Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is a considerably new parenting style that does away with hand-holding and guiding the children. It lets them learn by themselves.
Parents could be uninvolved in varying degrees. While most parents look after the basic needs such as food and shelter for their kids, some others neglect their children completely.
MomJunction gives you deeper insights into uninvolved or neglectful parenting and whether or not it is healthy for your kids.
What Is Neglectful Or Uninvolved Parenting Style?
A parenting style where the child does not get an adequate amount of emotional support, physical time of the parent, basic needs such as food, shelter, health care, childhood play, and academic support, can be termed as being neglectful. (1)
- According to psychologist Diana Baumrind, neglectful parenting, or uninvolved parents have the least amount of involvement or response towards their children’s needs. They just provide the most basic of facilities but no room or opportunity for recreational and developmental activities.
- Uninvolved or neglectful parents make almost no demands from their kids. This means that they do not bother about their discipline.
- Parents are emotionally detached from their children.
- As an uninvolved or neglectful parent, you may be extremely dismissive, indifferent or even oblivious to your child’s needs.
[ Read: Parenting Styles ]
The Characteristics Of Neglectful Or Uninvolved Parenting:
Before you chide yourself for being an uninvolved or neglectful parent, do remember that the characteristics are generic and you could have a few of them in common. This does not necessarily make you a neglectful parent.
1. Emotional Detachment
Such parents think that their duty is limited to providing food and shelter, and not other needs such as connecting with their children emotionally. They do not feel the need to ask their kids about their daily activities, or even take care of them when the children feel emotionally down. They avoid any confrontations.
2. Too Occupied With Their Problems:
Uninvolved parents feel the pressure of the world and are generally busy with their own issues. They are either caught up in work or occupied with self-grooming. Parents could be facing financial, emotional, or social problems, and may end up spending time in taking care of the crises. This leaves them with little or no time for their kids.
3. Influence Of Drugs Or Abusive Substances:
If parents are addicted to alcohol, drugs or other abusive substances then they fail in their responsibilities. They could even resort to violence. Parents with substance abuse affect a child’s growth as they do not involve themselves with their children. In some cases, if parents lose their jobs, and come under financial constraints, then kids may have to drop out of school, or lack nutrition, among other things. (2)
4. Lack Of Supervision:
Neglectful parents are broadly of two types when it comes to supervision. They either do not supervise their kids at all or keep them grounded constantly. The first kinds are not inclined to supervise their kids. They do not bother about what the kids do, when they come home and go. They are barely aware of their kids’ schedules and activities. They do not like to inculcate discipline, and a lack of it also does not affect them.
The second kind keep their kids grounded, under supervision, or at home, all the time. While they do not ask their kids about their daily activities, they will want to have them around. Such parents prevent any development that the kids may have outside of home.
5. Do Not Express Love:
These parents do not express their love towards their children. They often ignore them and there is no hugging, kissing or any other signs of love in the family. They show no warmth, which could leave the kids feeling bitter.
6. Lack Of Expectations:
These parents have absolutely no expectations with their kids. They are not bothered about the milestones or goals reached by their children. They do not help or motivate them in achieving their goals.
Effects Of Uninvolved Parenting On Children
As most fathers are generally earning for the family, they lose out on some very important time with their children. There could be other reasons for the lack of involvement besides work.
- In the absence of a father, men don’t learn how to be strong and deal with situations tactfully. They are constantly looking for approval from people and cannot decide for things by themselves. They end up being unable to take decisions for themselves, and grow up to be weaker dads.
- Girls become emotionally weak as they never had a strong support from anyone and fail in relationships in future. They yearn for constant love.
- The unavailability of a mother hampers children’s growth in terms of identity.
- Mothers help their children build an identity. They let kids know how strong they can be and teach them the difference between right and wrong. As mothers are vastly involved in teaching kids life skills, their absence leaves children directionless.
Examples Of Uninvolved Or Neglectful Parenting Style:
Here are a few examples of how an uninvolved parent would react under certain scenarios.
- You have taken your three-year-old to a park, or your toddler is busy in a play-date at home with other kids. Suddenly, he grabs the toy of another child and snatches it away from her.
- You see but do not interfere. Your toddler may be too young to understand the difference between good and bad behavior, and this may be the age around which you need to start teaching him that.
- Your young child comes home from school, and you know that it has been a long time since he had eaten something.
- You will not offer him any healthy meal but expect him to reheat some stale food and eat.
- In extreme cases, you may not even acknowledge the fact that your child is hungry or simply ignore his requests for some food.
- Your child has a lot of homework and school projects that are too difficult and vast for your child to do all by himself.
- You will not offer any assistance or guidance to your child, even if he seeks help from you.
- Your child may start scoring poorly at school, and it may negatively affect their overall studies, but you are not concerned about his performance.
- Your needs and activities take up most of your time.
- You spend the entire day working and do not get any time for yourself or to indulge in your recreational activities.
- The only time that you get to relax is when your child too has a lot of free time at hand. So, you let him loose, without worrying about what he does in his free time.
- Your child is back home after having spent a long time at a friend’s place.
- You do not ask him where he has been or how long he was gone for.
- You do explain the importance of time and maintenance of a schedule.
- Your child has been looking very dull and upset for a week now. You take notice but do not try to find out the reason.
- You may have no idea what is going wrong with your child and would not even recognize the need for some urgent medical attention.
Why Neglectful Parenting Is Bad?
Children in an uninvolved parenting set-up cannot compete with their classmates and friends, feel abandoned and depressed. They lose their ability to make the right choices.
The constant feeling of being ignored or unwanted can leave the child with a confused feeling about self-worth. They get easily troubled or frustrated and are not very good at sticking to relationships.
Here are the consequences of neglectful or uninvolved parenting (3):
1. Feeling Unloved:
Uninvolved parenting leaves a child feeling unloved. This could have a huge impact on the child’s overall psychological development.
2. Child Becomes Directionless:
As parents pay no attention, children cannot choose a right path for themselves. The child ends up being disillusioned and sometimes seeks others’ advice for making decisions. A lack of understanding of the boundaries could make him anti-social.
3. Cannot Follow Rules or Instructions:
Children are not taught to follow rules, as there are none at home. This could wreak havoc in his life because he cannot stick to the guidelines at school while growing up and at work or in society as an adult.
4. Cannot Understand Other Parenting Styles:
Children who grow up in this parenting atmosphere may find other parenting styles weird, and could end up being uninvolved parents to their children. They may find it difficult to accept love and care from other adults in the family.
[ Read: Authoritarian Parenting ]
5. Substance Abuse:
Uninvolved parenting children are at a high risk of falling prey to substance abuse. In case the parents are themselves addicted to drugs, the chances of children becoming so are higher.
6. They Have To Take Care Of Themselves:
Such children are left to fend for themselves, which robs them of the essence of childhood. They grow up too quickly and older siblings end up taking care of the younger ones. They become socially aloof, and find it difficult to respond and react to others and may turn to be extreme introverts.
7. Heightened Emotions:
Children find it difficult to control their emotions. They have a heightened sense of fear, anxiety and stress as they never get the emotional support of their parents to tide over such feelings.
8. Brain Functioning Is Hampered:
Neglect can severely alter the way a child’s brain works. It leads to depression and an increased risk of memory impairment. It could also lead to dissociative disorders. Some researchers say that neglect is linked to panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). (4)
9. Lack Of Personality Development:
As there is no direction or adult supervision, children cannot develop their personality like those in other forms of parenting do. They simply flow with the tide.
Why Do Parents Adopt Neglectful Or Uninvolved Style Of Parenting?
Researchers attribute uninvolved parenting to several reasons such as financial status, educational background, cultural aspects, and traditional practices. Here are a few other important reasons for parents to adopt this style:
1. They Suffered The Same:
Parents could be carrying forward the parenting style of their parents. As they have faced a similar scenario in their childhood, they do not feel the need to connect to their children.
This turns into a vicious circle and can become extremely difficult to come out unless some conscious effort is made by them.
2. Life Style:
Some parents may have a lifestyle that keeps them totally occupied and gives them no time for anyone in the family, including their spouses. Such parents do not intentionally avoid their kids, but are forced to.
3. Personality Issues:
Some individuals have the urge to stand out in the crowd. This individuality forces them to turn towards themselves and not care for anyone else. These kinds of people often take care of themselves and neglect everything else.
[ Read: Holistic Parenting ]
4. Good Intentions:
Some parents adopt this kind of parenting style so that their children can toughen up and learn to be dependent on none. What they do not realize is that they are pushing their children to an extreme.
4. Lack Of Understanding:
A lack of understanding of responsibilities can also trigger this kind of parenting. When parents are unable to communicate with their children well or are unable to understand their needs, they become neglectful.
Tips To Come Out Of Neglectful Parenting:
Though it could be difficult for parents to adapt to another parenting style, they must understand that they have to take charge. Here are some ways in which you can make changes in your parenting style.
- Develop communication with your kids. Even if you do not want to involve yourself completely, take some time out and start slow.
- See if they are keeping in their best health. Attend to them if you feel that they are very quiet or not as active as usual.
- Help them take decisions even if you do not wish to suggest anything. Just listen to them. You don’t always have to give a solution.
- If you are very busy with something, let them know when you can attend to them.
- Do seek medical help if you think you might need it.
- Toxic parenting is a higher or worse form of neglectful parenting. Toxic parents are known to treat their kids as nothing but objects. They damage a child’s cognitive, growth, and overall development. They are overtly abusive and manipulative.
- Toxic parenting is extreme and sees no bond between parents and children.
[ Read: Authoritative Parenting ]
While parenting can be a task to handle, remember that it is your duty to take care of your children. Come out of this negative parenting style to provide a cordial family atmosphere for your child to grow.
What do you think is the best parenting style to follow? Let us know in the comment section.
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