- What is teenage rebellion?
- Why do teens become rebellious?
- Positive effects of teenage rebellion
- How to deal with a rebellious teenager?
- How to know if teenage rebellion has gone out of hand?
- How to prevent teenage rebellion?
Until a few years ago, the child was sweet, obedient and helpful. But now when she is 15 years old, things have all changed with her. She answers back to you, hardly helps you out at home, and is bent upon breaking every home rule that you set for her.
Teen rebellion is something most parents face – some in mild while some in its severest form. As a teen, you too might have had your share of defiance with your parents. But as a parent, you would want to know how to handle a teen rebel, especially when they get out of control.
What Is Teenage Rebellion?
Teenage rebellion is an act of highest assertion of independence and little adherence to parental advice during the teen years of a child’s life. It is called a “rebellion” because it leads to an intense confrontation between the teen and their parents. Teenage rebellion may seem spontaneous and illogical for parents, but there are several underlying reasons behind the behavior.
Why Do Teens Become Rebellious?
- The desire to be independent: Teens are somewhere between being an adult and a kid. The in-between phase causes a surge in motivation to change the status quo. The urge to be independent leads to increased defiance to rules, and not listening to parents.
- Heightened differences with parents: The rules that they have been following since their childhood, seem to be suffocating now. They question the rationale behind such rules and feel that the rules are curtailing their freedom. A teen might like things that are “cool” for their generation, but might be disapproved of by the parent.
- Impulsive decisions: Experts state that teens are prone to making impulsive choices. A teenager’s judgment can be overridden by the desire to seek thrill and encounter exciting experiences. It can cloud the discretionary thought process, which may eventually make them go against rules, and ignore risks in favor of rewards (3). This becomes a rebellion when parents protest against such attitude.
- Peer pressure: The teenage brain lays greater emphasis on the opinion of their peer groups so that they can be part of those groups. A teen might want to do things to please the peers even if parents are against it.
- A change in the brain structure: Researchers note that the connections between the neurons of the brain do not develop completely till one is in their early 20s (1). The effect is compounded by the impact of puberty on the brain. A poor neural structure with the constant change in the brain design impacts their decision-making, leading to a rebellious behavior.
- Hormonal changes: A mixture of hormones pumping through a teenager can cause a drastic change in the thought process. For instance, the production of testosterone in boys during teen years is ten times more than what they once had (1). Sex hormones have a significant impact on the brain functions and may affect essential neurotransmitters leading to problems with mood and demeanor.
The word ‘rebellion’ sounds all negative but with teenagers, it may be doing a bit of good as well.
Positive effects of Teenage Rebellion
Here is how teenage rebellion can have some positive impact:
- Teens can openly express their opinion to parents. A teen is more likely to have a dialogue with the parent to understand a rule instead of following it blindly. It means you can have some mature conversation with the teen.
- Makes them be independent in situations. Some rebellions lead to independence for good reasons. For example, resisting the parent’s help in packing their bags and doing it all by themselves is a big help to the parents!
- Teaches elements of right behavior. If the teen never rebel, they would never get to know the consequences of improper conduct. Rebellion lets the teen have a first-hand lesson on what is right and what is wrong.
- Makes a teen feel like a grown up. Teens are on the path of being adults. A healthy rebellion for good reasons can make the teen think like an adult and be responsible.
- Bolsters self-confidence. Maybe a bit of rebellion was all the teen needs to come out of their cocoons and be more assertive and confident.
Healthy teen rebellion is surely a desirable scenario. But it is the negative teenage rebellion, which you need to deal with as a parent.
How To Deal With A Rebellious Teenager?
It may be annoying to see your child rebel against you. But you can face it with these simple measures (4):
1. Stay calm:
- Teenagers are still children. Do not get flabbergasted if you do not see reasons for their rebellion.
- Be calm and use a polite tone to ask what’s on their mind.
- Display a non-aggressive body language, expression, and show a genuine concern in your voice.
2. Do not use harsh punishment:
- Punishments do not work the same way as they once did when your teen was a young kid. A teen can get aggressive and may even try doing wrong things deliberately to display defiance.
- Do not slap a teen, lock them in a room or stop them from eating their favorite food as a punishment.
3. Have a conversation as a friend:
- Talk to your teen as you would speak to a pal. You have been through teenage years too! Think how teens would think and put yourself in their shoes for a while. It will help you use the right words, phrases, and sentences.
- Cut down authoritarian phrases (“I am your dad, and I know better so listen.”), instead use relaxed sentences (“Hey buddy, I am your dad and know a thing or two more. Let’s have a chat”).
- A combination of nonchalant language and calm tone can help soften the rebellious teen.
4. Explain your intentions:
- Your teen will not understand your rules unless you tell them the reason behind them. For instance, if you forbid your teen from attending late night parties, then tell them that you do so because you fear such parties could be places for illicit activities like underage drinking and smoking, and narcotics use.
- Take the conversation forward and explain how these habits can have an impact on the lives of the teen and even their families. Use examples if needed.
- The teenager will understand the logic behind rules and instructions if you acquaint them to the negative consequences of doing things that are wrong.
5. Come with a win-win solution:
- Reasoning with your teen does not mean that you have to buckle to their demands. You can make your rules conducive for them.
- Come up with a solution to the problem. Think of a plan that works for both of you. Say words like “Okay, I will allow you to go for an outing, but on one condition.” It will help the teen feel that you are accommodative and are not just ordering them to do things.
Having a systematic, step-by-step approach to the teen’s rebellion is the best way to cool down the situation. Most times it works but in some cases, the teen might have already gone beyond such cajoling threshold.
How To Know If Teenage Rebellion Has Gone Out Of Hand?
Here are some signs that the rebellion has overshot its limits:
- Prolonged display of annoyance and aggression towards parents or other family members.
- Change in attitude. Less interaction with family members.
- Always giving short and rude answers.
- Open defiance even when outdoors or deliberately doing things asked not to be done.
- Having no qualms about indulging in wrongful activities like tobacco usage and alcohol consumption.
Speak to your child using the steps mentioned in the previous section. Use your intuition. Experts state that if the behavior of the child seems abnormal to the parents, then it probably is abnormal (5). There is nothing wrong in consulting a doctor or psychologist.
However, do not allow things to go that far. Take enough steps to prevent such unpleasant scenarios.
How To Prevent Teenage Rebellion?
You may not completely avoid teenage rebellion but you can prevent it from reaching extremes:
- Set stern yet reasonable rules. For instance, allow your teenager’s friends to visit your place for video games and pizza. But set a rule that the teen cleans the room after the friends leave. Make rules that are win-win, rules that respect the teen’s new-found independence yet allow you to prevent things from getting out of control.
- Have a conversation instead of diktat. Implement a rule by striking a conversation and not by dictating it. Make rules that do not bind the teen so much that they deter and do something wrong out of curiosity.
- Have reasonable consequences. If the teen breaks the rule, then they must have a penalty. So if the teen does not clean up their room after having a video game party with their friends, then they do not get to attend the next party. Discuss with your teen the best way of setting penalties (not punishments) so that both can have a peace of mind.
- Praise good behavior. If there is a penalty, then there has to be an appreciation too. Appreciate the moments when the teen does something right. For instance, say some good words when the teen cleans the room on their own without being told. Compliment them with a smile and words that indicate that you genuinely appreciate their efforts.
- Attach adequate rewards. Reward them if they consistently obey rules. You may allow them to have an ice cream treat or buy a new dress.
- Give your teen space and privacy. It is okay for teens to gossip on the phone with their friends and spend extra time with them after school hours. If your teen follows all the other rules, then it is okay for them to have time for themselves. Do not always point out these things because it can upset them and turn them rebellious.
- Share knowledge and resources. Tell teens how getting rebellious due to peer pressure can have adverse outcomes. Acquaint them with the dangers of underage alcohol and tobacco usage. Calmly explain to them how such things are not worth fighting with parents. Give the teen resources to decline offers to smoke or drink. It will help resist peer pressure.
A teenage rebel is a cause of anxiety to their parents. You feel as if there is no end to the arguments and quarrels you have with them and the situation may seem hopeless. But keep your cool while dealing with such behavior and lay the foundation for a healthy relationship with your teen.
What is your take on teen rebellion? Do let us know your thoughts in the comment section below.
2. Toughing out the teenage years; University of Utah
3. Why does peer pressure influence teens to try drugs?; National Institute on Drug Abuse
4. Keeping your cool when parenting teens; Stanford Children’s Health
5. N. Ghaemi, How can parents tell the difference between normal teenage mood swings and possible mental illness?; Tufts University
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