How To Get Your Ex Back: 11 Things To Do

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You may have separated from your partner due to some disagreements. However, in the future, it might seem like the reason for your separation was insignificant, and you may be wondering how to get your ex back.

Well, it is completely normal to feel this way. Breakups are not always permanent. The good memories and the love for each other that you felt may not have subsided. You may be yearning for your partner’s love once again.

If you are experiencing such a feeling, this post is for you. Here, we tell you if it is okay to get back with your ex and share some tips on doing that.

Do Exes Ever Come Back?

This depends on how your relationship was, what caused a breakup, and how difficult or easy your breakup was. If your relationship was strong and lasted long before you broke up over petty issues or misunderstandings, then there is a chance you both might set aside the silly differences and reunite. But if there are serious issues such as cheating or abuse involved, then the chances are less likely.

But that’s not it. Just as you want to get back together, your ex must want it too. If they have moved on and are in a relationship with somebody else, then you need to respect their decision and let them be. Otherwise, it would be a one-way street, and no amount of coercion or begging will bring them back.

How To Get Your Ex Back?

Here, we have listed some tips to help you out. Don’t be in a rush to try everything at once for your ex. Instead, follow a step-by-step approach as that may eventually help you to get your ex-partner back.

1. Evaluate your problems

What was the reason for your breakup? Figure it out, and if there is anything you can do to fix the problem, do it. If petty disagreements were the reason you broke up, find out what you can do or change to fix the conflict, and then talk to your ex about it.

When your ex sees that you are willing to make an effort to change for them, they may also start thinking about moving back together with you.

2. Ask yourself certain questions

After a breakup, it is not an easy task to patch up with your ex as you have to be the one making amends. And before anything, you should ask yourself a few important questions. Are you ready to compromise? Can you set your ego aside? Are you willing to make all the adjustments while your ex may refuse to do so?

If your answer to every question is a ‘yes,’ then it becomes easier for you to move ahead and reconcile with your ex.

3. Don’t belittle them

You might have argued and fought a lot with each other before you broke up. But if you want to look forward to a happy new chapter of your relationship, you should not put your partner down now.

Even if you are still angry with them, try not to hold on to your negative emotions. Avoid lashing out at your partner if you want to patch things up and set aside all the bitterness for a fresh start.

4. Take it slow

It is not easy to get back together with your ex after breaking up. Emotions run high when you are in the relationship and even after your breakup. So don’t be impulsive. Take it slow with your actions, and avoid compulsive texting, calling, and meeting. Pause at every step of the way, analyze the responses of your every action, and only then do move forward.

If you rush too much and are being pushy, your ex may misunderstand your actions and back off even further.

5. Try to be practical

It must have been all fun and romance when you were in a relationship. But when you break up, romance takes a backseat, and everything becomes practical. So, you need to think of practical ideas to get your ex back. For instance, talk to them about what they want from you and express what you would like in return, forgive their actions that hurt you, and keep your expectations low. These might help your partner think positively about you and your feelings.

6. Start afresh

Though you have been in a relationship with them, now you may have to start everything new. Depending on how long you’ve been apart, a lot of things may have changed between the two of you. For example how you feel and think, what you expect, and your present status may have changed and could affect your chances of getting back together.

So, try to start your relationship fresh. Talk to them to know them better, ask questions, and try to sense what they feel. Make your partner feel that everything is new, even though the relationship is not. When they experience the freshness, it becomes easier for them to come back to you.

7. Build the trust in your ex

Partners do not trust one another as they did in the past after they end the relationship. If you are trying to get your ex back, it means that you still trust them. But do they trust you? Do they think that you can commit this time? If not, you need to build the broken trust and instill that confidence once again .

So, apologize for your past and assure them that they will not be repeated. Clear any misunderstandings by talking quietly and not with resentment or anger. When they see that you mean what you say, they might be able to trust you again.

8. Stay available for them

Now that you have initiated things to get back together , your partner might have certain doubts. They may wonder why you want to get back together or about your motives. They may even question your feelings and may want to talk to you about them to know if you are sincere.

So, be available and answer their questions patiently without losing your calm. Be as clear as possible to help them understand where you’re coming from.

9. Be ready to accept the changes

Don’t assume that things will get back to how they once were. Even if you get back with your ex, it will be a new chapter in your relationship. So be aware that there might be some changes in your partner or the relationship you may have difficulty accepting.

At such times, try to look at the positives, have faith in your relationship, and be open to all the changes that may come across. And if necessary, come out of your comfort zone as well.

10. Make them comfortable

You could be meeting your partner long after the breakup. Even though you’re both looking forward to reuniting, the meeting could be a little awkward. So, initiate a conversation and make them feel at ease before bringing up the idea or topic of getting back together.

Try not to bring in the negativity back from the past. There is a long way to go after you get back together. So, starting on a positive note can be a good idea.

11. Focus on yourself

You want a future with your ex. And the only way to make it work is to be true to yourself – to be who you are. Don’t pretend to be someone else to make yourself appealing to them. While that appeal or charm may work for a while, it won’t last in the long run.

Try and be the best version of yourself. Avoid portraying yourself as the sad lover or the needy one seeking happiness. Be confident, independent, and respectable. When you are your own person and want to share happiness with them, your ex could be more than willing to give the relationship a try.

These tips are only to help you get your ex’s attention and interest and could work if they still have any feelings for you. But if they have moved on and are with someone else, avoid interfering in their current relationship or trying to break up their relationship. That is not only unethical but could also backfire when your ex finds out that you meddled with their happiness.

You could get back together if the love between you two is still alive. Otherwise, focus on yourself and your life, and you could find someone else who will make you happy.

Do you have any tips to share with our readers? Please write to us in the comment section below.

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Tamara Green

Tamara Green is an individual and couples psychotherapist and an international best selling author, speaker and trainer. She is also the President of Loving Meditations, a transformational mindfulness program that helps those living with cancer to experience calm and ease throughout their medical ordeal. As a mindfulness, dating and relationship expert, she is regularly featured on various websites. Tamara combines... more

Shikha Thakur

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship articles, where she deals with both the rosy and the grey side... more