Alex sat in his room, muttering something under his breath while he did his math homework. His twin sister, Amanda was singing while she did her math. She looked happy, unlike Alex. In an hour, both Alex and Amanda were done with their homework. Alex went outside to play, while Amanda stayed in her room to read a book.
The kids did the same thing, but for different reasons. Interesting isn’t it?
Motivation: Extrinsic or Intrinsic?
Let’s go back to Amanda and Alex. Amanda’s mom told her that she needed to be good at math to be a scientist, and little Amanda was more than happy to practice math for that. Alex, on the other hand, wanted to be a basketball player and hated math. All he wanted to do was finish math and go out to play.
Motivation is what drives a person to do something, act in a particular way, or repeat a specific behavior. Motivation can be intrinsic or self-driven, and extrinsic.
Intrinsic motivation is a self-driven desire to achieve an end goal, which can be succeeding in the chosen career, establishing a happy relationship, or simply experiencing an emotion such as joy or peace. People, who are intrinsically motivated, aim at constant self-development and are looking for new ways to improve themselves. A self-motivated child (in this case, Amanda) doesn’t need to be told what to do or how to behave, to achieve the end goal.
But if the child is not motivated (here, Alex), he needs constant reminders and external motivators to get the job done. External motivators for kids could be TV time, ice cream or sweet treats, toys, or vacation.
How to motivate your child? Just know your children and understand their likes and dislikes, and you’re one step closer to motivating your children.
Extrinsic motivation can be used to condition children to behave in the desired way, but it is the intrinsic motivation that helps them succeed in life, create healthy relationships and become better people.
[ Read: How To Develop Child Creativity ]
External motivators make the child dependent. So when the reward or motivation ceases to exist, the behavior will also cease to exist. How then, would you mold a child into doing something positive without treats or rewards?
Simple Ways To Motivate A Child
How do you know what motivates a child?
Simple – know your child and understand who he is as an individual. The motivation for a child is very different than that for an adult. Look at your child as a person with likes, tastes, and preferences. Find out what the child is interested in if there is any field or subject that he or she has a special interest in.
When you like something, you want it. And when you want it, you are likely to make an effort to get that. The same applies to your child. When you know your child, and what they want, you will know how to motivate them.
So what motivates your child?
3. New skills
7. A supportive environment
Remember that offering rewards should not become bribing. You could offer them ice cream or chocolate. You could threaten to take away their privileges. But before you do anything, here are a few questions you should ask yourself.
- Will these methods work?
- How long will you be able to motivate your child using external rewards?
- What happens when you stop providing the motivation for the kid?
Extrinsic motivation depends on factors outside of us and will fizzle away eventually. What you need to do is focus on developing the child’s intrinsic motivation. And, here is how to motivate children.
[ Read: Encouragement Words For Kids ]
1. Set goals
The simplest way to motivate a child to do something is to set goals for them. Goals give the child a purpose and direction, which make completing a task easy. Goals can be as simple as sleeping on time to wake up early and be on time for the class picnic or completing homework to go and play. Goals should be simple. They could also be long-term goals about career or relationships, which would be ideal when you are dealing with older kids and teens.
Remember that no goal is an end in itself. It could simply be a step you need to be at to reach towards a long term betterment.
When you know where to go, what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, it means you have a plan. And when you have a plan, it is easy to achieve your goal. Planning can motivate your child to move towards a goal, for it gives you direction and guidance in every step of the way. Help your child to plan for little things that he or she wants to do. Children tend to be in a hurry to get things done. They generally jump the steps to reach the target. To teach the child to plan, develop some logical thinking. Sit with them and plan eg small things like going for an outing. What to take, what not to take to play or eat.
Rewards are perhaps the most common way to motivate children. For a child, something as simple as TV time, ice cream, cake, or a toy could be a reward. Children are happy with simple rewards. But as mentioned above, those are tangible rewards and are similar to bribes. So when these rewards stop, the desired behavior also stops. However, in some cases rewards can in the long term help develop a habit eg brushing teeth. Over a period of time , it becomes a habit and the child himself realizes the benefits. Then, he does not need a reward to brush teeth. These rewards may work in some situations, but they won’t aid in building character or instilling values.
Other, more meaningful rewards could be more time spent with mom or dad, a day out with the family. Sometimes, a positive, happy feeling, or the satisfaction of doing something well can be a reward in itself. Asking the child how he feels after completing a task or accomplishing something is a good way to make them understand that rewards need not always be tangible.
For example, when a child learns to ride a bike, he will want to ride more just for the thrill of it. The feeling of mastering a new skill is a reward in itself, something that kids should be taught early on.
[ Read: How To Build Confidence In Kids ]
4. Explain why
An important part of the meaningful conversations you have with your child would include talking about why it is sensible to do some things and not do other things. Kids are curious as cats and are more than eager to be a part of a conversation that answers their questions. And, all you need are straightforward answers to their questions. Spend time explaining the why. Don’t order children. Rather, explain in a friendly manner.
For example, when the child asks why he needs to clean his room, just say ‘because it looks neat and clean. And your friends would not mind playing with you in here’. Sometimes, a more detailed explanation, while considering their point of view, may be necessary to make them understand the importance of doing something without being rude or disrespectful.
So if your teen complains that he is tired to clean the room, you could say “Alright. Why don’t you rest for a while and then clean your room?” That way, you are considerate and yet, reinforcing the importance of a clean room.
No matter how much you say or explain, children will notice what you do as inspiration to do something or not do something. Lead by example and be an inspiration to motivate your child to do something. The logic is simple: if you want them to be good, to do well at school, be responsible, stay positive, or be respectful of other people, you need to show them how.
And if you want to tell your child the importance of being responsible or honest, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you want them to be courteous, you should always say please and thank you when necessary. And that, you must do even when they are not around. Children are very observant and notice exactly the parent’s behavior. ASking them to be honest and then lying in front of them is a big contradiction.
Your child may not always be successful in what he does, and failure can be demotivating. Encouragement can help the child become persistent and continue trying his best in spite of failing once or more. Encouragement is a form of positive reinforcement and recognizes the child’s efforts and progress. Use words like “excellent, that was great, good effort, keep it up.
Encouraging statements should be descriptive and not vague. Continue to encourage the kid to do something he is already good at, but also Inspire them to try something that they have failed at earlier. When you do that, you let them know that you believe in them, which is enough motivation for them to try again.
[ Read: Good Habits In Children ]
Appreciate the effort that your kid puts into a task. Whether it is finishing his homework before going out to play or helping you with the dinner or even dressing himself up for school, your kids deserve a pat on the back. A little appreciation every once in a while is great to motivate the child to do even better.
8. Make it competitive
When you compete, your natural instinct is to win. That alone is enough motivation for a person to do his or her best. One way to encourage the child to do something is to make it a competition. For instance, saying “whoever eats everything on the plate first gets to play a cool game”, can encourage the child to finish the meal. But don’t make comparisons with other siblings.
9. Choices and consequences
One way to motivate the child is to give them some control over what they do, by giving them some choices. For instance, ask the child if she wants to wear dress A or dress B to school. While she cannot choose whether or not to go to school, she gets to choose how she dresses for it. Likewise, you can give the children options wherever possible, making it seem like it is their choice. Kids are more likely to do what they choose to do rather than what we want them to do, which means having options can be motivating.
10. Don’t be pushy
Encouraging the child to do something is good. But nagging them to do it can make you seem pushy or a bossy, which will demotivate the child. Being nagging can demotivate a child. Being pushy is also bad for it can make the child rebellious and motivate them to do the opposite of what you want them to do.
11. Help them acquire new skills
Just as they would be eager to try their new toys, kids will also be eager to try any new skills that they learn. They are curious to try new skills. Motivate your child to do better at school or outside by helping them acquire the right skills and giving them access to the right tools.
12. Help them embrace their flaws
Everyone has a flaw or two. But your flaws shouldn’t determine whether or not you will succeed in life. Teach your children to embrace their flaws. Do not point out the flaws.Or make them feel inferior because of the flaws. For instance, your child may be short and not qualify for the basketball team. Encourage them to try baseball, cricket, or swimming instead! Help them find ways to use their shortcomings to their benefit, and motivate them.
[ Read: Tips To Improve Concentration In Kids ]
13. Do not be judgemental
One of the simplest ways to demotivate your child is to judge them. When you judge everything that your child does, and label them as ‘good’, ‘bad’, or ‘not good enough’, your child will become wary of trying anything new. When you stop judging and labeling, your kid will not be afraid to try something new.
14. Sometimes, the big picture helps!
“Why do I have to do math?” “I hate gym class!” “I hate exams!”
Children often say such things because they focus on the present moment and not on the big picture. Math may not seem as useful at the time, but learning the subject at school can lay the foundation for many careers that the child may want to pursue. As much as the child hates going to school, he will understand the benefits of it when you tell him how he can benefit from an education. Sit and explain to them how these small things, add up to the bigger picture.
And, sometimes, there is no better way of motivating the child than by indulging in some fun.
Activities And Games To Motivate Kids
Kids don’t need motivational speeches. What they need are activities that encourage or promote self-motivation. And that is exactly what we have here.
1. Quiz competitions
Where there is competition, there is motivation to win.
The best way to get a student to study or revise what he has learned is to have quizzes, and reward them with a compliment or praise accordingly. Make sure that you appreciate the effort the child has put into the competition, and not the result, especially when dealing with a group of kids. The idea is to motivate the children to study for the quiz, not belittle them for losing. Make it a fun activity.
[ Read: Positive Behavior In Children ]
2. Animal races
Ideal when you have two or more kids, this game requires investment in a few small toys such as horses, elephants, tigers, or other animals. Create a race track with 15-20 spaces using construction paper. Mark each space clearly and place one animal (your child can choose this) at the beginning of the track.
The animals move three or two places each time he demonstrates the desired behavior such as doing the homework, putting the toys away without being told, walking the dog, helping with household chores, and so on. The child who completes the race first gets a reward.
3. Twenty questions
This is an interesting way to introduce famous personalities such as scientists, engineers, politicians, writers, and actors who became successful in spite of the odds against them. The game not only motivates the child to try harder but also helps them take ideas from the celebrities’ lives to find innovative solutions to the problems that are hindering growth.
4. Treasure hunt
This is like an extended-version of treasure hunt that you can play with the child through the month or week. Every day when the child finishes his homework, you give him a clue. By the end of the week, the clues will lead him to a reward that he earned for finishing his homework every day. If he skips homework on any day, the game starts all over again.
This can also be used for the grades he gets at school. For example, the child will get an easy clue if he gets an A. If he gets a B or C, he gets a difficult clue. He doesn’t get any clue for grades below C.
5. Get outta here
This is an excellent classroom game for young kids and preteens and is best when played before recess or lunch break. The game involves asking kids three questions from the day’s lessons, and if they get all three right, they get to leave the room earlier than the others.
Prepare a set of questions for that day’s lessons. Then make the children stand in a line. Ask each kid three questions. If anyone gets an answer wrong, he or she goes to the back of the line and starts all over again!
This is also an excellent way to make the kids pay attention in class.
[ Read: Leadership Qualities In Your Child ]
Motivating kids through tangible rewards is the easiest of all. But that doesn’t help in promoting self-motivation, which is what they need to succeed in life. So avoid giving food, money, or other tangible rewards too often. Make them understand that a good feeling or a happy moment with the family or friends can also be fulfilling, just like physical rewards.
How do you motivate your child? Share your ideas and thoughts in our comments section.
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