You may be a parent now, but you were once a teenager. You may remember your first love, and maybe even tasted the bitter end to a relationship with a breakup. And you know that for a teen, a breakup can seem like the end of the world. It seems like there is no more hope left for the future, and teens are almost always sure that now that they have had a breakup, they will never be able to find true love, or love, ever again.
Well, you know that is not really the case. But, how do you help your teen son or daughter live through the pain? We’ll tell you precisely how. Here is MomJunction’s collection of tips to handle teenage breakup.
How To Help Your Teen Son Cope With A Breakup?
Coping with a breakup is hard at any age, and especially so during the teen years. If your teen son is going through a breakup, make sure you talk to him. But, keep these things in mind:
1. Give Yourself Time To Heal:
Tell your teen that it always takes time to heal after a breakup. Your teen had invested quite a bit of time and emotions in the relationship, so it is bound to be some time before things start looking normal again, or before your teen starts feeling that life is coming back to how it was earlier. Make sure he does not jump to conclusions about nothing feeling right, even though it may be too soon after the breakup.
2. Talking Helps:
It is always a good idea to share the pent-up feelings with a friend or a parent. Encourage your teen to talk and communicate. If you share a bond of trust and friendship with your teen, ask them to talk to you and tell you what they are going through. Talking about the hurt and the disappointment will help your teen heal faster. In some cases, it is possible that your teen starts to become more and more disturbed, and if it gets to a point where your teen’s daily life is getting disrupted, you may also schedule an appointment with a teen counselor or psychologist as required.
3. Do Not Give In To Addictive Substances For Help:
Numbing the senses always feels the easy way out to get numb the pain and get out of a bad phase. However, be very careful that your teen does not veer towards addictive substances such as alcohol and drugs while going through a breakup. While all this may seem a lot of help for the time being, it can do more harm than good. The alcohol and the drugs will surely dull out the pain for some time, but once it wears off, it will make your teen feel miserable, especially with the hangovers and the mood swings it can trigger.
4. Maintain A Routine:
It is understandable that your teen may not be up to following the earlier routine and pace of life just after a breakup. However, it is very important to make sure that there is a discipline in, and routine for everyday chores and activities. Following a routine through the day will help your teen cope better with heartbreak. It will also mean that your teen will get less time to sit and think of what happened or what could have happened. When your teen is busy with regular daily activities, there will be less time to feel depressed. Ask your teen to wake up at regular times, get ready for the day, try and do the same activities that were part of a daily routine earlier, such as attending class, meeting friends, doing assignments and so on.
How To Help Your Teen Daughter Cope With A Breakup?
Here are a few ways in which you can help your teen daughter overcome a breakup phase:
1. Remove And Block Him On Social Media:
One of the first things you have to tell to the girls after breakup is to block the ex from all social media. Your teen may feel that it will be a final goodbye and may not want to do it yet. However, it can be quite a disaster to see news about an ex popping up on your feed all the time, especially if the ex decides to move on fast and get a new love interest. Your teen should immediately delete the ex from the friend list and also put him on her blocked list. It will help avoid any unpleasant situation at a later time when your teen may suddenly feel the urge to get in touch with the ex and may end up saying something on social media that could have a negative effect.
[ Read: Risky Teen Behaviors ]
2. Do Not Get Into The ‘Staying Friends’ Mode Yet:
At least not immediately. Your teen may feel it is the best way to be close to the ex, even while trying and moving on. But it can be a disastrous situation as your teen may not yet be ready to understand fully just what it means to be constantly near someone who she once loved, yet not being able to share that feeling anymore. It does not mean that your teen and the ex can never be friends. Just ask your teen to take some time before she takes a decision about whether or not it is still a good idea to remain friends with the ex or just get rid of that person altogether.
3. Never Call Or Text An Ex When Drunk:
One of the biggest mistakes your teen can make while going through a breakup is to call or text the ex when she is not in control of their senses. Make it clear that if your teen does get into such a situation where he is drunk and wants to call the ex, he should immediately hand over the phone to a friend or you (if they have reached home). It is a bad idea, because whether or not the ex replies, your teen will start reading between the lines. If the ex does reply in a neutral manner, your teen will think there is still some scope and may get hopeful again of finding back the love. If the ex does not reply, your teen may start wondering why there was no answer, and it may drive her to depression again.
4. Do Not Feel Ashamed To Cry:
Your teen may feel that she is a grownup and should not cry, and you too may have told her to stop moping around and get a grip on things. That, however, does not mean that your teen should not give expression to their feelings. If your teen feels like crying, let her cry his heart out and get all the negative emotions out. It is alright to cry whenever she feels like it. Just make sure that your teen does get out of that feeling and can later concentrate on other things too.
5. Do Not Try To Get Information On The Ex:
It may feel important to know what the ex is doing now and if there is someone new in the picture, but for the best interests, it is best for your teen to refrain from getting any more info on the ex. If you think that your teen constantly discusses the ex even now, especially what is going on with the ex’s life at present, tell her that it is not a good idea and that she should stop thinking about the past. Until your teen stops thinking about the ex, she will never be able to move on with her life.
[ Read: Tips To Help Solve Teenage Problems ]
Ways That May Help To Move On After A Teenage Breakup?
Of course, it does take time to move on after a breakup, and in most cases, it is easier said than done. Remember that not all teens are the same, and while some may find it easier to go on with their lives, for others, it could be a life-altering event. Your constant love and support will also help your teen move on in life, so make sure you always keep those channels of communication open with your teen.
Here are a few ways in which you can encourage and help your teen to move on in life after the breakup:
1. Channel That Anger And Hurt Into Something Positive:
Your teen will be going through a gamut of emotions during a breakup, some of which will be hurt, anger, and frustration. Ask your teen to enroll in an activity where he or she can make good use of these feelings. Some great ways to channelize all the pent-up energy that your teen is feeling and also gain something out of it is to join an activity class that will be particularly strenuous and demanding, especially in a very physical way. Some great options that your teen could go for are something such as a kickboxing or martial arts class. Not only will it keep your teen’s mind occupied, but it will also help him or her to follow a routine and take the mind off the pain.
2. Get Out And Feel Fresh:
Going out in the fresh air will do your teen a lot of good. Not only will it immediately elevate her mood, it will also help to clear all the negative and sad thoughts and help your teen to have a fresh perspective on life. Going out in the sun will also help to trigger those happy and positive hormones in your teen, which will help him or her fight depression and mood swings and beat all signs of negativity that he or she may be experiencing as a result of the breakup.
3. Meet New Friends But Go Slow Too:
Meeting new friends when your teen is going through a breakup can be a good way to get a different take on life for the moment. Your teen may not think that he or she is ready to face the world yet, but as he or she starts to go out and meet new people, she will find many new reasons to feel happy and excited all over again, and will generally feel good about himself. One thing to remember here is that while it is a good idea to meet new friends, it is not such a good idea to go into a rebound relationship. Your teen may feel that the best way to get out of that hurt is to get into a relationship with someone else, but it can lead to more heartbreak and complications, so it is best to avoid it altogether. Even if your teen does find someone who he or she feels is a perfect match, ask him or her to take it slow and be friends to begin with.
[ Read: How To Help Troubled Teens ]
4. Go For A Makeover:
A great way to feel good about yourself is to change something about the way you look, so tell your teen to do just the same. If you have a teen girl, you can maybe introduce her to some make-up tips and tricks that she can use to change the way she looks. Or, you could get her a brand new haircut or get some fun and vibrant color highlights in her hair that will instantly get her in a good mood every time she sees herself in the mirror. If you have a teen son, you can encourage him to play around with his looks too. Your son can get a new haircut and can play around with the style and length of his hair. He can also experiment with his facial hair and see how a new mustache or beard can immediately give him an all new look.
Handling teen breakup can be tough, so do support your teen through this very sensitive phase of life. Remember that it will be a big learning experience in your teen’s life, one that will shape the way he or she takes care of love in the future.
Moms, has your teen been through a breakup? If yes, how have you helped him or her cope with it? Tell us here.
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