17 Subtle Signs Your Husband Is Cheating With A Coworker

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Affairs between colleagues have become a fact of life lately. It might even be you feeling something suspicious with your husband. Therefore, identifying the signs that your husband is cheating with a coworker can help you work through your relationship. For example, you may find him working up late, getting bored in bed, displaying an unusual sex drive, or even trying out new sex moves he’s never done before–these are some hints he could be cheating on you.

Look out for more such signs so you can resolve them at the earliest and save your marriage from falling apart.

17 Signs Your Husband Is Cheating With A Coworker

1. He’s spending more time at work

“I’m sorry, honey, but I’ll have to work late again. Do not wait for me,” is a classic red flag that your husband has an affair with a coworker. While it is understandable if your husband is working hard to advance in his career to provide a better life for your family or pursue his passion, if this occurs frequently, it is one of the signs your husband is cheating with a coworker.

2. He’s frequently traveling

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You will find him frequently traveling under the guise of work or business trips. The out-of-town business trip could be an opportunity for him to take a mini-vacation with his newfound love. However, if your husband insists on going alone every time, making excuses for why you can’t accompany him, you need to look into it.

3. He’s not inviting you to office parties

When your husband cheats on you with a coworker, he may refuse to invite you to office parties, especially when a work function invites the spouses. It’s possible that he’s having an affair with a coworker, that his coworkers are aware of his philandering ways, or that he’s trying to avoid exposure because you might meet the person with whom he’s having an affair.

4. He’s trying to look impressive

When your husband alters or reinvents his appearance from head to toe, such as dying his hair, getting new shoes, or upgrading the wardrobe, it is one of the tell-tale signs your husband is cheating with a coworker. Observe if your husband suddenly becomes interested in clothes, especially if he had never been known as a clotheshorse in the past. It could be a sign he is trying to impress his new love.

5. He’s trying hard to be in shape

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He may not have worked out in years and has shown no interest in getting in shape but suddenly starts going to the gym, jogging, or pursuing a similar fitness regimen. Perhaps your husband may be working hard to lose a few pounds because he wants to lose his tummy or extra fat for his lover.

6. He’s hiding his phone or laptop

Your husband might have an email account you didn’t know about, or he may have two phones, and you know about one only. He will often shut down his laptop or close the tabs on his screen as you enter the room or start taking calls by walking out of the room. When you inquire, he becomes defensive and claims they are work calls; however, he may be coochie-cooing with his girlfriend over the phone.

7. He’s showing more sexual appetite

If he used to be excited in bed with you and is no longer, this could be one of the obvious signs your husband is cheating on you with a coworker. Low libido may indicate that your partner is bored in bed and getting his sexual kick elsewhere. Conversely, he may have more sex with you because the excitement of an affair boosts his libido and sex drive. You may notice that your sex life is improving because your husband does not want to risk losing interest in you.

8. He’s trying new sex moves

There may be an increased desire for sex, combined with new sex techniques or sexual moves. It could be a new foreplay technique or even a new sex position he hasn’t tried before. Someone might be teaching your husband new in another bed, and he wants to try these new sex techniques at home to remind himself of the lover.

9. He’s overly interested in you

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He appears to be more interested in you than usual. Possibly he may begin to assist with children’s care more often than usual or surprise you with gifts. He might even start doing chores around the house, such as washing dishes, ironing clothes, or finishing DIY projects he has been putting off for months. Perhaps he is remorseful for his infidelity and wishes to atone for his actions.

10. He’s not showing interest in you

This is nearly the inverse of him being overly interested in you. He no longer cares about what you did during the day or wants to hug or kiss you. If he becomes less interested in how you’re feeling, it’s usually an indication that he’s getting his emotional fix elsewhere.

11. He’s rushing to the shower often

As soon as your husband gets home, he might rush to the shower, which, if unusual, suggests something may be wrong. Maybe he wants to freshen up when he gets home from work; nothing wrong with that. But, if he hasn’t done this in years of marriage, you should start worrying about his love for showers. He might be trying to get rid of the scent of another woman’s perfume.

12. He’s unavailable over the phone

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Being unavailable for extended periods, claiming no phone service or that the phone battery had died, is a red flag that he is cheating on you. It happens to all of us, but not all the time, every day, or even every week. When your husband cheats on you with a coworker, he may be using a dual SIM phone or the call forwarding feature. If you call him, he may abruptly end the conversation or be talking to another woman.

13. He’s picking up new tastes, hobbies

A cheater is often enamored not only with his lover but also with her tastes, hobbies, food, music, or movies. For example, if your husband is afraid of heights, you may notice that he has developed an interest in mountain climbing or bungee jumping. If he was a fan of rock music, he might have developed an interest in classical music. Of course, he could be broadening his frontiers, but it’s also possible that he’s trying to impress his secret lover by aligning with her likes and dislikes.

14. He’s constantly arguing

One of the more obvious signs that your husband is cheating on you with a coworker is the emergence of incessant and pointless arguments with the spouse. You may be confused as to why the actual source of the argument is frequently trivial or ambiguous. The causes could be his stress over the affair or his feeling trapped and unable to spend time with his lover.

15. He’s uninterested in conversations

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He appears uninterested in conversations or any engagement because he may be frustrated being at home, surrounded by all the elements that prevent him from being with his lover. You may also notice him being uninterested in topics you or other family members would discuss at the dinner table. If you bring up one of those topics, your husband may either make a dismissive remark or shrug or respond so that the conversation is rendered meaningless.

16. He’s lavishing gifts

Keep an eye out for unusual cash withdrawals or excessive credit card balances because your husband may be spending money on expensive gifts, dinner date nights, hotel rooms, or vacations to please his lover. In contrast, he may start getting you lavish gifts. You may notice a change in his generous behavior in giving you gifts because he is in a better mood than usual when he is cheating.

17. He’s accusing you

He may accuse you of manipulating him emotionally. He may be trying to avoid suspicion by accusing you of cheating. When someone cheats, they become paranoid, believing that their partner is also cheating because of their guilty conscience. He does this to either alleviate his guilt from being with someone else or confuse you because you can’t accuse him when he is doing the same with you.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do workplace affairs start?

Like any other affairs, workplace affairs also start with attraction and admiration. This attraction towards a person in the workplace may gradually become an affair while working towards shared goals and spending a lot of time on projects. Workplace affairs may also start with one’s ambition to achieve higher positions through connections and shortcuts.

2. How many affairs begin in the workplace?

Of all the types of relationship affairs, workplace affairs are the most common, with an incidence rate of as high as 85% (1).

3. How long do work affairs last?

There is no fixed duration to suggest how long a workplace affair lasts. Depending on the bond both parties share, it may last for months or years.

There’s nothing worse than a suspicion that you’ve been cheated on. The above signs your husband is cheating with a coworker may indicate that your husband is unfaithful to you. However, the best way to find out if your husband is cheating on you is to confront him and get him to express his feelings directly.

Infographic: What If Your Husband Wants A Second Chance After His Office Affair?

Work affairs are becoming increasingly common. Sometimes, it’s intentional, and sometimes a mistake and a one-time thing. Whether or not to accept your husband’s apology is up to you. But if you decide to give your marriage a second chance, specific rules need to be established to help both of you get back stronger. Take notes from this infographic to get started.

the road to reconciliation after your husband's office affair [infographic]
Illustration: MomJunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • Long-term problems in a marriage, sex differences, or a lack of affection or communication could be some reasons why a spouse is cheating on you.
  • You will find some noticeable changes in your husband–picking a new hairstyle, wearing attractive office wear, using expensive perfume, etc.
  • He praises his coworker, her achievements, personality traits, and more, showing his obsession for her.

References:

MomJunction's articles are written after analyzing the research works of expert authors and institutions. Our references consist of resources established by authorities in their respective fields. You can learn more about the authenticity of the information we present in our editorial policy.
  1. Five Truths Every Married Person Needs to Know about Affairs.
    https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/truths-workplace-affair/#:~:text=2.
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Shikha Thakur

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Having done a certification in Relationship Coaching, her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources from Jawaharlal Nehru Technological University, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship...
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Ellen J.W. Gigliotti

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Ellen J.W. Gigliotti is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the owner of a private practice therapy group in Pennsylvania, US. A former journalist, Ellen is also a writer currently finalizing her first book, a supervisor of other therapists and a marriage and sex therapist with over 20 years experience. She loves dogs, travel and books, and is looking...
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