The Guilt Of A Second-Time Mom

Mom guilt exists, and all the mothers out there will attest to it without any hesitation. However, the guilt of a second-time mom is comparatively more. Your first child is used to all the love and attention, thus, finding it hard to cope with the divided attention as soon as another newborn sibling comes into the picture. Meanwhile, you struggle to keep both happy and ensuring that neither feels neglected. I know that even reading about this can make you all jittery and nervous, and you are probably looking up the screen to check on your little ones.

Let us imagine a scenario. It is night, and your husband is way back home from his work. Your daughter is seated with her dinner plate, while fiddling with your mobile phone, attempting to watch an episode of her favorite animated show. All this while, you are nursing your newborn, and praying to God that the animated show is enough to keep her engrossed. All you want is to successfully feed your baby, while also ensuring that your daughter has had at least a few bites of food off her plate. However, your daughter turns to you that very second and innocently demands water. You immediately regret not having taken care of this earlier and request her to wait for a while. But, she is already upset, and the toddler tantrum is already on its way. Shaken by her tantrums, you panic and end up shouting at her. She is taken aback with your fuming anger and immediately starts crying.

Now, not only do you feel extremely guilty for your daughter being in tears, but also feel responsible for your baby still being hungry and clueless as to why you are not feeding him anymore. Does this sound too familiar? It is almost like am spelling out your daily struggles.

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Nurturing and nursing a newborn is overwhelming as it is. Couple it with managing a toddler’s expectations and it can just throw anyone off. At times, it seems like a carousel that doesn’t stop spinning. Either you have set off your toddler’s tantrum, or you have left your baby crying who you can’t immediately tend to.

Imagine a typical mom guilt and double it, then you will have the guilt of second-time mom. It is magnified because you are not letting just one tiny soul down, but two. At times this feeling can be overwhelming and can make you doubt whether you are failing miserably at the motherhood thing.

While your first child was a baby, all your energies were focused on her/him- from reading bedtime stories, singing songs to making crazy faces. All that attention resulted in making your baby contribute a little bit of peace and quiet. However, after your second child came into the picture, it is a wonderful day by any standards if both get to hear your voice for at least half an hour. No wonder you feel like you are constantly failing both.

Image: Shutterstock

Often, the guilt is just overwhelming. But, it is something that one needs to deal with as the time passes. It is a choice that you made, to have a second child and a big happy family. Though it is not always rainbows and unicorns; dealing with guilt, disappointment, and conflict is as much a part of every human life. And that holds true for both your little ones too. This experience will teach them invaluable lessons like how to share, be patient, and compromise. In the end, both your little ones will be happy to have each other and to have you around.

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