Should You Find Out Your Baby's Gender?

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It is one question that doesn’t have an answer as simple as ‘Pink’ and ‘Blue’. It means different things to different parents. While most of them opt for keeping it a surprise until the last minute, some might want to know the gender of the baby simply out of curiosity or for the sake of planning a grand arrival. However, who would have thought that knowing a baby’s gender before birth could have a psychological influence on parenting? At least that is what a study suggests (1). A group of 200 pregnant women from Columbus, Ohio, participated in a test conducted as part of the study. The test measured certain aspects of these women’s personalities, including their notions about gender norms. Most women in this group, approximately two-thirds, already knew the gender of their baby.

The findings of the test revealed – mothers who did not know their babies’ gender were more flexible in their views about gender roles compared to those mothers who did. Also, they were more excited about new experiences than those mothers who knew their babies’ gender. This was because not knowing their babies’ gender beforehand shifted their focus on equal division of parenting responsibilities rather than choosing gender-specific clothes and baby stuff. However, surprisingly, mothers who knew their babies’ gender had higher scores on parenting perfectionism tests. This simply meant that they had set unrealistically high standards for themselves. But, these mothers were mostly single and less educated. That is why researchers believe these mothers found out about their baby’s gender just to relieve themselves from their pregnancy anxiety.

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However, one important takeaway from this study is that the measured group of mothers was too small to represent mothers of an entire state, let alone a country. Therefore, it need not be taken too personally. The decision of finding out a baby’s gender, or not, before birth is more often than not entirely circumstantial for soon-to-be parents.

Like in my case. When I was pregnant for the first time, I went with gender reveal. With my husband’s side of the family having only boys, there was pressure from our families to find out if it would be the first girl child for us. However, when we were told it would be a boy, we were equally happy and left it at that. My husband and I continue to share our parenting responsibilities as much as we can, even after our second baby, another boy, arrived. And yes, we did not opt for a gender reveal the second time around as we did not feel it was necessary.

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It was a similar situation for one of my sisters. After having 2 children, a girl and a boy, she opted for gender reveal (which she kept to herself) for the third time. It was simply to help her plan things better – especially in terms of home space. Not to mention, both her kids were equally excited about who’s room the baby would eventually share.

Having said this, it is important to note that gender reveal is not a readily-available option in all countries. Certain Asian countries, like India and China, have banned the practice of gender determination. This was due to the misuse of the technology which gave rise to the rampant practice of female feticide in such countries. Similarly, certain countries which follow a religious rule against abortions also do not encourage gender determination during pregnancy.

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Therefore, the results of the study aside, the choice to go with the gender reveal is an entirely personal and a circumstantial decision for expecting parents. It definitely does not have any bearing on their parenting skills. How parents bring up their children has many other psychological influences – like their own upbringing, their education, and the relationship they shared with their own parents. And knowing, or not knowing, their baby’s gender beforehand is certainly not a major cause for concern.

There is no wrong or right way when it comes to parenting, although styles may differ. Every parent puts in the same amount of love and hard work while bringing up their child. And let no study make you believe otherwise.

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