How To Deal With A Selfish Boyfriend?

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Most couples go above and beyond to keep their partners happy and content. But sometimes boyfriends do not reciprocate the same kind of love to their girlfriends or partners. It makes the girlfriends wonder if their boyfriend is selfish.

A few signs of a selfish boyfriend are they keep their conveniences and needs above everything else. Most things he does are with the intent of self-benefit and satisfaction. However, it could also mean that he knows the world and so he doesn’t keep any expectations.

15 Signs Of A Selfish Boyfriend

Here are a few signs that indicate your boyfriend is selfish.

1. He likes to talk about himself

Selfish people are concerned only about themselves. When you have a conversation with your boyfriend, it will mostly be about him. He will tell you everything about himself, but when you start sharing your stories, he will try to shift the subject back to himself.

2. He expects you to be at his beck and call

Whenever he needs anything, you always help him out, even on short notice. But when you face a problem and desperately need help, he overlooks the matter. He may brush off your call, saying it is no big deal and you can manage on your own.

3. He never runs out of excuses

A selfish boyfriend can be creative with excuses. For instance, if you ask him about his absence at your niece’s birthday party, he might say he had to take his neighbor’s dog to the vet. In case you ask him why he is not receiving calls, he might tell his phone got discharged.

4. He ignores your feelings

A selfish boyfriend avoids confrontation because he has no interest in dealing with your feelings and wants to get out of the situation as soon as possible. Try to sort some simmering issue, and he will blame you by saying you are overreacting or over-thinking.

5. He never admits his mistake

Is it always you who makes up after every fight? He does not admit his mistakes because he knows you are emotionally attached to him. He knows you will do anything to maintain the relationship, and thus, he uses your weakness to have his way with you.

6. He does not do anything special for you

Does your boyfriend put in efforts to make you feel special? You may not be expecting expensive gifts or dates, but small gestures could mean a lot. But if he doesn’t care to do anything for you and accepts your surprise gifts and gestures, it is a sign he is a selfish guy.

7. He does everything for a reason

One fine day, he shows up outside your house to pick you up. Wait, don’t jump in excitement yet. A selfish boyfriend will always have a hidden motive behind his deeds. He is probably there to seek help from you. Even women use such a strategy or have hidden agendas sometimes to get what they want from their partners.

8. He controls your life

A selfish person likes to keep everything around him, including you, under his control. He may not take an interest in your life, but he might tell you what to wear, how to conduct yourself in public, whom to talk to, and even interfere in your work or financial matters.

9. He makes rules, but only for you

If a couple agrees to follow specific rules in a relationship, those should be applicable for both. But a selfish boyfriend will make rules only for his girlfriend. He does whatever he wants, but you being independent displeases him.

10. He does not care about your needs

It does not matter to him if you are comfortable or not. If he wants something, he will get it. For instance, you are unwell, but he wants you to accompany him to a party. He might not worry about your health but manipulate you to accompany him.

11. He prefers his own company

When you are in love, you wish to spend most of your time with your beloved. But if your boyfriend prefers spending his weekend glued to his PlayStation, it is not the right thing for you and the relationship. He can have his own space, but not at the cost of ignoring you.

12. He loses his cool easily

While dating, most guys are on their best behavior to keep their girl happy in the relationship. But if your guy gets angry with you too often and is mean to you, it shows he does not respect you and is only concerned with venting his frustration out on you.

13. He makes plans without asking you

A selfish boyfriend will always be the one making decisions in the relationship. He will choose where to eat, where to go for a vacation, and how to spend the weekends. He seldom consults you for anything, and even if he does, it is mainly to inform you and not take any suggestions from you.

14. He hardly has any friends

If your boyfriend is selfish, he must likely have acted selfishly with others too. In this case, he might not have many friends. People around him may not be fond of him because of his self-centered attitude or even his inconsiderate behavior.

15. He expects you to change

Even if you are madly in love, there is no guarantee that you will like and accept everything about your partner. A relationship requires adjustments from both sides to make it successful. But, if you are the only one making adjustments, then it is a problem. He may criticize and expect you to change for him.

How To Deal With A Selfish Boyfriend?

If your boyfriend shows most of the traits mentioned above, here are a few ways to deal with him.

1. Try to understand him

Try to identify the reasons behind your boyfriend’s behavior. Maybe a tough childhood or other circumstances made him this way. Notice if he is the same with everyone. Try to talk to him about his behavior and attitude. If he is willing to be more considerate of your feelings, you can consider continuing. Otherwise, you may have to re-evaluate your relationship. But remember, if you want a happy and successful relationship, you should understand what you want and then give him the opportunity to change himself.

2. Love yourself too

When in love, it is easy to lose yourself and start living for someone else. But it is not the right approach. Unless you do not love yourself, no one will love you. We teach people how to treat us based on what we put up with. So, take a step back and see if you have been neglecting yourself lately. If yes, take measures to pamper yourself and learn to give more attention to yourself. Do not make a selfish person the center of your life; instead, focus on yourself and your well-being.

3. Do not justify his selfish behavior

When you know your boyfriend is lying or disrespecting you, call him out for it. Do not try to explain his selfish behavior to console yourself. Your attachment might make you want to believe his lies, but remember, it would not work for the long term. But remember to be calm. If you get angry, you might not be able to handle the situation.

4. Support your case

When you confront your guy, chances are he might get defensive. Selfish people will often defend themselves fiercely and try to blame you. It’s better not to talk and give time to each other before everything becomes a mess. You have to try and make him see his mistakes. Do not accuse him but explain how his actions affect you.

5. Lay down some rules

If you want him to change, start by laying down some rules. For instance, he cannot control you or expect unrealistic things. Ensure that the rules are fair, clear, and equal for both. Even if your boyfriend agrees to change, it will not be possible for him to change overnight. Go easy on him and be clear on what is acceptable and not.

6. Take some time off

If you feel he is acting too selfish, take some time away from him. Concentrate on your work and focus on your health. Tell him why you need a break. Make him understand how his actions can hurt you. Give him some time to contemplate his actions.

7. Don’t allow him to take you for granted

People often tend to become selfish when they know their partner will never leave them. Do not let him think this way about you. Give him a hint that if he continues to take you for granted, you will walk away.

8. Do not lose your self-respect

Sometimes, people tend to stay in an unhappy relationship due to wrong assumptions or think they are weak. For instance, you think you will not get a guy better than him, and so you adjust while maintaining a façade around you. If this is your case, it is high time you work on your weakness and stop compromising your self-respect.

9. Walk away

If even after you have tried talking to him and doing everything possible to save your relationship, he still doesn’t respect your feelings, walk away. Do not trade your happiness with some crumbs of a supposed companionship.

Even if you decide to walk away from your selfish boyfriend, do not hate him for being so. Do not point fingers at him or accuse him of anything. Try to have a clean breakup and make him understand why you two are not compatible. Part ways amicably and live your life on your terms because you deserve so much better.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What makes boyfriends so selfish?

Your boyfriend’s selfish behavior could be due to feelings of worthlessness or embarrassment. If he keeps something from you, his insecurity and shame may make him self-centered. So, if you suspect he’s refusing to disclose something, talk it over with him.

2. Can a selfish boyfriend change?

Yes. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he will try to change his selfish behavior. However, for this to happen, you must take the necessary steps, such as not ignoring his behavior, discussing it with him, remaining vigilant, and reasoning with him.

Although it can be upsetting to realize that your boyfriend is selfish, knowing his characteristics could help you make better decisions. Talking about himself, giving excuses, controlling behavior, ignoring, not admitting mistakes, and trying to control you are common signs of a selfish boyfriend. They tend to make plans without considering your opinions and often don’t care about your basic needs. The relationship may work if you can understand his personality and stop expecting care from him and love yourself. However, never let anyone take you for granted and control your life.

Infographic: Selfish Boyfriend: Subtle Indications And Tips To Deal With Him

If you are wondering whether your boyfriend is selfish but not very sure about it, this infographic can be helpful. We present a list of indicators that will help you comprehend if he is selfish and ways to deal with him.

signs your boyfriend is selfish and what to do [infographic]
Illustration: MomJunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • A selfish boyfriend is the one who always loves to talk about themselves and try to continue the same when you tell your stories.
  • Avoiding confrontation and trying to get out of the situation when you want to express your feelings is a sign of selfishness.
  • A selfish beau never admits his mistakes, and you may have to compromise and adjust in almost all aspects.

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Ratika Pai

Ratika has experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, and entertainment. After her masters degree in Commerce, she acquired a PG Diploma in Communication and Journalism from Mumbai University. She is inquisitive about human relationships and likes to study people and how they manage their relationships, during her freetime. At MomJunction, Ratika writes insightful and informative articles on... more

Donna Murphy

(BSW, MSW, RSW Cert. Ad.Ed)
Donna Murphy is a social worker and operates a private practice in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. In her 15 years of experience, she has seen individuals and couples transform their lives when they begin to make changes within. As a result, Donna has undertaken a writing project that will assist people in first understanding themselves and second changing their lives for... more