Image: iStock
The aspect of motherhood always falls under the microscopic scrutiny of the society. And to sail through it with flying colors generally requires bearing the unsolicited advice from the veterans who are near, dear, here and there.
Strangely, such veterans of the ‘Happy Family’ syndrome can’t stop gushing enough about having a second child to complete the family portrait.
And to propagate this idea, there is an entire gamut of counsellors at work who relentlessly, tirelessly, charitably utilize their time, energies and efforts in order to convince parents of such ‘only child’ families to have just another one for sake of themselves, their only child, their extended family, the world and for the sake of humanity in general.
No, this is not to be taken in a jocular vein. At least that is what the deep insight behind this sometimes subtle and sometimes overtly conspicuous advice suggests.
However, little respite and space is awarded to the pitiable or wretched species of mothers who decide not to have a second child. They are excused by the ‘family experts’ because the mother might still be reeling under the effects of a traumatic birth experience. Or she might have had a serious injury that requires her being home-bound and hence physically deficient to carry such an important mission. Some other permissible turn of events could be a divorce or impending insolvency.
All other excuses may merely be summed up as being too self-absorbed. Firstly, it isn’t a very good proposition for a mother to choose to work outside of home, tiring herself by juggling to strike an uneven balance amidst her work schedule, commuting, child-care, meals and house-work. Since it prevents her from being keen about increasing her brood, it thereby jeopardizes the larger welfare of her family.
Secondly, it seems that she is also committing a moral offense by taking away her child’s right to have a sibling. No doubt about the fact that the child will have company, but who can take away the equal probability of incessant fights, the parents becoming perennial referees and peacemakers and catering to the loud conflicting interests of the two kids?
Therefore, it may invite some dismissive shrugs if the mother decides to don the sibling hat instead. Why not! It isn’t much time that the child will gradually and eventually find his own world away from the periphery of his home and hearth. So what better way than to rekindle the child in oneself and be allowed to be loved, cuddled, and be pretentiously bullied and bossed by one’s own baby! That is just like adding one more dimension to the experience of motherhood.
Thirdly, surfaces the theory about loneliness a single child faces after the death of his parents. Though there might be some truth in that, given the era that we live in today, we are far dispersed from each other. Even as siblings, one may not connect as frequently as one would want to. Everyone has his own life to manage and in such case, our real companions are our partners. So, it is of paramount importance that the parents, whether having one or more kids, exhibit mutual respect, cooperation, love, adjustment and other key emotions that shape the child into a wonderful, positive being.
A mother is looked down upon with sympathy because she is missing out on experiencing the charms of holding the dainty and delicate frame of her second born as if she couldn’t capture enough of that the first time. Is it really that difficult to understand that a child – whether infant, toddler, teen or adult – holds the same love, anxiety, care and concern? For a parent, especially the mothers, a baby is always a baby – young or old (much to the annoyance of many!)
Fourthly, for a mother of a baby boy, covert suggestions about the necessity to have a baby girl are always endlessly hovering around. Really, whether first born, second born or third born, it’s not a gender buffet laid in front of them to choose and mix and match! So, this argument also seems to be void of any logic. And about raising a daughter, a mother can simply look back upon the trajectory of her own past. Voila!!
Finally, dealing with the charges of mollycoddling the only child always haunts the mother. Well, history has come to the rescue of such hapless parents and shown how even as single child, one can be perfectly successful and responsible adults. Don’t believe? Turn to Al Pacino, Anthony Hopkins, Alicia Keys, Maria Sharapova or king of rock and roll Elvis Presley.
Children are gifts of God, to be loved and cherished but to be managed according to one’s own calling and capacity. Hence it is strongly advised that one turns a deaf ear and a blind eye to any opinion otherwise!
