14 Subtle Signs Your Husband Wants Divorce And What To Do

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Every marriage has its share of challenges. As time passes, people tend to change, and so do their equations in a relationship. However, sometimes things may go out of control, and you and your husband may grow distant, leaving you thinking if your husband wants a divorce or is contemplating a separation. In such a scenario, knowing the subtle signs of your husband’s intentions and tips to handle the situation could help you save your marriage or comprehend the steps to nurturing your relationship with him.

In this post, we have shared some of the possible signs that might indicate your husband wants a divorce and helpful tips to deal with the circumstances.

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14 Signs Your Husband Wants Divorce

If your husband seems lost, disinterested, or quiet, it might not always mean he is thinking of a divorce. Nevertheless, if you spot subtle changes in his behavior and want to know if he is planning to end the relationship, read further to understand the situation better.

1. He blames you for everything

Think of the first time you noticed a change in your husband’s behavior. Did he blame you for all the unhappiness and wrong things happening in his life or begin to disapprove of anything you do? He could be trying to spell his disinterest in you and wish to move away from you.

protip_icon Point to consider
When not at fault, ignore the other person’s attempts to provoke you or displace responsibility by not giving a reaction. Reactions such as yelling, crying, justifying, or apologizing tend to reinforce the person’s behavior, making them repeat it. It also causes you to doubt yourself in the long run.

2. He is not interested in making plans

If you feel that your husband is avoiding upgrading your home, even when you can afford it, or is reluctant to plan on having children, he might have plans to separate from you.

3. He argues and fights often

Fighting often is a sign your husband wants divorce
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Have you and your husband begun to fight about small things lately? The disagreements could be on the smallest of things to matters on children, finance, or any other thing in life. Your partner may frequently pick up a strife to show his resentment.

4. He moves the finances around

Financial issues such as decreased financial transparency could be an essential sign to look for. When your husband doesn’t share details about his income, moves money from your joint account to his private ones or displays a behavior change or withdrawal when it comes to spending and money matters, it could mean he wants to stay away from you or keep you vary of the finances.

protip_icon Quick tip
Create a separate account for a safety deposit when you find funds disappearing from your account. Also, keep track of all your other assets, valuable belongings, and documentation.

5. He is emotionally disconnected from you

You and your spouse had good communication and a solid emotional bond, but now you find him emotionally distant and disinterested in sharing his feelings with you. These signs of alienation could indicate that he is growing far from you. A communication breakdown between you and your husband can indicate his desire for a divorce.

6. He is no more intrigued about intimacy

The absence of physical intimacy or sexual intercourse is one of the major reasons for divorce in wedlock. Despite you initiating interest multiple times, if your man is consistently not interested in making love to you, you may have to think whether your relationship is on the verge of dissolution. If your husband requests or insists on sleeping in separate bedrooms, it could be a clear sign that he wants a divorce.

7. He does not care about your feelings or emotions

Not caring about your feelings
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A man who is no more emotionally invested in a relationship would not care about your thoughts, unfulfilled expectations, or feelings. If your husband has stopped caring, being affectionate, or understanding your emotions, it could be an alarming sign of trouble in your relationship.

8. He constantly disrespects you

You may be concerned about how your husband has no interest in listening to you, starts to yell at you or mock you in public, and makes false allegations about you. If that is so, there are chances of him thinking about ending your relationship.

9. He is often unavailable or busy

Your husband gave you a lot of attention and often canceled his plans to spend time with you. But now, he suddenly tends to be away from home, working more hours and escaping from communicating or going out with you. These could be red flags of a man wanting to step out of a relationship and the two of you growing apart from each other.

Blogger Taylor Coil recounts noticing her ex-husband’s growing distance from her a few months before he brought up the topic of separation. She writes, “We had three months of feeling off. My ex became distant. He took little interest in my family, though my father was in and out of the hospital with his third bout of cancer. I’m still angry about that. My ex spent more time at the gym, more weekends downtown with the guys, away from me. He didn’t pick me up from the airport when I got home from a business trip. After a previous business trip, he missed me so badly that he scooped me up at the airport and took me home to a perfect meal. Not this time. It was odd, confusing, but I dismissed it (i).”

10. He is having an affair

If you find out that your husband has an emotional or physical affair with another woman, this could suggest his precise intentions of leaving you.

11. He repeatedly speaks about separation

When couples fight, they tend to say terrible things about each other, which they regret later. However, if your husband constantly threatens to leave you or tells you about his plans to divorce you later in life, he might have clear thoughts of leaving you.

12. He tries to find out about the divorce process

He enquires about the divorce process
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If you found out about your husband’s divorce plans from your mutual friends or family or came across his web searches regarding the divorce procedures, these could be prominent signs that things are not right in your marriage, and your husband might bring up the topic of divorce to you sooner.

13. He does not compromise anymore

Compromise is crucial for the longevity of any relationship. If your husband seems less accommodating, he probably wants to end the relationship. He feels there is no need to pay heed to your requests and fix problems in the relationship. He may even do it to make you despise him so that you willingly accept when he asks for a divorce.

14. He focuses more on his appearance

Has your husband suddenly started going to the gym and got a new haircut? Has he suddenly started a new diet and updated wardrobe? He may give you any justification for this sudden change. But be cautious, as he can be in an affair and may seek divorce.

Note: These signs may not always mean your husband wants to get a divorce; they could just be indicative and not definitive. Therefore, it is best to have a detailed conversation with your husband to understand if he really wants to end your marriage.

What To Do When Your Husband Wants A Divorce?

If you are intuitive about your husband wanting a divorce, it is better not to jump to conclusions and wait for him to bring this topic up to you. Meanwhile, you may try these tips to save your marriage and bring back the spark in your relationship:

1. Have a detailed conversation with him

Effective communication is key to a successful relationship. At times, misunderstandings and miscommunications could be the primary causes of a conflict in a marriage. You may be assuming things the wrong way. So, sit back and have an open and deep conversation about the important things that could be bothering you and your husband. Try to work them out to resolve your differences with him.

protip_icon Expert says
Defensiveness is usually a negative cycle creating defensiveness in others and causing conflicts to escalate. The more defensive we become, the less we are able to communicate effectively. Conversely, supportive climates create more calm and productive communication outcomes. This allows for communicators to better focus on the intent and meanings of messages. (2)

2. Work on building a stronger marriage together

According to a research study published in Couple and Family Psychology journal, USA, the most common reasons for a divorce in couples were conflicting thoughts, constant arguments, commitment issues, substance abuse, disloyalty, and dishonesty (1) Therefore, if you feel that your husband could be thinking of a divorce due to any of these factors, you may try to correct your behavior before it is too late.

3. Spend time together

Spend time together to rekindle the romance
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Most of the time, you feel that the spouse is not the same as they used to be in the initial stages of marriage, and that something is missing in the relationship. In that case, spending some quality time with your husband, having meaningful talks, going on romantic dinners, and doing things that you both love might bring back his interest in you instead of having separate lives.

4. See a therapist

If you feel that nothing seems to work out and you are not able to sort out your mutual differences, you may offer your husband to visit a therapist together. This way, you both can understand each other’s perspectives better and regain clarity, connection, and trust in each other.

However, even after multiple efforts, if your husband is not willing to change his mind and communicates his will to seek a divorce, you may:

5. Focus on yourself and keep calm

Accepting the fact that your husband wants a divorce can be hard. Although you may be fearful about several components, including financial security and your and your children’s (if you have) safety, you must ensure that you take ample care of your health, handle your emotions and not accept unfair conditions to stay in a troubled marriage.

protip_icon Point to consider
If you have children or older parents in the house, ensure that your behavior towards them is well-regulated. Respond to any questions they may have about your relationship honestly without scaring them. Keeping them in the loop will give them time to understand the situation.

6. Be prepared emotionally and financially

Divorce will bring vital changes in your life. Therefore, you should give yourself the required time to process your feelings and acknowledge them. You may also seek a therapist to work through your feelings. Furthermore, it is important to plan your finances in advance and speak to an expert to study your financial situation and help you comprehend the possible financial policies associated with a divorce.

7. Avoid being clingy

Avoid being over-possessive and clingy
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In view of saving your marriage, you would be resorting to desperate behaviors. However, this could not be an appreciable strategy for making your husband stay; rather, he might be more annoyed with you than before. Therefore, do not be clingy or force him persistently to have him back in your life.

8. Take some time off from each other

As the saying goes, distance makes the hearts grow fonder, allow each other to stay away for some time, take a break and spend some time alone. This way, your husband will get time to process his feelings and may rethink his will to get a divorce.

However, ensure you communicate your intentions of the break and expectations. Otherwise, it might make things worse if your partner is upholding the boundaries of marriage.

9. Speak to a lawyer

After your husband tells you that he might apply for a divorce, you will have to approach a professional lawyer to understand the divorce proceedings. Otherwise, it is also a good idea to mediate your divorce. Educate yourself well before mediating your divorce to handle the process on your own, make the right decisions in your interests, and attain all that you may be entitled to after a legal separation.

10. Know the legalities

Even if you hope to rescue your marriage or have plans to reconcile, it is worth being well aware of the legal implications and rights that come with the divorce procedure to keep yourself prepared for an unexpected turn of events.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What makes a man decide to divorce?

Men may divorce for various reasons, including lack of appreciation, infidelity, lack of shared interests with their spouses, lack of affection, lack of intimacy, and financial disputes.

2. Is divorce better than an unhappy marriage?

Whether a divorce is better than an unhappy marriage depends on an individual situation. In some cases, divorce may be necessary to end a toxic or abusive relationship. In other cases, it may be possible for a couple to work through their problems and improve their relationship. It ultimately depends on the two individuals involved and their priorities, needs, and well-being. Seeking therapy and open communication can help make this decision.

3. What if my husband denies that he wants a divorce?

If your husband denies wanting a divorce despite your concerns, it is crucial to have open and honest communication with him. Express your feelings and concerns while trying to understand his perspective. Consider seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, to facilitate a productive conversation and explore the underlying issues in your relationship. It is important to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your needs and values.

4. What are the emotional implications of a divorce?

Divorce can have significant emotional implications, including feelings of grief, loss, sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief or liberation. It can impact self-esteem, trust, and overall well-being. It’s important to acknowledge and address these emotions, seek support from loved ones or professionals, and take steps toward healing and rebuilding a fulfilling life.

Realizing that your husband wants a divorce could be devastating. Remember to practice self-care and seek support from friends, family, or an expert. Moreover, most marriages could be saved from degradation by working towards making a few positive changes and maintaining effective communication. Therefore, if you notice subtle changes in your partner’s behavior, it is best to have a conversation with him to understand their concerns and resolve your conflicts. Altogether, with the right kind of help and emotional support, you can be hopeful about making the right decision for your married life.

Infographic: Gaining Emotional Strength To Accept Divorce

You aren’t ready, but he has decided to part ways and dissolve the marriage. In such a situation, emotional preparation is necessary to accept divorce and move forward to avoid undue emotional trauma. This infographic shares how one can develop the emotional strength to accept divorce. Read the tips and share them with someone you think might need the courage to move out of a marriage.

tips to brace up emotionally for divorce (infographic)

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Get the high-quality PDF version of this infographic.

Download Infographic in PDF version

Key Pointers

  • If your husband picks up frequent fights, moves finances without intimation, or seems disinterested in communication and sex, he could be thinking of a divorce.
  • Be observant of the subtle signs and make positive changes in your attributes to save your marriage.
  • Try to spend time together, speak to him, and seek professional help, if necessary.
Signs Your Husband Wants Divorce_illustration

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Do you feel like the romance has fizzled out and constantly wondering if your spouse wants a divorce? Learn the 5 signs and how to prevent it in this video.

Personal Experience: Source

References

MomJunction's articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy.
  1. Shelby B. Scott et al., (2013); Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education.
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4012696/
  2. Kim Yee & Armeda Reitzel; Supportive vs Defensive Communication. ASCCC (OERI)
    https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Communication/Interpersonal_Communication/Interpersonal_Communication%3A_Context_and_Connection_(ASCCC_OERI)/08%3A_Communication_Climate/8.04%3A_Supportive_vs_Defensive_Communication
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