14 Clear Signs He Is Hurt After The Breakup And What To Do

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Breakups are not easy. Whether it was initiated by your boyfriend or you, you might want to know what your boyfriend is going through after the breakup. In this post, we list telltale signs he is hurting after the breakup. Although it is best to let your boyfriend come out of the situation on his own, you can have an honest talk with him at the right time about what went wrong and how to move on with life. Read on.

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14 Signs He Is Hurt After The Breakup

Some men may experience intense depression and loneliness. Vivek Dundarwal, who was in a relationship for four years, shares the emotional trauma he went through when his girlfriend broke up with him. He says, “On one hand I was struggling with my career, the only thing I was sure of was her and when she gave me this news, my body went numb. I am a man and speaking in behalf of most of the man out there, I kept all this pain inside of me and suffered alone. There were days I used to cry my eyes out, felt hollow, and ended up being depressed for weeks. After all, I was with this girl for around 4 years and now everything felt a waste of time all of a sudden (i).”

While Dundarwal was in depression, some men might stay silent or react otherwise. Keep a check on his behavior to know how he feels after the breakup.

1. He is silent

When he becomes unusually silent, it is one of the telltale signs that he is experiencing heartache. He will not text or call anyone and remain silent and withdrawn for an extended period as his unspoken emotions of anguish remain trapped in his heart. This is the point at which the realities of the breakup will begin to sink in, and regret will set in. He could be repressing his guilt. Despite his outward silence, he could be suffering from the agony of separation.

protip_icon Research finds
A study suggests that men may be more hurt and emotionally broken after a breakup than women (1).

2. He is in a denial mode

He may try to convince himself that you will rethink. Perhaps he still loves you and wishes you could continue your relationship. Even after the breakup, he will be concerned about you and frequently call or text you. He might even inquire about your well-being from your closest friends.

3. He enters into a new relationship

He enters new relationship, signs he is hurting
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When he jumps into a new relationship despite not being emotionally healed from the breakup, it is one of the signs he is in sorrow and despair after the breakup. It could be his coping strategy because the negative emotions associated with the breakup, such as hurt, anger, and guilt, are not easy to deal with. He might have entered into a new relationship to distract himself from the loss of his relationship with you.

4. He foul-mouths you

Post-breakup, friends and family may be curious as to why you broke up. He might be saying bad things about you due to unrelenting and unresolved anger. For example, he may disparage you as an inept partner, a liar, or a cheat, which may provide him a temporary boost in mood and confidence, thus minimizing his feelings of dejection. Perhaps he is looking for sympathy because it makes him feel better, or he feels the need to justify the breakup.

5. He tries to stay in touch

One of the most telltale signs that he is hurt is when he seeks ways to communicate with you. For example, he may call, text, or share memes and breakup songs to evaluate your reactions, or he may insist on meeting. He may express how much he misses you or is eager to see you again. This could be due to the lingering pain and misery of rejection, and he is still unable to accept the breakup and wallows in self-pity.

6. He takes refuge in alcohol

Man drinking, signs he is hurting after breakup
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Another sign is when he acts carelessly, seeking refuge in alcohol whenever painful feelings erupt. For example, he might begin drinking, smoking, or hard-partying immediately after the breakup as a coping mechanism to distract himself from grieving or to block out painful and negative emotions of gloom or sadness.

7. He seeks revenge

In post-breakup angst, he may be unable to see clearly, lose his grasp on reality, and seek vengeance. For example, he might plot retaliation to teach you a lesson by trashing your reputation on social media platforms. He may blog, tweet, and email everyone on your friend list to sully you. When he resorts to wanton destruction of your property or even causes harm as he cannot accept the rejection, it shows he is badly hurt.

8. He seeks another chance

He could apologize to you if he feels bad about letting you go and regrets the breakup. It’s his way of making amends and convincing you to give him and the relationship another chance, even if it means reconciling to get back together. The apologies make him feel better and allow him to save face. It’s possible that he’s filled with low self-esteem, grief, and hurt and wants to express these emotions to you by apologizing.

9. He blocks you on social media

He stops following you on Instagram, Facebook, or Snapchat. When he blocks you on social media platforms and deletes all of your pictures after a breakup, it’s one of the most common signs of being hurt. Perhaps he is getting rid of memories that serve as anchors to the past, making the breakup process easier for him.

10. He pretends to stop thinking about you

When he avoids talking to you or thinking about you as a coping tactic, it is a sign that he is hurt and is experiencing feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. Furthermore, he may act as if he is over you, but he still loves you and cannot move on because of his fond memories of you. It’s possible that he’s sad and angry or embarrassed about not being able to work out the relationship with you.

protip_icon Point to consider
Although he may not convey this to you directly, he would still be thinking about you and enquiring about your wellbeing with your common friends.

11. He fails to express his feelings

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When he is hurt after a breakup, he won’t process the grief and pain in the proper context. While recognizing one’s feelings and allowing oneself to grieve are important aspects of the healing process, he might not express his feelings. During the breakup, he might fail to recognize his feelings and process them as he loses emotional intelligence. He could withdraw into his shell.

12. He follows you everywhere

You may notice that he goes out of his way to be around you, whether it’s at a friend’s birthday party or a small gathering. You’ll see him popping in a coffee shop or a grocery store where you shop. He might even follow you home because he misses you and is unable to accept the breakup.

13. He stalks you

If your ex is enquiring about you with your common friends or actively following you on social media after the breakup, it could mean they are not over the breakup. They may still have strong feelings and not know how to deal with them. Sometimes, people stalk because they do not want the relationship to end or fear losing you. However, if their actions bother you, talk to your friends and family or confront them if needed.

14. He sabotages you

If your ex is trying to mess up things for you after the breakup, it might mean they are hurt and haven’t moved on. They may show their frustrations, try to hurt you emotionally, want to control what you do or express their desire to get back together. Their attempt to sabotage your peace may come from strong emotions like anger or sadness. It is important to protect yourself by setting clear boundaries and seeking help from friends or family.

What To Do If He’s Hurt After The Breakup?

Consider doing the following things to make the breakup process easier for both of you.

1. Be sensitive to his feelings

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One of the most important things to do if he’s hurt is to plan out what you say and how he’ll react. Thinking about his point of view and feelings, whether he’s sad, angry, or frustrated, can help you be more sensitive.

protip_icon Do remember
If you encounter strangely aggressive, abusive, or frightening behaviors from your ex, speak to your close ones or report to the concerned authority as early as possible.

2. Help him cope with his emotions

Inquire with him about why he is hurt after the breakup. Is he regretting, hurting, or feeling terrible? Give sensible responses to him and make him understand that being together is not right for them.

3. Set boundaries if you want to be friends

It’s natural to feel empty and lonely, which indicates that he’s hurt after a breakup. To avoid the pain that both of you feel after ending a romantic relationship, you can choose to end it amicably and try to be friends afterward, of course, by defining boundaries.

4. Focus on yourself

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Even if you’re no longer with him and he is hurt, it would help if you had closure. So, how do you go about finding the closure? The best way is by allowing him to process his emotions on his own while you concentrate on yourself because you also need healing, time, and space to recover from the breakup.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What does heartbreak feel like for a man?

Heartbreak is often described as an ache where the person experiences feelings of pain and despair. The pain can last for a few days or it might be chronic leading to episodes of depression. This may also affect the physical health of the person leading to symptoms like migraine (1).

2. Why is silence so powerful after a breakup?

Silence is essential after a breakup as it puts the situation under control. Remaining silent speaks many things to your ex which shows your resilience, dignity, and independence. It shows that you are not relying on anyone for your happiness.

3. How long does a man take to get over a breakup?

There is as such no specific time to determine the time period to get over a breakup. All men go through different phases of recovering from a breakup which can either heal in 6 months or take even years.

4. Do guys hurt after a breakup?

Guys do face emotional pain after breakups. Although they may not show up like women, guys go through acute pain after a breakup like women. It doesn’t matter whether they are rejecting or getting rejected, they feel the same emotional loss as women.

If you observe signs he is hurting after the break-up, it may mean that he still cares about you. His life may now be filled with pain, grief, and suffering. However, this may not always be the case, and the manifestation of pain may only be a revenge-seeking behavior. Ex-boyfriends may show anger, engage in self-destructive behaviors, or simply disconnect from you. You may observe his actions and try to help him if you find him struggling to cope with the situation.

Infographic: Signs He Is Hurt After The Breakup

A breakup can be hard on both partners. If you want to know whether or not the breakup has affected him, there are certain cues you need to look for. In the following infographic, we have listed some signs indicating that he has taken the hurt of the breakup.

signs he is hurt of the breakup (infographic)

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

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Key Pointers

  • Being unusually silent and trying to get in touch are a few signs he is hurt post-breakup.
  • Look for more such signs to ensure you aren’t overthinking.
  • Extend him support to overcome grief and accept the relationship’s fate.
signs he is hurting after the break up_illustration

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team

Are you worried about your ex’s behavior after the breakup? Check out this video to learn the 5 signs that he’s hurting. Get insight into his feelings and find out how to help him.

Personal Experience: Source


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  1. This is your brain on heartbreak
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