One standard relationship advice most of us might have received is ‘compromise a little.’ A little bit of adjustment is necessary to keep any relationship alive, and a few small sacrifices and compromises could mean a lasting relationship.
But what if you are compelled to compromise on things that you cannot accept at all. These could be a few traits in your partner or certain things they do that are against your principles and beliefs. Perhaps that is why most couples who were happy during the early stages of the relationship, tend to fall apart as they get to know each other more and encounter a relationship deal breaker.
So, what exactly is a relationship deal breaker? In this post, MomJunction explains what a relationship deal breaker is and some of the common relationship deal breakers people have to face.
What Is A Relationship Deal Breaker?
A relationship deal breaker could be a habit, personality trait or a point of view of your partner that cannot be overlooked, and that which tips the scales in spite of them having many other promising qualities.
All of us have our own set of core principles upon which we build our lives. We may not find a life partner who shares the same tastes and that is okay. But when they start to contradict our core principles, it becomes a deal breaker.
Below is a list of 21 factors that determine whether or not the relationship will survive the test of time.
One of the important pillars of a relationship is trust. If you are constantly scrutinizing your partner’s statements, are doubting them more often than not, and are spending sleepless nights replaying what they said, chances are you don’t find your partner to be trustworthy. This lack of trust could stem from them lying to you often, which is not acceptable in a relationship.
Lying is one of the most common relationship deal breakers. If your partner is constantly giving you a reason to doubt them, you may have to think if it’s worth all the stress. But before coming to this conclusion, make sure your doubts are valid and not your imagination.
Be it physical, verbal, or emotional, abuse of any kind is a definite deal breaker in a relationship. No one has to tolerate abuse or think that it is a form of love. If you feel you are being abused, then look for signs – do they have a history of abuse? Why did their previous relationship fail? Is there any history of abuse in their family? If all the answers point towards the abusive behavior in your partner, then you are dealing with a toxic person who could harm you physically and psychologically.
3. Anger issues
Anger is like a slow poison, which eventually kills a relationship. Short and flaring tempers that often lead to arguments and fights could indicate that they might be having anger issues. Life becomes difficult when you always have to face harsh words and insensitive comments. Uncontrollable anger eventually becomes a deal breaker when tempers result in violence or abuse.
This is a sure shot relationship deal breaker. When you are in a committed relationship (and not an open relationship), you are expected to be loyal to your partner, emotionally and physically. But if your partner has been in a physical or an emotional affair, the betrayal could leave you heartbroken. If you doubt that your partner is cheating on you, try to talk to them about it without being prying or accusing.
Addiction in any form will lead to a disaster. If your partner has an alcohol or drug addiction, they could be using them to navigate through the troubles in life. If you think that they are addicted to a substance, but are unwilling to accept it or seek help, it could make the relationship toxic for you. You can support them if they want to deal with it, but you do not have to take responsibility for their addiction or suffer because of it.
Sometimes, an ambitious partner may have a tough time relating to the other who has no goals in life. Your partner needn’t be a high achiever but must be capable of taking care of their expenses and contribute financially to the relationship. If they seem to lack any interest in work and are financially dependent on you, then you might end up burning both the ends of the candle and eventually become frustrated with the relationship.
7. Materialistic views
It is normal to want a large house, expensive car, or diamond jewelry, as long as you have the zeal to work hard and make money for it. But if one partner is always looking for materialistic gains from the other, without working for it, then it could be a deal breaker. In such cases, the love that a person has for the other lasts only as long as they can get the wordly pleasures they seek from the other.
8. Kids or no kids
This is a serious life decision which can lead to bitterness in the relationship. If you and your partner are not on the same page about it, it could create a rift very wide. Some people might want to have kids, and some prefer not to. So before you get into a committed relationship and take life-changing decisions, be clear on this aspect.
This is another sensitive area where most couples stumble. In a relationship, one partner might earn more or is more successful than the other partner. All is well when there is an understanding between them. But if one partner exerts authority or the other expresses jealousy, then it is a deal breaker. Also, poor money management and always being in debt, or being budget-minded and miserly can become deal breakers.
10. Personal hygiene
At the beginning of the relationship, this might not be a big deal, but as time progresses, this could be a reason to walk away from the relationship. If your partner does not make an effort to stay hygienic, and they shush you when you tell them to be, then it is time to reconsider the relationship. It may sound silly, but personal hygiene is quite important as it affects both physical and mental health.
11. Career goals
Always make sure your partner’s career goals align with yours. When they don’t, and neither of you can compromise, it could be the end of the relationship. So, while you are in the initial stages of the relationship, talk about each other’s career goals and where you want to be in the long run.
12. Family and friends
Usually, family and friends help you secure a relationship. But in some unfortunate instances, they could also become the deal breakers in a relationship. For example, your partner’s family could be protective of them and give you a hard time, or your partner’s friends could be causing trouble by creating a rift between you.
While some amount of jealousy is a sign of a healthy relationship, excessive and toxic jealousy could become a deal breaker. If your partner is going green with envy whenever you talk to a person from the opposite sex, or when you accomplish something, then it is a big red flag, indicating you to take things slowly.
Does your partner call the shots in your life? Do they not consider your opinion? Then you might be dealing with a controlling partner. Life could get suffocating living with such a person as they will force you to live your life their way.
15. High maintenance
Multiple trips to the salon, expensive clothes, fancy dinners and exorbitant vacations – is that all your partner thinks and wants? If their lifestyle is costing you an arm and a limb, it could become a deal breaker. A superficial individual values a person based on their outward appearance and does not give importance to core values such as honesty, integrity, dedication, etc. Dealing with such a person becomes difficult when you are intellectual, which is quite the opposite.
16. Keeping the relationship in darkness
When you are serious about a relationship, you tend to introduce your partner to your family and friends. No matter how quirky your partner might be, you will never be embarrassed by them. But if your partner is keeping you a secret even after spending a significant amount of time together, then it is time to think where the relationship is heading.
A relationship is a two-way street where both the partners have to give and take. But if your partner is selfish and is always demanding and rarely there for you, then there is no place for you in the relationship. When all they think about is themselves and have no respect for you or consideration for your needs, there is little chance of a future for you together.
None of us is perfect, and we have some good as well as bad qualities in us. And it is natural for us to expect our partner to accept the good and the bad equally. If your partner is constantly trying to change you, just to fit you in their mental image of an ideal partner, it could put you under a lot of pressure.
You may always feel judged, and by changing who you are for them, you might eventually become a stranger to yourself. For a relationship to work, both the partners have to be accepting and not overly critical. However, it doesn’t mean that you are rigid and reluctant to change even when that change will make you a better person.
If you are particular about religion and have firm religious values, then it is better to make sure your partner also believes in the same values.
20. Gut feeling
If you have a nagging gut feeling that this relationship will not work, then do not ignore it and take the big step. Listen to your instincts and take things slowly, observe your partner, and ask them questions until your anxieties calm down.
These are some of the typical relationship deal breakers couples face. These may be serious enough for some people to walk away from a relationship, whereas for some they may not be. So, always take your time and make sure it is a deal breaker for you, before deciding to walk away.
Do you have any experiences to share about your relationship? Tell us about it in the comments section below.