How To Tell If Someone Is Lying About Cheating: 14 Signs

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Are you suspicious that your partner or spouse is cheating on you? Your gut feeling says something is not right, but they keep repeating that they are honest with you. In this post, we talk about how to tell if someone is lying about cheating. Recognizing the signs of dishonesty is crucial, as they may not openly reveal their infidelity. The uncertainty can drain your energy and stress you out. However, they cannot conceal the truth for long. Read on as we list out the signs that tell someone is lying about cheating.

14 Ways To Tell If Someone Is Lying About Cheating

Infidelity may not always show itself as daylight. Sometimes, the gut feelings or the sudden shift in air in the relationship may indicate your partner’s lying. Elle, a blogger at The Betrayed Wives Club blog, recalls her bitter experience. She says, “In hindsight, I knew my husband was cheating, and I knew with whom before he admitted it to me. I knew before I knew. Of course, there were lots I didn’t know—the years of sexual acting out with strangers, for instance. But though I didn’t know the details, I felt the disconnection. I knew…something (i).”

When you broach the topic, keep these signs in mind to clear your doubts about their behavior.

1. They fail to maintain eye contact

When you talk or ask about cheating, do they look here and there? If yes, that could be a sign of lying. Hunt for clues as people who lie avoid eye contact as they fear you might see the truth in their eyes. They might act normal, but they will not look at you, even if you ask them to (1).

2. They make aggressive eye contact

While avoiding eye contact is quite common in a lying partner, suspect foul play if your partner looks at you intently (1). In this case, they know that avoiding eye contact can make you figure out the truth. So, they try to make it up by looking at you continuously. If your partner is looking at you unblinkingly in a way that creeps you out, it might be a red flag.

3. They become defensive

Becoming defensive could be a common sign of a lying partner. For example, when you confront and interrogate them, they might overreact and become defensive. Even when you inquire with an innocent question, they doubt intentions and tend to take offense and respond harshly. In some cases, they might even project their feelings on you and accuse you of being a liar. Research shows that defensiveness occurs when “one partner (P1) perceives that the other partner (P2) views a flaw in them which in turn makes P1 sensitive to criticism of that flaw, meaning that when P2 says anything around that flaw then P1 perceives it as a threat and launches a counterattack to defend themselves from the sensitivity of their perceived flaw being examined which makes P2 sensitive to their own flaws and defend themselves from the counterthreat (2).”

4. They change their behavior

If your partner is suddenly taking more care of you, it could be because they are lying about cheating and want to compensate for the guilt. You might notice your partner being overly affectionate and kind, giving you surprise gifts, and being more romantic than usual. This change in behavior might be a diversion tactic to prevent you from being suspicious. In this case, asking them about a sudden change might make them defensive, or they might downright deny it.

5. They change their habits

Every person has set habits, and if they unexpectedly pick up new habits or drop some old ones, it could be because they are lying about cheating. For example, they suddenly stopped smoking and started going to the gym. They are most probably trying to impress their new partner.

6. They become busy

A schedule that changes abruptly could point toward a lying partner. For example, if they come home late every day and do not answer your calls, or they don’t take calls in front of you—these could be some cues to watch closely for. They might take up new hobbies or activities and use them as plausible excuses for their absence. They will plan well to ensure their meetings with their affair partners coincide with the times they are usually unavailable.

7. They speak differently

Scrutinize the way your partner talks to you. Did your partner start talking in a higher or lower pitch, faster or slower than usual? They might resort to coughing or frequent throat-clearing to cover up their awkwardness (1). They might even evade your questions by giving vague answers such as “I don’t know” or “leave me alone.” Observe and note such unwelcome gestures as they could indicate lying and distrust.

8. They display a different body language

When you ask your partner about cheating, examine body language or nonverbal communication cues. When they are lying, they lean away from you and keep their body closed, which indicates they are not open to any questions or suggestions. They might start fidgeting, shuffling their feet, or rocking back and forth. Pay attention to their hands—studies show that people tend to use exaggerated hand movements while lying or hide their hands inside their pockets or under the table (1).

Did you know?

When a person crosses both arms and legs, it indicates that they have emotionally withdrawn from the conversation (3).

9. They hesitate

While hesitating is common in truthful partners too, when combined with any of the other signs, it shows your partner is lying about cheating. A normal person usually starts talking immediately when you ask them a question. But a liar will hesitate and think about their answer before answering. Be aware, analyze speech, and look for clues; this will give you an understanding of your partner’s proclivities. They might use filler words such as “like” and “um” to buy time for their fabricated story. Liars also tend to share too much information, but their stories are usually not logical (1).

10. They have dilated pupils

Your pupils dilate when you think harder. It is an involuntary action, and no one can learn to control it. This is a major giveaway if your partner is lying about cheating. Research indicates that pupils dilate considerably when someone is lying (4). They might be good with their words, actions, and body language, but this is one thing they cannot control. Hence, they avoid eye contact.

11. They post vague stuff on social media

Usually, a serial cheater is careful about what goes online. They make sure they do not upload any incriminating pictures or messages. They might also go to the extent of putting their phone on silent mode, turning their screens away from you, or refusing to open certain apps when you are around. However, at times they might slip and post something out of emotion. Investigate further if they told you they were at the office all night but posted a picture of a pint of beer; you need to be cautious.

12. They have a history of lying

If you know that your partner has lied in the past for some seemingly minor incidents, it is a good cause to suspect them of lying about cheating too. For such partners, lying is just a way to get out of tight corners. They don’t worry too much about consequences and only want a way out of this particular confrontation. They might forget about the lie soon and have no scruples about lying again. However, your lie detection skills can be put to use to get the truth out of your partner.

13. They start to sweat

Watch out if he starts sweating when you confront him. If he’s keeping secrets about cheating, nervous perspiration might spill the beans. When faced with questions, stress can crank up body temperature, leading to visible sweat beads on his forehead, upper lip, mouth area, chin, and even the palms. If you spot these subtle signs, it could be his body revealing more than his words (1). Pay attention to the sweat signals; they might just help you unravel the truth behind potential infidelity.

14. They use fewer personal pronouns

Are you suspicious and looking for signs your spouse is lying about cheating? Pay attention to the way they talk. If you notice they are using fewer personal pronouns like I and me, it could be a sign something’s not right. This behavior indicates your partner is trying to avoid responsibility for their behavior, avoiding ownership, and removing themselves from the narrative (1).

Infographic: Talking About What Happened And Why It Happened

Getting cheated can trigger a hurricane of emotions. You feel angry, hurt, betrayed, shattered, and left out. However, you need to calm yourselves and seek answers as to why your partner turned unfaithful. Our infographic brings a compilation of questions one should ask their disloyal partner to get an insight into what they want. Getting that clarity is essential to decide the relationship’s future.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Illustration: How To Tell If Someone Is Lying About Cheating:14 Signs

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

Are you suspicious that your partner is cheating? Are they behaving unusually but you are not sure of what to think? Look out for these 10 signs to help you determine if they are.

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John KennyMaster Coach Certification

John Kenny is the host of The Relationship Guy podcast and is a coach to professional women who approach him for creating healthy loving relationships. He is the founder of Interpersonal Relationship Coaching (IRC) and author of The P.

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Benidamika holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology from Assam Don Bosco University and another masters degree in English Literature from North Eastern Hill University. At MomJunction, Benidamika writes on human psychology and relationships.

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