What Is A Serial Dater And How To Spot One?

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There are different types of people in the dating world, and serial daters are one. A serial dater does not look for a serious monogamous relationship. Instead, they enjoy the process of wooing others and making them develop feelings. They enjoy that feeling of a new relationship, and once that excitement begins to wane, they may move on to the next partner. They may sometimes be in a short-term relationship for a purely physical bond. Some people in the dating pool may want to test the waters and be doubly sure before signing up for a long-term relationship. They aren’t sure what to expect from a relationship. As a result, they take longer to settle down or be a part of a serious relationship. But, serial daters are different and have no intentions of settling down in the foreseeable future. Keep reading this post as we tell you some signs of a serial dater to identify them and take a step back.

17 Signs Of A Serial Dater

Serial daters are not hard to distinguish as they often behave differently and have unique personality traits. They may do or say certain things that indicate their intentions. If you observe them and look out for the signs, you can identify and respond accordingly before things go out of control.

1. They’re fans of big gestures

While romantic gestures show affection in the dating game, a serial dater will use these often and early on in a relationship. Their primary goal is to wow you so that you fall for them quickly. It seems evident if these gestures come for no reason and too soon in a relationship. If your date goes overboard with these gestures too often, there is a good chance of them being a serial dater.

2. They use the victim card

Serial daters have a habit of portraying themselves as victims to gain your sympathy. They may always blame their ex for falling apart and tell you they were in an abusive or toxic relationship. They might go to any length to make it seem like they still have emotional wounds left by their ex.

3. They like fostering insecurity

Serial dater yearn for attention

Image: iStock

Serial daters do not commit to a relationship. They always keep their options open. If you find your date casually flirting or bonding with other people even when dating you, they might belong to the category of serial daters. They may feel vulnerable and insecure when you question them.

Also, a serial dater yearns for attention, and so they might make you feel jealous.

4. They like long, romantic dates

Serial daters have a repertoire of “moves” that they use when dating. To achieve and execute these, they make the dates longer. For instance, an evening drive during pleasant weather can turn into a movie and a fancy dinner date. They might even bask in your adoration so that you notice their effort and fall for them shortly.

5. They like to keep things casual

Casual dating isn’t wrong unless it seems forced. If you wish to progress organically in a relationship and your partner keeps it casual, it can be a massive red flag. Serial daters don’t want a relationship to evolve for various reasons.

6. They seek attention

The driving factor for a serial dater is to gain attention from multiple people in a short time. They could say they are depressed or low. It could even take the form of excuses such as “I’ve been having a hard time at work” or “My family member has a serious illness.”

The reasons may not always be false, but if they always try to grab your attention, they can likely be a serial dater.

7. They show you have made a big impact on their lives

Serial daters know tricks to win your affection

Image: iStock

Making a profound impact on someone’s life is a gratifying feeling. A serial dater knows the trick and will thus incorporate it into the playbook to win your affection. They might say, “You have changed me into being a better person,” “I was lost before we met,” or “I used to have low self-esteem till you entered my life.”

Changes do not happen overnight and take time and commitment. If your date shares such emotions too soon, it’s something to be cautious of.

8. They seem unusually interested in your friends

It’s considered polite when your date shares a good bond with your friends. But when they are extra nice to the attractive or single ones, it can signify them as serial daters. While they may not overtly flirt in front of you, there could be a few gestures that you may not find suitable. Keep an eye out if your partner is exceedingly polite or considerate to your attractive friends as it is a sign of a serial dater.

9. They make the relationship stagnant

You’ve been dating for a few weeks now, and the relationship hasn’t progressed. After several dates and meetings, you still don’t connect with them on a deeper level. You can sense that your date avoids serious conversations regarding developments in the relationship.

A serial dater keeps the relationship casual so that it becomes easy for them to move on. If you find that your relationship doesn’t seem to be heading anywhere, it’s time you notice the red flag.

10. They don’t want to discuss their past relationship

They prefer to have anonymity in their dating life

Image: iStock

Heartbreak is a complex emotion, and everyone processes it differently. Some may choose not to talk about their ex at all as the memories are too painful. That’s okay. But, if you find your date hiding details or lying about the last relationship, you should pay attention to it.

Serial daters don’t want their current partner to know how many people they have dated. They prefer to have anonymity in their dating life and pretend to be committed and sincere without any baggage from old relationships.

11. They’re ready to get physically intimate

For a serial dater, physical contact is a way to accelerate courtship and drive the relationship faster. They would take any chance to get physical with you early in the relationship. If they try to push you even when you are hesitant, there is a chance you’re with a serial dater.

12. They seem to have dated a lot of mutual friends

It’s not uncommon to date friends of friends. Also, it is even possible to date someone a friend recommends as they can vouch for their character and intentions. But it might not be a coincidence that your date has dated a handful of your mutual friends.

Serial daters try to date inside a friend circle to gain trust quickly and break things off amicably before it gets serious. Also, it becomes easy for them to find the next target.

13. They get bored quite soon

Their feelings wear off quite easily

Image: iStock

During the first few dates, the sparks fly. After a while, the feelings wear off, and you become comfortable around each other even without the grand gestures.

But a serial dater doesn’t like this part of the relationship when not much is happening. If you find them bored after a couple of dates, they’re likely planning the end.

14. They rush into the relationship

Serial daters are all about the rush of dating and don’t enjoy being in a relationship. They will not invest much time and effort into texting or chatting as they want to shower their magic on dates. They become the most charming and lovable selves for you to get closer to you in a short time frame.

15. They often tend to be fresh out of a breakup

It’s okay for your date to have dated others before you and for you to have done the same. What is odd, however, is if your date has rarely been in a relationship or has spent much time single. If you sense that your partner is constantly bouncing between relationships and ending them soon, it can indicate they are a serial dater.

16. They avoid a long-term serious relationship

Many people have never been in a serious relationship; that’s not a bad thing at all. It can be circumstantial, or perhaps they haven’t found the right partner yet.

The only red flag here is if they are always the ones to start and end the relationship, and they do it often or constantly. If your partner has constantly been in and out of relationships, it signifies they don’t want a long-term relationship.

17. You hear contradictory things about your date

Your friends may have a contradictory opinion about your partner

Image: Shutterstock

While your date seems to be the perfect partner for you, spoiling you with gifts and compliments and making you laugh, your friends could have a different opinion. If your friends are surprised by your date’s behavior and have a contradictory view, you should pay heed to them. Try to test the person by taking your friend’s angle as a word of caution.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is the difference between serial daters and serial monogamists?

Serial daters seek new partners frequently, are easily bored with a partner following the initial excitement, and are afraid to commit to a relationship. On the other hand, serial monogamists are serious about relationships and enter committed relationships but don’t stay in the same relationship for a long time.

2. Can a serial dater change?

After a certain point, serial daters may get fed up with playing the dating game and would want to finally settle into a long-term relationship if they find the right partner. However, before committing to a serious relationship with a person with a track record of serial dating, assess them well and be sure they are keen on commitment.

A serial dater is not interested in having a stable, long-lasting relationship and may be distinguished for their unique personality attributes. If you suspect that your love interest could be a serial dater, think before taking the next step. Do not make hasty decisions or try to confront them. Instead, you may discuss it with your friends or family members to deal with the situation better. Think well and make the right decision based on your expectations from a relationship.

Infographic: How To Avoid A Serial Dater?

They are sweet, charming, and good-looking. Maybe they are the most attractive human you have ever met, but regardless of your attraction, reminding yourself of the perils of dating a serial dater is essential. Our infographic brings practical tips for taming your emotions and feelings and avoiding a serial dater.

tips for staying away from a serial dater [infographic]
Illustration: MomJunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • Serial daters love the thrill of “the chase” and look for short relationships.
  • Spotting a serial dater is relatively simple as they have several unique traits.
  • Unusual interest in your single friends and ghosting are a few clear signs of a serial dater.

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