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In romantic relationships, partners are on an emotional journey together. This journey can sometimes be a rollercoaster, with many ups and downs along the way. When things are down, thoughts like “I hate my wife” are not unnatural.
However, your wife is the closest person to your heart, and it’s important to resolve the issues so you can get back to normalcy and enjoy your life together. Here, we talk about whether it’s normal to hate your wife and the resolutions you may seek.
Is It Normal To Hate Your Wife?
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Every long-term relationship goes through different phases. It begins with intense love when you are attracted to your spouse. You find your wife’s little quirks adorable. Her cackling laughter, innocent curiosity, and even her habit of punching your arm seem cute.
But as the relationship progresses and you get familiar with each other, the intensity of your attraction may fade. As a married couple, you may face situations where you feel disappointed, frustrated, annoyed, or angry with your partner. If these instances outweigh the moments of peace and love you experience with your wife, you may start to dislike her and eventually develop repugnant feelings for her.
You may miss the happy times you spent together and start resenting your wife for having changed since then. Perhaps it is you who has changed, and now you have certain expectations from her. You may be at a stage in life where you think differently and want different things from life. Alternatively, your wife hasn’t been able to catch up to the ‘new you,’ which might make you dislike her.
In a similar context, a blogger named Slightly Anonymous shares how his wife’s tendency to change things, from her hair to their house, may have affected his feelings towards her. He says, “It’s not the hair really. I mean, it’s kind of the hair. But it’s mostly this urge she has to change everything all the time. I love my wife. But I’m going through one of those times where I don’t like her very much. This seems to happen more and more these days. I used to get it once a year. Now I get it a couple of times a month. I’m afraid that the future is not going to look pretty for us if the frequency of this feeling increases. And we’ve only been married ten years — imagine what the 30th year is going to be like! (i).”
It is normal to dislike or loathe your wife at times because marriage needs constant work from both sides. No matter how hard you or your spouse try, there will be good and bad days and some long periods of difficult time in your relationship. There will be days when you may hate your wife, and then there will be days when you feel immense love for her.
To make your relationship right with her, know the reasons behind your hatred and try to work on them.
10 Reasons Why You Hate Your Wife
There is a lot that can go wrong between couples. Here are some reasons why you could hate your wife.
1. She hardly contributes to the relationship
In a marriage, partners should contribute equally to make it work smoothly. However, there are times when one of you may have to pick up more and vice-versa. But when one partner slacks in any way, it causes a misbalance, affecting the marriage. Your wife may have too much on her plate already or might prioritize work over family, which is why she may not be able to contribute to family affairs. You may find her negligence irksome and resent her for the same.
2. She neglects you emotionally
Do you find your wife neglecting you all of a sudden? For example, her new job might be stressing her out. If you have had a baby, your wife has probably devoted so much more of her time and attention to the little one. As a result, you feel that she neglects you and prioritizes your child or work. These types of instances may make you dislike her.
3. She gives you a silent treatment
When couples have differences, they sort them out by talking and debating. But if your wife refuses to speak to you and instead gives you the silent treatment, it can be frustrating and humiliating. Lack of communication over long periods of time can cause irreparable damage to the relationship. Your wife’s inconsiderate and cold behavior can make your feelings so negative that you might say you detest her.
4. She tries to change you
Partners need to make sacrifices and adjustments for a successful marriage. Your wife may not like your habits lately, and instead of adjusting, she may try to change you and revile you. She may nag you to change and be constantly unhappy with you. But if you are the only one changing, while she makes no effort to adjust, it can lead to resentment towards her.
5. She complains a lot
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Does your wife get too demanding and doesn’t see the efforts you put into making her happy? You work hard to give your wife and children a comfortable life. However, when you return home after a tiring day at work, you expect peace. Instead, all you receive is your wife’s complaints Her inconsiderate behavior can hurt you, leading you to dislike or abhor her.
6. She avoids physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is an integral part of marriage. If your physical needs are not met, it may cause frustration. Your wife may often be tired from work or looking after the children and might have lost interest in sex. You need to make efforts to help her regain her lost interest. However, despite your efforts, if she shows no change or withholds love, it can take a toll on you and make you feel hate for her.
7. She does not respect you
Respect for each other keeps the relationship going. But if your wife doesn’t respect you, then you are bound to feel bitter towards her. For example, you might expect her to involve you in big decisions she makes, such as changing her job, buying something expensive, or deciding on your child’s school. But when she does not consult you or even inform you, you might feel disrespected and angry.
8. She fights dirty with you
Suppose you forget to do the laundry. Instead of reminding you about it, your wife launches a personal attack filled with a sense of revulsion. She calls you names, reminds you of your past mistakes, and even tells you that you are a bad person. She gets angry too soon and does not consider how her acidic words might affect you. Such behavior can make you despise her and fill your heart with a strong sense of loathing for her.
9. She spends too much time on her devices
Phubbing is the habit of ignoring your companion to focus on your phone or other digital devices. If your wife does this too often, it is natural to feel hurt. Spending quality time with your family is the basic need, and if your wife prefers her phone over you, it is insulting and painful.
10.She refuses to accept her mistake
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Does she believe that she is always right and finds it difficult to admit her mistake? She seldom apologizes, and even if she does, she does it superficially. And the rare moments when she apologizes, she expects to be forgiven instantly. Such unreasonable behavior can irritate and frustrate you and make you feel contempt toward her.
What To Do When You Hate Your Wife?
Hate is a strong emotion that is felt only for someone who has hurt you tremendously in irreparable ways and has left you infuriated. But what if the supposed hatred you feel for your wife subsides after a while, and you realize you still care for her? Here’s what you can do to sort out your issues.
1.Talk it out with her
One of the biggest reasons for misunderstanding between couples is lack of communication. If your wife does something that bothers or annoys you, talk to her about it. Explain what is troubling you. Make her understand why a healthy conversation is essential and see if both of you can come with a solution to deal with it.
2. Join a common activity
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Maybe the reason for your differences is the lack of quality time you spend together. Joining a common hobby class or activity group can bring you closer. It will motivate you to make time for each other while participating in something you enjoy doing as a couple. This fun time can help resolve the bitterness you hold toward your wife and make you fall for her all over again.
3.Work on yourself
Sometimes it is not the other person but you who need to change. Perhaps you are stressed about something at work and projecting the frustration onto your wife. You may be struggling with something, and the pent-up anger and tension may convert into resentment for your wife, especially if she is doing better in life. Try to identify stress triggers and work on tackling them.
4. Fall in love with her again
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Time changes, and so do people. Your wife may not be the same carefree and sexy woman with whom you enjoyed late-night dinners. Now she may be a responsible and devoted wife who takes great care of children and the household, so you do not have to worry about it. She may not have the time or interest to go trekking with you, but she knows how to balance family and work life. Therefore, try to appreciate all that she does for you and your family and cherish her love.
5. Visit a marriage counselor
If the situation in your marriage is extremely tense, and the hatred or animosity between you two is increasing day by day, try seeking professional help. A qualified counselor will try to find out why you have come to dislike or hate your wife and guide you through your feelings to sort them out and eventually address the problem the right way.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. When to call it quits in a marriage?
If you have tried everything to mend your relationship, but your partner is not communicating or willing to fix it, it signals you to call it quits. Also, infidelity, abuse, and one-sided effort are other reasons why you can give up on your marriage.
2. Is it better to stay in an unhappy marriage?
No, it is not suitable for you and your partner to stay together in an unhappy marriage. Instead, work together to resolve your differences and keep separation and divorce as your last options.
3. What is walkaway wife syndrome?
Walkaway wife syndrome is when a married woman becomes emotionally detached and decides to leave the marriage without prior communication or attempts to resolve issues. It involves a gradual disengagement and is marked by a perception that the wife has not put effort into resolving the problems from her perspective.
Thoughts like ’I hate my wife’ may occur due to various reasons, such as her silent treatment towards you, as well as her constant complaints, avoidance of physical intimacy, and disrespectful attitude. If you don’t want to sever your relationship, confronting and resolving these issues with her by open communication will help you. You should also work on yourself since it’s possible that your stress has turned into bitterness toward your wife. Make sure you leave no stone unturned to make it work before giving up on your marriage.
Lastly, it is helpful to understand that all couples will go through times when they “hate” their spouse. Whether weeks or months long, it is inevitable when you must weather storms, disappointments, or tragedies. You must remain a team and work through the issues. A happy, fulfilling, and enduring marriage is a constant work in progress.
Infographic: Reasons For Hating Your Wife
You married the love of your life and have been together for years now. So the occasional or sudden feeling of hatred towards your wife may be confusing and distressing. To help you put things into perspective, this infographic provides the common reasons behind such a feeling and things you can do to handle it. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Key Pointers
- If your wife is always on the phone and emotionally unavailable for you, it can be the basis for you to hate your wife.
- Fighting too much, disrespect, and absence of physical intimacy are a few reasons for hating your wife.
- You can try talking out your issues or visit a marriage counselor to deal with the situation.
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ShareFeeling overwhelmed and frustrated with your wife? Get some tips on how to cope and what to do if you hate your wife from this helpful video
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. I hate my wife’s stupid hair.https://medium.com/@SlightlyAnonymous/i-hate-my-wife-s-stupid-hair-a1daafd4fb0c
References
- Karen E Sims and Marta Meana; (2010); Why did passion wane? A qualitative study of married women’s attributions for declines in sexual desire; NCBI.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20574890/
