He has been around for a while, and you have fallen head over heels for him. But, you are unsure about his feelings. He gives mixed signals, which only leads to confusion, leaving you desperate to look for the telltale signs he is not into you. Reading someone’s mind and behavior isn’t easy. Sometimes the guy behaves like you are the only thing he has got in life, and sometimes he is so indifferent that it feels like you two have a casual friendship.
So what is the exact scenario? Is he into you, or is he just flirting around for the time being? How can you know what’s running in his mind? If you watch closely, some apparent signs can give you a clue. Read on as we take you through a list of signs that indicate the guy you love is not into you.
25 Signs He Is Not Into You
Sometimes, the guy’s behavior might unknowingly give away these signs. He might deliberately use nonverbal communication to convey he is not interested.
1. He never initiates contact
When a guy likes you, he will make an effort to get in touch with you. You will get random messages and calls from him because he misses you and wants you to know that. The guy will enjoy talking to you about his day and ask about yours. He might not always reach out first, but sometimes, he will. If he never calls or texts you first and only responds when you try to initiate a conversation, it is a clear sign he is not interested in you.
2. He takes his sweet time to respond to your messages
You text the guy because you miss him, but he takes ages to respond. He tells you he was caught up with something, but then, this happens time and again. The guy never seems to run out of excuses, but the excuses seem flimsy. Is this happening to you? A guy who is interested in you would be excited to hear from you. He might be busy sometimes, but if it is a regular occurrence, the guy might not be into you.
3. He doesn’t pay attention when you speak
Does your guy often seem distracted when you speak? Is he always busy staring at his screen rather than listening to you? A man who is into you would value you. He would give you his full attention when you talk. If you feel his mind is always somewhere else while spending time with you, it is a clear sign he is not into you.
4. He calls off plans with you all the time
A man who is into you will always prioritize you over others. He would be keen to spend maximum time with you. If he has plans with you, he will make himself available. Some unforeseen circumstances might make him cancel plans, but this will happen rarely. Often, the guy would make sure he meets you. So if a guy cancels plans regularly, it’s a major red flag. He doesn’t consider spending time with you valuable.
5. He is interested in other women
You have seen the guy flirting with lots of women. He jokes around and keeps these women entertained. If you go out to a club or a party, he leaves your side numerous times and chats up with the women around. A guy who likes you would never hurt you. He would be committed to making you happy instead of eyeing someone else. If your guy shows interest in other women, he is not serious about you.
6. He avoids discussing the future with you
Whenever you start discussing long-term plans, your guy changes the topic. He often tells you to live in the moment and forget about the future. Talking about commitment makes him uncomfortable. If your guy acts this way, it is a significant sign of disinterest. A person who is into you would picture you in his future. He would not run for the hills when you talk about commitment.
7. He hasn’t opened up to you
You two have been dating for a while, but you hardly know him. While the chemistry is sizzling, you haven’t been able to connect with him emotionally. He doesn’t speak to you about himself, his dreams, his background, or his past. The guy is a closed book as far as you are concerned. If these things define your relationship, it is a sign he is not serious about you. If a guy seriously likes you, he would share personal things with you and try to bond with you.
8. He hides the relationship from the world
A guy who is genuinely interested in you would not be afraid to tell the world you are together. He would tell his friends about you and introduce you to them. His social media profile will have plenty of pictures of the two of you. If your guy tries to hide you from his close friends and refuses to make the relationship official, it is a major red flag.
9. He is not reliable
He doesn’t try to be there for you when you are feeling low. Whenever you ask him for some help, he is unavailable. The guy doesn’t share the joy of your successes and doesn’t encourage you to fulfill your dreams. He has missed the important events in your life several times. If a guy is not there for you in your ups and downs, it’s a big sign he is not into you.
10. Sex drives your relationship
Most of your meetings happen behind closed doors. The guy usually hits you up at night intending to have sex. He is available when sex is on the table and seems disinterested in anything else. You connect very well physically, but the guy chickens out when discussing your feelings or forging a deeper connection. While physical intimacy is crucial, it cannot be the only thing driving the relationship. If the guy fails to look beyond a physical relationship, he is not serious about you.
11. He never gets jealous
When you mention you are going out with a male friend, he doesn’t bat an eyelid. If you start talking about your ex, he seems disinterested. He does not pay attention even if a guy tries to flirt with you in his presence. While you shouldn’t go out with a super possessive guy, some amount of jealousy is natural. Men are usually protective of their women. So, if he never shows jealousy or protectiveness towards you, he might not be into you.
12. He is not interested in knowing you
The guy hasn’t shown any interest in knowing you better. He doesn’t ask about your background, dreams, interests, likes, and dislikes. Your food and drink preferences always slip his mind even though you have told him a million times. He doesn’t seem to remember your birthday or any other important events in your life. A guy who is genuinely interested in you would be keen to know everything about you. He would remember things you told him because you matter to him.
13. He doesn’t try to dress up for you
A man interested in you would want to impress you with his dashing good looks. He would wear his best clothes, clean his shoes, and shave before meeting you. If he does not pay special attention to his appearance and turns up wearing his regular clothes even for dates, he may not be into you.
14. He is not too keen on a relationship
The guy tells you time and again he is not good with relationships. He shows his disinterest in commitment. He gives you subtle hints that he wants the relationship to be open. He wants to see other women and encourages you to date other men. Such behavior clearly indicates he is not ready for a relationship with you. He just considers this a casual fling and wants to keep enjoying the single life.
15. He doesn’t make you feel special
You don’t remember the last time he complimented you, brought you a gift, or took you out for candlelight dinner. He treats you like a friend, nothing more. A man who likes you will make you feel cherished. He would pamper you and do everything possible to make you happy. If the guy does not put in the effort to make you feel special, it is a telltale sign he is not into you.
16. He disregards your opinions
A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect and the exchange of ideas. A guy who is interested in you would listen to your views and not discount them even if he disagrees with them. A guy who always disregards all your opinions without thought does not respect you. He does not care about you or your feelings. This type of guy is not worth your time.
17. You are the only one who initiates plans
He never makes any effort to plan your outings. You are the one who always initiates any outings and plans everything. He never tells you any preferences or gives any suggestions. It’s like he is doing you a favor by going out with you. If you experience all this with your guy, it is a telltale sign he is not interested. A person who is into you will plan many of your outings and will be involved in them.
18. He doesn’t give you time
A guy who likes you would enjoy being with you. He would love to have long and random conversations over a cuppa because he craves to be with you. Even if he is super busy, he will find the time because you are important to him. If your guy does not make an effort to spend time with you and gives you flimsy excuses when you ask for his time, it is a clear indication that he is not into you.
19. He discusses other women
The guy openly tells you that he has a crush on another woman. If he is interested in one of your friends, he asks you about her. He comes to you for dating tips and tricks. A guy who likes you would avoid talking about other women in front of you. If this guy discusses other women with you, he probably sees you as a friend, nothing more.
20. His body language is off
Body language tells many things that words cannot communicate. If you observe carefully, you will know the real feelings of a person by just watching their body language. Does he avoid eye contact and lean away from you while speaking? Are his feet pointed away from you? Does he cross his arms or legs while interacting with you? Have you seen him regularly glancing at his watch when you meet? These are subtle signs he is not interested in you.
21. He is stringing you along
The guy texts and meets you only when it is convenient for him. There are times when he is completely unavailable for days without any plausible explanation. He is all sweet whenever he needs any help, but he returns to being disinterested when his need is fulfilled. Whenever you question him about the relationship status, he tells you that he will make it official soon, but the time never comes. He has bailed out on several dates and has an apology ready every single time. These indicate he is selfish and only cares about himself.
22. He avoids any kind of intimacy in public
This is a huge warning sign that indicates he is not into you. A man who is enamored by you will touch you in public. This doesn’t mean inappropriate groping. Gentle touches, such as holding hands, a peck on the cheek, linking arms, a hand on the waist, and a quick hug, show that he is into you. Even if he is a reserved person, there will be some intimacy between the two of you. If the guy avoids any physical contact when you are out in public, there is a chance he doesn’t want people to know you are together.
23. He doesn’t like you touching his phone
The guy keeps his phone out of your reach. If you try to glance at his phone screen, he moves the phone out of sight. He is so possessive about his phone that he even takes it with him when he showers. You have been together for quite a while, but you do not have access to his phone password. He makes up some excuses when you ask for his phone to make a call. If you question him about it, he becomes defensive and starts talking about trust and privacy. Secretive behavior suggests he is involved with someone else. To make sure, look out for calls and texts at odd times.
24. Being with him is affecting your self-worth
When you are with a person who genuinely likes you, he will cherish and encourage you. Being with him will make you feel good about yourself. However, a one-sided relationship will take a toll on you. If you are the only one putting in the effort to make it work, always trying to appease him, you will feel miserable. His disinterest and disregard might affect your self-worth. Is being with him making you feel bad about yourself? Move on from this toxic relationship.
25. You have a strong feeling
Sometimes, your instinct tells you the truth even when you don’t want to believe it. The guy’s behavior might have been affecting you despite you not acknowledging it. There might have been many warning signs, but you have refused to see them. You convince yourself all is well when it might not be. If your instinct screams that the guy is not into you, believe it.
If your partner no longer initiates contact with you, doesn’t pay attention, avoids planning the future with you, only meets up for sex, and so on, these could be signs he is not into you anymore. It’s painful to realize that the guy you love isn’t interested in you, but it’s time to move on. Being in a relationship only because you can’t face reality isn’t a good reason to stay in it. It’s pointless to force him to love you, so let him go. Staying in a one-sided relationship would only make things worse for you.
Infographic title: How To React When He Is Not Into You?
You have fallen in love with a guy, but he sends mixed signals while your feelings are clear. You realize that he shows most signs, denoting that he is not into you. How do you react in such situations? Here is an infographic that suggests ways to react when you are sure the guy you like is not into you.
- If your guy is calling off your plans and seems uninterested in having deep conversations, he may not be into you.
- If he cannot look beyond physical intimacy, he may not be apt for a long-term relationship.
- Be it avoiding intimacy in public or not making you feel special, look out for the signs indicating that he is unreliable.
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Jessica Jefferson(MA, MS, LMFT)
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