to apologize – children learn from your mistakes and repairs, too!
4. Ask your child what they think
Let your child talk and express their thoughts. They must have thought in a particular way to arrive at their final decision. This helps you understand what made them perform a specific action.
Although it might be tempting to correct each thought as they narrate it, remain calm and let them finish what they have to say before you offer them advice. Expressing their thoughts out loud could also give your child a new perspective on their actions.
5. Discipline based on intent and not actions
If your child has done something inappropriate in a fit of anger, focus on the intent of the act instead of the act itself. For example, if they have broken something in anger, they should be taught the correct way to handle the anger instead of focusing on the broken item.
This teaches children that while they can vent, they cannot destroy things or harm people. This is another way to teach children that actions have consequences.
6. Do not overdo it
Cutting down on a child’s favorite activities is one of the most effective ways of grounding a child. However, if you overdo it, your child might become resentful instead of learning from the grounding. Often you can simply limit even a portion of their time with a favorite activity but not take it away completely.
7. Keep groundings short
Long-term groundings seem to do more harm than good. Children, especially when they are older, find ways to cheat or work their way around the punishment. Also, long groundings do not allow you to reinforce proper behavior.
If your children have done something that warrants a long grounding, you might want to consider other methods for disciplining them.
8. Avoid complete grounding from social media
Even if you find it tempting to stop your child from using social media, it might be detrimental to their social development. Besides connecting with their friends, children also use social media to stay updated on their schoolwork and keep abreast of the news. By taking away their phones or banning the use of social media, you are cutting off all contact.
This could lead to more resentment, and your children might be unwilling to change their behavior. It could also lead to anxiety. Instead, you can allow limited time for access and set certain boundaries during that time.
9. Give them chances to reduce their grounding
Allow your children to “trade” their grounding for good behavior. This might be anything you choose, such as asking them to do chores around the house or complete their homework on time. If your child displays good behavior continuously, you can reduce the period of grounding.
10. Give your child an opportunity to fix their error
When you have talked about your child’s misbehavior, offer them a chance to fix the problem. This will give your child an opportunity to learn the different ways they can fix their mistakes.
For example, if they have hurt a friend at school, let them come up with ways to apologize – a handwritten note for example. These consequences may help them learn to analyze their actions and gain empathy for others.
11. Be empathetic
Remember that your child is just a young person trying to navigate their way around the world. Put yourself in their shoes and try to empathize with their situation instead of being angry at them.
When you begin to empathize with your children, you automatically start trying to find ways to rectify the problem instead of shouting at your child and grounding them.
Open communication is the key to a healthy parent-child relationship. Your child will feel more confident about sharing the different aspects of their life with you and come to you willingly for advice.
Grounding kids might seem the best way to enforce rules, but when not done right, it can push your children away from you. Do it reasonably and give your children the chance to learn from their mistakes.
2. Modified Grounding; Center For Effective Parenting
3. Grounding as a Method of Discipline – Guidelines for Parents; University of Nebraska Medical Center