13 Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Immature

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Communication and trust are the cornerstones of a successful relationship. Mutual understanding comes from sharing thoughts and honest communication. If your partner is emotionally immature, trying to have a conversation with them can be draining. An emotionally immature person gets angry and disappointed easily and fails to control themselves. They often vent their anger on their partner, and this may create rifts in the relationship. Such a person avoids serious conversations and is unaware of their partner’s needs. In this post, we discuss signs of an emotionally immature person and how to deal with them.

13 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Immature

1. Struggles to share or talk about their feelings: An emotionally immature partner may often not share feelings or talk about them. They may find it overwhelming to comprehend emotional experiences. Therefore, they may avoid or pretend to ignore you when you bring up serious topics of conversation. 

Harish, a writer-marketer with an interest in human connections and books, narrates a similar experience. Sharing his partner’s signs of emotional immaturity, he says, “She started avoiding my serious conversations and would simply gloss over my points. She wasn’t ready to see things from my perspective. I value transparency and expect others to be transparent with me as well.
“Eventually, I decided to open up and share my feelings with her. I also asked her to be more transparent, but she continued to avoid the conversation… It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was involved with someone who struggled to handle their emotions in a mature and healthy manner. She tended to avoid problems, hoping they would magically disappear, rather than addressing them directly (i).”

Do remember

You may feel disconnected from such a person because you don’t know what is going on in their mind. They shut you out because they cannot process their own feelings, and so you find them aloof.

2. Cannot talk about future: An emotionally immature partner finds it difficult to plan or talk about their future with you. They may seem unable to commit to even the smallest of things and prefer to live in the present. Even if they see a future with you, they may find it difficult to share or communicate with you about their long-term plans. 

3. Makes you feel lonely: A relationship makes you feel involved and loved. However, with an emotionally immature partner, you may feel that there is a lack of emotional intimacy. You feel disconnected as you are not able to form a bond with them at a deeper level. 

4. Pulls away during difficult or stressful times: When your partner is emotionally unavailable, they may not be able to support you during your difficult times. You may want your partner to be your rock, but they may distance themselves using excuses. This may make you assume that they are unreliable or unsympathetic when in truth they are not.

Image: IStock

5. Keeps everything superficial: If you feel your partner holds back even after you have been together for long, then it may be a sign that they are incapable of strengthening or cementing the relationship. It could also suggest that they do not feel emotionally “safe”. They may not feel comfortable when it comes to intimacy, including connecting, opening up, or sharing.

6. Does not take accountability: A mature adult takes responsibility, acknowledges their mistakes, and makes amends. However, an immature person refuses to take responsibility and instead plays the blame game when things get difficult. They may ignore your opinions and resort to unfair measures such as blaming, lying, or making you feel guilty.

Did you know?

An emotionally immature person dislikes being held accountable even for their own mistakes. They are quick to point fingers and blame others, and believe they can never be at fault.

7. Gets defensive: In a healthy relationship, both partners feel comfortable in offering constructive criticism and are open towards working on the issues together. On the contrary, an immature person can become overly defensive or gets upset when you bring up even the smallest of things.

Image: IStock

8. Shows selfish behavior: Partners look after each other and share responsibilities. They put “we” before “me.” An emotionally immature partner, on the other hand, may show selfish behavior and make everything about themselves. 

Point to consider

An emotionally immature person is unable to adjust or compromise. They find it difficult to come to an amicable solution and want to have their way anyhow.

9. Holds grudges: When you encounter a roadblock, you work with your partner to overcome it. However, an emotionally immature partner may hold grudges and squabble over petty issues, often resulting in discontent. 

10. Makes no effort to contribute: Do you feel that you are the one making all the efforts in the relationship? If your partner is emotionally immature, the love and relationship may feel unfulfilling and one-sided. Your partner may not do anything without you constantly asking them to do it, making you feel guilty.
    

    Image: IStock

11. Shows a lack of commitment: People who are emotionally immature are often unable to commit. They cannot continue with relationships and have a history of ending up with a series of short-term relationships. 

12. Lacks compassion: An immature partner cannot show compassion or empathize with their partner during an emotional meltdown. You may feel like your partner is unappreciative and unsupportive.

13. Shows emotional outbursts: People who are emotionally immature may not be able to control their impulses and may explode with rage on the smallest of things. They may not be mindful of the words and use unkind or abusive words. They may not be good at handling conflicts.
    

    Image: IStock

What Are The Causes Of Emotional Immaturity?

Before you learn how to deal with your partner’s emotional immaturity, let’s try to understand the reasons impairing their emotional growth.

1. Childhood trauma: Research indicates that adolescents who have experienced severe trauma in their early years are more likely to find it challenging to manage their emotions as they grow older. They may suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and other mental issues that can lead to emotional immaturity (1).
2. Frequent abuse: According to research, when a child faces physical or mental abuse, it is likely to affect the part of the brain that is responsible for their emotional development (2). Abuse can cause personality disorders and other mental illnesses that can impact their emotional maturity.
3. Early neglect: Children learn a lot from their parents and look up to them for everything. Parents play a crucial role in the development of their child’s personality. However, if parents are neglectful and do not provide the emotional and physical support that their child needs, it is likely to affect their emotional growth as individuals.
4. Poor parenting: A child spends their foundational years emulating their parents. If their parents act selfishly, seek frequent validation, or show a lack of commitment, it is likely to influence their child. Such behavioral and mental issues will likely carry forward with the child into adulthood.

How Do You Deal With An Emotionally Immature Partner?

If you feel your partner is emotionally immature, then you may try the following tips to make your relationship stronger.

1. Make an appointment: Ask your partner when a good time to talk would be and then at the time that they suggest, have your meeting using as much “I” statements as possible. For instance, talk about how you would like to work more as a team, asking what you could do to make it easier for them to participate. Try not to label them or accuse them as emotionally unavailable, which can make your partner defensive.

2. Realize that your partner has their own story: Realize that for some reason, your partner does not feel “safe”. This is usually due to their past failed relationships or even childhood caregivers having been overly critical, shaming, or blaming. Try to have compassion for the little boy or girl that your partner has inside of them and work to act from that place of consciousness.

Quick tip

Try to find a brief history of their background by talking to their friends or family members. Be discreet about it. Once you understand what has caused them to become the way they are, it might be slightly easier to deal with their aloofness.

3. Develop emotional maturity: Share appreciations. Use words of appreciation or encouragement when your partner does something for you. Let your partner know how it feels good to be connected. 

4. Ignore tantrums: Your partner may throw a fit when things do not go their way. Avoid paying attention to their tantrums or threats. Importantly, stop treating them like a baby. Be confident and firm.
   
   

   Image: Shutterstock

5. Opt for couple’s therapy: If your best efforts do not yield any positive outcome, try couple’s therapy. These sessions can help you develop a sense of connection and emotional intimacy. However, you may have to try your best to convince your partner to attend the sessions. Let them know that you want to be the best partner you can be for them and invite them to join the journey with you towards that goal.

Infographic: Things To Consider While Dealing With An Emotionally Immature Partner

Dealing with an emotionally immature partner requires a lot of patience and understanding. But you must not let them continue their behavior out of pity because it will jeopardize your relationship. So to help you understand how firm you should be in your stand, here are the dos and don’ts of dealing with an emotionally immature partner.

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

Are you worried your partner is emotionally immature? Watch this video to learn the 10 shocking signs and find out if your partner is emotionally immature.

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Rabbi Shlomo SlatkinMS, LCPC

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist (Advanced Clinician) and Certified Imago Workshop Presenter. He founded "The Marriage Restoration Project" with his wife Rivka, a global initiative to help keep couples together and happy. They made it their mission to help save marriages in two days through marriage-intensive retreats. He has also created an online self-guided "Marriage School"...more

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Siddharth holds a certification in Relationship Coaching and a masters degree in communication and journalism from the University of Hyderabad. He has around seven years of experience in various fields of writing and editing. As an associate editor at MomJunction, Siddharth writes on Relationship and edits the writers' articles to meet the website's editorial standards. Previously, he worked in the...more

Benidamika J LatamMA, MSc

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