Do you love your partner so much that you don’t like seeing them getting close to another person?
Well, a little bit of possessiveness and jealousy are not uncommon in a relationship. As long as it is temporary and not intense, jealousy can even make your partner look cute. But if they’re getting bitter and the jealousy overshadows the truth of your relationship, then it could take a turn for the worse.
You can prevent that from happening. When you love each other to the moon and back, take care of each other as no one else could, then some understanding and a few little adjustments here and there could help you overcome your jealousy.
If you want to know what causes jealousy and how to stop being jealous, this MomJunction post is for you.
What Causes Jealousy In A Relationship?
Jealousy can lead to anger, hatred, and despair. But what causes it? Keep reading to know.
- Insecurity in your relationship or lack of self-confidence: Insecurity leads to jealousy. If you have self-doubt or you lack confidence in yourself, then you may get jealous quickly. Jealousy could be a reflection of your insecurities that lie in your subconscious.
- A way to deal with fears: The fear of your partner finding someone more attractive than you, the fear of your partner leaving you, or the fear of being cheated on can make you jealous.
- Competition with others: Competition to a certain extent is healthy, but when it becomes extreme, it rears its ugly head in the form of jealousy. Jealous partners try to outdo others instead of being their original self. They find everyone to be their competitor.
A little jealousy is alright and can charge your relationship and is also healthy for your relationship.
Helen Fisher, the author of Why We Love, says, “A certain amount of jealousy in a relationship is fine. It’s like waking up to a reminder that you are lucky for having an attractive partner, and that can motivate you to be loving and nice to your partner.”
“However, when jealousy is chronic, debilitating and overt – that’s when it becomes a problem.”
You need to know how to control your jealousy, or else it can damage your relationship.
Signs Of Jealousy
How intense is your jealousy? Look for these signs to know.
- Excessive control: Jealousy triggers controlling behavior, which includes invading your private space, restricting your interactions with friends and colleagues, and probing into everything. Such behavior becomes an everyday affair, even under unwarranted circumstances.
- Possessiveness: A jealous partner wants you to be only theirs, and no one else should even eye you. They also stalk you to find out what you are doing and with whom you are talking. It can be a highly uncomfortable, and sometimes dangerous, situation to be in.
- Threatening: Jealous people threaten their partners to control them. They hurt themselves, destroy things, or become extremely violent. They also threaten their partners without resorting to violence, through bullying, manipulation, criticizing, and threatening to leave them.
- Anxiety: When you are jealous, you are constantly anxious as to what your partner is up to. You don’t want to involve in activities that you once enjoyed as you are preoccupied with your worries.
If your relationship is plagued by jealousy, you need to work on it or get help to end it.
How To Overcome Jealousy
Jealousy is not a pleasant feeling. The stronger it gets, the more uncomfortable it makes you and your partner. More often than not, jealous partners won’t accept it and lie to cover it up.
That said, not everyone knows how to manage a strong emotion like jealousy, which could lead them to make mistakes and to damage the relationship. However, you can prevent that by following a few tips.
1. Figure out the cause
Jealousy is not a nice emotion to carry around. It is a negative feeling, but sometimes, it cannot be avoided. But if it is a recurring feeling that is damaging the relationship, then you need to sit back and ask yourself ‘why?’
It could be due to various reasons, which vary from one couple to another. Some might have been through a bad past that they are unable to forget, and certain incidents in current life could trigger those bad memories. While some might be over-protective of the relationship. Or it could be the insecurity that is coming between you two.
If you cannot figure it out on your own, sit and sort the issue with your partner, not by fighting but by being logical and calm.
2. Express your feelings
You may think your partner is always jealous, or they may say that you are always controlling. Or, you both could be misunderstanding each other. Instead of getting into a conflict based on assumptions and flipping on your negative thoughts, you both should share your feelings.
For instance, if you think your partner is getting too friendly with someone, let them know how you feel about it. Only when you speak, will your partner know what you’re feeling or thinking. And talking about your emotions can help you get some clarity too.
3. Don’t be too dependent on each other
Someone rightly said, “A little space, distance, and time in a relationship help it to bloom at its best.”
Yes, you both love each other. But also remember that you are two individuals with your own lives. And you need to have space of your own. So try not to expect your partner to always be by your side. Let your partner live as he or she wants to, and don’t nag them about things they may not agree with. This will help you maintain the balance in your relationship.
4. Be honest and have faith
If your ex or your current partner has broken your trust in the past, trust issues are inevitable and might result in jealousy. So, you might start getting jealous even if you see them getting friendly with someone, no matter how insignificant the interaction may be.
Instead of getting insecure over trivial matters, you should give them the benefit of the doubt and have faith in your relationship. If you become uncomfortable when your partner is friendly with other people, let them know about it and sort it out by talking.
5. A different perspective
Sometimes, you should try thinking from another person’s perspective. It could be your partner’s or your friend’s.
If you find out that your partner met their ex at a social gathering but didn’t mention it to you, don’t assume that they were trying to hide it. They could’ve genuinely forgotten to mention that because the meeting meant nothing to them, or they didn’t want to tell you because they didn’t want to upset you. To you, it may seem like they were hiding the truth. But try to think about it from their perspective and ask yourself if you’d do the same had you been in their place. The answer could surprise you.
6. Try not to act immediately
Roy T. Bennett said, “Don’t waste your time in anger, regrets, worries, and grudges. Life is too short to be unhappy.” So right, isn’t it?
If you think you are angry or getting jealous, don’t pick up a fight with your partner right away. Chances are your partner is right, and you could be wrong in assuming something that is not. So, don’t react. Take your time and let your emotions cool down. Pause and reflect at the situation and think about the best way to deal with it. Not thinking before saying or doing something can worsen the situation.
7. Control your insecurities
Jealousy could be a result of insecurities. Lack of self-confidence can give rise to jealousy when your partner tries to talk to or mingle with others. In reality, your partner could have no feelings of love for anyone else but you. But if you still feel insecure, it is time to work on those feelings of insecurity and deal with them to prevent any damage to your relationship.
8. Write down how you feel
This trick could help you deal with your feelings and stop you from acting on them immediately. Whenever you feel insecure and angry or mad at your partner, take a pen and paper and write how you feel. List down all the thoughts that come to your mind at the time. Writing can be a way to vent out your emotions and allows you to think about why you feel the way you do.
When you are done writing, read it, and you may not feel so angry afterward. For all you know, you may even think it is silly.
9. Be positive
Most of the times, jealousy tortures you from inside. Instead of letting that feeling win over your love, care, and affection, you should start thinking positive about your relationship. Think about all the good times you have had and can have through small gestures for your partner, spending quality time together. When you focus on the positives, the feelings of possessiveness and jealousy won’t be so predominant anymore.
10. Stay calm
When you have chosen to love your partner, you need to understand that there are risks involved and that you’re not going to be happy at all times. When you feel jealous, stay calm, take a deep breath, and let the feeling subside by focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship.
11. Don’t compare yourself with others
Jealousy springs up when you compare yourself with others. The grass might seem greener on the other side, but it’s green only when you water it. Don’t breed jealousy. Instead, nurture your relationship – be nice, loving, and compassionate to your partner and be grateful for what you have instead of feeling bad for what you don’t have.
12. Don’t build up your feelings
It’s normal to have negative feelings on certain days but don’t let them build up. Your partner doesn’t belong to you alone. They might like interacting with various people out of your relationship. It doesn’t mean that they are having an affair or a casual fling with them. However, it doesn’t mean you should ignore their infidelity.
13. Heal yourself
If you have been in a hurtful relationship that involved betrayal or being cheated on in the past, you might have difficulty in trusting your present partner. But you need to heal yourself of your past relationship and move on so that you are happy in your current relationship.
Is Jealousy A Sign Of Love?
While some believe that jealousy is a sign of love, it is not true as it brings restrictions in a relationship. Jealousy comes out of insecurity and fear. It might make you defensive and controlling. It could also lead to unnecessary strife between the couple, which makes jealousy unhealthy most times.
On the other hand, love is all about freedom and satisfaction that comes from trust and faith in your partner. So, jealousy and love cannot be synonymous.
Jealousy is truly an unfavorable emotion that should not arise in a relationship. If it does because of your assumptions, you should follow the tips and try to suppress it. But if you have proof that your partner is doing something wrong, then you should confront them and think about your relationship seriously instead of blindly trusting them.
What do you think about jealousy in a relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section.
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