You are dating a beautiful and charismatic girl, and the chemistry between you two is terrific. However, deep down, you feel something is amiss, though you can’t exactly put your finger on it.
On some days, she showers you with love, clearing all your doubts, while on other days, she acts like she doesn’t care. This behavior makes you ask yourself, “Is she really into me, or is she just using me?”
It is difficult to figure out if your girl is using you, especially when you are head over heels in love with her. Exploiters are cunning and good at putting up a convincing act. However, there are a few indicators that can help you uncover the truth.
In this post, we tell you a few signs that will help you know if your girl is using you. But first, let’s understand why she might be doing it.
Why Your Partner Might Be Using You?
Why would a girl you like and adore decide to take advantage of you? What motivates her to mistreat you and break your heart? People, be it women or men, might use others for a variety of reasons. These reasons often indicate that they don’t mind trampling on your feelings. Here are a few possible reasons your partner might be using you
- Some people like to be the center of attention. The adoration they receive from others is a huge ego boost for them. Such people love having someone around to pay them the attention they crave.
- Some people are stuck on their ex and might use you to make their ex jealous. They want to flaunt you in front of their ex to prove they have moved on.
- Certain individuals may not be interested in you but in someone close to you. They might use you to gain easy access to this person.
- A few people want someone who is always available for them. They hook up with a person who does their chores, solves their problems, and slaves away while they sit back and relax.
- Some people use others for sex. They get close to someone to meet their physical needs, all the while keeping their options open.
- Some people want to live a high life. They love things that money can get them, so they use others for money. By being with you, they want to enjoy all privileges.
15 Clear Signs She Is Using You
Read on as we tell you the clear signs she is using you. Keep an eye out for these signs to decide if the girl you are dating or in a relationship with is worth your love, trust, and time. Remember, these signs hold true for a man as they do for a woman.
1. You pay all her bills
Every time you two go out, you end up paying for everything. You always pick up the tab when you go on a date. If you go shopping, you pay for her clothes. Whenever you go on trips, you pay for the tickets and the lodging. She even asks you to pay her phone bills by giving you lame excuses.
While it is ok to pay for your girlfriend sometimes, you should remember that a relationship is a partnership, and the two of you should be on equal footing. If you have been paying all her bills until now, it is a clear indicator she is using you for your money.
2. She comes to you only when she needs help
She completely blows you off when she is doing well — she ignores your texts and calls, insults you, or is rude to you. Even if she is free, she doesn’t show much interest in meeting you and tells you she needs her space. However, whenever she needs something, her behavior changes — she suddenly acts friendly, compliments you, and tries to sweet-talk you.
While it is natural to seek each other’s help, depending on the other person to fulfill every need signals exploitation. If you get the feeling that she comes to you only when she wants something, she might be using you.
3. The relationship feels one-sided
A relationship is a two-way street. Both partners have to put in efforts to make it succeed. If you are the only one putting in all the hard work, the relationship is one-sided.
A girl who truly likes you would be grateful for all the work you put in to make the relationship work. She would appreciate all your gestures, however small they may be, and ensure she reciprocates and makes you happy. A girl who doesn’t do anything for you might be taking advantage of you.
4. She manipulates you
A manipulator in a relationship only cares about fulfilling their whims and fancies. They are selfish and don’t care about their partner’s feelings. A girl who uses you would manipulate you and control your actions to get what she wants. She might make you do things against your wishes by emotionally blackmailing you. Even if she makes a mistake, she might blame you and force you to apologize.
She might also hold off sex or use it as a reward to coerce you to fulfill her demands. Using the victim card, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping are classic signs of a manipulator and a user. It is best to get out of such a toxic relationship as soon as possible.
5. She does everything on her terms
A girl who is using you would do everything on her terms. She would discard your opinions because you are a means to an end. She would do things that make her happy without caring for your happiness.
If she wants to go to a particular place for dinner, she will demand to go there. All your dates or outings will be according to her choice. If you already have something planned, but she wants to go out with her friends, she will ditch you or persuade you to give in to her demands. In such a relationship, you will always have to compromise to keep her happy.
6. Your friends have not warmed up to her
Sometimes, your close friends see the things you may not see. They have the outsider’s perspective and can sense her true nature sooner than you do. Do your friends dislike your girlfriend? Have they tried to caution you about her? Do they believe she is taking advantage of you?
If they think your girl is using you, she likely is. She has you wrapped around her finger, so you might not notice it, but the fake charm will not fool your friends. If she realizes your friends are trying to help you, she might alienate you from them.
7. She demands expensive stuff
A girl who is interested in your money will demand expensive gifts from you. She would not feel happy with small romantic tokens such as flowers and would expect you to buy her big-ticket and branded items. For instance, she might demand Louboutin shoes and would not be ok with a reasonably priced pair of heels.
Often, she will make you feel guilty or bad about yourself for not giving her what she wants. If receiving gifts is one of her love languages, it is natural for her to ask for gifts occasionally. However, if your girl has never-ending demands and expects expensive items that are beyond your means, she is using you.
8. She avoids introducing you to her friends and family
A girl who is genuinely into you would happily introduce you to her friends and family. She would want the world to know you two are together. However, for a girl who is using you, you are not very important. You are just someone who is fulfilling her needs at the moment. Once she gets what she wants from you, she would move on.
Introducing you to friends or family would be an unnecessary complication for her. It would also be risky since she might fear someone might expose her in front of you. She might give you flimsy excuses if you keep insisting. Even if you run into them, she would introduce you as her friend and not boyfriend.
9. She disregards your needs
Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, your girlfriend is unavailable. Even if you are not well, she doesn’t take care of you. She might send caring messages, but she doesn’t personally come and help. All you get from her is a bunch of excuses.
When you vent to her about something, she doesn’t pay attention, changes the topic, or tells you to stop cribbing. However, if she wants to vent or needs help, you are expected to listen. If your girlfriend disregards your needs and ditches you in difficult situations, it is a huge red flag.
10. There is no emotional connection
An emotional connection between a couple is essential to build a healthy relationship. If there is no emotional connection, the relationship will fizzle out. Assess your relationship. Do you feel a strong emotional connection with your girlfriend? Does she open up to you about her life, dreams, insecurities, and emotions? Has she ever told you how she feels about you? Do you have meaningful conversations?
If your girl is closed off emotionally and only talks about materialistic things or stuff she wants you to do for her, she is probably taking advantage of you.
11. You are an option, not a priority
You will not be a priority for a girl who is using you. She will come to you only if she has no other option or wants something from you. You might always have to vie for her attention and time. If you ask her to spend more time with you, she might tell you that she is busy or has other plans. However, when no one else is available, she might expect you to drop everything and meet up even if you have plans. She might also fix plans with you and bail out at the last minute if something else comes up.
You deserve someone who makes you a priority. If she treats you as merely an option, it is time to rethink the relationship.
12. Her demeanor changes if you decide to stay in
Whenever you get together, your girl is only interested in partying with friends or living it up. If you choose to stay indoors, her entire demeanor changes. She scarcely gives you any attention and instead focuses on her phone or some movie that might be on.
There is also hardly any cuddling or talking, and the silence between the two of you is suffocating. If she is often grumpy when you both spend time indoors, it is a huge warning sign.
13. She often talks about one of your friends
Sometimes, people get involved with someone to get close to their friend. Such people will stay with you while building a rapport with your friend and discard you once they fulfill their objective.
Does your girl bring up a particular friend of yours during random conversations? Is she enthusiastic to know more about him? Does she insist on accompanying you when she knows she would meet up with this friend of yours? Have you seen her trying to be extra friendly with him, and does she seem to ignore you when he is around? If the answer to these questions is a big yes, then in all probability, she is interested in your friend, not you, and is just using you to gain access to him. A relationship like this is a colossal waste of time.
14. You don’t have a special place in her life
If a girl is into you, you would have a special place in her life, and she would try to make you a part of all the key moments in her life. On the other hand, a girl who uses you would not make any adjustments to fit you in her life. She would not inform you about the important happenings in her life, and you might come to know about them from a third person or through social media. Your Instagram might be full of her pictures, but she would avoid posting about you.
You would always be in the dark about her whereabouts. She might have grand plans for her future, but you wouldn’t feature in any of them. A person who is not ready to involve you in her life can never build a fulfilling relationship with you. It is time to end such a relationship.
15. You constantly feel drained and anxious
In your relationship, if whatever you do is never enough for her, it can make you feel drained and anxious. You try to make your girl happy and prove your love, yet it doesn’t seem to be enough. It is exhausting to always run to her aid and never get anything in return from her. Moreover, the nagging, mind games, and manipulations can take a severe toll on your mental health.
At one point, your instinct might scream that this relationship is not suitable for you. Listen to it and step back. A healthy relationship makes you feel content, not anxious.
Knowing you have been used by someone you love can be humiliating and heartbreaking. It can even make you lose faith in relationships. No matter how painful it might be, it is best to know the truth. The earlier you realize that your partner is using you, the faster you can get out of the toxic relationship. Being in the dark will only hurt you more in the long run.
These signs will help you determine your girlfriend’s true colors. It may seem extremely difficult to handle, but it will slowly get better. Do not let this bad experience define all your relationships. One bad apple doesn’t mean the whole bunch is rotten. Have faith, and you will find the one for you.