'Should I Call My Ex'? 12 Reasons Not To Contact Them

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Breakups are hard, and they can leave you feeling shattered and all over the place. Just when you think you are getting your life together, you see your ex on your social media or at a coffee shop and one thought keeps on lurking in your mind, “Should I call my ex?”

After a gut-wrenching breakup, it is normal to miss them. No matter how much you convince yourself that they broke your heart, you may find yourself dialing their number and regretting it. If you are looking for reasons not to contact your ex, reading this post can be helpful.

Should I Call My Ex?

One of the main reasons why you might feel like calling your ex is to check whether they are missing you or not. Even if they are, they might not express it right away. Even if they are, they might not express it right away. Do not be fooled into thinking that they will melt and ask you to come back into their lives. If they have not initiated contact from their side, you should not either. If they broke up with you, they most likely have moved on, and you should too.

You should only contact your ex if you have unfinished business with them (loans, mortgage, or other important stuff). Even if they have not called you yet, take the initiative and call them since it concerns both of you equally.

12 Reasons Not To Contact Your Ex

If you have broken up with someone, you might have come across the “no-contact” rule. It’s the most effective way to get over an ex.

1. You will end up regretting it.

Woman regretting, reasons not to call ex

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Breakups are hard because they can leave you with a feeling of dejection. You feel that if you talk, you might turn things in your favor. But instead of what you envisioned, chances are they might not want you back. So, do not make the call that can leave you regretting it.

2. You cannot change them.

You feel despondent, disheartened, and upset. So, when you feel like contacting your ex, it is your emotional self that makes the decisions for you. Calling them to take you back is not the answer. If they broke up with you, then you calling them is not going to change their mind.

3. You don’t want to be just “friends” with them.

After a breakup, many people stay in touch with their ex-lovers and maintain being friends over time. However, not everyone can be like that. If you think being around your ex can bring back painful memories of your breakup, then you do not have to be friends with them. You are allowed to move on at your pace.

4. You need to stop and think about what you are doing.

Man in emotional turmoil about calling ex

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Do you care for them as good friends? Do you think that your actions will make them think breaking up with you was a mistake? You are mistaken. Thinking all this will put you into emotional turmoil, only to hurt you again.

5. You will end up embarrassing yourself.

Let’s say you have mustered up all the courage to make that dreaded call. But what happens next? They might not want to hear from you and ignore you. Will you end up leaving a text message then? They might not even reply. The best thing to do is take some time away from your phone. To escape from that embarrassment, don’t act on your sudden urges to call your ex.

6. You are trying to revive something that died.

If your ex broke up with you, it means their feelings for you have changed. Seeing you or hearing your voice is not going to sprout new feelings for you. Trying to revive a dead relationship is only going to be futile. You will only get emotional and hurt yourself.

7. You should stop paying heed to what your ex might be doing.

Woman focusing on herself

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You came across a post that suggested your ex might be dating someone. It’s time that you stop worrying about your ex and move on. Moving on might seem hard, but focusing on yourself and surrounding yourself with your friends will help you take your mind off things that might be bugging you. If they are not in your life, they are not your problem to deal with anymore.

8. You and your ex could not work things out.

When you are hurt, it is common to miss your ex and remember the good things. But the reality is the relationship did not work out, maybe because you were not compatible. You cannot change it by contacting them, so move on.

9. You should not be impulsive.

Impulsive decisions are good once in a while, but calling your ex, asking them to come back is a big no. You might feel weak momentarily, but do not give in just yet. If they want you back, they will initiate contact with you.

10. You deserve someone better.

You deserve someone better

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A breakup can be chaotic because it hurts. No relationship is perfect, but there is someone who will love you unconditionally and won’t give up on you easily. So, don’t call your ex, and wait for a better partner.

11. You might be feeling lonely.

If you have locked yourself up in your room, with a box of tissues and chocolates only to cry and watch rom-coms—you are doing it wrong. You are allowed to grieve, but not for long. You will end up feeling lonely.

12. You need to let go.

Let go to forget ex

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Healing can take time. Focusing on yourself and loving yourself is crucial. Remember why you and your ex broke up in the first place. Try to become a better version of yourself by doing the things that make you happy. Sulking about a failed relationship will not help you. It’s important to let go of things, delete your ex’s number from your phone and refrain from calling them.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is a good reason to call your ex?

If you are considering calling your ex, you should have a good reason for it, such as inquiring about the well-being of their family members, conveying good news, sharing important information, or wishing them. Your reasons for calling them may be impromptu or planned but think well about what you will say on the call.

2. How long should you wait before calling an ex?

If you are contemplating calling your ex, consider how you feel about them. If your feelings are still strong and painful, calling them would not help. Give time to yourself and let your acute feelings subside. Most people may get over their acute feelings in a couple of months. Once you are past your intense emotions, you may not feel the urge to call.

3. Should I wait for my ex to contact me first?

The answer to this question depends on who initiated the breakup. If you had initiated the breakup and the reason for it was trivial, you may decide to forget the past and create a new beginning. In such a case, you should call your ex first. However, if your partner initiated the breakup and you still feel deceived and hurt, you should wait for your ex to call you first.

Before doing anything reckless or impulsive, you must think things through. Calling your ex will only make you feel lonely and hurt your feelings again. Let go of your negative thoughts and try to move on. Work on yourself and soon, you may find a better partner.

Key Pointers

  • After breakups, you should not call your ex because they may not reciprocate your feelings, leading to more hurt and disappointment.
  • Contacting them again will not change their attitude, so you may end up either embarrassing yourself or feeling lonely.
  • To improve the situation, learn to be happy with yourself and trust that you will find someone better.

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Akshay Nair

Akshay is an associate editor and former journalist with over three years of experience. A post graduate in Mass Communication and Journalism, he has strong professional and academic background in the field of content writing and editing. He is also a Certified Relationship Workshop Facilitator for Life Coaches. Akshay interned and worked with various newspapers and the Public Relations Department... more

John Kenny

John Kenny is the host of The Relationship Guy podcast and is a coach to professional women who approach him for creating healthy loving relationships. He is the founder of Interpersonal Relationship Coaching (IRC) and author of The P.E.O.P.L.E. Programme. During his 15 years of experience in personal development, John helped thousands of clients build relationships. He believes that the... more