I Still Love My Ex: Is It Normal And What Are Its Signs?

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Breaking up with the one you love, is one of the most painful life experiences. It fills you with unimaginable grief and hurls you into a vortex of negativity. Sometimes after experiencing the initial feelings of anger, resentment, and disappointment, you find yourself at the emotional crossroads. Your heart still longs for that special one, but your mind promptly provides you with reasons why you should stay away. This heart-mind conflict causes confusion, anxiety, and emotional stress.

While it is not unusual for you to still have feelings for your ex, it is important to break this situation down so that we are in the driver’s seat. This article will guide you through the maze of this complicated situation by helping you understand if you still love your ex and if you do how to gracefully draw yourself out from this.

25 Signs You Are Still In Love With Your Ex

Break-up can cause you to feel a myriad of emotions like anger, resentment, lust, jealousy, loneliness, and attachment. These feelings can be sometimes confused with love. Understanding your feelings better will help you figure out how you can slowly move on. Go through these 25 signs to know for sure if you are still in love with your ex.

  1. You linger on their social media pages: Visiting their Facebook and Instagram profiles has become a habit. You keep track of them wanting to know how they are coping without you. Are they miserable too or has moved on? His life is still important to you
  1. You continuously talk to your friends about them: Whether it is reminiscing about the earlier days or trash talking about them, you constantly bring up their name in front of your friends.
  1. You constantly think of them: You think about them for almost every waking moment. Their name is constantly on your mind and thoughts.
  1. You still feel like buying things for them: Every time you are out shopping, you are still about something which would look good on them. You come across their favorite brand of watch or shoes and you itch to buy them and sometimes you go ahead and do it.
  1. You recall time spent with them A song which you two used to regularly listen to, their favorite movie, your favorite coffee spot, little things like these bring back all the memories of your journey together and completely overwhelm you. Every time you miss them, you just tune into their favorite song or watch their favorite movie and just lose yourself in those old memories.
  1. You go through old texts/photos and cry: You spend hours reading all their old messages and cry your eyes out. Looking at the photos of the two of you together overwhelms you and you frequently question yourself why such a good thing ended.
  1. You still have hope that you would be together: Despite knowing the non-existent chances of that, you still hope that the two of you would get back together.
  1. You go to places where you might accidentally meet them: Their usual hangout places have become your go-to spots. Be it their favorite restaurant or the club where they are a member, you go everywhere. You convince yourself that you are not following them, you are just going out.
  1. You make sure you look good in case you run into them: If you are planning to visit any of the places where you two used to hang out, you dress up to your ninnies. You want them to know what they are missing.
  1. You practice what you would say: You have a thousand different thoughts about what you would say if you accidentally meet them. Would you show them your happy face? Try to be witty? Act haughty or uptight? Show them your anger/resentment? Show them how sad you are and how much you miss them? You have practiced your speech many times.
  1. You try to match up every new person to your ex: If you go out and are introduced to someone new, you can’t help mentally compare that person to your ex. You feel that no one could ever match up or replace them.
  1. Your ex’s opinion still matters: Be it choosing what to wear or doing something new, you always mentally check if your ex would approve it. You still mentally seek their validation for everything.
  1. You are jealous: If you come to know about your ex dating someone new, you can’t help feeling envious and resentful. You don’t want to imagine them being happy with anyone other than you.
  1. You want them to notice you: You are breaking inside but you want them to think you are better off without them and are living it up. You post pictures of you looking hot and having the time of your life. You try to make them jealous by posting pictures with people of the opposite sex.
  1. You are not ready to date again: It has been some time since you broke up but you are still not ready to date anyone new. You still feel you belong with your ex and are uninterested in anyone however hot they might be.
  1. You still look for your ex in case you want to share anything: Be it some gossip, any big news, or if you are feeling sad and need support, you still want to share them with your ex.
  1. You have developed a selective memory: Whenever you think about your relationship, you only imagine all the good and happy times you two shared. You conveniently ignore the not so good times when you got into fights.
  1. You constantly ask yourself why you two broke up: You were so happy together then why did you break up? You might have asked this to yourself a million times. You overanalyze all your moments together and try to find any clue or early sign which says you weren’t meant to be.
  1. You blame yourself: After analyzing different scenarios you many times end up blaming yourself for the break. All your mistakes suddenly seem bigger. You think if you were good enough, they wouldn’t have left you.
  1. You don’t like watching other couples: Earlier you used to love looking at other couples. But nowadays you can’t stand any lovey-dovey couples around you.
  1. You have become a poet: You have started writing sad verses that are filled with your pain and anger. All these poems are about your ex.
  1. You are unable to do away with the keepsakes: You still hold the cards and gifts they gave and reminiscence about the good old times. These things make you feel their presence so you are not emotionally prepared to dispose of any of the keepsakes. You still hold hope that they will come back and you will show them how you kept everything.
  1. You take perverse pleasure in knowing things aren’t well with them: You are in pain longing for them so you want them to feel the same as well. Hearing about them getting dumped, being lonely, or losing a job makes you feel perversely happy. You believe that this is their rightful punishment for dumping you.
  1. You go crazy on seeing them: If you happen to see them around you go bonkers. Your heart threatens to beat out of your chest, you become unsteady. Different emotions like happiness, pain, anger, resentment, betrayal crash into you.
  1. You feel a void inside: It is like a large part of you has been taken away from you. There is a void inside you and loneliness has become your new best friend. You don’t know if this feeling of emptiness will ever go away.

If you are experiencing these signs, you might be still in love with your ex. But is this ok?

Is It Normal To Still Love My Ex?

Your ex was an integral part of your life at one point. You two shared dreams, hopes, secrets, and laughter, creating beautiful memories together. There was a deep connection between the two of you, enhanced by emotional and physical intimacy. You cared deeply about one another and imagined a future together. All these feelings would not immediately vanish because you aren’t together anymore. Intense feelings like love tend to linger. Hence it is completely normal to feel love after breaking up with your ex. There is no cause for concern. However, it is important to monitor your emotions. You may experience negative emotions after the breakdown of a relationship, but persistently feeling these emotions may be a cause for serious concern.

  • Have you lost or gained too much weight post the break-up? Are you eating too much or too little?
  • Are you suffering from extreme anxiety or panic attacks?
  • Are you experiencing feelings of sadness, numbness, emptiness, or worthlessness regularly for a long time?
  • Are you losing interest in the activities you loved?
  • Are you persistently feeling weak or exhausted?
  • Have you stopped caring for your appearance or personal hygiene?
  • Are you sleeping too much or too little?
  • Are you experiencing suicidal thoughts?

If the answer to most of these questions is yes, then your mental health is getting impacted. It best to seek help from a licensed counselor in such a case.

Why You Might Still Be Loving Your Ex?

While it is normal to still be in love with your ex, it would help you to cope better if you knew the root cause of it. Here is a list of reasons which may point you in the right direction.

  1. There was no resolution: Sometimes a relationship might end brusquely without a proper discussion. This might have made you feel angry or helpless. It is important to understand the reasons behind the break up to cope better with the loss. If there was no proper end to the relationship you might still be holding on to the hope that all will be well.
  1. You don’t just miss your love, you miss a good friend: If you both were friends who transitioned to a couple, it might be harder to let go. The break-up caused the loss of not just your love, but of your good friend too. You miss all the craziness, the constant support, the shoulder to cry on, and your partner in crime.
  1. The break-up was initiated by them: Sometimes one person wants to break up but the other person doesn’t feel the same. if the break-up was unexpected, your feelings remained unresolved and unreciprocated. You still wanted the relationship, so it makes it harder for you to let go. Allowing yourself time to grieve and cope will slowly help you move on.
  1. You have faced many challenges together: Couples who have faced many ups and downs in life have a deep bond. Seeing each other at your best as well as worst makes the relationship stronger. It becomes difficult to get over such a relationship.
  1. You miss the chemistry: You miss the physical intimacy the two of you shared. Their touch and affection made you feel alive and secure and you miss the feeling. It scares you that you might never feel such crackling chemistry with anyone again. This might be the reason you are unable to get over your ex.
  1. You thought they were the one: You thought they were your soulmate and had already imagined all your life with them. Now the future looks bleak without them by your side. Disconnecting from someone whom you considered your soulmate and moving on, is heart-wrenching. It is natural to feel extreme pain and sadness. In such a scenario, it takes a lot of time to process your feelings and get over them.

What To Do When You Are Still In Love With Your Ex?

Here is what you can do if you are still in love with your ex,

  1. Be sure about the status of your relationship: Before you move on, you need to be absolutely certain of your relationship status. If you have some unresolved feelings regarding your relationship, discuss them with your ex. Some couples manage to work out their issues and get back together however some couples don’t. Either way, be sure about where you two stand for the sake of your emotional well-being.
  1. Acceptance: Accepting the end of your relationship is very important for you to get past your grief and move on. Discuss the situation with your friends and family and understand their perspective on things. This might help in clearing your mind. Don’t hesitate in seeking professional help if you are finding it very difficult to accept the end of the relationship and nothing seems to be helping.
  1. Connect with your social circle: If you keep thinking about your ex all the time, it will be difficult for you to move on. So, it is important to keep your mind occupied. Speak to your friends and family and hang out with them. Get involved in some extracurricular activities. All these things would keep your mind distracted and will help you move on.
  1. Disconnect from social media: Looking at your own old pictures/posts, visiting your ex’s social media profile, or scanning through pictures of other couples is upsetting and makes it harder for you to forget and move on. Staying away from social media for a while might help you cope better. In the long run, unfollowing /unfriending your ex on social media would be the right thing to do.
  1. Do not initiate any form of contact with them: A complete disconnect from your ex might be difficult but it is a great way to heal your broken heart and slowly move on. So at least till you are completely over your ex, avoid any kind of contact (calls/messages, emails) with him/her. You might be tempted to meet but control your urges and avoid any run-ins.
  1. Do away with any mementos: This might be very difficult to do since it will bring back many memories. However, keeping them around will only lead to heartache and obsession. Get rid of any cards, gifts, photos, letters, or clothes from your ex. If you are feeling too overwhelmed, get a friend or a family member to help you out.
  1. Change your home space: If you lived with your ex at your place or he/she dropped in a lot, your home might serve as a constant reminder of the two of you together. The best way to deal with this is to move away once the lease is over. But if it is not possible, consider redecorating (repainting or change the location of furniture)
  1. Go on a trip: Sometimes change of the scene can help you heal faster. So, pack your bags and go on a trip. You can take your friends along or go alone. A trip is a great way to keep your mind on things and indulge in some fun.
  1. Pamper yourself: After an end of a relationship, you might start getting self-deprecating thoughts or face confidence issues. In such a situation it is important to feel good about yourself. Go get a makeover or a relaxing massage. Give yourself a bubble bath. Do things you love. Some self-care will make you feel happy and confident again.
  1. Start going out again: This doesn’t mean that you should jump into another relationship. Some light-hearted flirting and dating can cheer up your soul. You can start with online dating. However, if you don’t feel completely ready yet, at least download a dating app and start exploring.
  1. Start keeping a journal: After the break-up, your mind might be filled with turbulent thoughts and feelings. Writing them down might make you feel lighter might act as a cleansing ritual. Take out some time every day and write down your thoughts. This might act as a cleansing ritual and help you sort out your life.
  1. Give yourself time to heal: Last but not the least, allow yourself some time to deal with the situation and heal. There is no set time to move on, everyone heals differently. So, take your time to heal without stressing about the time frame.

Getting over a break-up is tough. The relationship ends but your feelings might not. These unresolved feelings continue to create havoc in your life. While we might wish there was a magical spell to immediately fall out of love and move on, there isn’t any. You need to be patient and strong to heal and move on. Keep reminding yourself how amazing you are. There is a saying that time heals everything, so don’t lose hope. We promise that you will eventually find a new path and emerge with your head held high. Till then take a deep breath and have faith in yourself.

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Rohan Sinha

Rohan was an HR analyst before transitioning into a freelance writer/ editor. He holds a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration with a specialization in Human Resources and previously worked as an analyst in Goldman Sachs. Having also worked in a media and post-production firm, he has special interest in films. Rohan is an avid reader with a passion for defense,... more