Marriage is a lifelong bond blending two people into one. The association requires a good amount of understanding, patience, and compromise. A premarital counseling session can give you clarity about finance, families, future, and children and save you from disagreements and fights after the wedding.
Although counseling guarantees no future problems, it gives you a firm footing in the marriage. Go through our list of 101 premarital counseling questions before you take the plunge.
101 Premarital Counseling Questions
Questions on relationship goals
You must be clear about why you are getting married and what to expect from each other. Keeping some basic relationship goals in place helps you move forward. If there is no unanimity on how you both look at this union, it will become a bumpy road ahead.
- Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with me?
- Where do you see us in another 15 to 20 years?
- What could break your trust in me?
- Will you be able to tell the truth and share everything with me? Is communication essential for you?
- Will marriage and our family be your priority, or will your career, social interests, and other things be ahead of us?
- How would you like me to show you my love, and would you be expressive? Will the romance be soon taken-for-granted or do you intend to keep it alive forever?
- How does physical and emotional infidelity resonate with you?
- As a couple, how do you think we will be better? What should be our goals as a married couple?
- How can we resolve issues? Should we talk it out or give each other the silent treatment till the anger blows over?
- Do you believe in spending your life with one person?
- What are the things you would want to enjoy with me later in life? Do you have a bucket list?
- Would you indulge in dangerous sports or activities if I were not comfortable with them?
Questions on personal habits
If you have not been in a live-in relationship, married life may come as a surprise. Whether your life partner leaves the wet towel on the bed or is messy or obsessed with cleaning—their habits might annoy you. Talk and understand your partner’s habits before you dive in.
- Do you drink, smoke, or do drugs? Would you be okay if I am habituated to any of them?
- Do you like to socialize? Would you prefer to go out alone with your friends or want me to accompany you everywhere?
- How often do you want to spend time with your parents?
- Do you have bad memories from your childhood that still affect you?
- Do you snore in bed?
- Do you enjoy watching porn?
- Do you think we would be respectful towards each other’s backgrounds?
- Should we divide the housework?
- Do you have a violent history or criminal record? Do you have temper issues? Have you ever seen a therapist? If yes, for what?
- Would you invite people to our home without consulting me?
- How much personal time do you think we should have?
- Do you keep in touch with your exes?
Questions on spiritual beliefs
Religious and spiritual beliefs may vary from person to person. Some people may be fanatics, while some may be atheists. What is important in a marriage is to understand if your spouse is tolerant of your beliefs and how your spirituality can affect the rest of the family.
- Do you believe in God and Karma?
- Do you believe in religion and spirituality?
- If you belong to a different religion, would you want me to change my religion to yours?
- Would you be respectful of my spiritual beliefs?
- Which spiritual values would you like our children to imbibe?
- How do you see God? Are you God-fearing or God-friendly?
- What role do you think our individual beliefs will play in our marriage and later in our children’s lives?
- If we are from different religions, should we celebrate all the festivals from both sides?
- Do you meditate? Do you think meditation helps?
Questions on finances
Discussing finances can be tricky. You both need to decide whether to join finances or not. Also, if one of you is a bit more loose-handed about spending, would you want the other to take over the maintenance of the accounts. Discussing money matters is essential for clarity after the wedding.
- Should we have individual accounts for ourselves and a joint account for our future family?
- How should the household expenditure be divided between us?
- How much should we save every month? Do you have a savings plan?
- Would it be okay to support our respective families together if necessary?
- How much should we spend on personal hobbies and needs?
- Should we have a monthly budget? How shall we maintain it?
- If both of us invest together, will it be shared 50-50?
- Do you like taking loans for luxury or prefer to be debt-free?
- Should we put away a vacation budget every year?
- What should be the back-up plan in case of emergency expenditure or loss of work for either of us?
- Would you want to invest in a house?
Questions about children
Some people like to take things one step at a time. The excitement of marrying someone you love can overwhelm you and make you feel like you want nothing more. But eventually, the honeymoon period gets over, and the realities of life set in. One such fact is children. You should figure out and see if you both are on the same page about having children or how to raise them. Ask your partner these questions to understand whether both of you want the same things.
- Do you want to have children?
- If yes, how soon after marriage?
- How many children do you want to have?
- What if we get pregnant more times than desired? Would you still want to go ahead with it?
- How should we maintain the work-home balance? Do you expect me to quit working, or will the hours at work and home be decided and divided mutually?
- When both of us need to be at work, would you prefer to leave the child at home with a nanny, at a grandparent’s house, or in a daycare center?
- How would you feel if we are unable to have children? Would you be open to adoption?
- Do you have a preference for the sex of the child?
- If the two of us are from different religions, which religion would you want the child to follow, or can they practice both or none?
- What kind of values would you like to instill in our child?
- What kind of birth control should we use?
Questions about families
They say you don’t marry a person; you marry their family as well. Families of both sides play a pivotal role in every marriage. It is essential to know about the childhood your spouse-to-be had, their family values, and the kind of relationship they expect to have with both the extended families.
- What kind of a childhood did you have? Was it troubled or abused or a healthy one?
- How many siblings do you have, and do you share a healthy relationship with them?
- What do you like and dislike about your family?
- What do you like and dislike about my family?
- How much influence should the grandparents have on our children?
- Would you want to stay with the in-laws?
- How will the holidays be divided? Should we go on vacations with families? Christmas, Thanksgiving… which holidays should we spend with our families?
- Will you be comfortable leaving our children with the grandparents?
- If there is a conflict between our families, how will you resolve it? Whom would you support? Or would you instead choose to stay away from it?
- How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? What were the main points of disagreements within your family?
- Is your family fine with your spouse from another religion or culture? Are they particular about the sex of our children?
- How often would you like the families to meet?
- How much influence do your parents have in our life decisions?
Work and career questions
If both of you are working, it is important to understand your to-be spouse’s work patterns and their expectations from you. It is better to be clear from the beginning to avoid further conflicts.
- Does your job require you to work late in the night? Would you mind if I had to work long hours regularly?
- If both our work schedules during the week gave us hardly any time together, how or what would you want to do during the weekends to make up for the lost time?
- Would you be okay with me traveling on work, maybe twice or thrice a month?
- If one of our jobs required us to move to another city, what would you do? Would you be okay with staying apart for a while?
- When we have children, how should we divide the childcare between both of us? Would one of us be expected to quit work?
- How should we handle and support conflicting careers?
- Would the person making less money be expected to make all the sacrifices?
Questions on sex and intimacy
Physical compatibility can make or break a marriage. If you are not involved with your partner sexually, you better discuss it before. It is crucial to know that both of you are on the same page regarding sexual preferences.
- Other than sex, what other ways of intimacy excite you?
- How many times a week do you think we might have sex?
- What are your sexual fantasies?
- What does monogamy mean to you? Would you choose to change the sexual relationship status between us later?
- Is it essential for you to be in love with the person you are having sex with?
- Do you believe in one-night stands? Have you had them before, and do you think you will have them in the future? Do you believe in being faithful?
- Are you comfortable talking about sex or matters of the heart?
- What is your love language? Are you a romantic person?
- Are you a good listener? Would you listen and support me if I have problems?
- What turns you off?
Questions on conflict resolution and communication
Conflicts are a component of marriage, and so is resolution. Brushing things under the carpet is not a good idea. Communication is the key, and certain ground rules are essential to resolve future conflicts.
- Are you a communicator or a silent sufferer? If you have a problem with something your spouse is doing, would you communicate clearly or give silent treatment?
- Would you like to involve others in our conflicts, or would you keep it between us?
- Do you believe in giving the other person the benefit of the doubt and forgive, or do you carry it in your heart forever?
- How should we express our anger and sadness?
- Do you have ego issues? Would you be the first to try to makeup? Would you apologize if your actions were wrong or hurtful?
- Do you spend time alone before talking, or do you discuss and get over things when the rod is still hot?
- Who can we turn to for help if the issue is big or serious? Should we consider marriage counseling?
- Do you have temper-issues? How well do you handle anger?
Questions on household duty
If both of you are working, it is not correct to expect one to take care of all the household duties. Even if one is not working, the duties should be shared. Talk about what chores are comfortable for your partner and what they are willing to take responsibility for. Chalk out the respective tasks from the beginning.
- How should we maintain a balance in the house?
- Once we have children, would you change diapers and feed them?
- Should we share the bills equally?
- Should you be equally responsible for our children’s future?
- Would you be willing to do my tasks for a few days if I am sick, busy, or traveling?
- How often can we call in for house help or eat out?
- Do you cook or like to cook?
- If your parents are visiting, can we expect them to help with household work?
Premarital counseling may not be commonly practiced in the past, but it is catching up with the new generations. It is a smart way to iron out differences right from the beginning. Knowing if you both are amicable and compatible before wedlock can save a lot of time and heartbreak. Mutually agreeing to separate after marriage and children can become complicated if the marriage is on the rocks. Clear out the doubts in your mind and walk the talk before you tie the knot.