Marriage is a lifelong commitment two people make with each other. For a marriage to succeed, considerable understanding, patience, and adjustment from both parties are essential. If you are getting married soon, trying some premarital counseling questions can help you learn so much about your future partner.
Lifestyle bloggers and couple Begad and Omama share, ”The question-asking was a crucial part of our marriage process. Our local mosque required us to go through a questionnaire they posted online as well as do one pre-marital counseling session with the Imam. There were topics that were relevant to us that weren’t in the questionnaire, so we added our own questions. We’re so glad we did because they generated good discussion and helped us get clearer on what we were both comfortable and uncomfortable with (i).”
Read on as we bring you a list of premarital counseling questions to help you start a healthy relationship based on effective teamwork. These questions can include various life aspects such as relationship goals, finances, personal habits, beliefs, children, and intimacy. Talking about these core life avenues helps you and your would-be learn the areas of agreement and disagreement that may be vital for a firm footing in the marriage.
200+ Premarital Counseling Questions
Questions on relationship goals
You must be clear about why you are getting married and what to expect from each other. Keeping some basic relationship goals in place helps you move forward. If there is no unanimity on how you both look at this union, it will become a bumpy road ahead.
- Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me?
- Where do you see us in another 15 to 20 years?
- What could break your trust in me?
- Will you be able to tell the truth and share everything with me? Is communication essential for you?
- Will marriage and our family be your priority, or will your career, social interests, and other things be ahead of us?
- How would you like me to show you my love, and would you be expressive? Will the romance be soon taken-for-granted or do you intend to keep it alive forever?
- How does physical and emotional infidelity resonate with you?
- As a couple, how do you think we will be better? What should be our goals as a married couple?
- How can we resolve issues? Should we talk it out or give each other the silent treatment till the anger blows over?
- Do you believe in spending your life with one person?
- What are the things you would want to enjoy with me later in life? Do you have a bucket list?
- Would you indulge in dangerous sports or activities if I were not comfortable with them?
- What are your hopes for the growth and development of our partnership?
- How will we maintain a strong emotional connection as our relationship evolves?
- What core values do you want to uphold in our relationship?
- What common goals do you want to achieve with me as a couple?
- How will we work collaboratively to accomplish these shared goals?
- Do you want to pursue any lifestyle changes or experiences with me?
- How can we support each other’s growth while nurturing our relationship?
- How can we encourage each other’s personal and professional aspirations?
- How will we continuously refine our communication skills as a couple?
- How will you prioritize spending quality time together amid busy schedules?
- What activities would you enjoy with me that can strengthen our bond?
- How will you ensure our connection remains strong even during challenging times?
- What are your plans for keeping romance alive in our relationship?
- What adventures or new experiences do you want to embark on as a couple?
- How can you ensure that our relationship maintains a strong foundation of friendship?
- How will you make room for spontaneity and exploration in our marriage?
- What shared hobbies or interests will you continue to cultivate?
- What steps can you take to prioritize face-to-face interactions and genuine connections?
- How will you ensure digital devices don’t hinder our emotional intimacy?
- How do you plan to balance the use of technology with maintaining emotional closeness?
Questions on personal habits
If you have not been in a live-in relationship, married life may come as a surprise. Whether your life partner leaves the wet towel on the bed or is messy or obsessed with cleaning—their habits might annoy you. Talk and understand your partner’s habits before you dive in.
- Do you drink, smoke, or do drugs? Would you be okay if I am habituated to any of them?
- Do you like to socialize? Would you prefer to go out alone with your friends or want me to accompany you everywhere?
- How often do you want to spend time with your parents?
- Do you have bad memories from your childhood that still affect you?
- Do you snore in bed?
- Do you enjoy watching porn?
- Do you think we would be respectful towards each other’s backgrounds?
- Should we divide the housework?
- Do you have a violent history or criminal record? Do you have temper issues? Have you ever seen a therapist? If yes, for what?
- Would you invite people to our home without consulting me?
- How much personal time do you think we should have?
- Do you keep in touch with your exes?
- At what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?
- How do your mornings begin?
- What’s your favorite way to wind down in the evenings?
- Do you have any specific morning or evening rituals?
- What’s your favorite way to spend your weekends?
- Do you have any dietary preferences or restrictions?
- Are you an adventurous eater, or do you prefer sticking to familiar dishes?
- Do you enjoy cooking, and if so, what are your signature dishes?
- What are your go-to comfort foods or snacks?
- Do you have any strategies for managing challenges with falling asleep?
- Are there any social media platforms you’re particularly active on?
- Do you enjoy binge-watching TV shows or movies?
- How do you balance screen time and real-life interactions?
- Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or websites you like to follow?
- Do you prefer a minimalist environment or one with lots of personal items?
- What cleaning routines or habits do you follow in your living space?
- Do you enjoy attending events and parties or prefer quieter gatherings?
- What is your favorite genre of music?
- Do you prefer planned itineraries or spontaneous travel experiences?
- Are you a light packer or someone who likes to bring everything along?
Questions on spiritual beliefs
Religious and spiritual beliefs may vary from person to person. Some people may be fanatics, while some may be atheists. What is important in a marriage is to understand if your spouse is tolerant of your beliefs and how your spirituality can affect the rest of the family.
- Do you believe in God and Karma?
- Do you believe in religion and spirituality?
- If you belong to a different religion, would you want me to change my religion to yours?
- Would you be respectful of my spiritual beliefs?
- Which spiritual values would you like our children to imbibe?
- How do you see God? Are you God-fearing or God-friendly?
- What role do you think our individual beliefs will play in our marriage and later in our children’s lives?
- If we are from different religions, should we celebrate all the festivals from both sides?
- Do you meditate? Do you think meditation helps?
Questions on finances
Discussing finances can be tricky. You both need to decide whether to join finances or not. Also, if one of you is a bit more loose-handed about spending, would you want the other to take over the maintenance of the accounts and do financial management? Discussing money matters is essential for clarity after the wedding.
- Should we have individual accounts for ourselves and a joint account for our future family?
- How should the household expenditure be divided between us?
- How much should we save every month? Do you have a savings plan?
- Would it be okay to support our respective families together if necessary?
- How much should we spend on personal hobbies and needs?
- Should we have a monthly budget? How shall we maintain it?
- If both of us invest together, will it be shared 50-50?
- Do you like taking loans for luxury or prefer to be debt-free?
- Should we put away a vacation budget every year?
- What should be the back-up plan in case of emergency expenditure or loss of work for either of us?
- Would you want to invest in a house?
- Are you a saver or more inclined to enjoy spending on experiences?
- What are your short-term and long-term financial goals?
- How do you handle impulse purchases or unplanned expenses?
- Do you have any strategies for managing shared finances and expenses in a relationship?
Questions about children
Some people like to take things one step at a time. The excitement of marrying someone you love can overwhelm you and make you feel like you want nothing more. But eventually, the honeymoon period gets over, and the realities of life set in. One such fact is children. You should figure out and see if you both are on the same page about family planning. Ask your partner these relationship assessment questions to understand whether both of you want the same things.
- Do you want to have children?
- If yes, how soon after marriage?
- How many children do you want to have?
- What if we get pregnant more times than desired? Would you still want to go ahead with it?
- How should we maintain the work-home balance? Do you expect me to quit working, or will the hours at work and home be decided and divided mutually?
- When both of us need to be at work, would you prefer to leave the child at home with a nanny, at a grandparent’s house, or in a daycare center?
- How would you feel if we were unable to have children? Would you be open to adoption?
- Do you have a preference for the sex of the child?
- If the two of us are from different religions, which religion would you want the child to follow, or can they practice both or none?
- What kind of values would you like to instill in our child?
- What kind of birth control should we use?
- What factors will influence your decision on the number of children?
- How do you feel about adopting or fostering children?
- What are your thoughts on discipline and setting boundaries for our child?
- How do you plan to balance being nurturing and authoritative as a parent?
- Are there any parenting styles or methods you feel strongly about?
- How will you address differences in parenting styles between you and me?
- How will you encourage open communication and trust between the children and you?
- How do you plan to divide childcare responsibilities?
- How do you feel about any arrangements for childcare, such as staying at home or using daycare?
- How will we balance our careers with parenting responsibilities?
- What role will our extended families play in helping with childcare, if any?
- How will you navigate the challenges of balancing work and family life?
- What are your academic goals for our children?
- Do you have a strong preference for public schooling, private schooling, or homeschooling?
- How will you support our children’s educational and extracurricular interests?
- Which values or skills do you hope to instill in our children as they grow?
- How do you plan to encourage a love of learning and exploration?
- How will you ensure quality bonding time with our children as they grow?
- What activities or traditions do you envision to strengthen the parent-child bond?
- How will you balance individual and family time in your daily routine?
- How do you plan to handle the challenges that may arise during different developmental stages?
Questions about families
They say you don’t marry a person; you marry their family as well. Families of both sides play a pivotal role in every marriage. It is essential to know about the childhood your spouse-to-be had, their family values, and the kind of relationship they expect to have with both the extended families.
- What kind of childhood did you have? Did you have a good support system, and what have your past experiences taught you?
- How many siblings do you have, and do you share a healthy relationship with them?
- What do you like and dislike about your family?
- What do you like and dislike about my family?
- How much influence should the grandparents have on our children?
- Would you want to stay with the in-laws?
- How will the holidays be divided? Should we go on vacations with families? Christmas, Thanksgiving… which holidays should we spend with our families?
- Will you be comfortable leaving our children with the grandparents?
- If there is a conflict between our families, how will you resolve it? Whom would you support? Or would you instead choose to stay away from it?
- How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? What were the main points of disagreements within your family?
- Is your family fine with your spouse from another religion or culture? Are they particular about the sex of our children?
- How often would you like the families to meet?
- How much influence do your parents have in our life decisions?
Work and career questions
If both of you are working, it is important to understand your to-be spouse’s work patterns and their expectations from you. It is better to be clear from the beginning to avoid further conflicts. These marriage-preparation questions will give you greater insights into their career goals.
- Does your job require you to work late in the night? Would you mind if I had to work long hours regularly?
- If both our work schedules during the week gave us hardly any time together, how or what would you want to do during the weekends to make up for the lost time?
- Would you be okay with me traveling for work, maybe twice or thrice a month?
- If one of our jobs required us to move to another city, what would you do? Would you be okay with staying apart for a while?
- When we have children, how should we divide the childcare between both of us? Would one of us be expected to quit work?
- How should we handle and support conflicting careers?
- Would the person making less money be expected to make all the sacrifices?
- What are your long-term career goals?
- How do you handle stress related to work?
- Are you open to the possibility of career changes or relocations?
- How do you envision supporting each other’s professional growth and development?
- What role would I play in your career decisions?
- How will you navigate potential conflicts between your career ambitions and our relationship?
- Are you comfortable with me spending time with colleagues or clients outside of work?
- What decision have you made regarding finances related to our careers and individual incomes?
- What are your thoughts on dual-career households?
- Are there any shared career-related goals you would like to pursue with me?
- How will you support us during a job loss, career setback, or challenge?
- What are your views on the division of household chores and responsibilities when we both are working?
- How do you plan to ensure open communication about work-related stress and concerns?
- Are there any boundaries or guidelines you want to establish regarding work-related interactions?
- How will you handle competition and ambition within our relationship?
- What are your expectations regarding the level of involvement of your partner in your career decisions?
- How will you manage the potential for work-related travel and time apart from each other?
- Are there any financial goals linked to our careers you want us to achieve together?
Questions on sex and intimacy
Physical compatibility can make or break a marriage. It is crucial to know that both of you are on the same page regarding sexual preferences.
- Other than sex, what other ways of intimacy excite you?
- How many times a week do you think we might have sex?
- What are your sexual fantasies?
- What does monogamy mean to you? Would you choose to change the sexual relationship status between us later?
- Is it essential for you to be in love with the person you are having sex with?
- Do you believe in one-night stands? Have you had them before, and do you think you will have them in the future? Do you believe in being faithful?
- Are you comfortable talking about sex or matters of the heart?
- What is your love language? Are you a romantic person?
- Are you a good listener? Would you listen and support me if I have problems?
- What turns you off?
- How would you define the level of physical closeness you expect and want in our relationship?
- Which methods of initiating and expressing affection do you prefer?
- How can we make sure that our physical intimacy lasts throughout time and continues to be exciting and fulfilling?
- Are there any sexual preferences or boundaries you’d like to establish?
- What are your strategies for dealing with potential discrepancies in libido or sexual preferences?
- What methods can we employ to discuss our sexual needs and desires openly?
- Would you like to discuss or explore any fantasies or interests together?
- How will you maintain closeness when things are difficult or stressful?
- How can we foster emotional connection in our sexual relationships? What part does it play?
- How will you prioritize providing a welcoming environment where we can voice our needs and worries?
Questions on conflict resolution and communication
Conflicts are a component of marriage, and so is resolution. Brushing things under the carpet is not a good idea. Communication is the key, and certain ground rules are essential to resolve future conflicts. These questions will help you learn more about their communication style and their problem-solving and decision-making abilities.
- Are you a communicator or a silent sufferer? If you have a problem with something your spouse is doing, would you communicate clearly or give silent treatment?
- Would you like to involve others in our conflicts, or would you keep it between us?
- Do you believe in giving the other person the benefit of the doubt and forgive, or do you carry it in your heart forever?
- How should we express our anger and sadness?
- Do you have ego issues? Would you be the first to try to make up? Would you apologize if your actions were wrong or hurtful?
- Do you spend time alone before talking, or do you discuss and get over things when the rod is still hot?
- Who can we turn to for help if the issue is big or serious? Should we consider marriage counseling?
- Do you have temper issues? How well do you handle anger?
Questions on household duty
If both of you are working, it is not correct to expect one to take care of all the household duties. Even if one is not working, the duties should be shared. Talk about what chores are comfortable for your partner and what they are willing to take responsibility for. Chalk out the respective tasks from the beginning.
- How should we maintain a balance in the house?
- Once we have children, would you change diapers and feed them?
- Should we share the bills equally?
- Should you be equally responsible for our children’s future?
- Would you be willing to do my tasks for a few days if I am sick, busy, or traveling?
- How often can we call in for house help or eat out?
- Do you cook or like to cook?
- If your parents are visiting, can we expect them to help with household work?
- In our future together, how do you see us dividing up domestic duties and responsibilities?
- Are there any particular responsibilities or tasks that you feel strongly about taking on?
- How will we manage domestic duties during busy or challenging times?
- Which responsibilities do you find challenging or want to avoid, if any?
- What tactics can we use to guarantee a balanced distribution of work and avoid resentment?
- How will we approach making decisions about significant home adjustments or purchases?
- Would you wish to set any rituals or methods to organize our living area?
- Do you prefer a flexible domestic duty schedule, or would you rather we each have a fixed set of chores?
- How will we handle circumstances where one partner’s workload grows because of their job or other obligations?
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What are the three most common premarital tests inventories?
The three most common premarital tests inventories are believed to be (4):
- PREmarital Preparation and Relationship Enhancement (PREPARE)
- Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding, and Study (FOCCUS)
- RELATionship Evaluation (RELATE)
2. Does premarital counseling reduce divorce rates?
Yes, premarital counseling has been shown to reduce divorce rates by 31% by minimizing the chance of relationship conflicts and improving the relationship quality (5).
3. What should couples look for when selecting a premarital counselor?
When selecting a premarital counselor, couples should look for someone who is a professional, trained in offering couples therapy, and is neutral and non-judgmental. You should also check if the counselor is affordable, whether or not their fees are covered by insurance, and if they provide a comfortable and safe environment for open communication and growth. It would be great if you could get recommendations from someone known who has availed their counseling.
4. Should couples discuss money issues in premarital counseling?
Discussing money issues in premarital counseling can allow couples to communicate openly, understand each other’s financial values, and establish a solid foundation for managing finances together. It can therefore help prevent future conflicts.
5. What are the potential pitfalls of premarital counseling?
Potential pitfalls of premarital counseling include unrealistic expectations, lack of commitment to the process, and the possibility of uncovering deeper relationship issues that may require additional therapy or intervention. All this may even lead to the wedding being called off.
6. How can couples ensure premarital counseling is successful?
Couples can ensure the success of premarital counseling by actively participating, being open and honest, communicative, and applying the insights and strategies learned during the counseling sessions in their relationship.
7. What is the importance of communication in premarital counseling?
Communication is crucial in premarital counseling. It allows couples to express their thoughts, concerns, and expectations openly, fostering understanding, resolving conflicts, and establishing a strong foundation for effective communication in their future marriage.
It may be good to use premarital counseling questions to learn more about your prospective partner and make future plans. It enables you to resolve your arguments and differences from the start. You can inquire about your partner’s philosophy and goals for the relationship, spiritual views, personal habits and preferences, family, children, household chores, finances, career, and many other topics. Knowing your compatibility and amiability before you tie the knot can save you time and any potential heartbreak. So, when you meet your future companion, make sure you are free of any fears.
Infographic: Benefits Of Premarital Counseling
Whoever said marrying a known devil is better than marrying an unknown one was absolutely right! You can consider premarital counseling, which can help you make that significant life-changing decision. Save this infographic that lists premarital counseling benefits and share it with your soon-to-be spouse.
Are you looking for good premarital counseling questions to ask? This video will provide you with helpful questions to ask before getting married.
Personal Experience: Source
- The Effects of a Premarital Relationship Enrichment Program on Relationship Satisfaction;
- 5 Benefits of Premarital Counseling;
- Is premarital counseling worth it?;
- Jeffry H. Larson et al. (2002); A review of three comprehensive premarital questionnaires;
- Premarital Counselor: Helping Couples Stay Together;
- Effectiveness of premarital sexual counseling program on sexual satisfaction of recently married couples – (nih.gov)