Relationships involve conscious commitment; they are work in progress and require a few adjustments and positive momentum to reach their full potential.
If you and your spouse feel the impact of poor communication, disrespect, rudeness, an inability to compromise, negative energy, or anger patterns, there are ways to improve your situation. All romantic relationships have their share of ups and downs, and it takes commitment and a willingness to adapt and change with your partner to make it work.
Whether it has been several years, or you are just starting out as a couple, there are steps you can take to move away from the anger, disrespect, or rudeness and build a healthy relationship. Little things like having open and honest communication and being open to change are real steps that will get you back on the road to happiness.
15 Ways To Handle Or Treat Your Partner
Good communication is key to any healthy relationship. You need to create an environment where both of you can openly discuss anything and everything about the relationship, whether it is the anger patterns, the hurtful words used, or any negative behavior that bothers you. When you communicate, you can work through several problems.
If you repeatedly take abuse and disrespect, it indirectly indicates that you are okay with it. Instead, make it clear by openly communicating and expressing your objections and opinions and come to a positive conclusion.
2. Get to the root of the problem
Anger issues typically stem from the fact that your partner’s needs are not being met. If you find your partner worrying about trivial things, pause for a second, and assess if there’s a larger, underlying problem at hand.
In such a situation, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and look at things from their perspective. Reverse the roles and see how you feel.
Rather than pushing the point across, understand where your partner is coming from and what’s causing the anger response or insulting words. For all you know, it may be healthy anger, a way of showing they care. Before you misinterpret it, make a conscious effort to comprehend and recognize the source.
3. Understand your partner’s personality
People, including your partner, are full of surprises. You may think you know them inside out, but they’ll come right back and shock you. Every day, you’re discovering something new about them.
To learn how to handle your husband or wife, it’s crucial you understand their personality, character, nature, reactions to your actions, and likes and dislikes. More than anything, it’s about understanding the other person rather than managing them. When you make a conscious effort to understand them, you will learn to react and behave to things in a better, loving way and keep things mellow and smooth between the two of you.
4. Pick your battles wisely
In a relationship, it’s not about losing or winning arguments or fights but being mindful and choosing between matters that just need to blow over and issues that are worth tackling.
You need to evaluate if the problem at hand is worth arguing over. It’s natural for you and your partner not to agree on everything. Hence, sometimes, if it’s a minor or an inconsequential matter, it’s worth dropping. Here’s a wise strategy you can employ — if you believe the issue won’t bother you in the following days, then perhaps you’re wasting your energy fighting.
5. Accept your spouse for who they are
One of the root causes of a conflict or your spouse not getting along is because you wish your spouse were someone else — less controlling, a better listener, etc. Such sort of wishful thinking can lead to frustration and build-up of a high level of negative energy.
You need to stop trying to change the other person, and direct your focus on something more positive and productive. Accept your better half for who they are, and you’ll notice a drastic change in their behavior and response, and yes, for the better.
6. Ask, don’t interpret or assume things
A fight or argument arises because you misinterpret your other half’s expressions or actions. A typical reaction to misinterpretation is to display it with anger, rudeness, or disrespect.
If such actions bother you, you become angry too. Rather than using hurtful words or displaying anger, openly communicate with them. In an accepting and trusting relationship, your spouse will tell you the truth.
For a productive outcome, it’s better not to assume. Before you make an assumption about their feelings or react to your interpretations of their actions, ask them to elucidate the actions they are exhibiting. This is a real step at effectively handling a spouse with rage.
7. Give each other space
Sometimes, the best way to handle a husband or wife who ignores you is by giving them space. When you have your own lives outside of each other, it becomes easier to get along. It’s all about striking the right balance between being together and being apart. It could be in the form of having your own interests or hobbies or working in separate companies. While this might seem counter-intuitive for you, it yields positive results.
8. Find a middle ground
It’s natural for two people to have interests that differ. You need to find the middle ground and make a compromise. And it’s much easier than you think! When the relationship is your priority, you will feel like agreeing on things and won’t feel like you’re making a huge sacrifice.
If you’re someone who likes to chill out in front of the television during weekends, but your partner prefers eating out and meeting friends, you can meet in the middle and go out on some nights and spend quality time at home on the others.
9. Be assertive and respectful
An assertive spouse will show confidence and a strong personality. This doesn’t mean you yell and fight to get your way out of something. This will blow the issue out of proportion. When you act assertively, you take a position where you can directly yet respectfully express your wants while taking your partner’s wants and feelings into consideration.
And when you’re assertive and respectful, you show that you’re open, honest, and confident. Simultaneously, you empower your partner to take their share of responsibility.
10. Catch the acts of anger and rudeness early on
It’s natural for people, including your partner, to get angry sometimes. Even acts of control, rudeness, or disrespect are common once in a while. But if you witness this behavior regularly, it’s not normal.
When these become a pattern, things tend to spiral. Once a person gets into the habit of resentment or anger, there is little or slight chance of turning back. If you recognize and catch such a pattern early on, try to determine the underlying causes. Address it head-on, as delays will only make the foundation of your relationship rocky.
11. De-escalate the situation
It’s crucial to remain calm and not fight fire with fire when dealing with an angry partner. Controlling an angry partner will lead them to become more defensive and uncooperative.
When one person is disrespectful, rude, or angry, it’s unwise for the other partner to respond to these actions or feelings. Let the person calm down, and then, you can openly communicate. The calmer you are, perhaps the quicker their anger will subside. The aim of de-escalation is to redirect animosity into cooperation.
12. Realize it’s not about you
Sometimes, anger has nothing to do with you — there may be other things going on in your partner’s life. And while you sometimes know what’s happening, you might not have the slightest clue at other times.
Realize that there’s something deeper that’s causing the anger or resentment. This will help you react and respond in a calmer and better way.
13. Acknowledge their feelings
You may dislike how your partner acts, displays anger, uses insulting words, or shows disrespect, but you should try to show empathy and respect their feelings.
Sometimes, the answer to such harsh behavior is being understood, accepted, and cared for. The point is not to agree or disagree with their outburst, but to acknowledge their hurt feelings.
Often, understanding your angry partner may be one of the hardest things to do, but it is a crucial step to moving past the pain.
14. Focus on all the good
Underneath that anger and disrespect, your spouse has a kind and loving side. Focus on that positive energy and nurture it. Over time, they’ll tend to show their good side more often.
15. Know when you have to leave
Unfortunately, even after you’ve given more than 100%, things may not work out. Despite your efforts, if your partner’s anger, rudeness, or disrespect doesn’t end, it’s not right for you. If they don’t see that their behavior is affecting your relationship, you shouldn’t be the one who suffers. It might be a good time to walk away from things you can’t change.
A relationship is not just about affection, attachment, and love, but also about adjusting with each other. You’ve committed to spending your life with that person, which involves accepting them for who they are, with all their baggage and flaws.
Nobody is perfect, and not every relationship will be perfect. But you can make your relationship more meaningful by accepting that there’s imperfection and working towards improving it.