15 Signs Of Being Needy In A Relationship And How To Control It

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A certain level of mutual dependency is healthy for a romantic relationship. But, being needy in a relationship can have negative impacts. We all indeed need someone to lean on, and emotional dependency on a spouse can make them feel needed and valued. But, becoming overly needy, clingy, or relying too much on your partner for even the slightest of things is not healthy in the long run. Couples should know there is a delicate line between good-neediness and over-neediness. Being emotionally dependent on your partner in a healthy way is considered good-neediness. It entails two-way communication and gives you the ability to assume individual responsibilities without fear of being judged or abandoned. Also, it avoids putting undue pressure on one another. Trusting your partner to meet your needs is all about good neediness.

On the other hand, over-neediness can present itself in various ways that you may not be aware of and believe to be normal. As a result, it could suffocate your partner and lower their self-esteem over time. Continue reading to learn how to recognize indicators of over-neediness and how to be less needy in a relationship.

15 Signs Of Neediness In A Relationship

Here are 15 signs that indicate you are too needy in your relationship.

1. You always seek validation.

We all seek validation, one way or the other. We want to be accepted and hear good stuff about ourselves. However, if you look for your partner’s compliments and opinion more than your view, it might be a sign of over-neediness.

2. You text them constantly.

Texting can be fun, especially if you are in the early stages of your relationship. However, when this texting becomes one-sided and constant, even after you haven’t received a reply from them, it is a sign that you are needy. Remember, they could have a genuine explanation for not replying to your text on the dot.

3. You always want them beside you.

If you can’t spend a day or even a few hours without your partner, then it could mean that you are too needy. No matter how close you both are, each of you needs some space to pursue personal hobbies and interests.

4. You are irrationally jealous.

Jealousy stems from insecurity and a feeling of possessiveness. Do you feel irrationally jealous when your partner is out with their pals or talks to someone of the opposite sex? If yes, it is a clear sign that you are clingy.

5. You think all they need is you.

Do you feel that your partner needs no one else but you? Do you feel that you can provide for all their emotional and social needs? And do you prevent them from meeting their family or control who they can mingle with? If yes, you may need to check your neediness levels.

6. You are always together.

Do you and your partner spend time together pursuing the same hobbies day in, day out, or hang out with the same people? It may seem romantic, but if you do it without acknowledging that your partner might be dying to have some alone time, it could be over-neediness.

7. You can’t imagine your life without them.

If you constantly fear abandonment and feel that without them your life would be empty, boring, lonely, and meaningless, it could be a sign that you are over-dependent and overly needy in your relationship.

8. You try to change them.

If you have this idea of a perfect partner and try to change them to suit the criteria that you have set, it could be a sign that you are too needy. When this happens, you try to change their ideas, hobbies, and habits to ensure they fit into your ideal image of a perfect partner.

9. You try to control your partner.

One of the clearest signs of over-neediness can be seen in how you control your partner. The signs could include not listening to their opinions, putting them down when things don’t go your way, not allowing them to make choices, and making them feel guilty for your wrongs.

10. You don’t know your self-worth.

You say yes to everything your partner says. You feel as though your self-worth, identity, and value depend on your partner. You also make them the center of your life, give them undue attention, and sacrifice your happiness for their sake.

11. You expect them to read your mind.

You want your partner to read your mind when you are upset or angry. A study (1) has shown that people who expect this from their partners are anxious and have a sense of neglect. The study also states that this often leads to negative communication and anger.

12. You snoop on your partner.

You secretly read your partner’s text messages and social media feeds. You are obsessed with your partner’s every action on social media. It could mean that you are too needy and you have trust issues.

13. You always think about them.

Do you always think about your partner and can’t get them off your mind? It’s cute, but it could be neediness. It’s great to have someone that we think of the first thing in the morning and the last thing before sleeping, but constant thinking could affect your work and personal life.

14. You overshare details of your relationship on social media.

You post intimate details of your relationship, display your pent-up emotions, and overshare your photos on social media. Your partner, on the other hand, does not indulge in them. This habit could stem from your fear of missing out (FOMO) and can be annoying for your partner and friends.

15. You move too quickly in a relationship.

You and your partner have just met and gone out on a few dates. However, you start to talk about your future, insist on meeting their friends or parents, and get physical very early in your relationship. The tendency to rush things in a relationship could be a sign of over-neediness.

How To Stop Being Too Needy In A Relationship

Consider the following tips to overcome clinginess in a relationship.

1. Work at boosting your self-esteem.

Your worst enemy is yourself. Try to become the best version of yourself every day. You could list your accomplishments and positive traits, take up creative hobbies, stop worrying about what people think of you, read more, do things that make you happy, and surround yourself with positive people.

2. Develop trust.

Trust takes time to build and should be a two-way street. Be honest with each other, allow your words and actions to match, communicate effectively and don’t hide your feelings from each other, appreciate your partner’s efforts, admit your mistakes, and set clear boundaries in your relationship.

3. Respect each other’s space.

Expecting your partner to be always around can suffocate them. When they ask you for some space, do not take it personally. Give them space to take up their hobbies or meet their friends and family and respect their choices. Use this time to work on yourself or take up hobbies that you enjoy.

4. Take a social media break.

Take a social media break to take stock of your relationship. Most things that you see on social media, such as the photos of happy couples, do not tell the whole story. Social media can force you to compare yourself with others, create unexpected expectations, and make you oblivious to reality.

5. Learn to enjoy solitude.

Solitude can help you unwind and recharge, understand yourself better, and appreciate yourself more. It can be challenging in the beginning, but it’s worth it. You could gradually increase the amount of alone time each day. Fill those hours by doing things that you enjoy, without worrying about productivity.

6. Embrace your independence.

You are responsible for your happiness.. Follow your instincts, do things without relying on your partner, accept your choices and preferences, pay your bills, believe in your abilities, and make decisions without conforming to popular beliefs and opinions.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is it okay to be needy in a relationship?

Neediness might come out as insecure, jealous, or desperate, which can alienate a partner and have unfavorable effects. Being needy for support and comfort on certain days or events is a sign of affection. But the maxim that anything in excess is poison holds good for relationships as well.

2. What makes someone needy in a relationship?

In partnerships, neediness can occasionally be normal. However, when there is a lack of love and respect, partners fight over trivial matters, do not value or acknowledge each other’s presence or discuss relationship problems; either partner may become needy and cling to the other for attention and care.

3. How should I respond to a needy partner in the relationship?

Understanding the causes and signs of needy behavior is the most important thing to do. You can discuss their neediness with them and work out a solution together. Other ways of dealing with a needy partner include demonstrating the value of space and emotional well-being, setting mutual boundaries, addressing any insecurities, and being supportive and empathetic.

While it is okay to ask for your partner’s attention sometimes, neediness could be troublesome. Being needy in a relationship could be the beginning of insecurity and stress in your partner, eventually leading to troubles in the alliance. If you show the signs of being needy or if your partner has expressed any concerns, try the above tips to reduce your dependence on them. Although this is not a task you can achieve in a week, consistent efforts can help you correct the behavior. Respect their boundaries and spend more time with yourself. For all you know, you might even start to enjoy your own company, and this self-love may help you discover many hidden qualities of yours.

Key Pointers

  • If you’re overly jealous and want your partner to be by your side, it shows you’re the clingy one in your relationship.
  • If you’re always thinking about your spouse and do not know your self-worth, it’s time to change yourself.
  • Appreciating your value, building trust, and adopting independence may help you overcome clinginess and establish a strong love connection with your partner.

References:

MomJunction's articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy.
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Shikha Thakur

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Having done a certification in Relationship Coaching, her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources from Jawaharlal Nehru Technological University, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship... more

Iten Elyassaki

(MA, LPC)
Iten Elyassaki is a Licensed Professional Counselor experienced in serving clients with diverse needs. She works with children, adolescents, and adults needing support with stress management, relationship challenges, self-esteem, behavioral issues, trauma, marital discord, infidelity, parenting difficulties, grief, and addictions. Currently working with ENI, she uses a variety of therapeutic interventions to develop a holistic understanding of behaviors, emotions, patterns,... more

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