9 Reasons Why Some Affairs Last For Years

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Extramarital affairs can ruin families and relationships. These affairs, at least the majority of them, start as casual ones or flings but end up doing irreversible damage to both the involved partners, their spouses, and also their children. While some of these affairs may last weeks, some might last months, and others may continue for years. Why is it that some affairs are just a flash in the pan, but others last long? What are the contributing factors? Why do some affairs last for years? Delve into our post to know the reasons.

Why Do Some Affairs Last For Years: 9 Reasons

1. Natural inclination for polyamory

Some people are inherently inclined to have multiple sexual partners. Their affinity to be polyamorous has nothing to do with their spouse’s behavior in marriage. They have flings, which sometimes turn into affairs owing to their physical compulsions.

2. Escape from the monotony of marriage

Most people who have extramarital affairs consider marriage to be banal and boring. They look for other partners because they seek excitement in newer things, and to this end, they seek new partners to fulfill their needs and desires.

3. Getting back at partner

Some married people don’t have compatibility with their partner, be it physical, emotional, or mental, which gradually leads to resentment and hatred towards their spouse. This spite could turn into frustration, and they end up having affairs with the goal of getting even with their partner.

4. Partner is a narcissist

Dealing with a narcissistic spouse can be taxing both emotionally and mentally. Sometimes, to escape the apathy and unrequited love of their partner, people start having affairs. They seek love, affection, and contentment that they lack in life in these relationships.

5. Societal compulsions

Some of the married persons who get into affairs after marriage are usually the ones who are forced to cohabit with their partners owing to peer and societal pressures. They avoid that extreme step of divorce and have an affair to seek love and solace outside of marriage.

6. Casual affairs turn into love

Without the two people involved in the affair realizing, sometimes casual affairs transform into serious relationships. They go to the extent of completely ignoring their spouses and start investing their entire time, money, emotions in their paramours.

7. Affairs become an addiction

Though the affair might be fun and exciting for the two people involved, at the outset, spending long periods together can insidiously turn into an addiction. This addiction can be physical and emotional, and both may find it extremely difficult to live without the other.

8. Sexual or emotional incompatibility with spouse

Lack of physical intimacy and emotional compatibility with your spouse also plays a key role in extramarital relationships running for years on end. Once you strike a chord with your lover with respect to physical intimacy or emotional connection, the chances of going back to your spouse decrease.

9. Abusive partner

When you are living with a partner who abuses you verbally, physically, mentally, and psychologically, the easiest escape route is an affair. Of course, leaving them for good is the ideal solution, but people tend to feel that seeking solace in a new partner gives them relief.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why are affairs so hard to end?

Any bond is hard to break apart. An affair is hard to end because you may have created an emotional, spiritual, and sexual bond with this person. Moreover, this person may seem to know you well and fill some deep need or void in your life. Separation can also get hard when you feel guilty and worry about hurting your partner.

2. Can affairs lead to true love?

Yes, they can. The passion and physical intimacy may fade over time. However, when both parties become their support system and fill the void in each other’s life, the affair may transform into true love.

There are various factors that influence the longevity of affairs. The ideal thing to do to avoid cheating in a marriage is to talk it out when issues prop up and resolve them amicably. While having an affair and cheating on your spouse may give instant gratification and seem like a temporary solution, in the long run, it is detrimental to your spouse, partner, and family.

Key Pointers

  • An inclination to polyamory and the need to escape the monotony of marriage are common reasons for long-lasting affairs.
  • It can be difficult to end an affair if two people fall in love or are addicted to each other.
  • Issues such as sexual incompatibility with the partner or narcissistic or abusive behaviors can also make one stay in an affair for longer.

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Siddharth Kesiraju

Siddharth holds a certification in Relationship Coaching and a masters degree in communication and journalism from the University of Hyderabad. He has around six years of experience in various fields of writing and editing. As an associate editor at MomJunction, Siddharth writes on Relationship and edits the writers' articles to meet the website's editorial standards. Previously, he worked in the... more

Jessica Jefferson

(MA, MS, LMFT)
Jessica Jefferson is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified perinatal mental health professional trained to help clients suffering from mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. She graduated with a Bachelors in Psychology from the University of Miami, a Masters in Psychology in Education from Teachers College, Columbia University and a Masters in Family Therapy from Nova... more