Reassurance In A Relationship: Signs You Need It And Ways To Ask

A relationship in today’s world means different things to different people. For some, it defines their persona, while some others are burdened by the fear of missing out on its nuances. This gives rise to the need for reassurance in a relationship, helping partners understand the depth of their commitment and avoid misunderstandings. Asking for comfort requires clear communication and trust between partners; giving reassurance warrants a clear understanding of each other’s needs. From hugs and affirmation to acceptance and flexibility, appropriate forms of love expressed in a relationship help reassure your partner that they are important to you. Continue reading this post to learn more about reassurance in a relationship, why you need it, the signs to look for, and the ways to ask for it.

In This Article

What Is Reassurance In A Relationship?

Reassurance is the process of using verbal message vulnerable with each other. It also helps instill confidence in the relationship and increaseses or physical and material gestures to make your loved one feel secure in the relationship. Irrespective of the type of relationship, both men and women have an innate need to express feelings and receive appreciation from one another. This is completely normal and an active part of reassurance in a relationship.

Couples in a relationship seek fortitude in the form of reassurance, compassion, and encouragement, especially when surrounded by anxiety and insecurities about their bond. By giving reassurance to your partner, you can express gratitude for their presence in your life and celebrate your devotion to each other.

Reassurance includes material gestures

Image: Shutterstock

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Romantic physical affection such as cuddling, hugging, and kissing increases relationship intimacy, marital satisfaction, and partner satisfaction while promoting conflict resolution and reducing attachment anxiety (1) (2).

Why Do You Need Reassurance In Your Relationship?

Reassurance strengthens the foundation of your relationship and allows the partners to be vulnerable with each other. It also helps instill confidence in the relationship and increases affection and trust. A caring partnership can help prevent jealousy and ill-will towards other people in your social circle, thus, enhancing secure attachment between partners.

While seeking reassurance periodically is entirely normal and trust-enhancing, too much can be detrimental to you and your relationship. Constant reassurance seeking may occur due to improper expression of love and attachment avoidance behavior in interpersonal relationships.

Individuals with a history of insecure relationships and friendship conflicts tend to express anxiety and poor self-esteem when forming new bonds, which leads them to engage in reassurance-seeking behaviors. Studies also indicate that individuals with higher levels of attachment anxiety and depression symptoms tend to engage in excessive daily reassurance-seeking behaviors (3).

Periodic reassurance is normal

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Examples Of Reassurance In A Relationship

Reassurance requires you to engage in behaviors expressing your love for your partner in body language and verbal communication.

1. Tokens of affection

Spending quality time with each other and expressing generosity by giving tokens of appreciation such as flowers, handwritten messages, or arranging a movie night can go a long way in reassuring your partner of your intentions to keep them happy.

2. Kind words

Expressing kindness and forgiveness through open and nonjudgmental communication enhances intimacy and trust between partners. Words of appreciation, gratitude, and apologizing when wrong signify to your partner that you take their presence and boundaries seriously.

3. Mutual respect

Expressing mutual respect, such as using kind and well-measured phrases and gestures during fights, can improve tolerance in the relationship. It also makes ironing out differences and resolving conflicts easier in the long term.

4. Active interest

Boosting your partner’s morale by taking an active interest in personal achievements, dreams, and goals is an excellent way to show empathy and emphasize your love and affection for them.

Image: Shutterstock

5. Space

Showing patience and letting your partner have space to make errors and learn from mistakes helps boost their confidence and enhances their trust in you. This will allow them to approach you with their queries or problems and be more receptive to feedback.

6. Plan for future

A successful relationship necessitates your partner to be aware of your current standing on your future together and the efforts you have dedicated towards it. This promotes security in the relationship and eases attachment anxiety.

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Loving acts of service such as helping out with their chores or ensuring they eat home-cooked meals can help assure your partner that you have their back.

Signs You Need Reassurance In A Relationship

From feeling insecure to anxious or depressed about your attachment to your partner, multiple signs indicate that you need reassurance and sympathy in your relationship.

1. An increasing number of ‘why’ questions

Anxious partners may wonder why they matter to you and raise questions that indicate confusion on whether they are good enough for you. The questions may be suggestive of a need for compliments or show an edgy attachment style.

2. Fear about future conflicts

An insecure partner may constantly fear that things will go wrong in the relationship. For instance, they may have apprehensions over having disagreements about finances, values, and personal goals, leading to feelings of uncertainty.

3. Self-doubt

A partner needing clarification on their relationship and loyalty tends to question their competency in achieving personal goals or making progress in the relationship stages. They tend to be hyper-aware of the changes within the relationship and may show signs of nervousness and suspicion.

4. Increased attachment avoidance

Avoidant partners may begin to look for ways to walk away from the relationship before it is “jeopardized.” Such partners may have judgmental expressions, argumentative quips, or cold body language during conversations about the future.

Cold body language

Image: IStock

5. Social media activity

Partners who are unsure about the functionality of their relationship may often resort to an exaggerated social media presence. Their increased social media activity may oscillate between posting nostalgic and fresh memories of their dating and personal lives.

6. Excessive bragging behavior

Partners who feel belittled in the relationship may exaggerate their achievements to both their partner and peers. They boast about their love life, openly complain about having you as a partner, or share private information to flaunt your relationship.

7. Fear of abandonment

It is a type of anxiety when someone has an irrational fear of losing someone. A person’s fear of abandonment may stem from insecurities or the loss of someone dear in the past. Everyone goes through such incidents at some point in their life, but those with abandonment issues live in constant fear. Noticeably, such people may also behave in a manner that compels people to leave so that the loss never comes as a surprise. They may have difficulty trusting others and committing to a relationship, and may even show self-harming tendencies. This may prompt a person to seek constant reassurance.

Ways To Ask For Reassurance In A Relationship

Whereas most individuals naturally indulge in giving reassurances to their partner in the initial phase, progressive reassurance can be challenging and requires conscious reflection on interpersonal needs. If you think you need reassurance from your partner, you may try these:

1. Have open communication

It is essential for couples to openly clarify each other’s boundaries, attachment styles, and expectations from the relationship. By erasing insecurities and resolving conflicts non-judgmentally, you can build trust in one another.

2. Express your needs

Communicating your needs enables your partner to know about your expectations from them. In turn, it allows you to be emotionally available to your partner, spend quality time together, have mutual appreciation, and be privy to each other’s preferences.

3. Plan a layout of reassuring activities

Knowing when you or your partner need reassurance is an active part of seeking and giving it. A planned layout of reassuring activities (such as dates or tokens of appreciation) can be prepared by partners to face the circumstances when you each expect to be reassured.

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The reassurance layout can account for routine activities, work-life priorities, and future plans to successfully fulfill your mutual needs.

4. Take scheduled breaks

The most crucial aspect of reassuring is taking breaks within the boundaries of your relationship. This can be done by scheduling days or hours for personal time, family gatherings, and outings with friends, both with and without your partner’s presence.

5. Practice personal reassurance

Self-reassurance is a vital component of reassurance in a relationship. This can be practiced through personal affirmations, gratitude journaling, splitting chores (especially those of child care) equally, and engaging in leisure activities (such as indulging in hobbies or visiting the spa).

6. Apologize

Saying sorry in an argument where you are wrong is desirable, but admitting the same takes you a step ahead in showing humility and a genuine desire to amand what’s wrong. This sends a positive signal to your partner and they understand your need for reassurance.

7. Seek professional support

If you feel overwhelmed in a relationship, you may require professional support to help resolve any underlying issues. In such circumstances, a relationship therapist can help you identify your needs with honesty and openness in communication and give you the reassurance to satisfy them.

Plan reassuring activities

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Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is needing constant reassurance a red flag?

Excessive reassurance-seeking may become a red flag in a relationship, especially when the partner carries emotional baggage from past trauma or has underlying psychological problems. However, professional support and a patient partner can help with such circumstances (4).

2. Does needing reassurance mean I’m insecure?

Seeking reassurance is a normal relationship behavior and may not necessarily label you as insecure. However, excessive reassurance-seeking behaviors combined with feelings of jealousy or vindictiveness towards your partner’s close friends can indicate insecurity.

3. Is reassurance a love language?

Reassurance in a relationship is a compilation of the various forms of love language, such as words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifting, and physical touch, which form its foundation.

Seeking reassurance is a normal part of love and relationships, where partners need to communicate and clarify their feelings about each other and ensure the formation of a secure attachment. While reassurance in a relationship includes all forms of love language, it requires identification and periodic exchange to provide respect and trust. Clarifying one’s expectations and making active plans can help partners get reassurance in the most appropriate ways. However, dependence on external comforts and on social media feedback can hinder the progression and quality of the relationship.

Infographic: Ways To Give Reassurance In A Relationship

Giving reassurances is equally important as asking for them and needs to be done on a regular basis to ensure a smooth relationship between partners. The following infographic highlights effective ways in which you can give reassurance to your partner.

ways to give reassurance in a relationship (infographic)

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Get the high-quality PDF version of this infographic.

Download Infographic in PDF version

Key Pointers

  • Reassurance uses verbal and physical gestures to overcome insecurities in a relationship.
  • Constant reassurance seeking may indicate improper expression of love in romantic relationships.
  • Reassurance can be expressed through tokens of appreciation, kind words, support, and shared planning.
  • Asking for reassurance requires clarifying expectations, planning, taking breaks, and seeking professional help.
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Are you feeling insecure? Discover genuine ways to reassure your partner with understanding and love. Learn how to show your support during difficult times.


MomJunction's articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy.
  1. Andrew K. Gulledge et al.; (2006); Romantic Physical Affection Types and Relationship Satisfaction.
  2. Samantha A. Wagner et al.; (2020); Touch me just enough: The intersection of adult attachment intimate touch and marital satisfaction.
  3. Lyndsay Elizabeth Evraire et al.; (2022); The Contribution of Attachment Styles and Reassurance Seeking to Trust in Romantic Couples; National Centre For Biotechnology Information
  4. How To Spot Relationship Red Flags; Cleveland Clinic
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