Man Vs Woman After Break Up: 10 Main Differences

In This Article

Breakup is one of the most traumatizing, and emotionally and physically draining experiences of life. All the dreams of a happy and beautiful life with our partner fall like a pack of cards. Eventually, everyone has to come to terms with the breakup and pick up the pieces of their life. In this post on man vs woman after break up, we bring you some differences in the way men and women cope with the breakup. As they say, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, so both these genders deal with their loss of love in their own style. Read on to know the differences.

Man vs Woman After Break up: 10 Differences

1. Handling the pain

Research by Binghamton University and University College London suggests that women experience the pain of a breakup more acutely in comparison with men (1). This could probably be due to the woman being more involved in the relationship than the man, as he may try to withdraw from the pain of their romance coming to an end. Men can also struggle to connect with their emotions causing them to engage in avoidant behavior to distract themselves from it.

2. Emotional hurt

Women are more emotionally distraught

Image: Shutterstock

The study also found that women are more emotionally distraught after a breakup, as they tend to emotionally invest more in a relationship (1). While the man in the relationship is also traumatized, his immediate emotional pain of a breakup could be less when compared with the woman.

Point to consider
It is okay to feel heartbroken. But drowning in pain and not making efforts to come out of it is not okay. Instead, give yourself time to mourn the loss of love and once you feel lighter, proceed towards the road to recovery.

3. Post-breakup stress

The trauma and stress after a breakup is deep for both the man and the woman. However, men are more stressed out and try hard to divert their minds and avoid the pain. Research done by Lancaster University says that women also fight the post-breakup blues but are capable of gathering themselves better (2).

4. Timeframe to overcome breakup

As per studies, men usually take much longer to come out of a breakup, as the loss hits them very deeply and lasts for a long time. On the contrary, women process the breakup by grieving and letting out their emotions, which helps them overcome the pain sooner (1). Men struggle to process it because they avoid it, while women are able to sit with their emotion and move through it faster.

5. Expressing anger or frustration

Expressing anger, man vs woman after break up

Image: Shutterstock

According to popular belief, the feelings of anger and resentment after a relationship ends are higher in men when compared with women. Men could channelize this anger as an intent to avenge their exes, while the propensity to exact revenge is far less in women. Anger is often a cover emotion. Stereotypically and historically, it is viewed as more masculine to be angry rather than sad or scared. It is likely that men are outwardly showing anger or frustration, but inside are experiencing more complex emotions from the break up.

6. Wanting to get back together

Generally, the desire to get back with their partner after a breakup is greater in men than in women. Initially, men love their newfound freedom, but once that wears off, they may want their ex back. Women too grapple with guilt but try to rationalize their emotions and get on with their life.

7. Healing process

Men never heal completely

Image: Shutterstock

Studies show that men never heal completely from a breakup as they simply learn to live with the pain (1). As children, boys are less likely to receive the tools that women do to help them move through emotion. They are often encouraged not to address emotion. On the other hand, women are wired to recover and move on from the sadness of a relationship coming to an end.

8. Dent in self-confidence

It is believed that men view a breakup as a sign of them not being attractive anymore, more so if it’s their partner who called it quits. This shatters their confidence to smithereens. In the case of women, the loss of a relationship has got to do with letting go of a deep and meaningful emotional bond.

9. Embracing the feelings

Conventional wisdom has it that while men may find it hard to embrace the pain, frustration, despair, and guilt attached to their breakup, women embrace these feelings more easily and turn the page. Women may be more attuned to reality and may reconcile to the breakup better than the man. Men may not have the skills to process the emotion.

10. Seeking support

Studies reveal that women are willing to seek the help of loved ones and their inner circle or go to therapy to overcome the pain of a breakup (2). Dr. Ryan Boyd, lead researcher of the Lancaster University project, says, “Traditionally, women are more likely to identify relationship problems, consider therapy, and seek therapy than are men. When you remove the traditional social stigmas against men for seeking help and sharing their emotions, however, they seem just as invested in working through rough patches in their relationships as women.”

Point to consider
Women who tend to be more expressive often vent out their feelings to their confidants and find a way to get over pain. If men too try to confide in someone and get the feelings out, dealing with the pain will be relatively easier and the path to healing will be smoother.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Which gender gets over a breakup faster?

Although it varies case-to-case basis, research suggests that women may find more ways to get over a breakup, such as relying on social support to get over their breakup, while men hesitate to seek help while dealing with a breakup (3).

2. How long does it take for a man to miss a woman after a breakup?

Men usually miss the sense of security and intimacy most after a breakup. If you have shared a long-term relationship and your man has been deeply connected to you and realizes their intention to reconnect, they may start missing you within a few weeks.

While it is painful and heartbreaking for anyone to end a relationship they enjoyed and cherished, men and women may react differently to a breakup. While some believe that women experience more pain, Charlotte Entwistle, the lead author of a related study by Lancaster University, says, “Notably, the fact that the heartache theme was more commonly discussed by men emphasizes how men are at least as emotionally affected by relationship problems as women.” However, more than gender, an individual’s personality and emotional quotient may determine how they deal with a breakup.

Infographic: Men vs. Women After Breakup

Both men and women may be equally heartbroken after a breakup. But the subtle differences in what they feel first and how their stages of grief proceed are what sets them apart in the post-breakup journey. Explore the differences in feelings and coping mechanisms of men and women after a breakup.

men and women after a breakup [infographic]
Illustration: MomJunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • Women tend to feel more hurt as they are often more involved in a relationship.
  • However, men seem to take a longer period of time to recover completely from heartbreak as compared to women.
  • Men usually think more about getting back with their ex than women do, as studies have shown that men never completely heal from a breakup.

References:

MomJunction's articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy.
  1. Study: Women hurt more by breakups but recover more fully.
    https://binghamton.edu/communications-and-marketing/media-public-relations/pr-archives/index.html?id=2315
  2. Men experience more emotional pain during breakups.
    https://www.lancaster.ac.uk/news/men-experience-more-emotional-pain-during-breakups
  3. Jessica Kansky and Joseph P. Allen; (2018); Making Sense and Moving On: The Potential for Individual and Interpersonal Growth Following Emerging Adult Breakups.
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6051550/
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