26 Marriage Counseling Questions to Ask Your Partner

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Conflicts are a part of a marital relationship. However, if the disagreements seem to worsen over time instead of healing, it’s good to consider seeing a professional marriage counselor before it’s too late. You might have to answer some tricky and bitter marriage counseling questions, so it is better to be open about your thoughts. Your counselor will try to reach the source of problems and find solutions. In addition, they may instruct you and your spouse to ask questions to each other. These counseling sessions could be tough, and you may miss out on important points or fail to express yourself properly. Hence, we bring this post to provide you with a list of questions that you may ask your spouse to have an effective conversation during your sessions with the counselor.

25 Marriage Counseling Questions

1. What are the main issues in our marriage?

Ask your partner what they consider are the main issues in your relationship and reveal yours too. Accept the fact that what might seem to be a problem to them might seem insignificant to you and vice versa. For instance, yours may be finance, while theirs may be personal habits and family.

2. What are the most pressing problems in our marriage?

Now that you know what concerns each of you, try to identify the problems that you think would need immediate attention. Do not rebuff each other’s points but try to discuss and work at finding solutions to those problems. Your counselor could help you identify those.

3. How and when did the problems start?

Was it that time when you did something without consulting them or was it when they went out with someone? Identifying the main cause of a problem can help you arrive at solutions.

4. Is this just a bad phase in our marriage?

Weigh the problems you are facing

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All relationships have their own share of ups and downs. Weigh the problems you are facing and reason if this is just a bad phase or if the problem has gone out of hand. Deal with the problem before going out of hand. Increasing tension regarding that particular issue may exacerbate the problem and accumulate additional ones.

5. What made you seek/ accept professional help?

Ask them why they sought counseling. How they expect the problem(s) to be resolved or managed. If both of you have sought counseling because you still desire to be with each other and want to save your marriage, you might be on the right track.

6. What are the things that you love about me?

Marriage counseling sessions do not have to revolve around just the negative things. Let your spouse know why you fell in love with them and highlight their positive traits. Also, ask them what they love about you. This could boost your confidence, and you could approach the sessions optimistically.

7. What are the things that you can’t stand about me?

Asking each other this question can help you understand each other better. If you are ready to set those things right and find ways to compensate for them and your partner reciprocates too, you may be in for something positive. After all, every relationship requires a certain amount of give-and-take.

8. Are there past conflicts that we need to resolve?

Is a past conflict that hasn’t been resolved holding you both back? Identify and resolve those conflicts because they will continue to pop up in your future arguments too. Open up to each other without being judgemental and remind each other that you can only truly move on if you hold no grudges.

9. Do I fulfill your physical needs?

Ask your partner if they are satisfied

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See if there is a difference in sexual desire between the two of you. The lack of sexual intimacy could be one of the main problems in your relationship. Ask your partner if they are satisfied sexually. Intimacy includes frequent kissing, holding of hands, cuddling, caressing, etc., and not just sex.

10. Are you seeing someone?

You may not have had the courage to ask your partner if they have been cheating on you. So, the best time to ask them about it is during a counseling session. Be prepared to listen to what they have to say without letting anger get the better of you.

11. Do you trust me?

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Ask your spouse if they feel secure being around you, confiding in you, and communicating freely with you, and ask yourself if you feel the same. If the answer is no, then you may have to settle your differences with the help of your counselor.

12. What should I do to regain your trust?

Ask your spouse what specific things you could do to regain their trust and work on those. If you have broken their trust, acknowledge your mistake and ask forgiveness, and most importantly, learn to forgive yourself. Also, ensure you give each other time to process your feelings.

13. Are we communicating enough?

Ask your spouse if they are able to communicate honestly and openly with you. Are you able to tell each other about your needs, wants, and expectations? Are you able to discuss your issues calmly? And do you listen to each other? If not, you need to work on improving your communication.

14. Do I stress you out?

Ask your partner if certain habits of yours are stressing them out and if you are difficult to deal with. Identify the underlying causes that are leading to their stress. Try to communicate openly, ask them what you could do to alleviate their stress, and let them know what stresses you.

15. Do you think there’s an intimacy between us?

Ask them if they are able to connect with you emotionally and physically and express their thoughts and feelings with you without inhibition. Find out what you could do to regain the intimacy that you shared in the early phases of your relationship.

16. How do you feel about me on a daily basis?

Asking this question to your partner can help you know if they enjoy your company and are excited about you. Also, ask them if the thought of you brings a smile on their face. If the answer is no, you may have to ask yourself a few questions and find ways to bring the spark back.

17. Do you feel loved?

Ask your partner if they feel cared for

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Ask your partner if they feel cared for and loved and if you are doing enough to meet their needs. Also, ask them what they expect from you to feel more loved. You and your partner could even come up with a list of the things that make you feel special.

18. Is the relationship impacting your self-esteem?

Ask your partner if any act of yours is affecting their self-worth and self-esteem both at home and socially. Also, assess if their actions are affecting your self-worth. Take help from your counselor and see if you can arrive at solutions to help each other feel worthy and loved.

19. Are we willing to compromise?

Look at your marriage and see if there have been times when one of you had to make all the sacrifices to make the other person happy. If yes, you may have to discuss your boundaries and set common goals. As a couple, you need to find the middle ground on different issues to make the marriage work.

20. Are we holding each other back?

Do you keep each other’s interest in mind while making important decisions? Do you allow each other to pursue your own hobbies and dreams? Do you give each other space to do your own things? Do you complement each other and help each other grow? These are some questions that you need to ask each other.

21. Are you willing to change?

No amount of counseling will help save your relationship if you are not willing to change and make adjustments to keep the relationship alive. Ask your partner where they stand with regard to making adjustments and resolving any issue that is causing conflict in your relationship.

22. What can I do to make our relationship better?

Marriage is a two-way street in which each partner needs to put in continuous effort to keep the spark alive. Asking this question indicates to your partner that you are ready to take steps to salvage your marriage. It also shows that you are not putting all the blame onto your partner.

23. Is our marriage what you pictured it to be?

Marriage counseling questions

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Ask your partner if they are happy with how things have moved in the marriage. Ask them if you have added to their happiness and made them a better person. And, ask if the relationship is what they had first pictured it to be. These questions will let you know if you are adding any value to your partner’s life.

24. What makes you happy about our marriage?

Ask your partner about the things that make them truly happy. This could help you identify your partner’s definition of happiness—it could be contentment, loyalty, intimacy, laughter, etc. This question will also let you know if you have been ignoring those things that matter most to your partner.

25. Do you still have feelings for me?

As anxious as it may seem, asking this question to your partner can help you know if the relationship is worth fighting for. Ask for honest answers, and let your partner know if you still have feelings for them. Their answers could let you know if they are ready to fight through adversity.

26. Where do you see our relationship in 5–10 years?

Have discussions regarding your future. Ask them how they view your future together as a couple. If you feel you are in their plans, then it indicates that they still have feelings for you. Discussing your future can help both of you set goals and work at accomplishing them.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is marriage counseling important?

You may consider marriage counseling with your spouse when you feel emotionally distant, argue frequently, there is a lack of love in your relationship, or when you are serious about sticking to your partner. Counseling can help you communicate effectively, comprehend the issues in your marriage from a broader perspective, and help make the most suitable and practical decision amicably.

2. How many marriages survive after counseling?

Unlike the olden days, the new approaches and methodologies used by counselors are effective in helping a couple with marital issues. In addition, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, most couples (about 98%) who visited therapy found it beneficial (1).

The marriage counseling questions listed above might not suit for all sorts of marital conflicts. Hence, you and your partner can select the questions better. Also, since you and your partner would be participating in this experiment in front of a counselor, they would be able to guide you well. These questions are a way to help you and your partner open up and explore the cause of conflicts between you too. Although you may feel challenged to pose these questions initially, once you start to hear the other side of the story, you may feel comfortable.

Infographic: How To Suggest A Marriage Counseling Session To Your Spouse

When it comes to marriage counseling, it may be challenging to get your spouse to agree to it since they often take it as you blaming them and wanting them to get help. But at this point, the help of a professional is necessary to bring the love back. So take notes from this infographic and keep it handy for tips to get your spouse to agree to a counseling session.

convincing your spouse to visit a marriage counselor [infographic]
Illustration: MomJunction Design Team

References:

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Shikha Thakur

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Having done a certification in Relationship Coaching, her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources from Jawaharlal Nehru Technological University, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship...
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Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-Goyena

(PhD (Counseling Psychology))
Dr. Carlos Juan Carmona-Goyena is a board licensed therapist in the USA and Puerto Rico with a specialty in couples, families, and relationships. Dr. Carlos possesses a PhD in Counseling Psychology granted at the Interamerican University of Puerto Rico. His two-decade professional experience also includes scientific research in family emotional and relational processes and its effect on psychological functioning. Dr....
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