Life can become dull and even miserable when you no longer have butterflies in your stomach when you are around your husband and the thought of ‘I don’t love my husband anymore’ lingers. This predicament of yours can leave you confused and lost for answers.
Love is magical, and when you are with the person you love, you feel like you’re in seventh heaven. The fantastic feelings of joy and love increase further when you tie the nuptial knot and say, “I do.” But all these can go downhill when you begin to doubt your feelings.
Keep reading to know the reasons behind your feeling of lovelessness for your hubby and learn what you can do about it.
Signs You Don’t Love Your Husband Anymore
Many reasons can add up to the fact that you are not in love with your husband. These are the signs to look out for.
1. You are no longer attracted to his scent
Many people are unaware that when you love someone, you automatically find their scent to be appealing. In a study, it was found out that scent, memory, and emotions are all intertwined with one another (1). Finding another person’s smell to be attractive is due to the pheromones.
So, when you start to find your husband’s smell to be unappealing, it is because you are no longer fond of the person he is now. Trying to understand why you fell out of love can be quite confusing and overwhelming, so a therapist can help you figure it out.
2. You are happier with your non-existent sex life
Intimacy plays a big part in a romantic relationship. Making love to the person you love should make you feel giddy. However, if you do not enjoy the thought of being intimate with your partner, then it’s a sign you are no longer in love with them.
Instead of enjoying your husband’s touch, you give him a disdainful or resentful look, and when your partner senses it, he recoils from touching you further. If you want to try and reciprocate the feeling your husband is showing you and are failing to do so, going to a marriage counselor can often be quite helpful.
3. You no longer care about your husband’s opinion
A loving marriage is based on cooperation and understanding each other’s needs, one where you consider your partner’s opinion to make an important decision. You always want to ask your husband what they think. If you no longer heed what your husband says or does, it is mostly because you are not in love with him anymore.
4. You feel envious of other happy couples
One of the worst feelings, when you are in a marriage, is feeling lonely. Thinking that you will have a happy married life only to realize that you do not love your husband anymore may seem like you are trapped and suffocated. It could even make you jealous when you see other happy couples.
It is mostly because you miss the love you shared with your husband once upon a time, and no matter how much you try, you are left with the feeling of loneliness.
5. You feel emotionally burdened
In a happy relationship, couples cannot wait to see their partner after a long day of work. However, if you feel emotionally exhausted thinking about seeing your partner after a long day of work, it means the love that you once had has diminished over time.
If you try to engage in work or keep busy so that you do not have to spend time with your husband, then it is high time you come face-to-face with the fact that your marriage is no longer working.
‘I Don’t Love My Husband Anymore’ What To Do?
One of the most daunting things in a marriage is confronting that you no longer love your spouse, and it is time to move on. Things become especially hard when you are in an unhappy marriage and are unsure whether to file for a divorce or take some more time. Beating yourself up for falling out of love with your husband will not help either of you, instead having an open conversation about what you want in the future will help you figure out things quicker.
In a study (2), it was seen that an unhappy marriage tends to have a negative effect on mental and physical well-being. It was further seen that women tend to be affected more than men (3). Going to a therapist and talking about why you don’t love your husband anymore will help you think with a clear mind.
Miriam Bellamy, a blogger and marriage counselor, narrates how she quit getting deeply involved with her husband. She says, “Somehow, over the years, my identity got all wrapped up in his. Between the marriage and adding kids to the mix, my world was closing in on me. Weird, autonomic symptoms I’d had since I was a teenager developed into a chronic illness that left me feeling significant fatigue. The more I got focused on the marriage, the less David (her husband) focused. The more I focused on the marriage, the more flaws I saw in him and in me…the more he checked out…the easier it became to blame him for everything. I was the one WORKING on things. HE was NOT. I was trying to develop myself by going to therapy, reading, studying, visiting my family more and developing those relationships, and every other form of self-improvement. HE was benefiting without lifting a finger. The more I worked, the less respect I had for him, the sicker I got. And then I started checking out (i).”
You always have two options when you are no longer attracted to your spouse, you can either get separated and move on with time or stay and fight for it. If two options seem quite extreme, have an open conversation about what you both want in the years to come.
How To Tell Your Husband That You Don’t Love Him?
Understand that no one can permit you to get out of a loveless or unhappy marriage. You are the one who has to make the decision and go with it.
When you decide to have an honest and open conversation about what went wrong in your marriage, it can become quite emotional and heart-wrenching for both of you. And so, you might make the wrong decision. Hence, a marriage counselor can help you and your husband figure out the root cause of the dissatisfaction and feelings of abandonment in the relationship. Once you know, you both can work together to better your bond.
You must remember that no long-term relationship has that “spark” one experiences in the initial stages. Instead, it is the devotion and affection for one another that grows over time. Before both of you decide to separate, taking some time apart from one another can be a good option. It gives you the time and space to think alone about your marriage and life.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What makes a woman stop loving her husband?
A woman may stop loving her husband when-
- She feels neglected and does not feel respected and cared for
- She feels betrayed as he could be cheating on her
- There are communication issues, and her efforts to save the relationship are not reciprocated
- The husband is overly needy, overprotective, and jealous
- She received only criticism and no appreciation
2. How do I fall back in love with my husband?
It is possible to fall back in love with your husband by making some conscious efforts with patience and empathy.
- Focus on what you love about him
- Spend some time away from him
- Plan new activities together
- Make it a point to talk to him and discuss everything, good or bad
- Rekindle intimacy
- Control your anger or frustration and find healthy ways to vent your feelings
- See a counselor or therapist
3. Is it common to experience a shift in feelings towards a spouse over time?
Yes, change of emotions is natural in all relationships. You might not feel butterflies in your stomach every time you see your spouse, and the excitement of the initial days might wane with time. However, although circumstances, daily routines, and challenges can cause a shift in feelings, this may not always mean that you’ve fallen out of love. Open communication and some quality time together may help rekindle the spark.
4. What are some strategies for moving forward and creating a new life if the decision is made to end the marriage?
Try getting back into your lost hobbies or develop new ones to stay occupied while alone and try to get out of the negative headspace and by doing something constructive. Start engaging more with your family and friends for support. Moreover, avoid the places you and your spouse visited in the initial days. They could trigger unwanted memories and stress. Finally, one of the most important things is not rushing into another relationship until you find peace within yourself.
5. How do I stay with my husband I don’t love?
Whether or not to stay with your husband is a decision to be made based on your current situation and emotional state and the type of bond you share. To decide, you may take a moment to self-reflect and what made you fall out of love. In addition, try to consult your trusted family members and friends. If, after considering these factors and keeping your personal growth as a priority, you feel it is okay to reevaluate your expectation, you may begin by openly communicating with your husband or seeking a counselor.
There could be many reasons for falling out of love with your husband. If the bond is strong and you are good friends with him, try to reconstruct your marriage. Breaking a marriage can complicate many things for you and your family. If you have children, it might affect their lives as well. Identify the cause behind falling out of love and check if you can work on the issues. If the issue is unresolvable and you find yourself saying, “I don’t love my husband anymore,” speak with friends, family members, or a counselor to seek their suggestions. Check all the possibilities of fixing the issue before making any irreversible decisions.
Infographic: Top 4 Alternatives To Ending Your Marriage
You may come across moments in your marriage wherein you might want to move away from your spouse or end the relationship. Hold on! Give it the last chance by following some of the positive ways to save your marriage that we list in this infographic.
- If you don’t care about your husband’s opinion any longer, or if being physical with him no longer excites you, there’s a possibility you don’t love him anymore.
- An unhappy marriage can negatively impact you, so seeing a therapist might help you clear your mind and straighten things out.
- A marriage counselor can assist you and your husband in determining the main reason for your discontent if you choose to open up to your husband.
Personal Experience: Source
i. How I quit wasting energy on my husband (without checking out of the marriage);
- What the nose knows; The Harvard Gazette;
- D N Hawkins; Unhappily Ever After;
- D Smith; Why a bad marriage is worse for women than men; American Psychological Association;