Even if you have a nice and beautiful house, you need to carry out regular maintenance to keep it in top condition. Similarly, marriages need regular maintenance to stay strong. Sometimes, the relationship between married couples takes a back seat as various other important things, such as pregnancy, career, health issues, and family events, keep coming.
At such times, couples may have a lot of things unsaid, and fail to share their feelings often, opening up an unwanted gap between them. If the gap widens, the situation might lead to something unpleasant. To avoid such consequences, every couple needs to know how to reconnect with each other.
In this post, MomJunction tries to provide answers to the crucial question of how to reconnect with your spouse.
Why Do You Have To Reconnect With Your Spouse?
There are several reasons why a couple has to reconnect. We give some of the most important reasons here:
- To ensure that you do not lose the emotional or sexual connection
- To ensure that you still feel butterflies (read excitement) when you look at your spouse
- To reduce the number of fights and arguments
- To ensure that you do not live with your spouse like you do with a roommate
- To ensure that you both feel loved, appreciated, and wanted
- To ensure that you communicate without hesitation
How Do You Reconnect With Your Spouse?
Here are a few ways to rekindle the spark in your marriage.
1. Actions speak louder than words
The simplest way to reconnect with your partner is to let the silent gestures speak. For instance, try hugging him or squeezing his knee. Similarly, you can make gestures like hugging her suddenly or giving her a kiss on the forehead.
2. Keep the positivity alive
For every negative interaction you have, make sure you have five positive ones. Positive talks need not necessarily be about your relationship as a husband and wife; it can also be something related to your career, your relatives, or something as simple as how amazing the weather is. When you have a positive attitude, the words will flow seamlessly.
3. Offer compliments
Reconnect with your spouse by talking about how special they are as a person, as a son/daughter, as a dad/mom, or even as a husband/wife. Shower them with genuine compliments as often as you can.
4. Maintain a balance between your dreams and your marriage
If you are seeking the answer to how to reconnect with your husband/wife because you think that your dreams have put your marriage in the back seat, then you need to fix the situation as soon as possible. There is nothing wrong with chasing your dream of being a successful person, but make sure that you don’t leave your spouse behind. Your success will always be sweeter if your spouse is there to cherish it with you.
5. Say thank you often
Expressing your emotions is paramount. When your spouse does something for you, such as picking up the kids from school, paying the bills, or helping you make dinner, say thank you. Saying thank you makes your marriage stronger and makes your partner feel appreciated. If you can’t say it, try thank-you notes!
6. Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind
Don’t expect your partner to know what’s going on with your life by reading your mind. If you think you need to reconnect with your partner, talk to them about where you are in life, how you are feeling, and what needs to be done to ensure that you both get back to the happy place again.
7. Always stay curious
When your married life begins, you are curious to know everything about your partner to understand them better. So, make sure you remain curious. Ask about their day, the good and the bad parts. Show a keen interest in knowing about things that are going on in their life.
8. End your day together
There is something powerful about ending the day together and going to bed at the same time. It will help you to bond better, and neither you nor your partner will feel lonely. Also, cuddle with your partner, and talk about happy things before you sleep, to end the day on a high note.
9. Go for dates
Dating your spouse is a fail-safe answer to how to reconnect with your husband/wife. Make the time to go on dates every month and make each other feel special. On these dates, try new things like new restaurants, new food, or new games to make things more exciting.
10. Make your partner laugh
Couples who laugh together stay together. Remember this when you want to reconnect with your spouse. Mention everything cheerful about your day to your partner, laugh at jokes together, or watch a comedy movie together. Do everything you can to ensure that you smile and laugh together as much as possible.
11. Don’t let small things matter much
It is a universal truth that couples fight over petty issues, and you probably do that too. The secret to maintaining a loving relationship with your partner in such a scenario is not to let small things matter a lot. If you disagree over something like whether you need to attend a party together, stop and reason if this small party could matter in the long run. If the answer is no, let go and move on. Also, never hold grudges.
12. Give them space
If your spouse is fuming or has an emotional meltdown, you need to give them some room. Allow them to go to a different room until the phase is over, or you step out of the house for a while to give them space. Do not fight with them as it might make the situation worse for both of you. If your spouse is not in a good mood, you can also distract them by taking them out for dinner or a coffee.
13. Apologize quickly
One of the best ways to reconnect with your spouse emotionally after an angry session or an emotional meltdown is to apologize quickly. Say sorry for everything bad you said when you were going through the phase and make the apology count. Also, ensure that the apology is at the same level as your mistake. For instance, if you shouted at your spouse in front of their parents, apologize when their parents are present.
14. Get them a gift
If you want to reconnect with your spouse, who is angry due to your previous behavior or mistake, get them a gift. It doesn’t have to be something precious or expensive; it should just matter to your spouse. It could be something as thoughtful as a pair of gloves in the winter or even a new pair of jeans.
15. Motivate your spouse
If your spouse wants a promotion at work, don’t interrupt them during the working hours. Similarly, if your spouse wants to win at the game of golf with friends, attend the event and cheer them on. Let them know that their win is as important to you as it is to them.
16. Protect their reputation
It is your responsibility as a spouse to protect your partner’s reputation in front of their family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Tell people how caring your spouse is and how much you love them. Shower praises on them and ensure that you both look like a team. Also, make sure you defend your spouse’s reputation if someone says something bad or negative about them.
17. Write a love letter
If you find it hard to express your feelings for your spouse in person, write them a love letter. Yes, it may sound a bit old school, but it works. Let your spouse know how special they are and how they changed your life for the better. If this trick works, make sure you send them a letter every month, and let them know that you won’t mind receiving a letter in turn.
18. Do stuff together
Every marriage is a partnership. You can reconnect with your partner by doing stuff together as a team. It could be something as simple as watching a movie, reading a book, gratitude-journaling, painting a room, or even volunteering for a cause together. Do something you both enjoy, and it will connect you both emotionally.
19. Pursue goals together
Create a list of goals that you want to accomplish and pursue them as a team. The goals should be personal and should be on the bucket list of yours or your spouse’s. Examples include trying paragliding together, visiting five travel destinations in a year, or something as simple as losing five pounds in a month. If you want to keep the mood light, you can take a fun class, such as a chocolate-making class together.
20. Reconnect intellectually
Marriage isn’t just about getting connected physically and emotionally; you also need to connect on an intellectual level with your spouse. You can do that by having meaningful conversations with your spouse every week, participating in debates, and even playing brain-boosting games together. Just remember, if you have disagreements during these talks, don’t let them spoil your relationship. Accept that you won’t see eye-to-eye on such matters and move on.
21. Reconnect spiritually
Explore ways to reconnect with your husband/wife spiritually. You could start by discussing your beliefs together. Talk about religion, how you like to worship, and which spiritual sayings you stick to. You can also explore a religious text together and discuss the life lessons it contains. Visit holy places together.
22. Remember physical touch
Though sex is a key factor in any marriage, physical touch doesn’t always mean having sex. Physical touch could be something as simple as holding hands, lying in bed and talking about life, or giving each other a soothing body or head massage. You can also play games in the bedroom, extend the time of foreplay, have quickies somewhere else than your bed (like your study), or plan night outs at a luxurious hotel to keep the spark going.
23. Reminisce together
If you want to reconnect with your spouse, a simple way to do it is to sit together and reminisce. Think of all the good times you had or remember the funny moments and laugh together. You can also look through your old photographs or watch old videos to help you recollect finer details. When you think of all the positive things in the past, it will motivate you to make more positive and enduring memories together.
There are multiple answers to how to reconnect with your spouse. It’s your decision to choose the ways that will suit your marriage. Start with small things and then take things forward if your spouse shows some interest. Once you succeed in reconnecting with your spouse, make sure you focus on family relationships too.