'Should I Call My Ex'? 12 Reasons Not To Contact Them

Breakups are hard, and they can leave you feeling shattered and all over the place. Just when you think you are getting your life together, you see your ex on your social media or at a coffee shop and one thought keeps on lurking in your mind, “Should I call my ex?”

After a gut-wrenching breakup, it is normal to miss them. No matter how much you convince yourself that they broke your heart, you may find yourself dialing their number and regretting it. If you are looking for reasons not to contact your ex, reading this post can be helpful.

In This Article

Should I Call My Ex?

One of the main reasons why you might feel like calling your ex is to check whether they are missing you or not. Even if they are, they might not be in an agreeable state right away. Even if they are, they might not express it right away. Do not be fooled into thinking that they will melt and ask you to come back into their lives. If they have not initiated contact from their side, you should not reach out either. If they broke up with you, they most likely have moved on, and you should too.

You should only contact your ex if you have unfinished business with them (loans, mortgage, or other important stuff). Even if they have not called you yet, take the initiative and call them since it concerns both of you equally.

12 Reasons Not To Contact Your Ex

If you have broken up with someone, you might have come across the “no-contact” rule. It’s the most effective way to get over an ex.

1. You will end up regretting it.

Woman regretting, reasons not to call ex

Image: Shutterstock

Breakups are hard because they can leave you with a feeling of dejection. You feel that if you talk with sympathy and love, you might turn things in your favor. But instead of what you envisioned, chances are they might not want you back. So, do not attempt to converse or else that can leave you regretting it.

2. You cannot change them.

You feel despondent, disheartened, and upset. So, when you want to reconnect with your ex, it is your emotional self that makes the decisions for you. Calling them to take you back is not the answer. If they broke up with you, then you calling them is not going to change their mind.

3. You don’t want to be just “friends” with them.

After a breakup, many people stay in touch with their ex-lovers and maintain being friends over time. However, not everyone can be like that.. If you think being around your ex can make you reminisce about the painful memory of your breakup, then you do not have to be friends with them. You are allowed to move on at your pace.

4. You need to stop and think about what you are doing.

Man in emotional turmoil about calling ex

Image: Shutterstock

Do you care for them as good friends? Do you think that your actions will make them think breaking up with you was a mistake? You are mistaken. Thinking all this will put you into emotional turmoil, only to hurt you again.

protip_icon Point to consider
Would you want to contact your ex if your latest crush reciprocates your feelings or gestures? Maybe, no!

5. You will end up embarrassing yourself.

Let’s say you have mustered up all the courage to make that dreaded call. But what happens next? They might not want to communicate with you and ignore you. Will you end up leaving a text message then? The best thing to do is take some time away from your phone. To escape from that embarrassment, don’t act on your sudden urges to call your ex.

6. You are trying to revive something that died.

If your ex broke up with you, it means their intimate feelings for you have changed. Seeing you or hearing your voice is not going to sprout new feelings for you. Trying to revive a dead relationship is only going to be futile. You will only get emotional and hurt yourself.

7. You should stop paying heed to what your ex might be doing.

Woman focusing on herself

Image: Shutterstock

You came across a post that suggested your ex might be dating someone. It’s time that you stop worrying about your ex and move on. Moving on might seem hard, but focusing on yourself and surrounding yourself with your friends will help you take your mind off things that might be bugging you. If they are not in your life, they are not your problem to deal with anymore.

8. You and your ex could not work things out.

When you are hurt, it is common to miss your ex and get into remembering the good things. But the reality is the rapport did not work out, maybe because you were not compatible. You cannot change it by contacting them, so move on.

protip_icon Do remember
Feeling the dearth of a partner should never be the reason for contacting your ex. However, if that is the case, think of the reason for breaking up with them in the first place.

9. You should not be impulsive.

Impulsive decisions are good once in a while, but calling your ex, asking them to come back is a big no. You might feel weak momentarily, but do not give in just yet. If they want you back, they will initiate contact with you.

Hence, in these moments of weakness, you can reach out to your close ones to share your feelings and take your mind off your ex. Writing about her moving on phase, Madison Sasser, a mental health blogger, says, “Last night, I committed to texting my girlfriend after a few glasses of wine instead of texting my Ex. A breakup is a break in the connection I shared with my Ex. I can’t continue to text him my thoughts on The Bachelor after a glass of Moscato (i).”

10. You deserve someone better.

You deserve someone better

Image: Shutterstock

A breakup can be chaotic because it hurts. No relationship is perfect, but there is someone who will love you unconditionally and won’t give up on you easily. So, don’t call your ex, and wait for a better partner.

11. You might be feeling lonely.

If you have locked yourself up in your room, with a box of tissues and chocolates only to cry and watch rom-coms—you are doing it wrong. You are allowed to grieve, but not for long. You will end up feeling lonely.

12. You need to let go.

Let go to forget ex

Image: Shutterstock

Healing can take time. Begin to perceive yourself and love yourself as it is crucial. Remember why you and your ex broke up in the first place. Try to become a better version of yourself by doing the things that make you happy. Sulking about a failed relationship will not help you. It’s important to let go of things, delete your ex’s number from your phone and refrain from a reunion neither in person nor over the phone.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is a good reason to call your ex?

If you are considering calling your ex, you should have a good reason for it, such as inquiring about the well-being of their family members, conveying good news, sharing important information, or wishing them. Your reasons for calling them may be impromptu or planned but think well about what you will say on the call.

2. How long should you wait before calling an ex?

If you are contemplating calling your ex or are thinking what if I called my ex girlfriend or boyfriend, take a moment to consider how you feel about them. If your feelings are still strong and painful, calling them would not help. Give time to yourself and let your acute feelings subside. Most people may get over their acute feelings in a couple of months. Once you are past your intense emotions, you may not feel the urge to call.

3. Should I wait for my ex to contact me first?

The answer to this question depends on who initiated the breakup. If you had initiated the breakup and the reason for it was trivial, you may decide to forget the past, catch up, and create a new beginning. In such a case, you should call your ex first. However, if your partner initiated the breakup and you still feel deceived and hurt, you should wait for your ex to call you first.

4. How should I stop myself from contacting my ex?

Stopping yourself from contacting your ex is a crucial step in the healing process. Begin by setting clear boundaries and establishing a defined no-contact period. Delete their contact information to prevent the temptation, and consider blocking or unfollowing them on social media to limit exposure. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to navigate your emotions. Stay busy with activities that occupy your mind. Prioritize self-care and focus on personal growth. Build healthy habits like yoga, working out, meditation, and self-compassion. Reflect on the reasons for the breakup, and use those insights as a reminder when the urge to reach out arises. Establish new routines to break old associations, and visualize a future where you have moved on and found happiness in your company.

After you break up with your ex, you may miss them fondly and frequently wonder if you should be calling them or not. But, before you do anything rash or impulsive, you should think things through to have a better understanding. Not only will calling your ex make you feel lonely, but it can also cause you new pain. So, keep your thoughts to yourself and focus on moving on; you can also interact with your friends and close ones whenever you feel this way, and you will soon find yourself at peace.

Infographic: Some More Reasons To Not Contact Your Ex

Moving forward from a relationship is hard for everyone. But that fact does not justify your desire to contact your ex. It is time that you moved on from them and focused on your future. We have prepared the following infographic to add more to the list of reasons why you should refrain from contacting your ex.

reasons to not contact your ex (infographic)

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • After breakups, you should not call your ex because they may not reciprocate your feelings, leading to more hurt and disappointment.
  • Contacting them again will not change their attitude, so you may end up either embarrassing yourself or feeling lonely.
  • To improve the situation, learn to be happy with yourself and trust that you will find someone better.
should i call my ex_illustration

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

Thinking of reaching out to your ex? Watch this video before you take the plunge! Get the answers to your questions and find out if it’s the right move for you.

Personal Experience: Source

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John Kenny
John KennyMaster Coach Certification
John Kenny is the host of The Relationship Guy podcast and is a coach to professional women who approach him for creating healthy loving relationships. He is the founder of Interpersonal Relationship Coaching (IRC) and author of The P.

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Akshay is an associate editor and former journalist with more than four years of experience. A post graduate in Mass Communication and Journalism, he has strong professional and academic background in the field of content writing and editing.

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Siddharth Kesiraju
Siddharth KesirajuMA, Certification in Relationship Coaching
Siddharth holds a certification in Relationship Coaching and a masters degree in communication and journalism from the University of Hyderabad. He has around seven years of experience in various fields of writing and editing.

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Benidamika holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology from Assam Don Bosco University and another masters degree in English Literature from North Eastern Hill University. At MomJunction, Benidamika writes on human psychology and relationships.

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