We marry someone we love to spend a lifetime with them. But then life happens, and love is tested time and again. Couples experience a myriad of emotions together. One such emotion is hatred.
As a husband, there may be times when you may feel you hate your wife and cannot stand her anymore. You probably have felt the same for a family member, friend, or colleague. But your wife is close to your heart, so is it even possible to hate her? You may say that “I have reasons why I hate my wife.” But is it hate that you feel for her or some other emotion? Let’s find out.
Is It Normal To Hate Your Wife?
Every long-term relationship goes through different phases. It begins with intense love when you are attracted to your spouse. You find your wife’s little quirks adorable. Her cackling laughter, innocent curiosity, and even her habit of punching your arm seem cute.
But as the relationship progresses and you get familiar with each other, the intensity of your attraction may fade. As a married couple, you may face situations where you feel disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, and angry with your partner. If these instances outweigh the moments of peace and love you experience with your wife, you may start to dislike her and eventually feel hatred for her.
You may miss the happy times you spent together and start resenting your wife for having changed since then. Perhaps it is you who has changed, and now you have certain expectations from her. You are probably at that stage in life where you think differently and want different things from life. Alternatively, your wife hasn’t been able to catch up to the ‘new you,’ which might make you dislike her.
It is normal to dislike your wife at times because marriage needs constant work from both sides. No matter how hard you or your spouse tries, there will be good and bad days in your relationship. There will be days when you may hate your wife, and then there will be days when you feel immense love for her.
To make your relationship right with her, know the reasons behind your hatred and try to work on them.
10 Reasons Why You Hate Your Wife
There is a lot that can go wrong between couples. Here are some reasons why you could hate your wife.
1. She hardly contributes to the relationship
In a marriage, partners should contribute equally to make it work smoothly. But when one partner slacks in any way, it causes a misbalance, affecting the marriage. Your wife may have too much on her plate already or probably prioritizes work over family, which is why she may not be able to contribute to family affairs. You may find her negligence irksome and resent her for the same.
2. She neglects you emotionally
Do you find your wife neglecting you all of a sudden? For example, her new job might be stressing her, or if you have had a baby, your wife has probably devoted all her time and attention to the little one. As a result, you feel that she neglects you and prioritizes your child or work. Such instances may make you dislike her.
3. She gives you a silent treatment
When couples have differences, they sort them out by talking and debating. But if your wife refuses to speak to you and instead gives you the silent treatment, it can be frustrating and humiliating. Lack of communication can cause irreparable damage to the relationship. Your wife’s inconsiderate and cold behavior can make you detesther.
4. She tries to change you
Partners need to make sacrifices and adjustments for a successful marriage. Your wife may not like your certain habits, and instead of adjusting, she may try to change you. She may nag you to change and be constantly behind you. But if you are the only one changing, while she makes no effort to adjust, it can lead to resentment towards her.
5. She complains a lot
Does your wife get too demanding and doesn’t see the efforts you put into making her happy? You work hard to give your wife and children a comfortable life. However, when you return home after a tiring day at work, you expect peace. Instead, all you receive is your wife’s complaints. Her inconsiderate behavior can hurt you, leading you to dislike or hate her.
6. She avoids physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is an integral part of marriage. If your physical needs are not met, it may cause frustration. Your wife may often be tired from work or looking after the children and might have lost interest in sex. You need to make efforts to help her regain her lost interest. However, despite your efforts, if she shows no change or withholds love, it can take a toll on you and make you hate her.
7. She does not respect you
Respect for each other keeps the relationship going. But if your wife doesn’t respect you, then you are bound to feel bitter towards her. For example, you might expect her to involve you in big decisions she makes, such as changing job, buying something expensive, or deciding on your child’s school. But when she does not consult you or even inform you, you might feel disrespected and angry.
8. She fights dirty with you
Suppose you forget to do the laundry. Instead of reminding you about it, your wife launches a personal attack. She calls you names, reminds you of your past mistakes and even tells you that you are a bad person. She gets angry too soon and does not consider how her acidic words might affect you. Such behavior can make you despise her.
9. She spends too much time on her devices
Phubbing is the habit of ignoring your companion to focus on your phone or other digital devices. If your wife does this too often, it is natural to feel hurt. Spending quality time with your family is the basic need, and if your wife prefers her phone over you, it is insulting and painful.
10.She refuses to accept her mistake
Does she believe that she is always right and finds it difficult to admit her mistake? She seldom apologizes, and even if she does, she does it superficially. And the rare moments when she apologizes, she expects to be forgiven instantly. Such unreasonable behavior can frustrate you and make you feel contempt towards her.
What To Do When You Hate Your Wife?
Hate is a strong emotion that is felt only for someone who has hurt you tremendously in irreparable ways. But what if the supposed hatred you feel for your wife subsides after a while, and you realize you still care for her? Here’s what you can do to sort your issues.
1.Talk it out with her
One of the biggest reasons for misunderstanding between couples is lack of communication. If your wife does something that bothers or annoys you, talk to her about it. Explain what is troubling you. Make her understand why a healthy conversation is essential and see if both of you can come with a solution to deal with it.
2.Join a common activity
Maybe the reason for your differences is the lack of quality time you spend together. Joining a common hobby class or activity group can bring you closer. It will motivate you to make time for each other while participating in something you enjoy doing as a couple. This fun time can help resolve the bitterness you hold toward your wife and make you fall for her all over again.
3.Work on yourself
Sometimes it is not the other person but you who need to change. Perhaps you are stressed about something at work and projecting the frustration onto your wife. You may be struggling with something, and the pent-up anger and tension may convert into resentment for your wife, especially if she is doing better in life. Try to identify stress triggers and work on tackling them.
4.Fall in love with her again
Time changes, and so do people. Your wife may not be the same carefree and sexy woman with whom you enjoyed late-night dinners. Now she may be a responsible and devoted wife who takes great care of children and the household, so you do not have to worry about it. She may not have the time or interest to go trekking with you, but she knows how to balance family and work life. Therefore, try to appreciate all that she does for you and your family and cherish her love.
5. Visit a marriage counselor
If the situation in your marriage is extremely tense, try seeking professional help. A qualified counselor will try to find out why you dislike or hate your wife and guide you through your feelings to sort them and eventually address the problem the right way.
Every person has a good and bad side, and so does your wife. As a life partner, if you fall in love with your wife’s good side, you have to accept and accommodate her bad side too. But sometimes, accepting her bad side may mean losing your self-respect. In such a case, it is always best to talk to her and make her understand how her behavior affects you. Breaking a relationship does not take much time but sticking by the one you love despite the challenges drives a relationship.