In the initial phase of marriage, the couple creates beautiful times together. They pamper each other and do every possible thing to make the other happy. But as time flies, differences might arise, and behavior may change, sometimes so drastically that you may wonder if your spouse even loves you.
The situations in life keep changing, as does a husband’s behavior. But it may not necessarily mean your husband hate you. However, if you have this one, lingering thought “my husband hates me,” this MomJunction post will provide you with some clarity. Here, we tell you about some signs that suggest your husband may resent you and what you can do about it.
When Is Your Husband Likely To Resent You?
Hate is a strong, negative word and may not always be apt for describing your husband’s behavior towards you. But if you think that he really resents you, then there might be specific reasons for it. We have listed down a few possible reasons below.
Please understand that these are only possibilities and not necessarily the reasons why your husband’s behavior towards you has changed. The only way to know the reasons your husband resents s you, is to talk to him about it.
1. You might have hurt him
Think of the first time you noticed your husband’s behavior changed towards you. Try to recall the incidents from the recent past. Did you do or say something that could’ve hurt or offended your partner? Did you disrespect them or insult them in any way? If you think you may have done something to hurt them, that could be the reason for the sudden change in his behavior. It is best to address it sooner than later.
Another possibility is that you might have kept some secrets from him, and he got to know about them from someone else. It may seem irrelevant to you, but your husband might think it to be big deal.
2. You might have betrayed him
When you have been unfaithful to your partner, being sorry about it may not change what has happened. He might have forgiven you, but not forgotten what you did. Whenever he recalls the incident, he might become bitter and show a strong dislike towards being with you.
3. He might be cheating on you
He might be having an extra-marital affair and likes to spend time with his new partner. The fact that he is obliged to be with you and not with that person might make him resent you.
4. There is conflict in the relationship
Have you and your husband been fighting a lot lately? The fights could be about sex, having babies, finances, work-life balance or anything else – they could create a rift between the two of you. If they have been too frequent, your husband may have developed resentment.
5. Other reasons
The reasons need not always be significant. Sometimes, constant, petty issues could become problematic in the long run. For instance, if you talk down to your husband (intentionally or unintentionally), or you don’t let your husband do anything, or are too nagging without realizing how annoying it is, you could make your husband feel frustrated and resent you.
Sometimes, your husband’s changed behavior or lack of interest towards you could be due to his problems as well. For instance, he might be stressed due to his work or his relationship with his family, friends, or colleagues.
Possible Signs Your Husband Resents You
Here are some signs that will give you an idea of things to think about pertaining to your husband’s behavior. These could suggest that he may currently dislike you, but not necessarily resent you.
1. He is constantly fighting with you
You and your husband might not be talking as much as you used to. When you do, you don’t have an effective conversation and instead end up fighting. He might be blaming you for everything. Even if you try talking gently and cooperate, he seems to be furious. Such behavior could be a red flag in a marriage, signaling that he might have issues with you.
2. He doesn’t spend time with you
Your husband might be trying to avoid you. Maybe he likes spending time somewhere else other than at home. Or he may not show any interest when you try to spend some quality time with him. This is an indication that he enjoys his time doing things without you. If your husband doesn’t miss you and enjoy spending time with you, this is a red flag that something is missing in your relationship.
3. He doesn’t show affection
Hugging, kissing, holding hands, and other forms of physical intimacy happen naturally between a husband and wife. If your husband is trying to move away from you or not showing any such signs of love or affection, then it could signify that his physical attraction and feelings for you have changed.
4. He doesn’t remember important dates
It’s okay to forget birthdays and anniversaries sometimes. But if your husband was someone who always remembered important dates and made all arrangements to pamper you, and now he doesn’t seem to care, it could be bothersome. If you notice this happening in your relationship, it’s time you have a talk.
5. He puts no effort in the marriage
You both did everything together and were always on the same page about the relationship. But now, your husband doesn’t seem to pay attention or make any effort to keep the relationship alive. He is mostly distant or avoids doing things with you. These signs might suggest that your husband is not happy being with you.
6. He is emotionally abusive or violent
He might be showing signs of anger and disrespect towards you. He could be verbally or emotionally abusive or physically violent. Such behavior in the marriage is unhealthy and may signify that your husband has some issues with you and is not comfortable being with you. You should seek help if your husband is abusive. It could also mean that he is going through a rough patch and needs your support. The constant disagreements are bringing out the worst in him. This is a sign that your relationship is in need of attention.
7. He doesn’t respect your relationship
Besides love and trust, mutual respect between the partners is essential in a marriage. If your husband doesn’t seem to be caring about you or if he is too rude to you or criticizes you in front of others, then it could mean your marriage is in trouble.
These signs may signify that your husband resents you. Those are not the only signs so don’t be so sure about it without talking to him. The behavior could also mean that your husband is angry or upset with you, and resolving the issues causing the anger could save the marriage.
What To Do When Your Husband Hates You?
There is always hope. Your husband could be angry or disappointed with you.There is always a chance he will become fond of you and love you like before. Nonetheless, a change for the good cannot be guaranteed. But if you love him and have faith in the relationship, here are a few things to try that could save your marriage.
- Make communication better
He might want to tell you many things but may not know how to communicate well. Try to talk to him with an open mind and keep your ego aside. Share your feelings and ask him if he has any issues with you. Be cooperative, understand what he is going through, and make mutual adjustments to save your relationship.
- Start afresh
Rather than digging into the past, try to turn the page and start afresh. Don’t argue about the incidents that have happened. Leave everything aside and focus on new things such as going on dates, exchanging gifts, and doing something together to rebuild your bond. Try not to bring up the past during an argument or a conversation.
- Be supportive and not harsh
Either of you could be at fault, but instead of nagging about what happened to make the partner feel guilty, try to support each other. Think of it as both of you are on the same side looking at the problem with an intention to overcome it together. Say ‘it’s okay; instead of ‘I’m hurt.’ Try to respect each other and show affection, and it could help both of you to reconnect and forget the past without feeling guilty.
- Work on your insecurities
You may be ready to move on, but certain things from the past could make you insecure. It can cause you towant to be with your husband to monitor his actions. You may have positive intentions, but your actions could have a negative impact, and your husband might not like it. So, try to contain your urge to control his movements and give him space.
- Get professional help
When you are unable to sort out the issues on your own, you may seek help from a professional. Therapists can help you figure out what’s lacking in your relationship. Also, talking to a third person who is objective about the relationship can help you get a different perspective of what your husband may be feeling and where your relationship stands.
Going through a difficult phase in your marriage, all by yourself, can be hard. However, trusting your husband and having faith in your relationship can help make the process a bit easier. If you value your relationship and want things to work do what it takes to rebuild your relationship and reconnect with your husband.
If nothing seems to work and your husband doesn’t cooperate at all, then at least you know that you have tried and done your best to save the marriage. The next thing is to think about yourself and do what is good for your well-being and future.
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