7 Open Relationship Rules To Make It Work For You

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An open relationship is a type of relationship where both partners agree to have a love or physical relationship with other people. Open relationship rules are certain mutually agreed-upon guidelines essential for the relationship. These rules help the partners manage their relationship better while remaining in a consensually non-monogamous relationship. Here we have listed several rules and answered your questions regarding open relationships and their practicality.

Can Open Relationships Work?

An open relationship is being successfully practiced by couples across the world, irrespective of demographic peculiarities.An open relationship is being successfully practiced by couples across the world, irrespective of demographic peculiarities. A common point of concern is that couples who are on the verge of separation open up their relationship as a last-ditch effort to save it. Dani, a mother in a polyamorous, open relationship with her husband, candidly talks about this issue. She writes, “ I am sure, that at times, people do reach for an open marriage when they are trying to avoid divorce or deal with issues in the bedroom. We (she and her husband) were absolutely certain this wasn’t us, but when we recently looked at getting divorced, we had to re-examine our motivations for being in an open marriage and see if they were because of sexual or other incompatibilities.
“For a while, we wondered if our issues had unconsciously led us to choosing an open marriage. But, actually I think it was the other way around. Despite our issues, we still managed to both grow in the same direction and realize that our desire for polyamory is authentic to who we are. It isn’t a last stitch effort to stay together sort of thing (i).”

The key to an open relationship is honesty, communication, mutuality, and transparency. However, both partners have to be enthusiastic about the relationship. If one is interested and the other is not, then the open relationship will not work. A person should have a broad mind and unwavering trust in their partner. Hence, if you and your partner understand and respect each other, an open relationship can be seamless.

How To Deal With An Open Relationship?

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Managing an open relationship can be tricky and hence you need to have preset boundaries to make it work. Have an honest conversation with your partner about your expectations and the rules to keep your relationship intact. So whatever a couple agrees to do, they should stand firm by that.

Once in an open relationship, there is no going back anytime soon, and you should be prepared to handle all situations. Otherwise, you will lose your partner’s trust, which will lead to rifts in your relationship. It’s important to consider everything before getting into an open relationship.

Seven Open Relationship Rules

Just like any other relationship, proper communication, equality, and understanding of boundaries are the founding stones of an open relationship.

1. Physical intimacy boundaries

Before getting into an open relationship, the couple should thoroughly deliberate on how many partners they can sleep with at a time, what types of physically intimate acts are acceptable, and how often they can get physically intimate. Both the partners should clarify these things before opting for an open relationship.

2. Emotional boundaries

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One of the major issues a couple confronts in an open relationship is jealousy. Although both may think they won’t get jealous of their partner’s affair with others, things may worsen later. It is also important to discuss whether they can get physically intimate without developing feelings for their partner or if it will affect their primary relationship. Talk about ways to get out of an open relationship if one of you wants to.

3. Have open communication

Communication is an integral part of any relationship. Partners should make sure there is no communication gap, and they are on the same page. An open relationship brings significant changes in the lifestyle and relationship of the couple, and through regular interminable communication they can stabilize their relationship. Similarly, being transparent and open also makes things easy for the couple.

4. Determine how to talk about relationships with each other

Talking about the progress of the affair with the new person or persons is crucial for your primary relationship. So deciding what to talk about and what not to talk about in various relationships you get into is essential for keeping the primary relationship stable.

5. Practice safe physical intimacy

When both partners indulge in physically intimate acts with multiple people, there is a chance of contracting STDs. Unprotected intimate acts also increase the risk of unwanted pregnancies. Hence, the couple should ensure they take safety precautions before getting physically close.

6. Be honest

Honesty can go a long way in a relationship. Nevertheless, it becomes even more important in an open relationship. An open relationship is built on trust, transparency, flexibility, and honesty, and when the partners start hiding things from each other and lying about their affairs, things may get complicated. However, they can decide what to share to curb miscommunication.

7. Invest in your primary relationship

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Whatever happens, your primary relationship should be your priority, and both partners should put in individual and deliberate efforts to improve your relationship. Hence, make an agreement upon the time you both should spend together and draw guidelines to keep the spark alive. Also, make sure you put your partner first when planning anything exciting- be it a dinner date or other fun activities.

Benefits Of Open Relationships

Are the emotional and physical risks of an open relationship worth it? Some couples may find it worthy. Opening yourself to new experiences may increase the intimacy between you and your partner. You might get a better idea of your partner, their likes, dislikes, fantasies, and vulnerabilities. You might be more aware of the emotional and physical needs of each other over time.

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Moreover, you can explore each other more. When you both indulge in physical relations with others, you will be introduced to new intimate activities and will be able to identify your fantasies. Subsequently, you both can bring new varieties into the bed and spice up your life.

Similarly, open relationships bring down resentments as both partners have options to make up for what is missing and meet their expectations. Hence, you are not likely to feel resentment easily.

Drawbacks Of Open Relationships

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When multiple partners are involved, an open relationship can trigger jealousy in the partners. There is also the looming risk of contracting STDs and accidental pregnancy. Moreover, being in an open relationship is still largely unacceptable in society, and you may have a hard time justifying your choices.

An open relationship may not get the kind of acceptance that a monogamous relationship gets. A study from The Wheatley Institution and School of Family Life at Brigham Young University revealed that 90% of the Greatest Generation agreed that committed couples should practice monogamy. Similarly, 85% of Boomers and 63% of Millennials preferred a monogamous relationship. When asked if they would consider an open relationship, 15% of Gen X and 13% of Millennials said they would.

Changing opinions on open relationships across generations

Infographic: Things You Should Know About An Open Relationship

Being in an open relationship requires consent and mutual understanding from both partners; otherwise, it can lead to complications. So, if you’re considering having an open relationship, check out the following infographic on the guidelines and difficulties one may face in such a relationship to make an informed decision.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

Open relationships are not easy to maintain. They can be complicated to understand and follow. Watch this video to learn some valuable lessons and gain a new perspective on open relationships.

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Ellen J.W. GigliottiLMFT

Ellen J.W. Gigliotti is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the owner of a private practice therapy group in Pennsylvania, US. A former journalist, Ellen is also a writer currently finalizing her first book, a supervisor of other therapists and a marriage and sex therapist with over 20 years experience. She loves dogs, travel and books, and is looking...more

Akshay NairMA

Akshay is an associate editor and former journalist with more than four years of experience. A post graduate in Mass Communication and Journalism, he has strong professional and academic background in the field of content writing and editing. He is also a Certified Relationship Workshop Facilitator for Life Coaches. Akshay interned and worked with various newspapers and the Public Relations...more

Siddharth KesirajuMA, Certification in Relationship Coaching

Siddharth holds a certification in Relationship Coaching and a masters degree in communication and journalism from the University of Hyderabad. He has around seven years of experience in various fields of writing and editing. As an associate editor at MomJunction, Siddharth writes on Relationship and edits the writers' articles to meet the website's editorial standards. Previously, he worked in the...more

Benidamika J LatamMA, MSc

Benidamika holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology from Assam Don Bosco University and another masters degree in English Literature from North Eastern Hill University. At MomJunction, Benidamika writes on human psychology and relationships. Her academic experience in counseling psychology helps her guide readers with useful and well-researched information. The former school teacher is a poet, with her work published...more