There is a fine line between good-neediness and over-neediness in a relationship. We all need someone to lean on, and a certain amount of emotional dependence on the partner can make them feel wanted and special. However, when you become too needy, or rather clingy, or depend too much on your partner, even for the smallest of things, your relationship can go haywire.
Good-neediness entails being dependent on your partner for your emotional needs in a healthy way. It involves two-way communication and the ability to assume your individual roles without the fear of being judged or abandoned and without putting unwanted pressure on each other.
Over-neediness, on the other hand, can manifest itself in different ways that, in most cases, you may think are normal and may not be aware of. When not checked, it could suffocate your partner and affect their self-esteem. Read on as we tell you the signs of over-neediness and how to be less needy in a relationship.
15 Signs Of Neediness In A Relationship
Here are 15 signs that indicate you are too needy in your relationship.
1. You always seek validation.
We all seek validation, one way or the other. We want to be accepted and hear good stuff about ourselves. However, if you look for your partner’s compliments and opinion more than your own view, it might be a sign of over-neediness.
2. You text them constantly.
Texting can be fun, especially if you are in the early stages of your relationship. However, when this texting becomes one-sided and constant, even after you haven’t received a reply from them, it is a sign that you are needy. Remember, they could have a genuine explanation for not replying to your text on the dot.
3. You always want them beside you.
If you can’t spend a day or even a few hours without your partner, then it could mean that you are too needy. No matter how close you both are, each of you needs some space to pursue personal hobbies and interests.
4. You are irrationally jealous.
Jealousy stems from insecurity and a feeling of possessiveness. Do you feel irrationally jealous when your partner is out with their pals or talks to someone of the opposite sex? If yes, it is a clear sign that you are clingy.
5. You think all they need is you.
Do you feel that your partner needs no one else but you? Do you feel that you can provide for all their emotional and social needs? And do you prevent them from meeting their family or control who they can mingle with? If yes, you may need to check your neediness levels.
6. You are always together.
Do you and your partner spend time together pursuing the same hobbies day in, day out, or hang out with the same people? It may seem romantic, but if you do it without acknowledging that your partner might be dying to have some alone time, it could be over-neediness.
7. You can’t imagine your life without them.
If you constantly fear abandonment and feel that without them your life would be empty, boring, lonely, and meaningless, it could be a sign that you are over-dependent and overly needy in your relationship.
8. You try to change them.
If you have this idea of a perfect partner and try to change them to suit the criteria that you have set, it could be a sign that you are too needy. When this happens, you try to change their ideas, hobbies, and habits to ensure they fit into your ideal image of a perfect partner.
9. You try to control your partner.
One of the clearest signs of over-neediness can be seen in how you control your partner. The signs could include not listening to their opinions, putting them down when things don’t go your way, not allowing them to make choices, and making them feel guilty for your wrongs.
10. You don’t know your self-worth.
You say yes to everything your partner says. You feel as though your self-worth, identity, and value depend on your partner. You also make them the center of your life, give them undue attention, and sacrifice your own happiness for their sake.
11. You expect them to read your mind.
You want your partner to read your mind when you are upset or angry. A study (1) has shown that people who expect this from their partners are anxious and have a sense of neglect. The study also states that this often leads to negative communication and anger.
12. You snoop on your partner.
You secretly read your partner’s text messages and social media feeds. You are obsessed with your partner’s every action on social media. It could mean that you are too needy and you have trust issues.
13. You always think about them.
Do you always think about your partner and can’t get them off your mind? It’s cute, but it could be neediness. It’s great to have someone that we think of the first thing in the morning and the last thing before sleeping, but constant thinking could affect your work and personal life.
14. You overshare details of your relationship on social media.
You post intimate details of your relationship, display your pent-up emotions, and overshare your photos on social media. Your partner, on the other hand, does not indulge in them. This habit could stem from your fear of missing out (FOMO) and can be annoying for your partner and friends.
15. You move too quickly in a relationship.
You and your partner have just met and gone out on a few dates. However, you start to talk about your future, insist on meeting their friends or parents, and get physical very early in your relationship. The tendency to rush things in a relationship could be a sign of over-neediness.
How To Stop Being Too Needy In A Relationship
Consider the following tips to overcome clinginess in a relationship.
1. Work at boosting your self-esteem.
Your worst enemy is yourself. Try to become the best version of yourself every day. You could list your accomplishments and positive traits, take up creative hobbies, stop worrying about what people think of you, read more, do things that make you happy, and surround yourself with positive people.
2. Develop trust.
Trust takes time to build and should be a two-way street. Be honest with each other, allow your words and actions to match, communicate effectively and don’t hide your feelings from each other, appreciate your partner’s efforts, admit your mistakes, and set clear boundaries in your relationship.
3. Respect each other’s space.
Expecting your partner to be always around can suffocate them. When they ask you for some space, do not take it personally. Give them space to take up their hobbies or meet their friends and family and respect their choices. Use this time to work on yourself or take up hobbies that you enjoy.
4. Take a social media break.
Take a social media break to take stock of your relationship. Most things that you see on social media, such as the photos of happy couples, do not tell the whole story. Social media can force you to compare yourself with others, create unexpected expectations, and make you oblivious to reality.
5. Learn to enjoy solitude.
Solitude can help you unwind and recharge, understand yourself better, and appreciate yourself more. It can be challenging in the beginning, but it’s worth it. You could gradually increase the amount of alone time each day. Fill those hours by doing things that you enjoy, without worrying about productivity.
6. Be independent.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Follow your instincts, do things without relying on your partner, accept your choices and preferences, pay your own bills, believe in your abilities, and make decisions without conforming to popular beliefs and opinions.
Over-neediness is something that can be dealt with. A little bit of self-love and respect for your partner’s independence and individuality can go a long way in helping you deal with feelings of over-neediness. We hope these tips help you overcome over-neediness and make you a better lover.