You must have heard single parenting is on the rise. Therefore, a lot of discussions keep going around single father vs. single mother. For instance, around 14% of children in the world live with single parents (1). Approximately 86% of them in the US are managed by mothers (2), while the number of single fathers also increases. Also, 19 million minor children live with single mothers, and 3 million live with single fathers (3). These figures reflect a large disparity in how single parents are acknowledged in reality. Read this post to get a better insight into gender-biased expectations and extend your support to single mothers and fathers.
Difference Between Single Father vs. Single Mother
The Organisation of Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) has defined single parents are those who are living with at least one biological or adopted child and are not with their partners for varied reasons such as separation, divorce, widowed, single, never married, or not living with a partner (4).
While single parenting is difficult irrespective of gender, there are some glaring differences the single parents of either gender have to face.
Single mother issues
Single mothers face a lot of problems, and society has certain presumed viewpoints. Here are some of them.
1. Involvement at school
Single mothers often are judged based on how much they do for their children. In most cases, a female parent has to work to run the household, they are cut no slack for not attending parent-teacher meetings, sports events, or school events, which can create a lot of pressure.
2. Lesser salary
Women earn less than men (5), so paying bills and affording childcare becomes more difficult for them. In some states, childcare and medical care are more than half their annual income (6). This can force women to work more to improve their finances, which can take them away from their children and family.
3. Less education
Many single mothers are younger and less-educated as compared to single fathers (6). They may be unprepared to take on the additional responsibility of a child. This, in turn, hampers them from taking up high-paying jobs and hence, leads to a poorer quality of life.
4. Involvement in activities
Single mothers are judged harshly if their children miss homework or if they are late for school. They are expected to take up the slack without any support and be perfect at all times.
Single father issues
Here are some positive and negative presumptions of single fathers in society.
1. Expectations of less involvement
When a single father does something for his children, he is praised and asked whether the children’s mother is absent. Unfortunately, not many believe that a single male parent can do as much as a mother for their children, which can create difficult feelings for a single father to deal with.
2. Expectations of incompetence
Single fathers are typically assumed as people who cannot manage to change a diaper or dress their children. If they do it well, they are praised. If they don’t, they are criticized. That’s how society perceives them.
3. Reservations in other parents
If a single father’s children have female friends, their parents are less likely to send the girls over to their (the single father’s) house as there may be more worries and lack of trust. This can make it hard for single dads to have support and play dates for their children.
4. Continual defaults
A child’s mother is usually considered to be the person of contact in all situations. It is common for school authorities or other parents to prefer the child’s mother rather than speaking to the father.
How To Support Single Parents?
Single parents are the sole providers of their families and face difficulties irrespective of gender. However, there are some things we can do to support them.
1. Increase resources for single fathers
While it is widely recognized that single parents of any gender have to overcome several difficulties, more resources that are available for single mothers than for single fathers. This could be because women have been the majority of single parents, so there are not many resources for single fathers.
Single mothers have a greater risk of mortality, poor physical and mental health, higher rates of psychological distress, and lower socioeconomic status than married or partnered women (1). However, such statistics for single fathers are largely undiscovered.
Single fathers also lack support from groups and forums. Most online forums and non-profit organizations support single mothers. Men also face difficulties in basic activities such as changing a diaper in a public toilet because there are no changing stations in a men’s restroom. We can initiate discussions on these and urge the people in authority to have support systems for single fathers.
2. Promote equality in childcare
Many parents raise boys to become breadwinners and girls to take care of the household and children in the future. This is a major setback in situations where a partner cannot or does not contribute to tasks.
Parents need to impress upon their children that tasks have no gender and every gender can do any task. They must start promoting equality in boys and girls in nurturing, childcare, and household chores. They should also make sure that their children know that they can make their own choices when they grow up. If a woman decides she doesn’t want children or if a man decides to take care of the house, they should not be shamed. Boys can mingle more with single dads to normalize the activities of childcare or managing a home.
3. Acknowledge the challenges both genders face
Single parents, regardless of gender, face a lot of issues. They have to, in other words, pick up the work of the other partner and do it all within the same time. Single dads have to manage their work and household chores. Single moms have to devote more time to outside work (if they are not working full-time) and manage the home. For example, it might seem that the dad can care for his child better if he earns more. But that is not always the case. Fathers may feel worried about how they will fill the mother’s shoes. John Broadway, son of a single father, recalls how his dad was an amazing single parent and never let him feel the absence of a mother. He says, “Beyond the logistical and financial complications of being a single parent, my dad struggled with an aspect that I’m sure any single parent can identify with: how do I provide my children the emotional support/guidance that typically comes from a mother. My dad has often lamented how much this struggle weighed on him (i).”
Apart from these, they have to explain to their children the absence of their other parent. If there has been a sticky divorce or a bitter fight for child custody, children are likely to be resentful of either parent. The parent has to take care of the children’s mental and physical health as well. In this case, single dads find it a bit easier as people tend to praise them for little things while single mothers are scrutinized at every point.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is a single father better than a single mother?
According to Pew Research, single fathers are financially more stable and, thus, in a better condition to take care of their children than single mothers. The annual income of a single father may be around $40,000, which is far more than a single mother’s annual income of $26,000 (7).
2. What are the disadvantages of being a single parent?
The disadvantages of being a single parent may be financial instability, excess workload leading to lack of time for kids, inability to discipline children effectively, excessive attachment to children, and relationship problems.
3. How do single fathers and single mothers typically cope with the stress and demands of parenting alone?
Both single fathers and single mothers often rely on support networks to help them cope which can include family members, friends, support groups, or online communities. Creating a structured routine, delegating the possible work, and prioritizing selfcare can help single parents manage their time more efficiently and reduce stress.
Parenting is a life-long commitment that can be fulfilled efficiently by even a single parent, irrespective of gender. However, the debate on the efficacy of care provided by a single father vs. a single mother is unfaltering. Not everyone is a single parent by choice. Some take to single parenting because they are either a widow or widower. Sadly, single mothers may tend to be judged by society, while single fathers are usually questioned on their ability to take care of a child as efficiently as the mother. But a sole parent is a role model for children. Children look up to them with love and admiration because they sacrifice their own comfort to single-handedly raise a child. Acknowledging the challenges both genders face while parenting and supporting them can make their day-to-day lives easier. Extending fundamental support at work and home by offering to babysit the child and facilitating work from home can aid in the process.
Infographic: Common Problems Faced By Single Parents
Although single parenting is more on the rise recently, it might present a few challenges for the parent and the child. The infographic below details the common issues a single mother or father may have while raising their child(ren).
- Single parenting is difficult irrespective of gender, yet there’s a stark difference in issues that parents from either gender have to face.
- Single moms are usually judged harshly for their children’s behavior.
- Single dads are presumed to be incapable of doing simple things like changing diapers.
- Providing parents with adequate support can make their lives easier.
Personal Experience: Source
1. Single fathers: neglected, growing, and important, The Lancet (2018)
2. The Hard Truth: Single Moms vs Single Dads, Single Parent Project
3. More Children Live With Just Their Fathers Than a Decade Ago, United States Census Bureau (2017)
4. Families are changing, Organisation of Economic Co-operation and Development (2011)
5. A Hegewisch and Z Barsi; The Gender Wage Gap: 2019 Earnings Differences by Race and Ethnicity, Institute for Women’s Policy Research (2020)
6. Kasey J. Eickmeyer, American Children’s Family Structure: Single-Parent Families, Bowling Green State University (2017)
7. ; Pew Research Center