Do you doubt that your husband is having an affair? If so, that could lead to a heartbreak. Love is a beautiful emotion and allows you to share your joys and fears with someone you care about and trust. But when you get cheated on by the one who means the most to you, it may seem like the world is crashing down. The person you thought the world of suddenly seems like a stranger.
However, before you confront your partner, you need to ensure you aren’t jumping to conclusions to avoid embarrassment. So, how do you know that your husband is having an affair? Read on to understand the signs that your partner is cheating on you.
10 Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair
Relationships are unique in the way that each couple is different from the other. While most of the warning signs may suit your partner’s behavior, they could prove to be just a hoax. Having marital problems can be common but cheating is a serious issue. Your partner may have a genuine reason for a particular action, but you might construe that he is playing the game of disloyalty with you.
1. He Is Suddenly Conscious Of His Looks:
- Under normal circumstances, you would feel great if your husband begins to take care of his looks, and is well-groomed. Watch out, as they could also be the first signs of an extra-marital affair.
- Your husband will be eager to look good and change his dressing style and looks. He will start buying new clothes and spend more time in front of the mirror.
- He gets health conscious and works towards a fitter and healthier body. If you think that he was never into exercising or trying out those squats, you will be surprised at how much time and dedication he now seems to put in his workout efforts.
- If you notice that your husband is dressing sharper and better for work, maybe there is a new colleague in the office that he is trying to impress. Or, if he is suddenly working out crazy hours at the gym, chances are he is trying to get in better shape for a mistress who is most likely younger in age, and thus has a more toned and fitter body. It is also possible that he is trying to impress someone who he met at the gym.
- You may notice that your husband is working on changing the way he looks. He could get or color his hair, something he may not have tried earlier. He could play around with his facial hair, growing or trimming a mustache or beard or giving it a new style, or maybe turn clean shaven. He could also change the way he smells by trying out new fragrances.
2. He Seems To Be Drifting Away Emotionally:
- When your husband appears to drift apart from you on an emotional level, it is often one of the first signs that he is having an affair. He will find it difficult to invest his time and emotions on two persons, and therefore, you will be taking a backseat in his life. You will notice that the emotional connection that you shared earlier is now missing, as your husband will probably share most of it with the third person.
- It is also possible that your partner is guilty about his deception. He is probably avoiding the guilt by cutting down that emotional connection with you.
- The other bigger reason that your husband will try to stay away from you on an emotional level is to ensure that he does not accidentally give something away. If your husband is connected to you emotionally, you both speak often and tell each other about your day or life in general. It will be difficult for your husband to do so if he is having an affair; there will be many things which he will have to conceal or lie about. If he creates an emotional distance from you, it will act as a shield and stop him from spilling the beans.
A wife and mother of three shares how her relationship with her husband ended after she discovered after 11 years of marriage that he was having an affair with another woman. She says, “In my case, my husband was involved with his affair partner for over a year before I discovered it. It was only this week that I realized that our “first” marriage ended during his affair – not upon my discovery of the affair. For my husband, our marriage changed (died/ended?) upon his decision to be involved, emotionally and physically, with his affair partner.”
Cheating in a relationship can have a deep impact on the victim’s psyche. Expressing her pain of discovering her husband’s infidelity, she adds, “Which means my marriage died without me even being told or invited to the funeral. I was living in a marriage for just over a year that wasn’t really there anymore (i).”
3. Noticeable Change In His Attitude:
- If your husband is having an affair, it will make him feel stressed out and can often show up in the way he reacts to you.
- In his efforts to balance two relationships, he will create a situation where you end up fighting with him, and blame you for whatever is happening in your lives.
- You will also notice a sudden shift in his overall attitude towards you. It is possible that your husband will suddenly turn picky and criticize you for almost everything that you do. He may not like the way you dress or speak, or he may feel that you have gained too much weight or are not curvy enough. Your husband may also have problems with the way you look after the house, with how much time you spend at work and how less time you devote to the house or to him, how less you earn or how much you spend, or even something as personal as your choice of friends. While your husband is having an affair, he will try to find reasons that led him away from you and to the new relationship.
4. He Turns Secretive:
- Another prominent sign that your partner might be two-timing you is his secretive ways.
- It is possible that your husband needs to take that call away from all the noise that is there in the background, but if he does it with every call, the chances are that he has reasons not to speak in front of you. Your husband will get up the moment his phone rings and head out to the other room or another part of the house. He may also look at his phone and let it ring, and not pick it up while you are around. It will be all the more noticeable if he was not like this earlier and had no problem taking calls in front of you.
- Your partner will lock up his phone with a password, which he will not share with you for obvious reasons. He might say that he has locked it to safeguard some important official emails or messages, but all that could be just a big lie. In case he is not locking up the phone, he will most likely delete his call records or text and other messages each time he checks his phone. Most phone users do not delete such records until the memory is full. So, if your partner removes the records, the chances are that he is trying to hide things from you.
- He will close a window on his computer the moment you enter the room. He will lower his voice while talking over the phone if he sees you moving around.
- Suspect him if he speaks softly into the phone and smiles or is conscious and looking around.
Jenna Ford, a blogger, writer and wife, narrates her experience on how she caught her husband’s affair. She says, “Dark day is here. November 16. It has been three years since I confronted my husband about the Facebook message and text that I found, and, caught red-handed, he admitted the affair (ii).”
5. He Is Barely Around Anymore:
- Your husband will suddenly give you a thousand reasons and explanations of why he has to be away from you for so long.
- It is possible that your husband has genuine reasons to be away most of the time. But if it is something that begins suddenly, it could imply an affair outside marriage.
- Your partner will invent several excuses to be away from you, or out of your home. He could tell you that he is on urgent official work, that he is training hard at the gym or he has taken up a new hobby and needed to spend time away. Whatever may be the reason, it will always involve your husband being away from home and you. Initially, he will spend less time away from you but once the other relationship gets stronger, the distance from you increases.
6. It Is Difficult To Get In Touch With Him:
- If your partner is having an affair and has things to hide from you, you will find it difficult to get in touch with him when he is away.
- He will tell you that he is traveling for work, but wouldn’t say where exactly he is going. He will not give you a number where you can call him. It is also possible that if you call him on his number, he will not take the call.
- Here are a few excuses your husband may give you if he is having an affair: “I will be busy in a meeting (or conference) so do not call me, I will call you back.” “I have to be out on an important work schedule the entire weekend so do not call me.” “There is no connectivity where I am going to stay (or staying) so you may not be able to reach me.” “I am going on an outdoor trip and so will not be able to hear the phone. Just leave me a text message and I will call you back when I see it.”
Some men tend to be unfaithful to their wives. Does age play a role in increasing fidelity? A survey was carried out to answer this very question. As the graph below depicts, men of all ages have exhibited some form of infidelity, with it being higher in men aged between 70 to 79. The percentage of middle-aged men who cheat is higher than young adults.
Percentage of men who cheat by age groupSource: Who Cheats More Men Or Women?; The Hive law/Infidelity Statistics
7. He Becomes Overly Affectionate:
- Your partner will suddenly get too affectionate as a way to work around his guilt of betrayal.
- Your partner will bring you gifts, which he never did earlier, or he may bring home flowers and hug you more, especially in front of others. On the contrary, it could also mean that he genuinely wants to express his love to you through these gestures.
- Not only will your partner shower you with more gifts, he will also suddenly spend more quality time with you. If your husband is not around a lot, he will try and make up for it during the times he is with you. He will say that he wants to take you out to a fancy place to dine, or take you out for movies and other places that he knows are of interest to you. It is always possible that your husband is doing this out of love and appreciation, but if you feel that something is wrong, investigate it.
8. Your Intuition Points To Something Not Right:
- As a woman and as a wife, you will have a strong sense of intuition about your husband, and often, it will be correct. Unless you are the type of personality that is overly jealous, suspicious or paranoid, it is good to trust your instinct when it comes to reacting to your husband’s behavior.
- If you have been married for long, you will know your husband inside-out. You will probably know what ticks him off and what makes him happy, what makes him relax and how he likes certain things done.
- This makes it easier for you to detect any change in his behavior.
- You may notice that your husband starts to show some emotional and physical differences. It will not always be possible for you to identify them or explain them logically, but you will certainly feel them.
9. Having Sex Will Be Different:
- If your partner is having an affair, he may not want to have sex with you as often as he did earlier, or he may not perform as well as he used to. You will notice that he is mostly tired and not interested in sleeping with you.
- The reason behind this is clear. Your husband will get his pleasure from the new relationship and would not have any energy left to keep you happy. It is also possible that your husband is genuinely stressed out and is tired. In that case, he will get back to his normal sex life in a few weeks.
- His heightened interest in sex could also be a sign of an affair. If your partner is having an affair with someone who is interested in experimenting, he would come back home and try out those positions with you. If your husband was always the conservative types in bed and was alright with vanilla sex but suddenly wants to try out new things now, chances are that it is all thanks to a new affair (or porn). Often when a person gets too intimate in a new relationship, it builds up his testosterone and increases the urge to have more sex
10. He Keeps Repeating A Name:
- Your partner might inadvertently bring out a name quite often in his conversations, making it clear that a person with that name is the new object of his interest. In the beginning, your husband will be subtle. but you will soon notice that he is trying to sneak in the name in a conversation often.
- For instance, your husband may watch a movie and suddenly point out to an actor and say that he has a friend who looks exactly like that. Or, he may talk about how he wants to get fit and mention a friend who is so fit.
What To Do If Your Husband Is Having An Affair?
Before you react angrily and take some hasty decision, relax and check the tips below to see what to do when you find out your husband is having an affair:
- Gather some evidence so that you can confront him when he denies your charges.
- If he does not listen to you, confide in another person who you know your husband will listen to.
- Talk to your husband and tell him that if he does not stop the affair right away, you will go for a divorce and he will lose custody of the kids. In most cases, this threat works for your husband to discontinue the affair.
- Try marital counseling.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How does a man feel after cheating on his wife?
How a man feels after cheating on his wife may vary from person to person and the type of relationship he had with his wife. He might feel guilty, sad, and suffer from emotional pain if it was a healthy and happy marriage. But if he had a rocky relationship with his wife, the affair may not make him remorse. Either way, there should be no excuse for cheating, and one should let their spouse know about their feelings before seeing someone else.
2. Can a marriage survive having an affair?
Continuing a relationship after having cheated or been cheated on depends on the people involved. You may talk with your spouse about what led to the affair and decide whether to stay in the marriage or go for a separation.
3. What are the expectations from a husband regarding addressing and resolving the affair?
In resolving an affair, a husband may be expected to communicate honestly, take accountability for his actions, be willing to seek professional help and work towards rebuilding trust.
4. How might a man’s relationships with others be affected after cheating on his wife?
A man may face intense judgment, criticism, and strain in relationships with mutual friends and acquaintances once they know of his disloyalty. He may also be subjected to social isolation, trust issues, and diminished respect among his colleagues, peers, and close family.
5. Do men typically seek therapy or counseling to address their emotions after cheating on their wives?
The need and willingness to seek therapy may vary from person to person, and how they view their actions, personal boundaries, and beliefs. As a result, while some may approach a therapist or counselor, others may not.
It is traumatizing to find out that your husband is having an affair. However, there are occasions when knowing if you are in an unfaithful relationship is beneficial. If your husband is having an affair, there are a few telltale signs. Note that just one sign of adultery may not indicate an extramarital relationship. However, if your husband exhibits two or more of the aforementioned behaviors, there may be trust issues in the relationship. If you have reason to believe your husband is having an affair, confirm your suspicions before confronting him. If they are indeed having an affair, you might have to decide the next course of action.
Infographic: How To Tell If Your Husband Is Cheating?
Often, the partner cheating remains so discreet that it becomes impossible for one to suspect. However, once their partner’s infidelity is known, it can leave severe trauma on the other. The infographic below will give insights on some signs to help you learn about your husband’s cheating, even if they are too subtle to notice.
- Signs of a cheating husband may include sudden changes in appearance and grooming, emotional detachment, noticeable attitude changes, secretiveness, and unavailability.
- It’s important not to jump to conclusions without concrete proof when suspecting infidelity.
- Sudden behavioral changes may not always be a result of infidelity.
- Seeking help from a therapist or counselor is recommended if a husband is found to be having an affair.
Navigate through infidelity with these 5 essential steps for dealing with your partner’s affair