9 Signs Of Being Insecure In Relationship & Tips To Overcome

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Being insecure in a relationship can stagger its growth. Do you have a constant fear about your partner? Then this post can help you deal with it.

Feelings of doubt against your partner or lack of confidence in the relationship without apparent reason can be signs of insecurity. While it is normal to fear losing one another, if this starts to take over you and provide for a strong feeling of uncertainty regarding the relationship, you need to address it before it gets too late.

In this post, we tell you about the insecurity in a relationship, including its causes, signs, and ways to overcome it.

Can Insecurities Harm A Relationship?

When insecurities are not managed, they could lead to confusion, jealousy, fears, possessiveness, and other negative emotions based on problems that may not be real. Such negativity may overshadow the positive feelings, such as love, care, and respect in the relationship, and eventually damage it.

If the negative emotions are not controlled, you and your partner may have misunderstandings, arguments, and then fights. It may be tiring for one partner to reassure the insecure one time again about their commitment and love. And as time passes, this could cause more disturbances and imbalance in the relationship.

While it is essential to manage insecurity in a relationship, not everyone may realize that these feelings are associated with insecurity. Here are some signs to help you recognize them.

Possible Signs Of Insecurity In A Relationship

A healthy romantic relationship should make you feel safe, special, and respected. But when insecurities become a part of the relationship, you may experience certain unpleasant emotions that, when not acknowledged or addressed, could harm the relationship. Some of the common signs that you may notice are mentioned next.

1. You have trust issues

You find it hard to believe when your partner says they are in a meeting and not with someone else. When your partner gets a gift, you think there’s some hidden intention behind it. You assume they are lying to you about almost everything.

If you relate to these, it suggests that you could be feeling insecure in the relationship. Trust is the foundation of a romantic relationship. When you are unable to trust your significant other, and the faith in your relationship is weak, you cannot be yourself, and there’s a constant doubt in your mind. Lack of trust is usually a red flag for the relationship.

2. You get anxious easily

When there’s a conflict, you may get anxious thinking that your partner may misunderstand you, judge you, or leave you. It could be a small miscommunication between you two, but you may be afraid of telling the truth or being honest about your opinions, thinking your partner will reject you.

Constant fear of losing your partner is not a sign of a healthy relationship, but rather an insecure one. An ideal relationship keeps you free from those negative thoughts, giving you the confidence to establish clear communication without any worries.

3. You don’t give your partner space

An insecure person may constantly want to be with their companion or know about their everywhereabouts. You look for constant communication and may get paranoid if your partner doesn’t respond. This behavior may weaken the bond between the two of you, and the constant questioning and nagging may tire you both. The extent of your insecurity shows when you cannot leave them alone, even for a few minutes.

4. You are too dependent on your partner

If you look to your partner for happiness, depend on them too heavily or need them to make you feel smart or attractive, these may be warning signs that you rely on them more than you should. Eventually, you may become a different person just to please your partner. This scenario is similar to being in a codependency trap, which is also a sign of insecurity.

5. You want constant validation from your significant other

It is not unreasonable to seek reassurance from your loved one from time to time. But if you feel a constant need for validation and approval, you could be acting out of insecurity.

In such a case, there are chances that your partner may get tired of you, making you more insecure. And if this happens, your relationship could slowly start falling apart. This factor overlaps with codependency in a relationship, which could also be a red flag to look for.

6. You overthink about your relationship

You try to read your partner’s mind or make assumptions that they hadn’t even been intending or thinking about. You suspect that they are doing something wrong, when they aren’t. And instead of enjoying a beautiful feeling of love, you make up negative stories in your mind.

This is also a sign of insecurity that can overshadow the good things in your relationship. Overthinking could create problems that didn’t exist before.

7. You closely monitor your partner’s activities

Another sign of insecurity is when you want access to your partner’s devices and accounts. You want to know if your significant other is secretly chatting or talking to someone, or if any of their friends are influencing them. You want to check your partner’s history and monitor their activities on social media regularly.

This act of insecurity could result in arguments and disagreements. If not controlled in time, the uncertainties may become stronger, causing more harm to your relationship.

8. You pick fights

Do you often fight with your partner, only to realize it was a petty issue to fight over? That’s a common sign of insecurity. You tend to pick the small problems, fight over it, get defensive, and hurt your loved one.

Something as trivial as your partner liking or commenting on someone’s picture on Facebook may bother you. Or, you may pick a fight about your partner spending too much time at the market or in completing some chore. These small fights may be either to gain attention or to meet your complex demands. Either way, it shows that the partner is insecure.

9. You have issues with physical intimacy

If you have a fear of being rejected by your partner, then you may not be able to get sexually close to them. You might try to get intimate, but something pulls you back. It could be a bad past or fear of not being able to meet your partner’s expectations. Whatever the reason is, a struggle with intimacy can also be a sign of insecurity in a relationship.

Insecurity about your partner or lack of faith in a relationship is not usually a result of an overnight experience. There could be one or more factors responsible for it and identifying them may help you to manage or overcome your fears.

Possible Reasons For Insecurity In A Relationship

Feeling insecure at times is natural, but some may be in constant fear of being rejected or the relationship ending, and act based on that fear. The reasons for this could vary from one person to another, but the common ones include:

  • Rejection or failure or being cheated on in past

Some incidents from the past may affect the relationship in the present. It could be the trauma of being rejected and feeling humiliated, of being cheated by the previous partner, experiencing a failure, or a bad childhood. Any of these experiences could affect your self-esteem and may make you insecure in the relationship.

  • High expectations

Some people may have high standards, and this behavior may emerge in their relationship too. For instance, your partner expects too much from you, and you may not be able to meet their standards. In such a scenario, you may feel insecure and worry that they may leave you for someone better.

  • Social anxiety

What others may think about you or your partner may act as a catalyst in building your insecurities. You tend to become self-conscious. Instead of thinking about your loved one, you give priority to others. Such behavior could severely affect your relationship.

Insecurities, when tamed, can bring a balance to your relationship. All you have to do is learn how to.

How To Overcome Insecurities In A Relationship?

The first step to managing insecurities is communication. You may be hesitant to share your thoughts with your partner but connecting with them is essential. They may understand your patterns of insecurities and help you out too so that you both can together overcome the challenges and enjoy a romantic relationship.

You can also follow a few other tips to manage your insecurities better.

1. Identify the root cause

It is not possible to get over your insecurities until you identify what is causing them. Take an in-depth look at your life, dig into your past, and figure out what is negatively impacting your romantic life. Is it your previous relationship, or childhood experience, or bad dating history? Once you pinpoint the reasons, you can identify the best ways to tackle them.

2. Be independent and maintain your self-esteem

It is essential to be content within to reflect it on the outside. Even when you are in a relationship, you must give preference to yourself. Learn to feel good about yourself. Take steps towards self-improvement and you’ll begin to notice changes from within. The happier you are, the better you will envision the world and your relationship. You could read books, get a spa, spend time with your friends, and do anything that brings a smile to your face. And soon, you could notice your insecurities disappearing.

3. Don’t overthink and be accepting

Keep your past issues aside from your present life. If your partner says they have a meeting and will be late today, then accept it instead of overthinking and assuming that they are lying. When you assume or imagine things, you are taking a step further towards damaging your relationship. Accept them as they are. If you find that your partner has given you legitimate reasons to distrust them, then talk it out with them. But be careful not to base your opinions on hurts or disappointments from past relationships.

4. Control yourself, not the relationship

If you think your partner should live up to your expectations and that your relationship should always go your way, you are probably acting on your insecurities and damaging the relationship. A healthy and loving relationship does not involve controlling the partner or the bond but moves at a pace that both the partners are comfortable with. Trying to control would only be a bump in the road on your journey together.

5. Trust your partner and give them their space

The basic requirement of a healthy relationship is trust. No matter how your previous relationships were, you won’t be able to make the current relationship work when you doubt your partner’s every move or word.

And when you trust, you will be able to give your partner the space they need. They may have their own requirements or likes and dislikes and may want to engage in some activities that they enjoy, but you may not. Give them freedom to do what they want to do. Redirect your energy into doing things you enjoy and see how much lighter you feel without your insecurities.

6. Never compare your relationship

Another important rule is not to compare your partner with anyone. And do not compare your current relationship with your past ones, or with other people’s relationships. Doing so can make your partner uncomfortable or even jealous and make them insecure about themselves.

Every relationship is unique and has its own positive and negative aspects. A comparison may cause multiple insecurities and break the bond with your partner. Every time you have the urge to compare, stop and think about all the good things that you have with your partner and don’t concern yourself with others.

A slight feeling of insecurity in a relationship is natural and healthy to keep the love and attachment strong. But once it turns into an over-possessive and controlling behavior, it can become toxic. Therefore, if you feel insecure in a relationship, you should know the signs to recognize when you are overdoing it. Try not to let your emotions overpower you, and first approach your partner with understanding and trust. Have open communication and be expressive while also focusing on yourself to lead a happy and healthy relationship.

Key Pointers

  • Insecurity in a relationship can often lead to misunderstandings and jealousy.
  • Getting anxious about your partner or overthinking are possible signs of insecurity.
  • Controlling yourself, trusting your partner, and giving each other space can help you overcome the situation.

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Clifton Riley

(CTHF, CLC, CMS)
Clifton Riley is a talk show host, podcaster, author, life coach, certified trauma healing facilitator, licensed relationship instructor, certified biblical counselor, licensed minister, and keynote speaker. He and his wife, Andrea, are founders of the Marriage Service Technicians. Their organization’s mission is to ‘equip relationships with tools to go the distance’. Their unique approach draws correlations between repairing and maintaining... more

Shikha Thakur

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship articles, where she deals with both the rosy and the grey side... more