Ah, the spark of a new marriage! Nothing quite like it, right? But alas, just like everything else, this doesn’t last forever too. Chores and children can often dull that spark, reducing it to mere embers that have now turned cold.
What can make things a little worse is that you, as the mama of the house, have to run around taking care of every single thing while your husband lounges on the sofa, stuck firmly in front of the TV.
In such a situation, how can the spark be revived? It seems highly unlikely. Watching him unwinding and chilling at home while you juggle a gazillion things can obviously cause some resentment. You have to taxi your kids around from school to tuitions and then to karate classes, pick up groceries while they’re in class, cook dinner when you get home, sit them with them to get homework done, and the list goes on and on.
Ugh, that’s a lot! Maybe in such a scenario, the spark cannot be revived. Perhaps it’s impossible.
But even impossible says “I am possible”!
Okay, corny lines aside, you know the key to rekindling romance is to get your husband to share the household responsibilities so the two of you can get the chance to spend some quality time together.
The burning question here is — how do you get him to help around so you can want him again?
Be Upfront And Ask Him For Help When You Need It
Obviously, nobody wants to get in the sack and do it when you’re holding a grudge. Resentment, when left unaddressed, can quickly hamper your relationship, leaving it devoid of the love and fun it’s supposed to have.
But you already know that, and that’s why you’re here! To salvage your relationship and bring back the good times of your newly wedded days.
So if you want to address that resentment and get it out of the way to bring the spark back, ask your husband to help you when you need it.
Give him the chance to be your hero again! Trust us; men love that. Let him know that you want his support in a way he’d want to listen and watch him spring up from his seat to help you just how you want to!
Say “Will You” Or “Would You” When Asking For Help
Instead of saying, “could you help me with the kids’ homework?” or “can you wipe the dishes?” take a different approach.
The author John Gray of the Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus fame, suggests beginning with “can” does not generally stir a positive response from men.
Why? Because “can” denotes if he’s capable of performing the task you asked him to. Which he most certainly is. It’s not technically a direct call for help.
However, “would you help me with the kids’ homework?” or “will you please wipe the dishes?” is a crystal clear way of asking for help, so he knows how to help you.
Use “would” and “will” when asking for help all the time, and you’ll give him the chance to be your hero!
Keeping your messages short, direct, and clear will also help as there’ll be no scope for confusion. Or arguments, which are definitely mood killers!
Why You Have To Ask Him To Do Things He Should Do On His Own
Now obviously, you’re thinking — why do you have to ask his help for things he should be doing regardless?
Well, here’s the thing. If you don’t ask for help, how would he know that you need it? And isn’t it more realistic (and significantly better) to ask him for support rather than sit around, drowning in resentment?
Honestly, it’s a no-brainer.
So, start by figuring out which of the tasks you need help with from him. Write them down if that helps.
Next, pick a task each day that’ll help you get rid of the grudge you have towards him and which will, in turn, make you feel more supported and loved. Actively ask him for help with “will you” and “would you” requests.
Watch The Spark Come Alive As He Supports You Everyday
When he meets your requests, we suggest you thank him for it too! Let him feel appreciated. Show him clearly that you’re grateful and you mean it.
And that’s all it takes to rekindle the fire of romance, to want him again, and to enjoy that marital bliss you’ve wanted! We hope this helps you improve your relationship while lessening the burden you carry every day.