'Is She Using Me?' 15 Signs To Watch Out For

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You see a gorgeous and kind woman, and everything between the two of you is going great. But there is something off about the relationship that may raise a question, “Is she using me?” Though you have deep emotions for her, you are unsure about her intentions. There are days she goes all out and showers you with immense love, and then there are some days when she acts like you are nobody and do not exist.

It may be difficult to consider and then determine if your partner is using you, especially when you have strong feelings for her. Some people may be good at convincing, but several indicators may help you figure out the truth.

Keep reading this post as we talk about tell-a-tale signs your partner is using you.

Why Your Partner Might Be Using You?

Why would a woman you like and adore decide to take advantage of you? What motivates her to mistreat you and break your heart? People, be it women or men, might use others for a variety of reasons. These reasons often indicate that they don’t mind trampling on your feelings. Here are a few possible reasons your partner might be using you.

  • Some people like to be the center of attention. The adoration they receive from others is a huge ego boost for them. Such people love having someone around to pay them the attention they crave.
  • Some people are stuck on their ex and might use you to make their ex jealous. They want to flaunt you in front of their ex to prove they have moved on.
  • Certain individuals may not be interested in you but in someone close to you. They might use you to gain easy access to this person.
  • A few people want someone who is always available for them. They connect with a person who does their chores, solves their problems, and slaves away while they sit back and relax.
  • Some people use others for sex. They get close to someone to meet their physical needs while keeping other options open.
  • Some people want to live a high life. They love things that money can buy and find it acceptable to use others for their money. By being with you, they will get to enjoy all your privileges.

15 Clear Signs She Is Using You

Read on as we tell you the clear signs she is using you. Keep an eye out for these signs to decide if the woman you are dating or in a relationship is worthy of your love, trust, and time.

1. You pay all her bills

Every time you two go out, you end up paying for everything. You always pick up the tab when you go on a date. If you go shopping, you pay for her clothes. Whenever you go on trips, you pay for the tickets and the lodging. She even asks you to pay her phone bills by giving you lame excuses.

While it is ok to pay for your girlfriend sometimes, you should remember that a relationship is a partnership, and the two of you should be on equal footing. If you have been paying all her bills until now, it is a clear indicator she is using you for your money.

2. She comes to you only when she needs help

She completely blows you off when she is doing well — she ignores your texts and calls, insults you, or is rude to you. Even if she is free, she doesn’t show much interest in meeting you and tells you she needs her space. However, whenever she needs something, her behavior changes — she suddenly acts friendly, compliments you, and tries to sweet-talk you.

While it is natural to seek each other’s help, depending on the other person to fulfill every need signals exploitation. If you get the feeling that she comes to you only when she wants something, she might be using you.

3. The relationship feels one-sided

A relationship is a two-way street. Both partners have to put in efforts to make it succeed. If you are the only one putting in all the hard work, the relationship is one-sided.

A woman who truly likes you would be grateful for all your work to make the relationship work. She would appreciate all your gestures, however small they may be, and ensures that she reciprocates and makes you happy. A woman who doesn’t reciprocate is most likely taking advantage of you.

4. She manipulates you

A manipulator in a relationship only cares about fulfilling their whims and needs. They are selfish and don’t care about their partner’s feelings. A woman who uses you is manipulating and controlling your actions to get what she wants. You might be led to do things you don’t agree with and she might try emotionally blackmailing you. Even if she makes mistakes, she will blame you and force you to apologize.

She might also hold off sex or use it as a reward to coerce you into fulfilling her demands. Playing the victim, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping are classic signs of a manipulator. This is the definition of a type of toxic relationship, one that is unlikely to change.

5. She does everything on her terms

A woman who is using you will do everything on her terms. She will discard your opinions because you are only a means to an end. She will do things that make her happy without caring about your happiness.

If she wants to go to a particular place for dinner, she will demand to go there. All your dates or outings will be according to her choices. You already have something planned, but she wants to go out with her friends; she will ditch you or persuade you to give in to her demands. In such a relationship, you will always be the one who has to compromise.

6. Your friends have not warmed up to her

Sometimes, your close friends see the things you may not see. They have the outsider’s perspective and can sense her true nature sooner than you do. Do your friends dislike your girlfriend? Have they tried to caution you about her? Do they believe she is taking advantage of you?

If they think she is using you, she likely is. She has you wrapped around her finger, so you might not notice it, but the fake charm will not fool your friends. If she realizes your friends are trying to help you, she might try to alienate you from them.

7. She demands expensive stuff

A girl who is interested in your money will demand expensive gifts from you. She would not feel happy with small romantic tokens such as flowers and would expect you to buy her big-ticket and branded items. For instance, she might demand Louboutin shoes and would not be ok with a reasonably priced pair of heels.

Often, she will make you feel guilty or bad about yourself for not giving her what she wants. If receiving gifts is one of her “love languages,” it is natural for her to ask for gifts occasionally. However, if your woman has never-ending demands and expects expensive items beyond your means, she is using you.

8. She avoids introducing you to her friends and family

A girl who is genuinely into you would happily introduce you to her friends and family. She would want the world to know you two are together. However, for a girl who is using you, you are not very important. You are just someone who is fulfilling her needs at the moment. Once she gets what she wants from you, she moves on.

Introducing you to friends or family would be an unnecessary complication for her. It would also be risky since she might fear someone exposing her in front of you. She might give you flimsy excuses if you keep insisting. Even if you run into them, she would introduce you as her friend and not boyfriend.

9. She disregards your needs

Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, your girlfriend is unavailable. Even if you are not well, she doesn’t offer to take care of you. She might send caring messages, but she doesn’t personally come and help. All you get from her are excuses.

When you vent to her about something, she doesn’t pay attention, changes the topic, or tells you to stop complaining. However, if she wants to vent or needs help, you are expected to listen. If your girlfriend disregards your needs and ditches you in difficult situations, it is a huge red flag.

10. There is no emotional connection

An emotional connection between a couple is essential to build a healthy relationship. If there is no emotional connection, the relationship will fizzle out. Assess your relationship. Do you feel a strong emotional connection with your girlfriend? Does she open up to you about her life, dreams, insecurities, and emotions? Has she ever told you how she feels about you? Do you have meaningful conversations?

If your girl is closed off emotionally and only talks about materialistic things or what she wants you to do for her, she is probably taking advantage of you.

11. You are an option, not a priority

You will not be a priority for a woman who is using you. She will come to you only if she has no other option or wants something from you. You might always have to vie for her attention and time. If you ask her to spend more time with you, she might tell you that she is busy or has other plans. However, when no one else is available, she might expect you to drop everything and meet up even if you have plans. She might also make plans with you and bail out at the last minute if something else comes up more interesting to her.

You deserve someone who makes you a priority. If she treats you as merely an option, it is time to rethink the relationship.

12. Her demeanor changes if you decide to stay in

Whenever you get together, your woman is only interested in partying with friends or living it up. If you would rather choose to stay indoors, her entire demeanor changes. She scarcely gives you any attention and instead focuses on her phone or some movie that might be on.

There is also hardly any cuddling or talking, and the silence between the two of you is suffocating. If she is often grumpy when you both spend time indoors, it is a huge warning sign.

13. She often talks about one of your friends

Sometimes, people get involved with someone to get close to their friend. Such people will stay with you while building rapport with your friend and discard you once they fulfill their objective.

Does your woman bring up a particular friend of yours during random conversations? Is she enthusiastic to know more about him? Does she insist on accompanying you when she knows she will get to see this friend of yours? Have you seen her trying to be extra friendly with him, and does she seem to ignore you when he is around? If the answer to these questions is a big yes, then in all probability, she is interested in your friend, not you, and is just using you to gain access to him. A relationship like this is a colossal waste of time.

14. You don’t have a special place in her life

If a woman is into you, you would have a special place in her life, and she would try to make you a part of all the key moments in her life. On the other hand, a girl who uses you would not make any adjustments to fit you in her life. She would not inform you about the important happenings in her life, and you might come to know about them from a third person or through social media. Your Instagram might be full of her pictures, but she would avoid posting about you.

You would always be in the dark about her whereabouts. She might have grand plans for her future, but you wouldn’t feature in any of them. A person who is not ready to involve you in her life can never build a fulfilling relationship with you. It is time to end such a relationship.

15. You constantly feel drained and anxious

In your relationship, if whatever you do is never enough for her, it can make you feel drained and anxious. You try to make your woman happy and prove your love, yet it doesn’t seem to be enough. It is exhausting to always run to her aid and never get anything in return from her. Moreover, nagging, mind games, and manipulations can severely affect your mental health.

If, at some point in a relationship with your girl, your instincts say something is not right, and you wonder, is she using me? You may rather step out of it. A healthy relationship should make you feel happy and content, not apprehensive. These signs could help you understand what your girl’s true feelings are. While knowing that your partner is just using you for their selfish deeds is disgraceful and disheartening, it would help if you knew their intentions early. Moreover, being unaware of the truth may be more hurtful for you in the long run. Also, realizing the truth sooner could help move on from this toxic relationship early. Though it could be tough to deal with this situation initially, it will get better with time. Altogether, do not let the negative experience of such a relationship affect your next one. Instead, be hopeful and have faith; you will find the right person soon.

Key Pointers

  • A rebound relationship, need for money, or intimacy may be the reasons why your girl might be using you.
  • Contacting you at her convenience, keeping the relationship a secret, or ignoring your needs maybe some of the clear signs.
  • Look for more such pointers of a toxic relationship and move away for a happier life.

 

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Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill

(Ed.S., LMFT)
Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and family business consultant, who has earlier been a graduate instructor/advisor, an organizational learning consultant, and hospice volunteer. With experience working in the private as well as corporate setting, Sharon helps her clients think creatively and build upon their strengths. Previously, she trained Russian psychiatrists in Moscow in the skills... more

sanjana lagudu

Sanjana did her graduation in Pharmacy and post graduation in management. It was during her first job, she recognized her skills in writing and began working as a freelance writer. Later, she completely moved into content writing and began working as a full-time content writer. Sanjana's articles in MomJunction cover topics related to new parenting and relationships. A fitness enthusiast... more