
Image: Midjourney/ MomJunction Design Team
The subtle difference between making love and having sex may confuse many couples. Knowing these signs can help make your relationship stronger. It can also bring you closer and build a deeper emotional connection, making your time together more meaningful. However, we can help you figure out the signs he is making love to you and not merely having sex by explaining the differences. Physical intimacy is all about the presence of emotions and feelings as it defines the chemistry between you and your partner. As your relationship progresses, love-making may lose the excitement and pleasure you had in the initial days of your courtship, and it might end up as only sex. Their physical touch may not excite you the way it used to initially, but there’s still some sexual attraction left. So how do you know if your partner is still making love? Read on as we tell you some signs that can help you differentiate between love-making and sex.
Key Pointers
- Lovemaking is the deepest expression of love involving emotions and feelings.
- Making eye contact, kissing a lot, and taking your name during physical intimacy are signs he is making love to you.
- Cuddling or kissing you on the forehead, intimate conversations in bed, and respecting your boundaries means he has strong feelings for you.
21 Signs He Is Making Love To You
Sex, when mixed with intimacy and feelings, could become the deepest form of expressing love. Without emotions and romance, sex is but a mere hormonal act of the body. A man would make love to you only when he is emotionally involved with you. Here is what to look for to know for sure.
- He will make eye contact
Mutual eye gaze is one of the most notable and reliable signs of love between couples. According to a study published in Psychological Science, “participants fixate visually more frequently on the face, relative to the body, when they are thinking about or feeling love rather than lust toward that individual (1).”
So, if he makes eye contact while having sex, it could be a sign that he is into you and wants to be in the moment with you. Making love is a deeply intimate action, so if your man avoids eye contact, it could be because he is shy or uninterested in you. If he steals glances from you and cannot maintain straight eye contact, he could just be shy.
- Both of you enjoy it
When it is an act of the souls and not just the bodies, both you and your man would enjoy it. This is not something that can be planned and executed—it happens naturally when you share strong feelings for each other. Making love is not one-sided, it is a pleasurable experience where both participants feel loved and cherished. Middle-aged people and the elderly also enjoy physical intimacy with their partner, even after being married for several years.
Both men and women enjoy being intimate with their partners, and it is associated with greater life satisfaction. The ELISA (English Longitudinal Study of Ageing) suggests that for both genders of all age groups (50-90+), having sexual intercourse more frequently gives higher levels of satisfaction with life, although, at some points, each gender differs in satisfaction level despite having the same frequency of sexual intercourse (2).

Association of life satisfaction with the frequency of sexual intercourse by gender
Source: How long will I love you? Sex and intimacy in later life; International Longevity Centre-UK- He would kiss you a lot
One kiss is worth a thousand words. Kissing is an important part of long-term relationships, especially for people who prefer committed relationships. More frequent kissing is also positively related to higher relationship satisfaction, and contrary to popular belief, there is not much evidence that kissing increases sexual arousal (3). So, if your man smothers you with kisses as part of foreplay or even during the act, he likes you a lot and wants to make you feel valued. How he kisses you would make you sense the intensity of his passion and how much he enjoys being with you.

- Your pleasure matters to him
One of the major differences between making love and having sex is that your man would ensure that you are enjoying it too when it is lovemaking. But if he is having just sex, he would end up simply ejaculating instead of considering your pleasure. Remember that making love is a mutual act; both partners should be able to derive pleasure from it. If your partner does not care about pleasing you but only himself, it is likely that he only sees you as a sex partner, not a romantic interest.
- There will be conversations
Open communication and emotional intimacy are cornerstones of a fulfilling sexual relationship (4). And making love involves more than just bodies. Your man would initiate conversations about desires, preferences, and boundaries in bed and express himself authentically so that the understanding and empathy between you both increases. He would encourage spending quality time together, engage in meaningful discussions, and actively listen to your thoughts and feelings outside the bedroom. This deep intimacy would arouse you both and help you navigate your sexual experiences with mutual satisfaction
- He will take your name
Lovemaking is intensely personal, symbolizing a deep connection between two individuals. Taking your name during the act shows how much you matter to them—it shows that he loves you and you are the one in his life. Hearing your name during such a passionate situation could add to the mood and boost your libido too. You will find his intense sensuality irresistible. If you feel like it, take his name too, and do not hold back.
- He creates a romantic environment
Making love with your partner is an incredibly romantic act, so it’s not just about achieving physical pleasure. The atmosphere matters. Picture a dark and untidy bedroom and compare it to a room with dim lighting, the scent of candles, and soft music in the background. If your man wants to have meaningful sex with you, he will make sure you are in the mood too. He would try to decorate your bedroom, play your favorite music, and dress up as per your liking. In addition to visual pleasure, he will also treat you with extreme tenderness.

- He would never force you
A man who wants to make love would be aware that sex cannot be forced. If he finds you are not in the mood, he will not get upset or throw a tantrum. Instead, he will understand and give you time to warm up to it because he loves and respects you. Remember that coercive sex does not equate to love. If you feel pressured, obligated, tricked, or threatened into having sex, it is sexual coercion, not lovemaking (5).
- He prioritizes your comfort
A man who makes love to you will make sure you are comfortable and relaxed. He creates a safe space for intimacy that allows you to be more open. He will pay attention to your cues and body language and be in-tune with you, never forcing things that will make you feel uncomfortable. So, when a man prioritizes your comfort over just having sex, it means he intends to make love to you.
- He tries to be hygienic
A man who wants to make love knows how much of a turn off body odor and bad breath could be. So, if he tries to smell fresh, it is a sign that he gives importance to your likes and dislikes. Also, hygiene is not just limited to regular grooming, it is also a matter of sexual health. If he keeps himself and his private parts clean, it suggests he wants to protect himself and you from potential infections that can cause pain and discomfort during sexual activity (6).

- He will not doze off immediately
Many men would turn to the other side and doze off as soon as the act is done. But how do you know when a guy is emotionally attached? Studies have shown that “the period after sex is a critical time for promoting satisfaction in intimate bonds (7).” So, if your man continues to show affection by pulling you close for a cuddle or kissing you on the forehead after making love, it is a sign that he is interested in more than just your body.
- He would keep in touch
A man who is there only for the sex would not bother to text or keep in touch with you after the act. But if he does, then he has genuine feelings for you. If your man is good at expressing, then get ready to be drenched in his lovey-dovey messages. Your doubt could be ‘Is he flirting with me?’ However, his charming ways of communication will not let you slip away.That said, you must be wary of someone being overly affectionate with you and showering you with love and attention when you have not had enough time to bond with him emotionally. It could be a sign of love bombing (8). Love needs time, investment, and work. While affectionate behavior is expected in a well-established relationship, a sudden outpouring of love after having sex with someone may be a cause for concern.
- You will know it
Another strong sign would be your intuition. Research has shown that women are more accurate when it comes to judging body language and interpreting neutral actions (9). This means that when there is a lack of emotional content in body actions, including sex, you are more likely to know that intuitively. If your mind, body, and soul tell you how involved he is during sex, there is a good chance that you’re correct.
- You will notice signs of affection
There will be signs he’s falling in love with you. A guy who is in love with you would make sure he is on your mind all the time. Before the actual act, he might take you out to dinner or your favorite band’s concert. He might even surprise you with flowers and a box of your favorite chocolates. In comparison, a guy who just wants to have sex with you will hit you up out of nowhere and treat you as a casual fling partner.
- He will stay over
This applies to couples who are not living together. A man who is in it for sex might not be interested in staying for the night; he might prefer to leave once his needs are satisfied. If your man chooses to stay over and is also open to keeping a few spare clothes in your apartment, he might have feelings for you and want to make love to you. Staying over may also imply that he wants to be in a relationship with you if you are not together already.
- He will make breakfast for you
This may not happen with all men, but it applies to some. Cooking for someone is a deeply emotional act; people don’t just cook for anybody first thing in the morning. It conveys love and affection and shows how much they want to cherish you. If you open your eyes to some mouth-watering pancakes after spending the night together, your man is trying to impress you because he cares for you.

- He will make you feel beautiful
Not every woman will have a runway body; many could be insecure about their scars or blemishes. These physical imperfections would never matter to a man who wants to make love to you. He would cherish you no matter how you look because it is you as a person who he loves. In fact, he would make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. In contrast, a man who is only in it for sex will nitpick your appearance or make you feel bad about yourself by comparing you to others.
- He would like to experiment
Learning, exploring, and experimenting with new techniques, positions, or approaches is one of the best ways to enhance pleasure and intimacy in a relationship (4). If your man wants to try new things in bed, he is not there to satisfy his bodily needs but wants to go beyond that. This is a sign he enjoys your company and wants more of it. He wants to know what works for you and how he can deepen his connection with you.
- He will look happy
When a man makes love to you, he will appear happy and content. He would not just focus on himself and his pleasure or turn to the other side and doze off when he’s done. Instead, he might strike up a light-hearted conversation or even make a cup of tea for his favorite woman after the act is done. He would be calm and satisfied, and he would behave affectionately with you.
- He will calm your anxieties
Some women may have an innate fear of sex and might not be cooperative. A man who wants to make love would not get angry and throw a fit but would give you space, try to talk, and ease your fears. He would never force you into sex but help you ease into it.
- He will respect your boundaries
You could be his wife or girlfriend, but if you have certain reservations about physical intimacy, he would never force you to cross them. He would also not compel you into doing something you despise. Heeding your boundaries would be one of his top priorities, and he would never force you to do something you are uncomfortable with.
For Venus O’Hara, an orgasm activist based out of Barcelona, Spain, the context and the relationship you have with your partner or your boyfriend decides whether he is just sleeping with you or if he’s making love to you. She adds, “For me personally, I need to have trust to activate my wild side. I call it ‘making love’ when I have something emotional with the person I’m in bed with. Making love can give you a tingle when it’s done with someone you like and can be quite cringeworthy if it’s with someone you’re not emotionally at par with (i).”

Importance Of Communication While Making Love
Talking openly about your desires and feelings is important in lovemaking. Sharing what you both like helps you feel closer and builds trust. It makes sure both partners feel heard, appreciated, and happy. Being honest with each other strengthens your connection and makes the experience meaningful for both.
Difference Between Making Love And Having Sex
Martin Buber’s intersubjective theory describes two ways people relate to each other: the healthy “I-Thou” relationships and the unhealthy “I-It” relationships. In a study exploring the role of sex in intimate relationships using this theory, it was found that in an “I-Thou” relationship, both partners see each other as equals and fully engage in the relationship, including sexual intimacy. When they connect, they do so deeply while combining love and sex in a meaningful way. In comparison, “I-It” relationships involve viewing a partner as an object and sex as a means to an end (10). This is the core difference between lovemaking and having sex.
- Lovemaking is a union of strong physical and emotional intimacy. It is a spiritual bond where partners engage in a shared experience of vulnerability, affection, and mutual respect. Making love is often seen as an expression of deep love and commitment, where the act transcends physical pleasure and becomes a means of communicating feelings and emotions.
- Having sex, on the other hand, primarily focuses on physical gratification. It can be passionate and enjoyable but doesn’t necessarily require an emotional connection or deeper feelings between partners. Sex can be casual and driven by physical desire without the layers of intimacy and emotional depth that making love entails. It’s more about the act itself than the emotional context in which it occurs.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Does a man need to be in love with me to make love or just be physically attracted to me?
Lovemaking involves emotional attachment and physical intimacy. However, a person can get physically attracted to you and still make love, even without an emotional connection.
2. Can a man make love to me and not be emotionally invested in me?
Emotional connection is extremely crucial in lovemaking. But a person can make love with you even if they are not emotionally invested in you. Emotional attachment and physical acts are two important areas of a relationship. They can overlap or run parallel based on your partnership.
3. How can I express my feelings to my partner during intimate moments?
During intimate moments, openly share your feelings and desires with your partner. Let them know what you appreciate and how much their affection means to you. This can strengthen your connection and deepen your bond.
While in an intimate relationship, if your man likes to converse a lot, kisses you often, wishes to stay over, yet respects your reservations, these could be subtle signs he is making love to you and not merely interested in having sex. Nevertheless, not all men have similar ways of displaying their feelings, and your man could be trying to express his desire for your love in his own unique way. So, do not be apprehensive about his intentions if you can’t spot these signs. You may have to interpret his gestures as per the whole context of the relationship to comprehend if he is making love to you or just into a casual sexual encounter.
Infographic: How To Respond To His Love-Making Gestures
Intimacy with an emotional connection is a symbol of love. If your partner displays the above gestures during and before sex, they are not just attracted to you physically but also emotionally. So reward them for their sweetness and make them feel the same love by responding to their actions with the help of this infographic. Illustration: Momjunction Design Team
Illustration: Absolute & Passionate Signs That He Is Making Love To You

Image: Stable Diffusion/MomJunction Design Team
If you want to know if he’s expressing love, watch this video that reveals the key signs. You will find insightful relationship advice and can discover whether he’s genuinely showing his affection.
Personal Experience: Source
MomJunction articles include first-hand experiences to provide you with better insights through real-life narratives. Here are the sources of personal accounts referenced in this article.
i. Making love or f**king? What’s the difference?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FD8d2Ow8_ME
References
- Mylene Bolmont et al.; (2014); Love is in the Gaze: An Eye-Tracking Study of Love and Sexual Desire.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4273641/ - Josephine Tetley et al.; (2017); How long will I love you? Sex and intimacy in later life.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/315165295_How_long_will_I_love_you_Sex_and_intimacy_in_later_life - Rafael Wlodarski et al.; (2015); Examining the Possible Functions of Kissing in Romantic Relationships.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4487821/#S10 - Elevating Intimacy: Strategies for Enhancing Your Sex Life.
https://www.integrative-psych.org/resources/elevating-intimacy-strategies-for-enhancing-your-sex-life - Sexual coercion.
https://womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/sexual-coercion - The Importance of Genital Hygiene for Sexual Health.
https://health.ucdavis.edu/conditions/mens-health/mens-sexual-health-hygiene#:~:text=Good%20hygiene%20habits%20are%20anand%20discomfort%20during%20sexual%20activity. - Amy Muise et al.; (2014); Post sex affectionate exchanges promote sexual and relationship satisfaction.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24777441/ - What Is Love Bombing?
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/love-bombing - Arseny A. Sokolov et al.; (2011); Gender Affects Body Language Reading.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3111255/#abstract1 - Wei Zhang; (2022); The Role of Sex in Intimate Relationships: An Exploration Based on Martin Buber’s Intersubjective Theory.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9082353/#S1


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