We know how incredibly frustrating it can be to communicate with your spouse. Sometimes, a minor issue can lead to a major argument, which you could have been prevented. How do you communicate better with your husband? How do you talk to him without getting into arguments? You could be the best communicator in your family, office, etc., but when it comes to communicating with your spouse, you have the toughest time.
Have you thought about why it is so difficult to communicate with your husband? It is really quite simple – communicating with your spouse is similar to communicating with another person. The only difference is that you love your husband so much and you naturally assume that he understands you better than anyone else. When you cannot seem to talk to your spouse, it just feels like you have failed and that you did not prepare as well as you should have for your marriage. The burning question remains – how to communicate with your spouse? Well, read on for the answer.
How To Communicate With Your Spouse Without Arguments Or Fights:
Communicating without arguing or fighting with your spouse is not easy, but it is possible. All it takes is a more active effort. Certain guidelines and rules are required for healthy communication in a marriage. You can improve communication with your husband by keeping the following points in mind:
Listen to each other:
When you and your husband are having a conversation, you need to make sure that you listen and pay attention to each other (1). If your spouse is not listening, all your words are wasted. This will make you feel frustrated, angry, down and you will experience many other emotions as well.
When you and your spouse are communicating and your husband is saying something to you, you should make sure that you stop what you are doing and listen to him. This shows that you are paying attention to what he is saying, and he will appreciate that.
Do not shout:
Nothing comes out of shouting and raising your voice when trying to communicate with your spouse. Yes, things can get extremely frustrating, but yelling will not make things any better (2). In fact, these are the times when you should be gentle towards each other and try to talk to each without creating an atmosphere that breeds more frustration or anger.
When you are trying to effectively communicate with your husband, yelling should be avoided at all cost. It just does not set the tone for communication that is effective and rewarding. No one wants her spouse to yell at her. You are probably the same, so make sure that you do not raise your voice when you are trying to communicate with your husband.
Empathize with your spouse:
Whether you are having an argument, a discussion or simply talking, always try to put yourself in your better half’s shoes. Try to see things from their perspective (3). This will allow you to understand what they are trying to say or what they mean. Empathetic listening is a good practice that every marriage should have. It is one of the most helpful tools when you want to improve your communication with your spouse.
When you see things from your husband’s point of view, you will be able to understand where he is coming from and what it is he wants to say to you. As you know, men have a hard time talking about certain things, and when you actually listen to everything he is saying instead of just bits and pieces, it enables you to understand him and what he is trying to communicate.
Confirm that your spouse understands what you are saying:
Confirming understanding is another must when you want to communicate with your husband and improve communication (4). You should make it a point to ask if he understands what you are trying to say.
If he says that he does, ask him to describe it clearly. This will show if your spouse does understand what you are trying to convey. If something you said is misunderstood or misinterpreted, this is the best way to find out and make sure that you clarify if this happens.
Lastly, do not say everything is fine when it is clear to you that something is wrong.
Try different ways of communicating:
When your spouse does not understand what you are trying to say or what you said, you should try explaining in different ways (5). Whatever method you think would be most effective – use that.
Depending on what you are trying to say or communicate, you can try using different verbal explanations. If that does not work, you can try analogies and even write on paper. Do not hesitate to try anything. Remember that communication is what will keep your marriage from breaking. So, use whatever you can think of to effectively communicate with your spouse.
On the other hand, if you do not understand what your spouse is trying to say, do not hesitate to ask him to explain in a better way – in a way that you can understand. This is the only way to make sure that you understand what your husband is trying to say and know what you need to say back to keep the communication going.
[ Read: How To Be A Good Wife ]
Take a break:
There is no point in making yourselves feel frustrated or angry, so every time you and your spouse cannot seem to communicate in a way you both understand, take a break (6). Sometimes that is all it takes! Take a few minutes away from each other or away from the topic and regroup and then come back to your discussion. This can do wonders in preventing arguments and fights.
Taking a break allows you to cool off when things start to get a little too heated, or when you just cannot understand what your spouse is trying to tell you. Many people think that they need to plough on until they get the results they want. But, this is not the way to go about it. Taking a breather can be extremely important, not to mention helpful. Sometimes, all you need is a little time to re-evaluate.
Lead by example:
When you want something done or to be done a certain way, but communicating it to your spouse does not help, you should try leading by example (7). This is the most effective way to make sure what you want to be done gets done or that your husband understands what you are trying to tell him.
Sometimes, it is the little things that cause major fights. And why let them? When you do what you expect your spouse to, they quickly learn by your example, and you will find that you do not have to say a word to get them to understand. At times, communicating is all about showing your spouse what you expect of him, and you can do it without sounding like you are nagging him.
Keep non-subjects away:
What are non-subjects? It is a subject between couples that should be kept off limits. It should never be brought up under any circumstances. Non-subjects are not only sad, but they have the ability to completely destroy a relationship. When you are trying to communicate with your husband or spouse, bringing up a non-subject can make the situation worse. It may even cause your better half to close up completely.
It takes very mature people to be able to discuss non-subjects and if it is unavoidable, make sure you are sensitive and handle the conversation delicately. If done wrong, bringing up a non-subject can take away your chance for intimacy as a couple – to be able to talk openly and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Once you cannot communicate with your husband or spouse any longer, you will never have the close relationship you once had anymore.
Get to the point:
Although communication comes with long conversations, it is important to make sure that you get to the point and do not say more than you have to (8). What you should do is get to the bottom line first and then lay out the details. Dragging something on and on is not the best way to communicate with your husband or spouse. What you need to do is be clear and crisp, and of course, to the point.
When you keep things short and to the point, you ensure that your husband understands more of what you are saying and you do not have to go through a lengthy discussion. Sometimes having a conversation that is too long only adds more confusion and frustration. If your husband wants more information, he will ask, so you do not have to worry about that.
[ Read: Tips To Make Your Marriage Happy ]
Be as positive as you can:
Talking about problems all the time can make your husband faze out. Dwelling only on the negatives is not the best way to communicate. This is why you should try to be as positive as you can, as often as you can. Talk about things that will make you smile or laugh; even boring things are okay. If all your husband hears from you is problems and complaints, he will not want to hear anything you have to say.
If you make sure that you are positive most of the time, he will be more willing to listen to what you have to say when you do have a problem. Do not always take things too seriously. Have talks where you can relax with each other and when the time comes to have a serious discussion about something, you will find that your husband is much more willing to listen and that you do not have any conflict with each other while communicating.
If you have something that is bothering you, make sure that you discuss it with your husband before you accuse. A non-accusatory manner is important when communicating with your spouse (9). Starting a sentence with words like “You always” or “You never” never ends up anywhere good. By the time you are in the middle of the conversation, you and your spouse will probably be yelling at each other.
If you have a disagreement, and you feel like your spouse has done something wrong, start the conversation delicately. Refrain from using accusatory tones and gently let him know that you are hurt by his actions or words, or whatever he did wrong. This will ensure that you have a calm discussion and resolve the problem, instead of the other way round.
Express your wants and needs clearly:
Beating around the bush never works when you are trying to communicate with your husband. It is better to be clear and open about everything. Communication with your spouse should always be honest and clear. It is important to express yourself – your needs and wants – clearly so that your spouse knows exactly what you need from him (10).
You need to keep in mind that no one can read your mind. Unless you clearly tell your husband what you want or need from your relationship, he is not going to know. By letting your husband know directly, you make sure that he understands your wishes and works to make them come true. Also, let him know that he too should be clear about his expectations from you so that you will know what he wants and needs from you and your marriage.
Make sure that your spouse is ready to hear what you have to say:
Unexpected discussions are not the best for any relationship, whether it is marriage or dating. Let your husband know that there is something that you want to talk about. Sometimes the topic could be something that he may not take too well, so you need to make sure that he is ready to have that conversation.
The best way to make sure that you and your husband have a good conversation is to prepare yourselves for it. Communication is all about listening to each other and coming up with effective solutions to any problem you may be having as a couple. Make sure that you are both ready for the discussion and know exactly what it is you will be talking about. You will be sure to communicate better and to have a good discussion without arguments or conflicts.
Always keep the lines of communication open:
It is important for your husband or spouse to know that you are always around when they have something on their mind. There are at times when we are so worried about our own problems that we do not stop to think about others. Let your husband know that he can talk to you anytime, about anything. Whether it has to do with your marriage, problems at work or with friends, when your husband knows that he can open up to you, it will ensure that you are always able to communicate as a couple.
Keeping the lines of communication open is important in every relationship (11). You need to make sure that you and your spouse can always talk openly, no matter what the topic is. Every successful relationship credits open communication as one of the secrets to its success, so keep this mind and always be available for your spouse.
Find the right time:
If there is something bothering you and you want to talk about it with your spouse, make sure that you choose the right time to do it. Do not interrupt your husband while he is doing something, whether he is watching the news or a game or about to go to bed, etc. Let him know that you have something on your mind and that you would like to talk about it later.
Find a time when you are together, and both of you have nothing important to do at that time. When communicating, it is important to make sure that there are no distractions or interruptions (12). This is why you need to pick the ideal time to have a heart-to-heart and let your spouse know what is on your mind. Also, refrain from having a serious conversation in public. It is best to have personal conversations in the privacy of your home where you can spill out anything and everything that you want to say.
Check your body language:
Your body language plays an important role when you are communicating with your spouse (13). Make sure that speak face-to-face and always make eye contact. You should make sure that you are sitting up and facing your partner. Do not take a phone call, answer a text, watch TV or play a game while having a conversation with your spouse.
You need to make sure that your spouse knows he has your undivided attention while communicating. You need to let your husband know that you are listening to every word he is saying and that you understand. This shows that you care. If you allow yourself to be distracted and seem like you are not listening, you are sure to push him away. Chances are, he will not talk to you about anything anymore. Your days of talking will probably be over.
As mentioned earlier, you need to make sure that the lines of communication between you and your spouse are always open. You need to make sure that you and your husband continue to keep talking and communicating. This is the only way that your relationship will grow and progress. When you do this, it ensures that you are always able to talk to each other, not just about problems and complaints, but about every little thing.
Continue to talk to each other and you will grow closer to each other. There is nothing like being able to communicate with someone you love. Make time every day for each other, to have a sit-down and just have a conversation, even if it is a silly one. Once you feel close to one another and can be open, there is no way that you will not be able to communicate about everything under the sun.
[ Read: Love Making Tips In Marriage ]
For your marriage to be successful, you and your husband need to be able to communicate openly. Communication, as you know, is the key to any relationship. By making sure that you keep these points in mind, you will be able to get your husband to open up and also get him to listen to you. You will be able to understand each other as well. You can make sure that your communication does not come with anger, frustration and other negative emotions. Have the marriage you have always wanted by communicating more with your husband and find the best ways to do so. You will find that by communicating well, you are able to grow as a couple and have a marriage that lasts.
How do you communicate with your husband? Tell us here.
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