How To Handle A Difficult Husband Or Wife: 15 Golden Tips

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Need tips on how to handle your partner? We have got you covered. All relationships have their fair share of ups and downs, and you need to work hand in hand with your partner to overcome adverse situations. Relationships constantly need your commitment and momentum to improve it, as they are a work in progress. At times, you might feel that a lack of communication and respect between the two of you is leading to negative energy, frequent fights, and bitterness. You need to keep calm and work together to better your relationship at times like these. And little things such as having honest communication with each other help go a long way. Read on for a few tips that can make it easier for you to work with your partner.

15 Ways To Handle Or Treat Your Partner

1. Communicate 

Good communication is key to any healthy relationship. You need to create an environment where both of you can openly discuss anything and everything about the relationship, whether it is the anger patterns, the hurtful words used, or any negative behavior that bothers you. When you communicate, you can work through several problems.

If you repeatedly take abuse and disrespect, it indirectly indicates that you are okay with it. Instead, make it clear by openly communicating and expressing your objections and opinions and come to a positive conclusion.

2. Get to the root of the problem 

Anger issues typically stem from the fact that your partner’s needs are not being met. If you find your partner worrying about trivial things, pause for a second, and assess if there’s a larger, underlying problem at hand.

In such a situation, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and look at things from their perspective. Reverse the roles and see how you feel.

Rather than pushing the point across, understand where your partner is coming from and what’s causing the anger response or insulting words and share this understanding with your partner. Before you misinterpret it, make a conscious effort to comprehend and recognize the source.

3. Understand your partner’s personality 

People, including your partner, are full of surprises. You may think you know them inside out, but they’ll come right back and shock you. Every day, you’re discovering something new about them.

To learn how to handle your husband or wife, it’s crucial you understand their personality, character, nature, reactions to your actions, and likes and dislikes. More than anything, it’s about understanding the other person rather than managing them. When you make a conscious effort to understand them, you will learn to react and behave to things in a better, loving way and keep things mellow and smooth between the two of you.

4. Pick your battles wisely 

In a relationship, it’s not about losing or winning arguments or fights but being mindful and choosing between matters that just need to blow over and issues that are worth tackling.

You need to evaluate if the problem at hand is worth arguing over. It’s natural for you and your partner not to agree on everything. Hence, sometimes, if it’s a minor or an inconsequential matter, it’s worth dropping. Here’s a wise strategy you can employ — if you believe the issue won’t develop in complexity in the future, then perhaps you’re wasting your energy fighting.

5. Accept your spouse for who they are 

One of the root causes of a conflict or your spouse not getting along is because things such as hair style, dressing up, speech patterns, etc., or behavioral expressions from others are desired to be seen on the partner. Such sort of wishful thinking can lead to frustration and build-up of a high level of negative energy.

You need to stop trying to change the other person, and direct your focus on something more positive and productive. Accept your better half for who they are, and you’ll notice a drastic change in their behavior and response, and yes, for the better.

6. Ask, don’t interpret or assume things 

A fight or argument arises because you misinterpret your other half’s expressions or actions. A typical reaction to misinterpretation is to display it with anger, rudeness, or disrespect.

If such actions bother you, you become angry too. Rather than using hurtful words or displaying anger, openly communicate with them. In an accepting and trusting relationship, your spouse will tell you the truth.

For a productive outcome, it’s better not to assume. Before you make an assumption about their feelings or react to your interpretations of their actions, ask them to elucidate the actions they are exhibiting. This is a real step at effectively handling a spouse with rage.

7. Give each other space 

Sometimes, the best way to handle a husband or wife who prefers their own space is by giving them the space. When you have your own lives outside of each other, it becomes easier to get along. It’s all about striking the right balance between being together and being apart. It could be in the form of having your own interests or hobbies or working in separate companies. While this might seem counter-intuitive for you, it yields positive results.

8. Find a middle ground 

It’s natural for two people to have interests that differ. You need to find the middle ground and make a compromise. And it’s much easier than you think! When the relationship is your priority, you will feel like agreeing on things and won’t feel like you’re making a huge sacrifice.

If you’re someone who likes to chill out in front of the television during weekends, but your partner prefers eating out and meeting friends, you can meet in the middle and go out on some nights and spend quality time at home on the others.

9. Be assertive and respectful 

An assertive spouse will show confidence while dealing with two or more different points of view. This doesn’t mean you yell and fight to get your way out of something. This will blow the issue out of proportion. When you act assertively, you take a position where you can directly yet respectfully express your wants while taking your partner’s wants and feelings into consideration.

And when you’re assertive and respectful, you show that you’re open, honest, and confident. Simultaneously, you empower your partner to take their share of responsibility.

10. Catch the acts of anger and rudeness early on 

It’s natural for people, including your partner, to get angry sometimes. Even acts of control, rudeness, or disrespect are common once in a while. But if you witness this behavior regularly, it’s not normal.

When these become a pattern, things tend to spiral. Once a person gets into the habit of resentment or anger, there is little or slight chance of turning back. If you recognize and catch such a pattern early on, try to determine the underlying causes. Address it head-on, as delays will only make the foundation of your relationship rocky.

11. De-escalate the situation

It’s crucial to remain calm and not fight fire with fire when dealing with an angry partner. Confronting or arguing with an angry partner will lead them to become more defensive and uncooperative.

When one person is disrespectful, rude, or angry, it’s unwise for the other partner to respond to these actions or feelings. Let the person calm down, and then, you can openly communicate. The calmer you are, perhaps the quicker their anger will subside. The aim of de-escalation is to redirect animosity into cooperation.

12. Realize it’s not about you 

Sometimes, anger has nothing to do with you — there may be other things going on in your partner’s life. And while you sometimes know what’s happening, you might not have the slightest clue at other times.

Realize that there’s something deeper that’s causing the anger or resentment. This will help you react and respond in a calmer and better way.

13. Acknowledge their feelings 

You may dislike how your partner acts, displays anger, uses insulting words, or shows disrespect, but you should try to show empathy and respect their feelings.

Sometimes, the answer to such harsh behavior is being understood, accepted, and cared for. The point is not to agree or disagree with their outburst, but to acknowledge their hurt feelings.

Often, understanding your angry partner may be one of the hardest things to do, but it is a crucial step to moving past the pain. However, every affected partner has their limit in dealing with the harsh behavior.

14. Focus on all the good 

Underneath that anger and disrespect, your spouse has a kind and loving side. Focus on that positive energy and nurture it. Over time, they’ll tend to show their good side more often.

15. Know when you have to leave 

Unfortunately, even after you’ve given more than 100%, things may not work out. Despite your efforts, if your partner’s anger, rudeness, or disrespect doesn’t end, it’s not right for you. If they don’t see that their behavior is affecting your relationship, you shouldn’t be the one who suffers. It might be a good time to walk away from things you can’t change.

Every relationship is unique; therefore, you may have different battles to fight in yours. Though conflicts are common between couples, you may sometimes feel like the situation is going out of control and wonder how to handle your partner. Relationships are not just about love, affection, and bonding; it also requires you to make a few adjustments and sacrifices. Moreover, it is important to remember that when you commit to a relationship with your partner, you must accept them with all their flaws. You can also strengthen your relationship by understanding your imperfections and working together to overcome them.

Key Pointers

  • Most relationships face conflicts at some point or the other due to the fault of both or either of the individuals.
  • Working on communication, accepting their personality, or respecting their actions could help deal with an uncompromising partner.
  • Nobody is perfect; hence some effort and patience are helpful to a blissful relationship.

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Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-Goyena

(PhD (Counseling Psychology))
Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-Goyena is a board licensed therapist in the USA and Puerto Rico with a specialty in couples, families, and relationships. Dr. Carlos possesses a PhD in Counseling Psychology granted at the Interamerican University of Puerto Rico. His two-decade professional experience also includes scientific research in family emotional and relational processes and its effect on psychological functioning. Dr.... more

Ratika Pai

Ratika has experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, and entertainment. After her masters degree in Commerce, she acquired a PG Diploma in Communication and Journalism from Mumbai University. She is inquisitive about human relationships and likes to study people and how they manage their relationships, during her freetime. At MomJunction, Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on... more