No matter how close or comfortable you are with someone, you may not have anything to talk about at times. That’s perfectly normal. The very nature of conversation is ebb and flow. Also, if people were to talk a mile a minute, it would be a stressful experience conversing. We should strive to find the middle ground of conversation and keep it natural and interesting.
The conversation also depends on person to person. If we’re with old friends, the conversation doesn’t have to be awkward and could even be comfortable depending on your equation with them. But when you’re with someone you’re interested in romantically, awkward silences aren’t going to get you anywhere. When you are with a girl, you should come up with something that would make you look smart and not foolish. So without further ado, here are some valuable tips on how to keep the conversation going with a girl.
How To Keep The Conversation Going With A Girl
If you’re talking to a girl you’re interested in, your first (or first few) conversations will form her first opinion of you, and first opinions are often long-lasting. Keep these tips in mind for a smooth flow of words.
1. Don’t force the conversation
Even the most stimulating conversation goes through ups and downs. The key is to recognize these moments and patterns and speak accordingly. Do not talk for the sake of it. Sometimes, a slight pause in the conversation means that you are considering what you just discussed and processing it.
2. Avoid personal questions
Regardless of how well you may know someone, you may want to avoid asking personal questions about family, income, or their health unless they bring it up. These subjects can alter the mood and flow of the conversation, and as a rule, you should avoid them with someone you’re not close to. If they decide to bring it up on their own, by all means, feel free to listen and then participate without being judgmental.
3. Avoid generic topics as a conversation starter
One of the most common pitfalls in any conversation occurs when discussing something generic like the weather or how your day at work was. While these are perfectly normal things to talk about or discuss, they should come up organically and not as a conversation starter. It might generate a few lines of back and forth communication, but you’ll find the conversation slowly fizzling out.
4. Try to be playful
Whether you’re texting someone or talking to them in person, both parties often have a sort of mental shield to preserve their self-image. Try to break the ice a bit by being playful and asking questions they may not expect. It could be a good-natured remark or playful teasing—you will find the mood of the conversation changing into a more relaxed and comfortable one. It can also make you appear more fun.
5. Ask open-ended questions
No conversation should feel like an interrogation. If you ask closed questions like “How are you?” the possibilities for them to respond in more than a word or sentence diminish. You’ll likely get an “I’m good, thanks” or “Fine,” leaving you right back where you started.
6. Use icebreakers
A good icebreaker can revive a conversation from the edge of boredom and even start a whole new conversation if done right. You may ask interesting questions such as “Why did you decide to study film in college?” or “What made you want to volunteer at an animal shelter?” to open a new discussion. They would stimulate the conversation and also help you know more about her.
7. Use humor at the appropriate time
A big part of what makes something funny is the right timing. When you see an opening for a joke or a witty observation, go for it. If you manage to make her laugh, you will diffuse any tension or staleness creeping into the conversation. You may also come off as funny and charming.
8. Flirt organically
While it’s great to discuss jobs or the weather, you eventually want to make progress and flirt with them. Flirting is a great way to add some vibrancy to the conversation as it stimulates a whole different side of them. Say things like “You look like a prankster who plays pranks from time to time” or “You don’t seem like the type who follows the rules” based on the equation and comfort level you share with the person you’re talking to.
9. Use your conversations to plan and co-ordinate activities
Not every conversation needs to have an end goal. Sometimes, conversing can lead to a conversational rut, especially with someone you’ve recently met. Your conversations should naturally lead to planning activities and hangouts. Good examples include talking about your favorite cuisine and then saying, “You haven’t tried Indonesian cuisine? We should go to this restaurant that makes great Nasi Goreng. I think you’ll like it.” Similarly, look for opportunities to turn her responses into meetups and activities.
10. Set aside time for conversation in your day
We all lead busy lives, and having our schedules align is rare for most working people. That said, you can always find time (or rather, make time) to have a conversation. Very few things are worse than having a great conversation with someone, only for it to be ruined by a call from your boss or your landlord, breaking the organic flow of conversation. When you want to talk to that special someone, ensure you will not be interrupted.
11. Be an active participant in the conversation
A common mistake people make when they’re nervous, especially on dates, is jumping from one topic to another in a conversation. For example, you might start with workplace issues and suddenly change it to the weather. Instead of running through topics, participate in whatever comes up and see each conversation to its organic end before switching to a new topic.
12. Plan a backup list of topics to talk about
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the conversation may go stale. It could be due to mood or other circumstances outside of your control. Keep some light-hearted and casual topics handy, so your interactions never go dull. Ensure these topics fit every occasion and can be used regardless of the time or mood.
Do not pick controversial topics that include religion or politics.
13. Find out her interests
Like with anything in life, the more you know about something, the better you can be at it. Make an effort to know her interests and actively engage with her. It may lead to an interesting conversation, and she will appreciate the fact that you went out of your way to find out things about her.
14. Bring up your interests only when relevant
People in general love to talk about things they are passionate about. However, while talking to a woman, especially one you’ve recently met, don’t assume she will be interested too. For example, your passion for golf might not interest her. And if you ramble about it, she might get bored. You can, however, bring up your interests if asked.
15. Know when to transition out of a topic
There are few feelings as gratifying as finding someone with shared interests and being able to talk about these things passionately. If you’re both passionate about cooking, talk about what meals you made each day. However, it could become monotonous after a while. That’s when you should taper off and change the subject.
16. Know when to debate and when to let things go
It’s perfectly normal to disagree on some subjects. The key to handle the disagreement is changing the topic or letting it go without debating for or against it. If you end up disagreeing on something, ensure you voice your points in an honest, polite, and respectful manner. Some of the most stimulating conversations are friendly disagreements, and if handled right, these can make great memories.
17. Open up to her
It might not be easy to open up to someone and list your fears, flaws, or insecurities. But if you like her and open up, it shows that you are comfortable confiding in her. For better or worse, you are laying your soul bare and bonding. If you are lucky, she will feel encouraged to do the same with you.
18. Put a spin on mundane topics
Often, we will end up discussing things as mundane as our workdays or weather. The key here is to give the topics a humorous or engaging spin. For example, if you must talk about a storm last night, instead of asking her how it was for her, make it funny.
“I practically swam home last night as it was so bad. My basement was flooding like the Titanic. How were things on your side of town?” or “My boss seems to hate me. I wonder if I offended her in a previous life. Do you believe in resurrection?”
19. Talk about “normal” things
Accept that as we get to know someone, our list of “interesting” topics would end. What matters is that you’re authentic about these things and go on smoothly. Ensure you’re listening more than you’re talking and connecting with her.
20. Know how to rekindle “the spark”
Every conversation has high and low points. You may have an amazing conversation one day when you discuss a movie or book that you both love and then have a series of mundane discussions about work and traffic. You should know how to rekindle the spark you felt at the peak of your conversations and how to get things back on track.
Try to bring up something she is passionate about, or revisit the topic you bonded over. Put a fresh spin by asking her about the restaurants she likes and if they serve the same cuisine or if she considers changing her job. Mention a new movie being made based on her favorite book, or talk about a favorite comedian coming up with a new show in town. You can keep old things fresh this way.
21. Gossip, but keep it nontoxic
One of the most engaging activities we partake in as social creatures is gossiping. It doesn’t need to have a negative connotation. Studies have shown that gossip can be good for us as long as we don’t steer it into something obsessive or toxic (1). Gossip can be a good way to vent, and studies show we usually gossip with people we trust. So if she’s willing to gossip with you, she trusts you.
22. Talk about music
Music is the one art form that transcends all borders. You don’t need formal education, income, or be a professional to love music as it’s inside every one of us. Share your favorite artists or songs with her and ask her about the ones she likes. You can even make it relevant by saying, “This place reminds me of this song by XYZ” or “The soundtrack to this movie is a lot like this artist’s I like.”
23. Don’t be afraid to cheer each other
If you’re not in the best of moods, your natural inclination will be to avoid conversation. You’re hardly at your most charming, sociable, and likable self when you’re feeling low. Be open about having a bad day or an argument with a close friend or family member. As you talk through these issues, you might find that you’re having a deeply invested, honest conversation about something you usually wouldn’t talk about.
24. Make observations
Sometimes, during a conversation, you need to look around and observe what is going on. You could talk about the song playing in the bar and how it makes you feel, discuss the smell or decor of a restaurant, or view a picnic venue. Sometimes, making conversation is as simple as looking around you, noticing things, and talking about them.
25. Let the conversation flow naturally
Not every conversation has to be (or can be) scripted and go according to a planned schedule. As humans, we’re bound to react to things organically, and conversations can go independently. It becomes a natural conversation because no one is really “trying.” Learn to recognize this feeling and embrace it when it happens to you.
With time, making conversation becomes easier and more natural as you and the other person sync to each other’s rhythms and nature. With some of these tips in hand and by keeping an open mind, you can have more effortless conversations that are not only enjoyable at the moment but will also remain with you as good memories.